Is the church obligated to do anything with singles?

[SweetStars]

Thanks, please excuse me, but what do you mean by new church thing? Is it about changing to a new church?
And i totally agree about Bible study groups, it would be awesome!

 

[LightBright]

Thanks, please excuse me, but what do you mean by new church thing? Is it about changing to a new church?
And i totally agree about Bible study groups, it would be awesome!

Well i was referring to a very common trend these days in a lot of churches where they just kind of turn church into whatever normal people, non Christians, want it to be to attract them but end up becoming more of a glorified concert or something then a church. Sorry if that was confusing lol

 

[CandieM]

I think I get what you're saying and nah I don't think so, look even people that are looking for a spouse they are people, they have feelings and desires so say you wanted a husband for example. I might want a wife and I might like you but maybe you think I'm ugly...… or not your type whatevs, the point is even with those people you still have to find someone that: 1. meets your requirements whatever those might be it could be as simple as just being a Christian, it could be you gotta look like she hulk (not green?) and have the spirituality of john the Baptist. 2. they have to be around your age range, location, and be somewhat compatible so that it's even possible to be together, for example if I want to be a missionary I might meet tan she hulk but if she wants to stay in America or something that might not work out. 3. (the hard part for most people) you need to meet 1 and 2 to them aswell. I could find the perfect girl exactly what I wanted she has to like me too. So when you look at it your chances are already like super slim especially being Christian so it's going to be hard regardless. If tanned she hulk was like perfect for me or whatever but she just didn't care for a relationship it's not her fault and it's not really ruining my chances of finding someone it all just comes down to "chance". At the end of the day God is sovereign He will or will not put people in our lives if He thinks that we are or are not ready if that's what he wants to do. Ultimately it all comes down to God putting someone in your life that he wants you to be with and that will work out how He wants it no matter what. A good example is Jackie Hill Perry (IDK IF I SPELLED THAT RIGHT) she was a lesbian turned Christian and when she was saved she just kinda looked at it like "I don't like men but I can't date women so I'll be single". Eventually God put a man, now her husband, in her life and she was attracted to him for whatever reason and they ended up married happily ever after blah blah. When it came down to it God makes the choice, I may never find a wife and honestly my chances are pretty slim like everyone else, but if it's meant to be it's meant to be basically. Your choice is completely irrelevant when it comes to anyone else finding a spouse they might not find YOU but if they are supposed to get married they will you can't somehow mess up someones options or something like that.

Good. I don't want people to try to fix me. I'm single because I want to be single. This is a difficult concept for a lot of people, but it's still true.

 

[LightBright]

Good. I don't want people to try to fix me. I'm single because I want to be single. This is a difficult concept for a lot of people, but it's still true.

Yea like that should be perfectly fine as long as you keep that known you're totally ok. I just would ask that you make it somewhat obvious so less people think you're an option xD but even then there's gonna be some people that still don't listen so idk.

 

[CandieM]

Yea like that should be perfectly fine as long as you keep that known you're totally ok. I just would ask that you make it somewhat obvious so less people think you're an option xD but even then there's gonna be some people that still don't listen so idk.

Mind if I ask how to go about doing that, other than putting it out there in the open because that doesn't seem to be working?

 

[cinder]

Good. I don't want people to try to fix me. I'm single because I want to be single. This is a difficult concept for a lot of people, but it's still true.

Mind if I ask how to go about doing that, other than putting it out there in the open because that doesn't seem to be working?

At the risk of stepping on some toes here, a lot of your posts have sounded rather frustrated and angry and maybe partly because of that I have a hard time believing that you are single because you want to be single. I'm more getting the impression that you're single because you absolutely positively don't want to be in a relationship ever ever again. And that's the difference between running after a goal and running away from something. Now I could be completely wrong in my impression, but I would suggest that if I'm getting that impression others are too.

As for me the best way I've found to have people believe that I'm not interested in becoming non-single, is to live in a state of mind that's almost completely oblivious to the idea that anyone could consider me as a possibility for a relationship. So I rarely talk about being single and even more rarely talk about romance or relationships. They're not on my radar and for me not worth talking about. And when the topic does come up I brush it off with a joke, play dumb, or just give people a completely dumbfounded look (the kind of look that says, "what planet are you from and what is this completely incomprehensible idea that you're trying to articulate"). It also helps to have something to talk about that is more interesting than your non-existent love life. Keep a few of your best, most ridiculous idiotic things I've had to deal with at work stories handy to interrupt people who want to talk about your love life and pretty soon you'll all be laughing about how dumb people are and the topic will have moved on to something else.

