Being single but not ready to mingle

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walkOnWater

walkOnWater

Junior Member
#1
Sep 11, 2013
60
38
18
#1
Have you ever felt like you got tired of dating the wrong guy and now you don't know if you'll ever be ready to go back to dating again?

I mean i know i should (since everyone tells me i should) and don't get me wrong... i do want to go back to the dating scene... but somehow, i feel so tired just thinking about it... just the thought of going through the unknown again and possibly having to go through the same heartache again makes me want to backout... i am torn...
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#2
Aug 13, 2014
27,186
9,269
113
#2
I wouldn't get a job, buy a house or buy a car just because somebody told me I should, and getting a date or a mate is a lot more complex than home ownership. Don't do it just because you feel obligated to, because everybody says you should or because you are worried about being alone.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#3
Sep 17, 2018
4,049
3,154
113
#3
You know you should because everyone tells you you should?
When it comes to the emotional and psychological aspects of dating few people have any Real clue. They repeat what someone else told them because it "sounds right". Sounding right and being right are not the same.

It's like after a breakup people say you need to not sit and wallow but rush into a new relationship. Pure ignorance.
A reasonable grieving period after a breakup is 100% healthy. Giving your heart and mind that time to heal and recover. If you had surgery would someone tell you to go back to jogging the next day? No? Then why do it to your mind and emotions.
And without proper grieving you'll end up in a doomed relationship. You will, intended or not, essentially be using that person for selfish gain. False gains, at that.
So in the end you'll use someone in a way that won't actually help and be worse off, just like the other person.

I've been where you're at and there is NO reason you need to date if you're not up to it. Don't let ignorant parrots use false reasoning to pressure you into bad choices that will hurt you and others.
It's your life, not theirs. The consequences are yours to bear, not theirs. If you want to stay single right now, do it. And if your friends push, push back and let them know you've made your decision and won't be swayed and that if they are Truly your friends they'll understand and support you. Not push you into things you aren't ready for.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#4
Aug 12, 2011
10,463
2,689
113
#4
After I was healed from my 1st relationship, I started thinking about dating. But just the thought of starting over getting to know someone made me tired lol. People will say “do this because of that,” but the Lord is the One who should lead. I was single for 5 years, no dating, when I met my husband. When I met him, I wondered if it would lead to more, but at the same time, I asked the Lord to help me not get ahead of myself.

The Lord is faithful.
 
C

CandieM

Guest
#5
#5
Subhumanoidal said:
You know you should because everyone tells you you should?
When it comes to the emotional and psychological aspects of dating few people have any Real clue. They repeat what someone else told them because it "sounds right". Sounding right and being right are not the same.

It's like after a breakup people say you need to not sit and wallow but rush into a new relationship. Pure ignorance.
A reasonable grieving period after a breakup is 100% healthy. Giving your heart and mind that time to heal and recover. If you had surgery would someone tell you to go back to jogging the next day? No? Then why do it to your mind and emotions.
And without proper grieving you'll end up in a doomed relationship. You will, intended or not, essentially be using that person for selfish gain. False gains, at that.
So in the end you'll use someone in a way that won't actually help and be worse off, just like the other person.

I've been where you're at and there is NO reason you need to date if you're not up to it. Don't let ignorant parrots use false reasoning to pressure you into bad choices that will hurt you and others.
It's your life, not theirs. The consequences are yours to bear, not theirs. If you want to stay single right now, do it. And if your friends push, push back and let them know you've made your decision and won't be swayed and that if they are Truly your friends they'll understand and support you. Not push you into things you aren't ready for.
Click to expand...
I love the phrase "ignorant parrots". Think I'll use that from now on, when people tell me that I have to live my life a particular way. I too have felt pressured into dating and having relationships that I don't want. That being said, I don't want to date or have a partner. At all. 🙅‍
 
TamLynn

TamLynn

A heart at rest
#6
Nov 27, 2014
985
1,019
93
#6
CandieM said:
I love the phrase "ignorant parrots". Think I'll use that from now on, when people tell me that I have to live my life a particular way. I too have felt pressured into dating and having relationships that I don't want. That being said, I don't want to date or have a partner. At all. 🙅‍
Click to expand...
I agree Candie. It's a good phrase. Someone should make a meme of it!
 
