Relationship help!!

[GeneousGiselle]

They are both playing each other and to be honest from the OP, it seems like
GG is responsible for many of the problems. She keeps dumping him. It’s no wonder
he is angry and confused it’s not always the man who is to blame.

They are both bad for each other right now.

Miri- I know I have been the one to keep dumping him- but pls understand it’s not because I’m mean or a bitch- it’s because I’m insecure & I’m scared he’s going to dump me, so I dump him first. I think I’m not worthy of being loved. I don’t feel worthy of love. I feel like a loser & hopeless. Like he’d be better off without me. 😭

 

[blue_ladybug]

Miri- I know I have been the one to keep dumping him- but pls understand it’s not because I’m mean or a bitch- it’s because I’m insecure & I’m scared he’s going to dump me, so I dump him first. I think I’m not worthy of being loved. I don’t feel worthy of love. I feel like a loser & hopeless. Like he’d be better off without me. 😭

Referring to the red highlighted above, YOU are better off without HIM.. You don't need a man to be secure in yourself. You're already secured in Jesus.. This dude is just a big stinking pile of trouble for you..

 

[Solemateleft]

You are right- I guess I’ve had depression for such a long time now ( for about 20 years), that I’m so used to it that’s it part of me. I’m not sure if it will ever go away completely. It does effect how I view things & my personal relationships. Tonight was ok... he got in a bit of a bad mood at one stage because things weren’t going his way & he said he wanted tonight to be a “really special night”, but he seemed to get better near the end. I let him kiss me.. maybe I should have said no- but it just happened.. I’m a bit confused now as to what I should do moving forward- he did make a comment about me going to his place next time but.. I’m really confused right now.. his moods change a lot- one minute he’s angry & the next he’s loving & gentle.. I don’t know what to think anymore.

Greetings - I wanted to read thru the entire thread before weighing in... first thank you for sharing, and reaching out for help. It takes a strong person to acknowledge their struggles and an even stronger person to try and unpack their problems for all to try and diagnose and advise...
I do agree with so much of the feedback that you have received so far... I believe that it is good that you are aware of your state of mind (depression) and that you are seeing a Therapist and that you have been wrestling with this burden for 20 years...
I suspect that everyone's depression is just as unique as are all of the contributing factors in everyone's uniquely different lives and interactions as it pertains to everyone's unique personal relationships... ie there is no one size fits all resolution for everyone. Albeit faith in our Lord is always critical.
I would hope and pray that your Therapist is key to your journey. I would also hope and pray that your Therapist has helped you to establish some goals and objectives to assist you along a path to overcome your 'depressive' struggles. After 20 years, I would hope that your Therapist would be able to provide you a progress report of some sort as well as guidelines to ensure continued progress to over come your struggles. Has your Therapist given you the impression that your 'depressive' state is expected to be an enduring struggle with no likelihood of improvement or recovery, or?

God Bless

 

[tourist]

Hi, I’m new here. I’m 46 & from Melbourne, Australia. My problem is that I have been in a tumoultous relationship for about 18 months now. I have broken up with him several times. I haven’t seen him since May, partly due to breaking up & partly due to the fact that I have been quite ill. We are going to have dinner tomorrow night which is the first time we have seen each other since May. The thing is, I’m not sure how I feel about him now. I know I care about him. But he said something to me which happened back in May when I was last at his house, & even though he says he would never act on this, I can’t get past what he told me. I don’t feel comfortable in going to his place again. At least, not until I get my head around it. I just need some advice. I don’t want to lose him: he told me the other night that if I end it again or continue playing “mind games” with him he can/ will walk away- which he never has done yet. I know I’ve been the one who has always ended the relationship in the past. He’s always been there. Part of me is angry at him saying this: I tried to explain that my depression causes me to doubt myself & makes me think I’m not worthy of being loved/ I’m not playing mind games. I don’t think he really understands my condition. I’m not sure what I should do.

Based on your post it may be best to let the guy go his own way. You are definitely worthy of being loved but this guy doesn't seem that into you. My counsel is to simply end this relationship and pray for God to search and find the one of your hearts desire. There are a lot of peeps from Australia so you should feel at home. There are many others in similar situations so please know that you are not alone.. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.