So that's what works for me, but I was also blessed / cursed with a personality that's incredibly thick skinned, inept at the fluffy emotional side of romance, and has a resting face that looks like a death glare. What also helps is repetition, after a certain amount of time of you not dating or responding to people who want to make you not single, they do eventually just kind of settle into the idea of you're weird like that and stop trying to change you.

 

[Tommy379]

At the risk of stepping on some toes here, a lot of your posts have sounded rather frustrated and angry and maybe partly because of that I have a hard time believing that you are single because you want to be single. I'm more getting the impression that you're single because you absolutely positively don't want to be in a relationship ever ever again. And that's the difference between running after a goal and running away from something. Now I could be completely wrong in my impression, but I would suggest that if I'm getting that impression others are too.

As for me the best way I've found to have people believe that I'm not interested in becoming non-single, is to live in a state of mind that's almost completely oblivious to the idea that anyone could consider me as a possibility for a relationship. So I rarely talk about being single and even more rarely talk about romance or relationships. They're not on my radar and for me not worth talking about. And when the topic does come up I brush it off with a joke, play dumb, or just give people a completely dumbfounded look (the kind of look that says, "what planet are you from and what is this completely incomprehensible idea that you're trying to articulate"). It also helps to have something to talk about that is more interesting than your non-existent love life. Keep a few of your best, most ridiculous idiotic things I've had to deal with at work stories handy to interrupt people who want to talk about your love life and pretty soon you'll all be laughing about how dumb people are and the topic will have moved on to something else.

So that's what works for me, but I was also blessed / cursed with a personality that's incredibly thick skinned, inept at the fluffy emotional side of romance, and has a resting face that looks like a death glare. What also helps is repetition, after a certain amount of time of you not dating or responding to people who want to make you not single, they do eventually just kind of settle into the idea of you're weird like that and stop trying to change you.

So, drinks on me, this Saturday?

 

[CandieM]

As for me the best way I've found to have people believe that I'm not interested in becoming non-single, is to live in a state of mind that's almost completely oblivious to the idea that anyone could consider me as a possibility for a relationship.

I've asked myself the question whether or not it's pointless for me to constantly mention that I'm single and that I want to keep it that way. I think I somewhat asked that question on the Singles Forum as well, but not specifically in those words. The deal is that if you keep repeating something, you most certainly look as though you are actually avoiding something. I suppose I will have to keep this in mind.

At the risk of stepping on some toes here, a lot of your posts have sounded rather frustrated and angry and maybe partly because of that I have a hard time believing that you are single because you want to be single. I'm more getting the impression that you're single because you absolutely positively don't want to be in a relationship ever ever again. And that's the difference between running after a goal and running away from something. Now I could be completely wrong in my impression, but I would suggest that if I'm getting that impression others are too.

I wish these people would ask questions instead of making assumptions. That's what people do, though; they assume first and ask later. Anyway, if I explain into detail why I don't actually want to have a relationship instead of running from one, maybe it will make more sense to the other people on here who think that I'm just like them? 🤔 (All this thinking and I'm about to head to bed....) 😑😪

There were people on here who sent me private messages because they wanted to flirt with me. I'm not the first female to go through that, so maybe that's another reason why I'm so defensive in the Singles Forum. Now it's not so much an issue because I disabled that feature, so the only people I feel safe having PM me are the people I'm following. All is good.

To make a long story short, all my life I have hated being touched by other people. This includes all forms of touch, and very rarely can I handle being hugged at all, but sometimes I can. Even handshakes are bothersome for me. In order to have a romantic partnership, you would have to at least be open to the idea of someone having physical contact with you on a daily basis. This is why it turns out that, hey, romantic partnerships really aren't for me because this is the last thing I want. It's one thing for someone to be abused and to deal with the trauma of abuse, but to hate handshakes? Nah, there has to be something else wrong with a person to have that sort of issue. I cringe if I have to shake someone's hand and there are times when it really freaks me out. There were many times in my life that I could have dated and had relationships with guys, but I didn't. I dated once in high school and when I figured out that the relationship is going to require me accepting frequent physical contact, that's when I realized that it is not tolerable for me to have that in my life. Now that I'm 27, I'm still the same, and time has ingrained it into my mind that the last thing I want is a partner because of the daily physical contact. I've been this way for years.