D

Dapsy

New member
#7
Sep 30, 2018
5
2
3
#7
But when is the person ready? Thought this could be a God given time on when to be involved in a relationship.
 
walkOnWater

walkOnWater

Junior Member
#8
Sep 11, 2013
60
38
18
#8
so many good insights here and now i see the other side of it all... being logical and not jumping from the cliff when you know you are not ready... i guess what clouds my judgement is me being an emotional female...

But based on the last comment... how do we know when we are ready?
 
D

Dapsy

New member
#9
Sep 30, 2018
5
2
3
#9
We need to ask God to take control over our lives then He can direst us . There are times when we feel that we are not ready without really asking God to guide us through.
 
C

CandieM

Guest
#10
#10
I suppose if it's God's will for me to have a partner, he will change my heart. Until then, it's not something I want for myself. I'd rather be a cat lady.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#11
Mar 13, 2014
42,550
17,022
113
69
Tennessee
#11
CandieM said:
I love the phrase "ignorant parrots". Think I'll use that from now on, when people tell me that I have to live my life a particular way. I too have felt pressured into dating and having relationships that I don't want. That being said, I don't want to date or have a partner. At all. 🙅‍
Click to expand...
TamLynn said:
I agree Candie. It's a good phrase. Someone should make a meme of it!
Click to expand...
"Ignorant Carrots' is a good phrase too in reference to those that appear to be brain dead. :)
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#12
Mar 13, 2014
42,550
17,022
113
69
Tennessee
#12
Dapsy said:
But when is the person ready? Thought this could be a God given time on when to be involved in a relationship.
Click to expand...
There may be a God given time regarding starting a relationship but this is not something that God forces you to do but He will assist you if you pray for this. Some people that wait on God's perfect timing are just using this as an excuse to not make an active effort in pursuing a prospective relationship possibly out of fear of rejection or commitment.
 
D

Dapsy

New member
#13
Sep 30, 2018
5
2
3
#13
Yes definitely, we need to act in faith and listen to the Lord since His perfect timing could be today , tomorrow etc. and I pray that, I should not miss that moment in Jesus Name
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#14
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
113
#14
walkOnWater said:
so many good insights here and now i see the other side of it all... being logical and not jumping from the cliff when you know you are not ready... i guess what clouds my judgement is me being an emotional female...

But based on the last comment... how do we know when we are ready?
Click to expand...
I think mating up has more to do with needs. There are worse things than being single or lonely. When you meet the right person then you should date them. If you are dating to find the right person, then you will often overlook many shortcomings and settle. First, be the happiest single person you can be. This will attract the best suitors.
 
AlexaMaria

AlexaMaria

Member
#15
Sep 27, 2018
55
55
18
Ohio
#15
walkOnWater said:
Have you ever felt like you got tired of dating the wrong guy and now you don't know if you'll ever be ready to go back to dating again?

I mean i know i should (since everyone tells me i should) and don't get me wrong... i do want to go back to the dating scene... but somehow, i feel so tired just thinking about it... just the thought of going through the unknown again and possibly having to go through the same heartache again makes me want to backout... i am torn...
Click to expand...
I know how you feel. I’ve dated a lot and been in long relationships - just got out of a year long one a few weeks ago - and it is tiring. It’s funny because I’ve decided I’m gonna wait for God to bring me someone... but it’s not like I went out looking for the guys I did date. So it’s not just about waiting on God and not going out and searching... it’s about looking out for important things. After years of dating and lots of heart break and disappointment... I know more of what to look for in the beginning when meeting a guy. Red flags I’ve been blind to or ignored before that ended up destroying the relationship in the end and being sort of a waste of time.
 
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