 

[Lighthearted]

Miri- I know I have been the one to keep dumping him- but pls understand it’s not because I’m mean or a bitch- it’s because I’m insecure & I’m scared he’s going to dump me, so I dump him first. I think I’m not worthy of being loved. I don’t feel worthy of love. I feel like a loser & hopeless. Like he’d be better off without me. 😭

Hi sister...I'm sorry but I feel the Holy Spirit wants me to share something.
You are a creation of God and a child of the King. Jesus loves you and finds you worthy of the spilling of His blood. He wants you to know that you are so much more than viewing yourself as a loser and wants you to know that you will never be without hope because your hope is in Him. It does not matter if this man is better with or without you, what matters is if this man is good enough for you. Jesus wants you to lay ALL of your burdens down at His feet in front of the cross. He has already suffered your pain for you...you arent meant to carry it any further sister.
He wants you to call out to Him right now and He will let His presence be known to you. He will give you the answers you seek.
Amen

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Miri- I know I have been the one to keep dumping him- but pls understand it’s not because I’m mean or a bitch- it’s because I’m insecure & I’m scared he’s going to dump me, so I dump him first. I think I’m not worthy of being loved. I don’t feel worthy of love. I feel like a loser & hopeless. Like he’d be better off without me. 😭

The reasons are irrelevant. Your behavior is the issue. Whether its mean spirited or insecure you keep hurting this person over and over. You do. Then you claim you care so much for him, but that's not the real reason.
The real reason this drags out is for Your personal benefit, at his expense. If you cared as much for him as you claim you'd quit hurting him and leave him alone. But because you stick around it's only because You get something out of it. This means his pain is secondary to your wants.

I know this because I, too, have had long term depression and made the same mistakes.
I also know this because I was once the one on the receiving end of being dumped over and over. Until one day that person revealed how much they cared and separated from me so they could stop hurting me.
It hurt them deeply since it wasn't what they wanted, but it was what they needed. So they made the sacrifice and endured the pain. Because I actually mattered to them and the pain of hurting me affected them more than the pain of losing me.

So this isn't about him, it's about you. Get some help for your depression and learn how to make hard decisions (something I'm still learning to do myself).
Depression tends to be a source of drama for the individual, and those closest to them. But you can still work at minimizing it.

 

[GeneousGiselle]

I’m thinking that I might leave this site. While I do appreciate everyone’s advice, I’m finding it overwhelming & to be honest, I’m feeling a bit suicidal. I’ll be ok, I think I might have given the wrong idea about him & myself. I feel like a bad person. Some people here have made me feel bad to be honest. But I reallly do love him. I never meant to hurt him. And we have been texting every day since we saw each other & he really seems to care about me. Maybe we have a chance of working things out. I’m going to say goodbye now & sorry I have to go, but I think it’s for the best.

 

[Solemateleft]

We will continue to pray for you and your friend. The advice you receive here is always intended with the best in mind. It is never intended to be hurtful, rather it is intended to be helpful and spiritually leading you on a path to enable your heart and soul to get in touch with our lord.
Your response is very concerning and is consistent with someone who screams for help on this inside....
Please resume getting professional help and even consider getting a second opinion if you are not pleased with the progress over the past 20 years.
It is very important that you listen to your heart (for help) while striving to make strides to get healthy mentally, such that you can begin a journey with our lord and learn to take ownership of your decisions towards your peace and happiness. Please be safe and seek professional help asap.
God bless

 

[blue_ladybug]

I’m thinking that I might leave this site. While I do appreciate everyone’s advice, I’m finding it overwhelming & to be honest, I’m feeling a bit suicidal. I’ll be ok, I think I might have given the wrong idea about him & myself. I feel like a bad person. Some people here have made me feel bad to be honest. But I reallly do love him. I never meant to hurt him. And we have been texting every day since we saw each other & he really seems to care about me. Maybe we have a chance of working things out. I’m going to say goodbye now & sorry I have to go, but I think it’s for the best.

You came onto this site for help and advice.. Now you want to leave because the responses you're receiving may not be what you want to hear or accept.. If you don't want to hurt him anymore, then make the break and leave him alone. But don't keep dumping him, taking him back then dumping him again..

 

[GeneousGiselle]

You came onto this site for help and advice.. Now you want to leave because the responses you're receiving may not be what you want to hear or accept.. If you don't want to hurt him anymore, then make the break and leave him alone. But don't keep dumping him, taking him back then dumping him again..

I won’t be dumping him again. I love him & he loves me. I realise this now after seeing him again after the other night. I want to be with him. I can work everything out on my own now. I don’t need anyone’s help. And I do, by the way see a psychiatrist & a psychologist regarding my depression.