Basically, I'm a touch-me-not, and nobody wants to date or have a romantic relationship with a touch-me-not. ... If there is anyone like that, I can't say I know why.

What I do wish I had is a non-romantic bond with a person who feels like a mother. I don't want to have intercourse with anyone, no matter if I'm married or not. There are times if I wonder if I even have the right to make this decision for myself, since I am a Christian. Is it expected of women to get married and possibly have kids if they are Christian? This is unclear to me. There is a fellow on YouTube who makes videos, encouraging single Christian women to get married, and even explains why most Christian woman are supposed to get married. 😐 ... Hey, I have no idea.

So yeah, I apologize, but I took something to help me sleep, so this may make little to no sense. Typing this makes me feel very stupid. I apologize upfront if this post is not lucid enough. Rest assured, what I ultimately want is to avoid sex and excess physical contact. This even includes my parents, and as much as I love them, even pats on the back or hand touching or arm touching or someone even touching my hair -- I absolutely hate this. It's barely tolerable and it's been like this my whole life.

Ugh, this is so hard to type. I hope I make some sort of sense. 😴

 

[LightBright]

I've asked myself the question whether or not it's pointless for me to constantly mention that I'm single and that I want to keep it that way. I think I somewhat asked that question on the Singles Forum as well, but not specifically in those words. The deal is that if you keep repeating something, you most certainly look as though you are actually avoiding something. I suppose I will have to keep this in mind.


I wish these people would ask questions instead of making assumptions. That's what people do, though; they assume first and ask later. Anyway, if I explain into detail why I don't actually want to have a relationship instead of running from one, maybe it will make more sense to the other people on here who think that I'm just like them? 🤔 (All this thinking and I'm about to head to bed....) 😑😪

There were people on here who sent me private messages because they wanted to flirt with me. I'm not the first female to go through that, so maybe that's another reason why I'm so defensive in the Singles Forum. Now it's not so much an issue because I disabled that feature, so the only people I feel safe having PM me are the people I'm following. All is good.

To make a long story short, all my life I have hated being touched by other people. This includes all forms of touch, and very rarely can I handle being hugged at all, but sometimes I can. Even handshakes are bothersome for me. In order to have a romantic partnership, you would have to at least be open to the idea of someone having physical contact with you on a daily basis. This is why it turns out that, hey, romantic partnerships really aren't for me because this is the last thing I want. It's one thing for someone to be abused and to deal with the trauma of abuse, but to hate handshakes? Nah, there has to be something else wrong with a person to have that sort of issue. I cringe if I have to shake someone's hand and there are times when it really freaks me out. There were many times in my life that I could have dated and had relationships with guys, but I didn't. I dated once in high school and when I figured out that the relationship is going to require me accepting frequent physical contact, that's when I realized that it is not tolerable for me to have that in my life. Now that I'm 27, I'm still the same, and time has ingrained it into my mind that the last thing I want is a partner because of the daily physical contact. I've been this way for years.

Basically, I'm a touch-me-not, and nobody wants to date or have a romantic relationship with a touch-me-not. ... If there is anyone like that, I can't say I know why.

What I do wish I had is a non-romantic bond with a person who feels like a mother. I don't want to have intercourse with anyone, no matter if I'm married or not. There are times if I wonder if I even have the right to make this decision for myself, since I am a Christian. Is it expected of women to get married and possibly have kids if they are Christian? This is unclear to me. There is a fellow on YouTube who makes videos, encouraging single Christian women to get married, and even explains why most Christian woman are supposed to get married. 😐 ... Hey, I have no idea.

So yeah, I apologize, but I took something to help me sleep, so this may make little to no sense. Typing this makes me feel very stupid. I apologize upfront if this post is not lucid enough. Rest assured, what I ultimately want is to avoid sex and excess physical contact. This even includes my parents, and as much as I love them, even pats on the back or hand touching or arm touching or someone even touching my hair -- I absolutely hate this. It's barely tolerable and it's been like this my whole life.

