I do get your point, truly. It is important to stand boldly in truth, He tells us too. But He also tells us to remain respectful and humble. Do you think all softer approaches indicates a false sweetness, like saccharin. I know that I can be too gentle as a dove, leaving out the wise attributes so I know it requires both, a healthy balance. I just think we can have a good sound debate. I so enjoy the edification and potential growth in understanding. A good banter is fun. Even one that is heated has merit, but I think when we negate the ability to walk away (before it becomes ugly and goes no where), after attempting, using scripture and a sound mind, to shed light, then we are now in our flesh.
It appears two thirds of Paul's instructions to Timothy in his ministry would be construed as negative and/or combative, especially by today's standards; 2 Timothy 4:2. Take a close look at the definitions of reprove, rebuke, exhort. That really doesn't happen in ministries today, or it is at the very least rare.
It is probably high time with the current status quo to not soften this admonition and imperative of Paul. Christianity isn't a free for all on what you want to believe, nor is Scripture subjective to our own private interpretations that undermine orthodoxy. Positivity isn't the Gospel, the Gospel is the Gospel, not warm fuzzies and niceties.
People want to be told positive things, they want to be made to feel good, and those who preach the truth are frankly not liked. Just look at how the prophets in the OT were treated. Jeremiah for example, told to go preach, did so, was beaten. When he was released he didn't just walk away, he began preaching the same message immediately. So did Paul and other apostles. They were relentless, and I pray God so am I.
Recently I heard a preacher ridicule theology, and mock the fact God had a hidden mystery that was revealed in the NT. He quoted a verse as if that neutralized this truth. Wonder what that says to his flock?
The fact is we live in a watered down, weak, compromising time in the "church." Pews have to be full, don't want to offend anyone, have to keep the money coming in, so they tell the people what they want to hear, exactly what Paul said would come (2 Timothy 4) is here now.
Note also 2 Timothy 3 describing the apostates. Not a "nice" list and I guarantee you if these things were preached, many Christians would be quite upset and see nothing wrong with being "lovers of self," "lovers of pleasure more than God," "boastful" &c. These things were written about professing believers, not the world at large (2 Timothy 3).
I'd be careful in assuming when debate or apologetics is being done in the flesh by others, or that they should walk away, or that it is ugly because we don't happen to like the way it's going. This is why I say this, something for you to consider: I wonder, was Jesus in the flesh in Luke 11:37-54 when invited over for lunch? Was Paul in the flesh in Galatians when he stood, vehemently, against the Judaizers, condemning them to hell, Galatians 1:8-10? There is also Jude, Christ in Revelation (and the OT), then there are Elijah and others. Of course I'm being rhetorical as to the "were they in the flesh" statement.
My apologies to you if my stance, methods, manners have offended you or made you feel I'm in the flesh. I do however know what is at stake, and will defend the Gospel and Scripture against assaults. I was at one time influenced by a false truncated gospel and new something was not right, and God took me on quite a journey.
Taking a look around just on here we see all this; assaults on the Gospel, on the character of God, on Scripture, denial of the Triune God, denial of Christ's Deity, propagation of hyper-grace heresy, Universalism, works salvation, and the false gospel of free will yourself into heaven. Some of these, not all, who teach these outright heresies are frankly not believers. Scripture will back that up.
I'm probably going to make certain, as long as the LORD is willing, to combat all those teachings with contextual and exegetically interpreted Scripture. Probably over and again as a warning to others. It might get hairy at times.