Would You marry without dating?

[Xethea]

So how is spending countless days and hours talking to each other something other than dating?

Your question was too broad to answer as asked. Because it is the dominant cultural norm, most of us (in the US and other western nations at least) expect that if we marry at all we will be dating that person before marriage in some form. Dating isn't necessarily the problem, how we approach it and behave in our dating relationships is what causes the problem. Of course it also depends on exactly how you define dating. In my younger years I would eat a meal with a guy friend or go to a movie with him and not consider it a date (because I wasn't and had no intention of dating said guy). Someone else can easily look at that and say if you went to dinner or a movie with a single guy you were on a date (though people don't automatically jump to that conclusion when I do something with one of my single female friends).

I would say that it is less than ideal to marry someone without spending time getting to know them first: call it dating or courting or special friendship or whatever else you want; physical time together not required but recommended. And the corollary to that is that if you are doing those things, then you are probably in or desiring a relationship that most people would call dating. Oh and if you take a trip over to the family forum you'll realize pretty quickly that you can be lied to, cheated on, and hurt in a marriage too; it's not a dating thing.

Oh and arranged marriages still happen in many cultures around the world though usually not in as controlling of a way as they used to, but it certainly isn't just something that royals do.

The question is basically asking if you would marry someone without requiring any dating before marrying them.
For example, lets say you are a woman, you met a guy, you guys talked a lot over the days or years, none of you ever asked the other out. He meets you one day and proposes. If you liked him a lot, as if you would love him, Would you accept and marry him or would you tell him we need to date first? Is dating a requirement in your relationship prior/before marriage?

I could supposedly ask "do you date or never date people" but I am very sure just about everyone has with that being an extreme traditional that people often never even think about getting to know someone to marry them without dating because that is just the idea you get as a kid seeing adults and teenagers doing it and media always going crazy about having a bf or gf with the person you like and want to be with. A lot of people went blank when I mentioned I want to get married but I will never date because they cant see how you can marry without dating. but I have proven you can.

 

[cinder]

The question is basically asking if you would marry someone without requiring any dating before marrying them.
For example, lets say you are a woman, you met a guy, you guys talked a lot over the days or years, none of you ever asked the other out. He meets you one day and proposes. If you liked him a lot, as if you would love him, Would you accept and marry him or would you tell him we need to date first? Is dating a requirement in your relationship prior/before marriage?

I could supposedly ask "do you date or never date people" but I am very sure just about everyone has with that being an extreme traditional that people often never even think about getting to know someone to marry them without dating because that is just the idea you get as a kid seeing adults and teenagers doing it and media always going crazy about having a bf or gf with the person you like and want to be with. A lot of people went blank when I mentioned I want to get married but I will never date because they cant see how you can marry without dating. but I have proven you can.

I repeat you need to define your terms to have a meaningful discussion. Or in the words of Inigo Montoya " you keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means." So when I use the word dating I mean: an intentional getting to know one another in depth for the purposes of determining if you want to marry each other. So there isn't really a space in my vocabulary for getting to know someone to marry them without dating because that's exactly what my definition of dating is. So what is your definition of dating ( and therefore your definition of the mindsets or practices we should avoid)?

 

[Xethea]

I repeat you need to define your terms to have a meaningful discussion. Or in the words of Inigo Montoya " you keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means." So when I use the word dating I mean: an intentional getting to know one another in depth for the purposes of determining if you want to marry each other. So there isn't really a space in my vocabulary for getting to know someone to marry them without dating because that's exactly what my definition of dating is. So what is your definition of dating ( and therefore your definition of the mindsets or practices we should avoid)?

I just can't believe I am using words at 1st grade reading level and you cannot understand it. Literally. I can't make it any easier. And I know it can be easily understood because I repeat the exact same question all the time in person to all sorts of ages. This is the first time anyone in over 10 years that has told me what you are saying is if you cannot comprehend what the question is asking. It isn't my question that is making it difficult for you to understand, it is likely your comprehension when you read other people's words who don't talk or think like people like you or in your area. But over here, we all understand it.

 

[melita916]

also, keep in mind that since posts are written/typed out, tone/meaning gets lost in the writing. it's not the same as speaking to someone face to face. also, we are from different parts of the country/world. definitions can be different.