Ugh, this is so hard to type. I hope I make some sort of sense. 😴

Nah singleness is a gift to answer whether or not you're obligated to be married so it's all up to you, sometimes i wish i could be like you at leadt least the single part anyway. That brings me to the whole not liking physical interaction i don't know if that's healthy...now I could be wrong, but even friendships and family relationships require physical touch, my mom always wants to hug me, my nephews force me to pick them up and play with them. Simply saying that you should try to change that is useless tho so i will try to give you advice on how to open up more if you choose to do so:1. I would just start pushing myself to do things I'm not always comfortable with, it's like being social you have to slowly put yourself into situations and eventually it becomes second nature to talk to people. Maybe start trying to do more handshakes start there , baby steps. 2. Try to figure out why you feel this way? For me I had serious issues with men, all my sisters boyfriends beat them, even my dad beat my sisters and started to dislike me later in life. Then i get a step dad and he wanted me to call him something like dad and i couldn't do it it just didnt feel right and i didn't trust him but i didn't really know why at the time. Maybe this has some weird connection to something else it could be something small idrk but maybe there's something more to it. 3. PRAY DUH we're Christians we pray about everything when i pray for progress it shows i make strides but when i don't i tend to stay where I'm at. Well yea that's it hope this helps somehow, if you want to be single then that's fine but being so scared of physical interaction could cause problems God bless cx.

 

[Lynx]

cinder do you perchance happen to have a video of that death glare? Maybe some instructions on how to replicate it?

 

[CandieM]

1. I would just start pushing myself to do things I'm not always comfortable with, it's like being social you have to slowly put yourself into situations and eventually it becomes second nature to talk to people. Maybe start trying to do more handshakes start there , baby steps.

I did and it made me feel worse. This is when I decided that I can't stand doing it so I only force myself to if I need to, but I still cringe. I'm also super sensitive to noise for some reason and that also plays some part in my general discomfort around people? I don't know if that's a part of this or not. When people yell or scream it is physically painful for me. Hmm.

2. Try to figure out why you feel this way?

I already know and it's a lot of reasons, not just one reason. I also think it's a blessing in disguise that I feel this way in life because the world is now so toxic and dangerous that I sincerely think I'm better off keeping people away.

3. PRAY DUH we're Christians we pray about everything when i pray for progress it shows i make strides but when i don't i tend to stay where I'm at.

I don't feel like God holds it against me for desiring to stay single. I feel like the rest of the world thinks I should be having babies by now. That's all I know.

if you want to be single then that's fine but being so scared of physical interaction could cause problems God bless cx.

It's more a feeling of disgust than anything. It's like the sensation of someone's skin lingering on mine when they touch my arm or my hand, or even if they bump my foot with theirs. It's a disgusting feeling that's difficult to put into words.

 

[CandieM]

I still really want people to just accept that I'm single. I get frustrated about this, as cinder said because even offline I feel pressured by other people to push myself into a sexual relationship. There was a time when I forced myself onto a dating site online and it made me feel sick. Plenty of "nice guys", but because it was sexual -- how else to you have a romantic partnership with a person?! I think people overlook this -- it was too upsetting and I deleted my account. Sexual attraction is a part of dating a person, but all I felt was fear. Then there was a neighbor cousin who went to a bonfire at my parents house and I ended up realizing how terrifying it was to have someone feel that attraction to me, so I never spoke to this person again. I've tried to force myself to date people, but it always ended up feeling so awful and wrong because it isn't truly what I wanted. I don't know how else to get people to realize I'm not "on the market".

I wish I had more time to edit.

 

[Demi777]

Why yall making such a big deal on singleness, marriage,...
Its all normal and everything is important. Noone should be lefta out, tho i dont see why singles need a lot of extra classes tho. *shrugs
To be honest, i got annoyed by my.Church a lil cause in thethe young adult ministry ( 18-30) hey target singles, accept newly wed but almost rejecting towards ppl with kids. If ppl in the 20s have a baby, they shouldn't be disqualified for the word of God.
That's my 2 cents.

 

[cinder]

cinder do you perchance happen to have a video of that death glare? Maybe some instructions on how to replicate it?

Well I think Candie's avatar is doing a pretty good example of what we call a death glare, you can google for images of INTJ death glare if you want some more examples. As for instructions on how to replicate, it's something that's done by nature and instinct not by intent so I'm pretty clueless on how to instruct people in it. Basically you never let your emotions show on your face even when you're content and at rest.

