What to do if your partner does not seek marriage

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ajc2020

New member
#1
Oct 30, 2018
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#1
I am in a 5 year relationship with my boyfriend whom I love dearly. I guess we kind of brushed of the topic of marriage until now that I felt the need to talk about it. I view marriage as a sacred union of two people to love each other the way God loves us. It’s hard because it seems that I cannot open up this topic to him because he gets defensive and does not want to talk about it. Please enlighten me on what people think about marriage and how I should go forward on this. Sorry for the vague post but I can give more detail if any. Thanks and God bless!
 
T

theanointedsinner

Guest
#2
#2
first, let's ease into the mind of your boyfriend to see why he might think that way

what do you think about the human ability to keep promises?
fall short of God's glory

and the bible says "do not make vow" for you cannot make your hair white or black

makes sense ...
let's connect the concept of promise with commitment

the concept of freedom or the concept of being "bound" can be psychological
and it's possible for the mind to subconsciously build a psychological fortress for apparently no reason except that a psychologist or a licensed counselor might know

Marriage Counselors would be in order, and that is a recommendation you can consider
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#3
Oct 13, 2014
6,891
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#3
U are already married according to God. Where is the issue.
U are comitted to one another, u are together. U dont need no pastor or judge (idk i think judges do ceremonies in the US correct me if im wrong)
Stop focusing on earthy traditions.
If he doenst want to spend the money on a costy wedding, take a cruise together or something.
Just my 2 cents
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#4
Feb 21, 2014
70,924
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#4
Demi777 said:
U are already married according to God. Where is the issue.
U are comitted to one another, u are together. U dont need no pastor or judge (idk i think judges do ceremonies in the US correct me if im wrong)
Stop focusing on earthy traditions.
If he doenst want to spend the money on a costy wedding, take a cruise together or something.
Just my 2 cents
Click to expand...
Demi, they aren't even married. And yes, the US does require a license and an actual marriage ceremony. Obviously this guy isn't interested in getting married..
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#5
Feb 21, 2014
70,924
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#5
ajc2020 said:
I am in a 5 year relationship with my boyfriend whom I love dearly. I guess we kind of brushed of the topic of marriage until now that I felt the need to talk about it. I view marriage as a sacred union of two people to love each other the way God loves us. It’s hard because it seems that I cannot open up this topic to him because he gets defensive and does not want to talk about it. Please enlighten me on what people think about marriage and how I should go forward on this. Sorry for the vague post but I can give more detail if any. Thanks and God bless!
Click to expand...
If he doesn't want to talk about marriage, then why keep forcing the issue on him? Contrary to what Demi said, you are NOT married in the eyes of God. If you were rightfully married and it was blessed by God, then you would be married in his eyes. A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship does NOT equal marriage..

Are you living together? Are you having sex? Because if you are, you shouldn't be..
 
LightBright

LightBright

Senior Member
#6
Mar 18, 2017
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#6
blue_ladybug said:
Demi, they aren't even married. And yes, the US does require a license and an actual marriage ceremony. Obviously this guy isn't interested in getting married..
Click to expand...
Well maybe he's scared of something it doesn't necessarily mean he's doesn't want to get married. Maybe he just doesn't have good examples of marriage in his life, or maybe he feels like he isnt ready yet. I think you should try to talk to him, use those feminine charms to get him to talk lol. (Pure ones ofc please don't take that the wrong way.....)
 
L

Locoponydirtman

Guest
#7
#7
Quit him like a dead end job.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#8
Sep 17, 2018
4,098
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#8
ajc2020 said:
I am in a 5 year relationship with my boyfriend whom I love dearly. I guess we kind of brushed of the topic of marriage until now that I felt the need to talk about it. I view marriage as a sacred union of two people to love each other the way God loves us. It’s hard because it seems that I cannot open up this topic to him because he gets defensive and does not want to talk about it. Please enlighten me on what people think about marriage and how I should go forward on this. Sorry for the vague post but I can give more detail if any. Thanks and God bless!
Click to expand...
You posted this, word for word, in the singles forum yesterday. And got responses there.
 
Corbinscam

Corbinscam

Senior Member
#9
Jul 17, 2016
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#9
blue_ladybug said:
Obviously this guy isn't interested in getting married..
Click to expand...
This is the issue that I would have. He's willing to live together? BE together? Then why not commit? Why not marry? I get not wanting a ceremony but whats his hang up with making it legal? Trust issues? I'd get to the root of that. And if he's 100% unwilling to marry then I'd drop him. And I'd drop fornication to start with. If you're not legally married you shouldn't be sleeping together biblically....Now...that's assuming you're a Christian and care what the bible says...
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#10
Feb 21, 2014
70,924
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#10
Corbinscam said:
This is the issue that I would have. He's willing to live together? BE together? Then why not commit? Why not marry? I get not wanting a ceremony but whats his hang up with making it legal? Trust issues? I'd get to the root of that. And if he's 100% unwilling to marry then I'd drop him. And I'd drop fornication to start with. If you're not legally married you shouldn't be sleeping together biblically....Now...that's assuming you're a Christian and care what the bible says...
Click to expand...
Maybe he likes being in a relationship, but not married, so if he ever decided to dump her, he can move out and on without having to get a divorce..
 
EmilyFoster

EmilyFoster

Well-known member
#11
Jul 10, 2018
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#11
Hello, friend. It’s good of you to share with us about your relationship with your boyfriend, and I can certainly understand the concern you expressed regarding marriage. It might be helpful to sit down and talk openly about this issue. I feel marriage is a very important aspect. It is a sacred union of a man and a woman that confers myriad benefits on the spouses, their children, and society at large – benefits that cannot be replicated by any other relationship. You might be interested to do some reading on this topic such as: bit.ly/2GwqEyN and bit.ly/2H6Fw3O. Please now that I’m praying, asking God to surround you and your boyfriend with His love, watch over you and give you wisdom as you trust in Him.
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#12
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
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#12
Give it to God to show you whether this guy is part of Gods plans for you, or not.
 
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