 

[Lillywolf]

Would you marry someone without ever dating them?
Did you know you can? Do you think that is a good or bad idea?
PM me and I can tell you how.

No.
I wouldn't marry without living with the person first.
The TV show Married at First Sight, in my opinion just goes with the down stream flow of morality in this country. It makes a mockery of marriage. Then there's a spin off , don't recall the title at this moment, wherein the Married at First Sight couples are put together with other people, of their opposite sex, to see if they have chemistry with those new people. Then the question arises at the end of the series, do you want to stay married? Or do you want to divorce and be with this new person?

It's ridiculous. But apparently M@FS had so many viewers that spin-offs were called for. Which is really sad.

 

[Hamarr]

The idea of asking someone to marry you without some sort of courtship or dating seems like a silly fantasy and headed for disaster.

Everything else being described seems to be “dating” or courtship. Even if you don’t officially declare it a date if you are spending a lot of time together getting to know each other with the intent of possible marrying I think most would still call that dating.

Is the scenario being described little hallway conversations here and there before a proposal? If so, no I would never do that. Things would need to escalate to some form of relationship first and marriage may come from that.

 

[RodB65]

I think arranged marriages are a bit odd. That's like me going to the supermarket and deciding to marry the girl next to me because she's eyeing up the same biscuits I like.

T

I have to confess, if she's looking at the same biscuits I am, it will be a distraction...

just saying...

 

[Subhumanoidal]

You're right. Not everyone thinks like me. But how can anyone put this more simply-

Would-You-Marry-Someone-Without-Ever-Dating-Them?
...Hmm, how can I think to rephrase that? Would you marry them if you never dated each other? Will you marry this man even though you were never his girlfriend? Will you marry this dude even if he won't date you but he will propose to you? Will you ask a woman to marry you before you would ask her to date you? Would you be willing to never marry people and just get to know them first to find out if you want to marry?

Does that help make sense?

You're on an international site. Not every person here has English as a first language. This changes the way people interpret what they read. It should be expected that A) anytime you deal with people whose primary language is not English, there will be communication issues. and B) any time you're on a text based method of communication, regardless of language, expect issues.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I just can't believe I am using words at 1st grade reading level and you cannot understand it. Literally. I can't make it any easier. And I know it can be easily understood because I repeat the exact same question all the time in person to all sorts of ages. This is the first time anyone in over 10 years that has told me what you are saying is if you cannot comprehend what the question is asking. It isn't my question that is making it difficult for you to understand, it is likely your comprehension when you read other people's words who don't talk or think like people like you or in your area. But over here, we all understand it.

She gets it. I get what shes saying. It's you that seems to be the one that's continually missing others.
Now that you are outside of your little circle and interacting with a larger variety of people you're learning that people outside your circle don't interpret things how you do.
What you are saying is "not dating" cinder sees that as dating. And since there is that rift she sees the question as unanswerable under the current wording.

Also if I recall you said you had success in not dating, yet still having a successful marriage.
The danger is in assuming that something that worked for you is "the right way". Presenting this as an option will be more effective than trying to present it as dating bad, my way good.
There have been many that have had success in traditional dating as well.

 

[Sweetmorningdew78]

The question is basically asking if you would marry someone without requiring any dating before marrying them.
For example, lets say you are a woman, you met a guy, you guys talked a lot over the days or years, none of you ever asked the other out. He meets you one day and proposes. If you liked him a lot, as if you would love him, Would you accept and marry him or would you tell him we need to date first? Is dating a requirement in your relationship prior/before marriage?

I could supposedly ask "do you date or never date people" but I am very sure just about everyone has with that being an extreme traditional that people often never even think about getting to know someone to marry them without dating because that is just the idea you get as a kid seeing adults and teenagers doing it and media always going crazy about having a bf or gf with the person you like and want to be with. A lot of people went blank when I mentioned I want to get married but I will never date because they cant see how you can marry without dating. but I have proven you can.

In my opinion in this case you are talking about dating without commitment."For example, lets say you are a woman, you met a guy, you guys talked a lot over the days or years, none of you ever asked the other out. He meets you one day and proposes."

I would say in that scenario that you dated her casually( you talked,you spent hours weeks months years talking) but no commitment no exclusivity you can still like or talk to other men/women.


