Therein may lie the source of my depressive stupor: I don't have a major at the moment. Last year, I tried pursuing a Biology major during my first semester. That fell through as soon as I realized that I hated using hard science to answer questions about the natural world. I then renounced my major, and pursued advanced literature, basic writing, a combination business/law course, and a course specifically designed to help students find a suitable major. That, sure enough, did absolutely nothing to help me find a reason for attending college.
This year, I tried out computer science and calculus, but quickly changed my focus to pursuing an English major, since writing seemed to be the only thing I was actually good at. As it turns out, taking three literature courses (on top of a Great Books program that I've been a part of since my first semester at GFU) is not a realistic option, especially for someone who hates reading as much as I do. I finally settled on taking one literature course, that Great Books program, and a writing course. That's where I'm at this semester, and I already feel like dropping out. I hate every one of my courses, and it's so far past the deadline to change them that I have no hope of pursuing anything else this semester.
I don't have any reason for attending school other than the overwhelming desire to avoid working as a fry cook for the rest of my life. Yet even that hatred of menial labor can't motivate me to fight my way through these blasted courses for an entire semester. It can motivate me to stay in school, however, if only to delay my inevitably wretched future.
That's why I'm so depressed, I suppose. It's because I'm trapped, and there's nothing I can do to better my situation.
This year, I tried out computer science and calculus, but quickly changed my focus to pursuing an English major, since writing seemed to be the only thing I was actually good at. As it turns out, taking three literature courses (on top of a Great Books program that I've been a part of since my first semester at GFU) is not a realistic option, especially for someone who hates reading as much as I do. I finally settled on taking one literature course, that Great Books program, and a writing course. That's where I'm at this semester, and I already feel like dropping out. I hate every one of my courses, and it's so far past the deadline to change them that I have no hope of pursuing anything else this semester.
I don't have any reason for attending school other than the overwhelming desire to avoid working as a fry cook for the rest of my life. Yet even that hatred of menial labor can't motivate me to fight my way through these blasted courses for an entire semester. It can motivate me to stay in school, however, if only to delay my inevitably wretched future.
That's why I'm so depressed, I suppose. It's because I'm trapped, and there's nothing I can do to better my situation.