I wish these people would ask questions instead of making assumptions. That's what people do, though; they assume first and ask later. Anyway, if I explain into detail why I don't actually want to have a relationship instead of running from one, maybe it will make more sense to the other people on here who think that I'm just like them? 🤔 (All this thinking and I'm about to head to bed....) 😑😪

There were people on here who sent me private messages because they wanted to flirt with me. I'm not the first female to go through that, so maybe that's another reason why I'm so defensive in the Singles Forum. Now it's not so much an issue because I disabled that feature, so the only people I feel safe having PM me are the people I'm following. All is good.

To make a long story short, all my life I have hated being touched by other people. This includes all forms of touch, and very rarely can I handle being hugged at all, but sometimes I can. Even handshakes are bothersome for me. In order to have a romantic partnership, you would have to at least be open to the idea of someone having physical contact with you on a daily basis. This is why it turns out that, hey, romantic partnerships really aren't for me because this is the last thing I want. It's one thing for someone to be abused and to deal with the trauma of abuse, but to hate handshakes? Nah, there has to be something else wrong with a person to have that sort of issue. I cringe if I have to shake someone's hand and there are times when it really freaks me out. There were many times in my life that I could have dated and had relationships with guys, but I didn't. I dated once in high school and when I figured out that the relationship is going to require me accepting frequent physical contact, that's when I realized that it is not tolerable for me to have that in my life. Now that I'm 27, I'm still the same, and time has ingrained it into my mind that the last thing I want is a partner because of the daily physical contact. I've been this way for years.

Basically, I'm a touch-me-not, and nobody wants to date or have a romantic relationship with a touch-me-not. ... If there is anyone like that, I can't say I know why.

What I do wish I had is a non-romantic bond with a person who feels like a mother. I don't want to have intercourse with anyone, no matter if I'm married or not. There are times if I wonder if I even have the right to make this decision for myself, since I am a Christian. Is it expected of women to get married and possibly have kids if they are Christian? This is unclear to me. There is a fellow on YouTube who makes videos, encouraging single Christian women to get married, and even explains why most Christian woman are supposed to get married. 😐 ... Hey, I have no idea.

So yeah, I apologize, but I took something to help me sleep, so this may make little to no sense. Typing this makes me feel very stupid. I apologize upfront if this post is not lucid enough. Rest assured, what I ultimately want is to avoid sex and excess physical contact. This even includes my parents, and as much as I love them, even pats on the back or hand touching or arm touching or someone even touching my hair -- I absolutely hate this. It's barely tolerable and it's been like this my whole life.

Ugh, this is so hard to type. I hope I make some sort of sense. 😴

Well I think I get the gist of you hate being touched ( I'm a little curious as to whether it's just being touched by people or if pets, confined spaces, grity dirt, etc produce similar feelings). Is that something you'd like to see changed or is it something that you've found what you like and just want people to mind their own business and move along? At any rate, in that situation I'd probably resort to the defense of brutal honesty and if anyone tried to get together with me just tell them "It'll never work out; I can't stand physical contact with other human beings" If that doesn't get them off your back then you can get more rude and personal with something like " I get sick to my stomach at the thought of you even shaking my hand." And you can also tell them that the internet has told you that it's perfectly ok to not date if you don't want to date (or marry). And if they whine back about the Bible refer them to 1 Cor 7 and Matt 19 where after hearing Jesus talk about marriage and divorce the disciples conclude it's better not to marry and Jesus doesn't contradict them.

 

[Lynx]

Quote from Minnie Pearl: "Being married is like being in a hot bath. After you've been in it awhile, it ain't so hot."

 

[CandieM]

Well I think Candie's avatar is doing a pretty good example of what we call a death glare, you can google for images of INTJ death glare if you want some more examples. As for instructions on how to replicate, it's something that's done by nature and instinct not by intent so I'm pretty clueless on how to instruct people in it. Basically you never let your emotions show on your face even when you're content and at rest.



Well I think I get the gist of you hate being touched ( I'm a little curious as to whether it's just being touched by people or if pets, confined spaces, grity dirt, etc produce similar feelings). Is that something you'd like to see changed or is it something that you've found what you like and just want people to mind their own business and move along? At any rate, in that situation I'd probably resort to the defense of brutal honesty and if anyone tried to get together with me just tell them "It'll never work out; I can't stand physical contact with other human beings" If that doesn't get them off your back then you can get more rude and personal with something like " I get sick to my stomach at the thought of you even shaking my hand." And you can also tell them that the internet has told you that it's perfectly ok to not date if you don't want to date (or marry). And if they whine back about the Bible refer them to 1 Cor 7 and Matt 19 where after hearing Jesus talk about marriage and divorce the disciples conclude it's better not to marry and Jesus doesn't contradict them.

