History Princess
How are you, If I may throw my 2 cents in. It sounds like you have a lot of good advice from good people. But you are in confusion, I recognize the symptoms because I have been there myself. in other subjects I still am, I have been married for 29 years, Have 5 wonderful kids. At a younger age, I was in confusion also, I had expectations based on worldly things I learned in the magazines I had hidden in my room. for a long time, I thought women could only get pregnant in the back seat of a Chevy. A phrase that was popular in my era. that may be why I'm a ford man. Anyway, what you are going through is common to most all of use. Even in the old days all the way back to eve. Sex has been viewed differently by different cultures all thru time, Most of what we understand about sex now is modern understanding, Like for instants we grew up in a time where courtship at least 2 years. ( something your story was lacking and is very important ) is a tradition that has only been within the last 100. For 1000's of years before daughters were bought and sold, it wasn't about love, it was a business transaction, Marriage is actually a business term. which is a good side study marriage traditions have changed over the years also. In the old days if a man wanted women he would show up where the women lived. Offered a pig, couple of goats, maybe a cow. then if daddy accepted, she went into the tent with a boy or man and was defloured. ( That is modern terminology. )
In Gods eyes, they were married. Also if that had not happened by the time a girl was 13 to 15, she was considered an old maid. And if she had an older sister that was not married yet, she had to be married first, There were often time if the guy wanted the middle daughter he would have to mary the older one first then he had 2 wives, Also the guy could be anywhere from 12 to infinity years old. Also if the girl was pretty and could bere children she might attract multiple suiter and then she was sold to the highest bidder. She had no choice in the matter, so marriage back then was not always pleasurable either. I am digressing, let me go on with my point. these are things I learned after I was married.
Also, I grew up in church and was taught how a gentleman was supposed to treat a woman. the 2 styles conflicted with each other. Probably the difference between worldly expectations and Christian expectation.
I ended up on the side of worldly expectation where I thought women went from virgin to vixen in the time it took her to walk to the tent. And if we stayed out of Chevys she would not get pregnant, Because of the worldly views, I had I thought girls or women were inherently weak and they were our toys to play with. So I was on the lustful side, I was so very wrong, I found that girls and women are the more powerful of the 2 sexes. They can direct a man in his ways as she desires, My first girlfriend broke up with me after 2 weeks because I didn't try to sleep with her, She said she kept dropping hints but I wasn't catching on. My next girlfriend broke up with me after 3 days because I did try to sleep with her, She did some of the same things girlfriend 1 did so I thought she wanted to. she wasn't ready and felt like I was pressuring her. I do have a point so please bear with me.
If we look at things from a worldly point of view there will be a lot of confusion and in turn, you yourself will be confused. And you are, that is how I recognized it. Because I was also. It takes one to know one. But if we turn to Gods word for clarification we come out of confusion. James is a good book for marriage. there are others but James is the most prominent. Paul says somewhere ( i can't remember now ) but he says if a man or women ( no gender included here ) can live a Godly life without burning with lust, then it is best to stay single, I found for myself I could not do that, I was damaged goods, But if not then we should get married cause its better to be married than to burn with lust. in James God says that when a Man and women get married and become HUSBAND AND WIFE. What the 2 shall agree on is acceptable in Gods eyes. The marriage bed is undefiled, The only exception to that rule is what is unnatural, Like trading with another Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve or Thelma and Louis, Those go outside the confines of a Christian marriage. Now I can't be a judge I can only offer wisdom from my experience. You need to ask God for guidance, But to me, it sounds like you should get married. But remember you are the stronger sex, and you can and will build up or destroy any man depending on how you treat him, Because the irony is we males have even less control over our sexual desires than you women, And once you learn how to use your feminine wiles. You will become a force of nature. Also, I forgot to mention in the beginning sex was for reproducing not for pleasure. It even became a business to some people. That is what is known as the oldest profession in the world. I hope I have helped. Remember there is a God in heaven and he has provided a way out for anyone. he will not put more on you than you can bear.
Thought of the day
There is nothing wrong with marriage or the sex in it, for it is better than the alternative.
Stay in our Fathersb word