 

[7seasrekeyed]

I’m thinking that I might leave this site. While I do appreciate everyone’s advice, I’m finding it overwhelming & to be honest, I’m feeling a bit suicidal. I’ll be ok, I think I might have given the wrong idea about him & myself. I feel like a bad person. Some people here have made me feel bad to be honest. But I reallly do love him. I never meant to hurt him. And we have been texting every day since we saw each other & he really seems to care about me. Maybe we have a chance of working things out. I’m going to say goodbye now & sorry I have to go, but I think it’s for the best.

well that may be best

it is interesting to consider that while you were apart for some amount of time that you had a different view and you decided to ask for advice on a Christian site

now, having been with him again, you have a different viewpoint

I am sorry, but you have set a very bad pattern up for yourself and will most likely keep repeating it

you have talked yourself into it and we saw that play out with your posts, as you first asked for help and then gave in and took the path of least resistance once again.

please remember, what has occured in the past, is the best indicator for what will happen in the future as neither of you have changed

and while kind people here have said they will pray for you, it is YOU that needs to do something about your circumstances

what you have, is what is described as a toxic relationship and you can stick with it...but actually IT, is sticking with you

my condolences

a good many people get on this site and ask for advice and when they get good and sound counsel, they become uncomfortable because change is difficult and they turn around and say people here are mean

remember this a year from now or perhaps less

 

[7seasrekeyed]

I won’t be dumping him again. I love him & he loves me. I realise this now after seeing him again after the other night. I want to be with him. I can work everything out on my own now. I don’t need anyone’s help. And I do, by the way see a psychiatrist & a psychologist regarding my depression.

well that's good then

that's really great

 

[blue_ladybug]

I won’t be dumping him again. I love him & he loves me. I realise this now after seeing him again after the other night. I want to be with him. I can work everything out on my own now. I don’t need anyone’s help. And I do, by the way see a psychiatrist & a psychologist regarding my depression.

You say you love him and won't dump him again, yet you loved him and dumped him in the past. And speaking as a person with lifelong depression, I can assure you that you CANNOT work this out on your own. If you could, you wouldn't have come to us asking for advice and help. You need GOD on your side through all this.

 

[Tommy379]

This won't end well.

 

[GeneousGiselle]

You say you love him and won't dump him again, yet you loved him and dumped him in the past. And speaking as a person with lifelong depression, I can assure you that you CANNOT work this out on your own. If you could, you wouldn't have come to us asking for advice and help. You need GOD on your side through all this.

I never said that God wasn’t on my side. But exactly where has God been when I needed him? Look, maybe you all just don’t understand me 😭 I don’t need to be picked on like this- I really don’t - it might send me over the edge😭

 

[blue_ladybug]

I never said that God wasn’t on my side. But exactly where has God been when I needed him? Look, maybe you all just don’t understand me 😭 I don’t need to be picked on like this- I really don’t - it might send me over the edge😭

No one is picking on you. And suicide is never an answer, nor an option. You asked us for advice, and you don't like the answers you've gotten so far. God isn't going to help you stay in an unhealthy relationship. And this relationship is definitely unhealthy. You can't even "wrap your head" around whatever it was that he said to upset you so much, yet you still want to be with him? That isn't love, Giselle, it's the fear of being alone, and wanting to stay with someone even if the situation isn't good.

I think you need to work on your trust issues, as well as your fear of abandonment and being alone. God is waiting for you to get some of this stuff cleared up, before you will be able to hear Him talking to you..

 

[7seasrekeyed]

I never said that God wasn’t on my side. But exactly where has God been when I needed him? Look, maybe you all just don’t understand me 😭 I don’t need to be picked on like this- I really don’t - it might send me over the edge😭

gee yuh know I really don't like what I am about to say, but I will go ahead anyway

I think we are getting a picture of how you treat the man in your life

I don't think for one half second anyone is sending you over the edge

I think you are attempting to do what you always do...manipulate, blame others and then cry so you can hear 'poor baby

who is keeping you here to be picked on?

put on your big girl pants and get over yourself. you are acting and I am pretty sure this is your pattern

 

[7seasrekeyed]

and one more thing

God is not at all on your side. God loves you and would want the best for you, but He is NOT taking your side

we, have the responsibility of taking HIS side and agreeing with what He says

I have no taste for the behavior you are displaying here and honestly, you are going to go full steam ahead until you tire of it or it is not going your way and then you will go back to 'a' and run through the alphabet again

I almost never ever would talk to someone asking for advice the way I am right now, but I just really dislike playing other people the way it seems you are doing

 

[blue_ladybug]

Giselle, your insecurities, trust and abandonment issues are blocking your ability to have any sort of relationship with this guy. Work on those first, and let this guy alone.. Until you get your stuff fixed, this relationship won't work, no matter how much you care about each other..

We hear these kind of stories every day on here. The Family forum is jam-packed with sad stories just like yours.. and NONE of them ended well.

 

[melita916]

Whenever we ask the internet for advice, you’ll get all kind of views. We base our answers on the info given and past experience. Obviously, we don’t know all the details, and we don’t know anyone’s heart. Only the Lord sees our true intentions.

I can only give my opinion. You may have some unresolved issues and may be looking at your significant other as the solution to them. Only God can heal our wounds. Do you attend a local fellowship? Perhaps interacting with a congregation may help you.