Quote from Minnie Pearl: "Being married is like being in a hot bath. After you've been in it awhile, it ain't so hot."

Thank you for understanding. Most of the time, I feel like a freak for feeling the way I do, but I don't want to feel that way. I appreciate the support and advice. Honestly, thinking about this topic tends to scare me and make my ability to function rather difficult. Again, thank you. I don't think I can say that enough.

 

[LightBright]

I did and it made me feel worse. This is when I decided that I can't stand doing it so I only force myself to if I need to, but I still cringe. I'm also super sensitive to noise for some reason and that also plays some part in my general discomfort around people? I don't know if that's a part of this or not. When people yell or scream it is physically painful for me. Hmm.

I already know and it's a lot of reasons, not just one reason. I also think it's a blessing in disguise that I feel this way in life because the world is now so toxic and dangerous that I sincerely think I'm better off keeping people away.

I don't feel like God holds it against me for desiring to stay single. I feel like the rest of the world thinks I should be having babies by now. That's all I know.

It's more a feeling of disgust than anything. It's like the sensation of someone's skin lingering on mine when they touch my arm or my hand, or even if they bump my foot with theirs. It's a disgusting feeling that's difficult to put into words.

Well for 3. I was talking about physical touch in general not relationships but ok. I can't understand what you mean by being disgusted at touch, if I'm honest, but maybe you have to just be disgusted at first until you get used to people more. I'm not going to tell you to do anything, it's ultimately up to you, but i would suggest trying to get out of your comfort zone. Being single is a good thing for some, the Bible says it's a gift even, but hating physical interaction is a whole other topic. The whole single thing sometimes just can't be helped the world, pushes it's beliefs on you because its their normal. As a Christian male I'm looked at as gay or afraid of women since i don't constantly drool over a girls "looks" when they walk by, or have consistent sex with multiple females. If you're a stay at home mom you're treated like you do no work, like you don't have a real job, which is totally wrong and taking care of you're children should be the most important job on this Earth. I can't really promise people will stop trying to change you in the singleness department, thats what people do. Maybe just try to let people you're around with frequently knpw how you feel maybe that could decrease it.

 

[CandieM]

Well for 3. I was talking about physical touch in general not relationships but ok. I can't understand what you mean by being disgusted at touch, if I'm honest, but maybe you have to just be disgusted at first until you get used to people more. I'm not going to tell you to do anything, it's ultimately up to you, but i would suggest trying to get out of your comfort zone. Being single is a good thing for some, the Bible says it's a gift even, but hating physical interaction is a whole other topic. The whole single thing sometimes just can't be helped the world, pushes it's beliefs on you because its their normal. As a Christian male I'm looked at as gay or afraid of women since i don't constantly drool over a girls "looks" when they walk by, or have consistent sex with multiple females. If you're a stay at home mom you're treated like you do no work, like you don't have a real job, which is totally wrong and taking care of you're children should be the most important job on this Earth. I can't really promise people will stop trying to change you in the singleness department, thats what people do. Maybe just try to let people you're around with frequently knpw how you feel maybe that could decrease it.

There were a lot of times that I did that, in the past. Everything you said about letting people in and shaking hands more and trying to be more social -- all those things are things I tried and it ended up making things way worse.

Not sure what else to say. I've pretty much given up on trying to live my life for other people so I can make them happy. It's just that when I turn this computer off and go out into the real world, people won't leave me alone about it. Oh well. Maybe all I can really do is ignore them.

 

[1christian1]

Would have it been worthy to mention in the Bible?
Jesus did many miracles and they we not mentioned in the Bible.

So, here is our string theory I guess.

I thought he was being ironic because women were not allowed in the synagogue...

 

[Lynx]

There were a lot of times that I did that, in the past. Everything you said about letting people in and shaking hands more and trying to be more social -- all those things are things I tried and it ended up making things way worse.

Not sure what else to say. I've pretty much given up on trying to live my life for other people so I can make them happy. It's just that when I turn this computer off and go out into the real world, people won't leave me alone about it. Oh well. Maybe all I can really do is ignore them.

Once you realize how little it matters what other people think, it's amazing how easy it is to ignore them.

The trick is figuring out which people you need to care what they think. There are some truly wise people in the world. Don't tune everybody out en masse.