Yes it is possible but for me it is not a good idea Marriage is a serious thing. A commitment for life. Jumping into marriage without getting to know each other first will going to be a disaster in my opinion, because even after marriage there are still some things about marriage and about your spouse that you still don't know.


Please can I ask, how long you've been married now? 25 years? 30 years? 40 years? 50 years? If you are with her more than those years I've mentioned I can say that it works for you

 

[melita916]

my 1st relationship ended when we realized we shouldn't marry. some may say the relationship failed, but if the goal of dating is to see if 2 people are compatible for marriage, then I say the relationship was successful at reaching a determination.

 

[Wild]

Only if she's a princess

 

[Demi777]

I guess for me it would depend on from where, how and what I know about the person as well as if I would feel led by God.
Cant say yes or no

 

[Kaps89]

I have to confess, if she's looking at the same biscuits I am, it will be a distraction...

just saying...

Well yeah I mean if I see a girl looking at a pack of chocolate digestives the way I do then maybe she's the one

 

[O_Dude123]

I just can't believe I am using words at 1st grade reading level and you cannot understand it. Literally. I can't make it any easier. And I know it can be easily understood because I repeat the exact same question all the time in person to all sorts of ages. This is the first time anyone in over 10 years that has told me what you are saying is if you cannot comprehend what the question is asking. It isn't my question that is making it difficult for you to understand, it is likely your comprehension when you read other people's words who don't talk or think like people like you or in your area. But over here, we all understand it.

Well since you think @cinder cannot comprehenend you, since this is a Christian forum, where love should be the keyword according to 1 Corinthians 13.

Please @Xethea Simply define the word dating, according to what you think it is. It is simple. Just do that in few sentences. It will help.

So persons won’t have to answer without any comprehension to your question.

 

[Dino246]

Well since you think @cinder cannot comprehenend you, since this is a Christian forum, where love should be the keyword according to 1 Corinthians 13.

Please @Xethea Simply define the word dating, according to what you think it is. It is simple. Just do that in few sentences. It will help.

So persons won’t have to answer without any comprehension to your question.

Given his many questionable and even fallacious polls in the last couple of weeks, I think he's quite comfortable with people using their own definitions of his key terms.

I've asked him what the purpose of these polls is... with no answer. That tells me a lot.

 

[LightBright]

I think like with God, knowing Him, increases our chances of keeping the covenant healthy and strong. I think it to a bad idea. We are called to be equally yoked, how can discern such things without taking time to know the other.

im guessing, and i could totally be wrong, he means dates but you don't have to date a girl to know about her what if you were just friends? or maybe they were friends with a family member so you were just around each other a lot.

 

[CharliRenee]

im guessing, and i could totally be wrong, he means dates but you don't have to date a girl to know about her what if you were just friends? or maybe they were friends with a family member so you were just around each other a lot.

Well you make a good point, lightbright, dating in the traditional sense of the word can being omitted, because we don't know what is meant by "dating". I still think it necessary to spend time in whatever platonic setting, getting to know one another, developing that friendship.

 

[melita916]

when I met my husband, my mentality was “it doesn’t hurt to make a new friend.” I had no secret agenda. I didn’t do anything to try to impress him. After a while, I started to like him, but I had no idea if he felt the same way until he brought it up lol.

And that’s when we decided to be exclusive. I mean, neither one of us was “dating” other people, but we still made that decision. I say both parties need to know if they are going the same direction, and the only way to know is to 1) pray about it, and 2) talk about it.

 

[Xethea]

also, keep in mind that since posts are written/typed out, tone/meaning gets lost in the writing. it's not the same as speaking to someone face to face. also, we are from different parts of the country/world. definitions can be different.

Yeah but tone doesn't change the meaning. I also been texting and typing this question on quiz sites, facebook and emails. This is the only time and place someone, in fact multiple people now, can't seem to comprehend the questions meaning. Never expected to come across such a pathetic response such as that. It's English. No fancy or complicated words. No long words involved. About a subject we all are involved with in this world even at the age of being children. Even before kids go to school, they can read this and understand what it's asking. They've already proven that. But oh well, some can understand it, some can't. I rephrase it, I give examples and you people still can't understand. I'm not the problem, it's your understanding of you have that many things to help you understand and yet you still don't get the message.