Do ‘looks’ matter to YOU?

[Jewel5712]

Well I'd never go out with a Kelly Bundy type

She wss actually very pretty in real life..lol

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

I hope I won't be offending anyone, because I personally believe that the only people who can actually say that looks don't matter are blind.

And even then, I wonder, what are blind people attracted to? The sound of someone's voice? The way a person smells, or the rhythm of their walk as they shuffle across the room? These are questions I've always wanted to ask, because after all, blind people get married, too.

As someone who feels the pressure of singleness to try to somewhat maintain one's looks (I had a friend who got married and said, "I can't wait to be able to just let myself go!"), it can be a very miserable journey. I pass up about 95% of the things I'd really rather prefer to be eating (goodbye cheeseburgers, fries, and crispy tacos with extra cheese; hello boiled spinach and eggs), I don't like exercise but I do it because I know it helps, and I do have to be a bit obsessive at times, because otherwise my weight goes through the roof.

So, it would be nice to find someone who cares about weight, nutrition, and exercise as well because if I wound up with someone who sits on the couch eating Doritos all evening, I'd gain 20 lbs. the first month.

The thing I think about though, as calibob illustrated, is that looks change over time. I've written several threads in the past with pictures of popular young Hollywood stars... and then have shown current pictures in which they're 30 pounds older and 80 pounds heavier. People don't find them nearly as attractive in that state.

I know a couple who have been together a very long time, and the husband is picking at the way his wife's face has aged--while seeming to forget that he himself has aged as well and put on a lot of weight (she, however, is thinner than when they met.)

The best example I ever saw of love over looks was of an article about a young, very beautiful, model-looking couple who got married... and the husband was in the military and lost half his face during an explosion. Doctors did what they could, but of course, he looked completely different--and she still loved him.

One of the things I wonder about now that I'm older is, "Sure. He looks good to me today..."

"But will I have a Godly enough heart to think that he looks good 20 years from now? And, even more honestly... Would I have a chance of looking good to him and keeping him faithful?"

My dear friend, your statement saddens my heart. Your looks will not keep a man faithful. You have no control over that. Adultry is a matter of the heart. My ex cheated. The AP was older than me, and about a 100lbs more than me. Most men, ( unless rich and powerful) the person they cheat with is less desirable than the spouse. A cheater has no moral compass, and they themselves are emotionally unstable. Now if you used your body and intentionally with held. You can cause your spouse to be more easily tempted. As suggested in the bible.

Have you that cheeseburger or taco once in awhile moderation is good for the body and soul. Find an activity you enjoy. Not just exercise. Forcing yourself to do unenjoyable tasks wears a person done. Remeber emotions have an effect of ones health and weight. If a man wants you as a toothpick supermold. You don't need him. If he sees a healthy beautiful woman from the inside out. That is a good hearted man. Remember the song " I'll love you forever and ever amen" all of our bodies change and age. Just life's circumstance change our bodies, minds and souls for a time. Please don't believe the " crap " that a woman causes a man to stray. She is not. A man or woman can be tempted. It is their responsibility whether they fall into that trap or us the escape the Lord provides.

 

[Jewel5712]

My dear friend, your statement saddens my heart. Your looks will not keep a man faithful. You have no control over that. Adultry is a matter of the heart. My ex cheated. The AP was older than me, and about a 100lbs more than me. Most men, ( unless rich and powerful) the person they cheat with is less desirable than the spouse. A cheater has no moral compass, and they themselves are emotionally unstable. Now if you used your body and intentionally with held. You can cause your spouse to be more easily tempted. As suggested in the bible.

Have you that cheeseburger or taco once in awhile moderation is good for the body and soul. Find an activity you enjoy. Not just exercise. Forcing yourself to do unenjoyable tasks wears a person done. Remeber emotions have an effect of ones health and weight. If a man wants you as a toothpick supermold. You don't need him. If he sees a healthy beautiful woman from the inside out. That is a good hearted man. Remember the song " I'll love you forever and ever amen" all of our bodies change and age. Just life's circumstance change our bodies, minds and souls for a time. Please don't believe the " crap " that a woman causes a man to stray. She is not. A man or woman can be tempted. It is their responsibility whether they fall into that trap or us the escape the Lord provides.

Had a cheater to..tried everything i could to "keep" him...didnt work..he still walked out on me and 2 babies..Gods redeeming grace? HAD i stayed martied to him it wouldvr been like living in a bar..house thick with smoke..beer cans and a drunk husband every night..etc...in my :tears" of diorce over him..God SAVED us in hind sight!

Anyway..a lot of times a man wont give a woman a 2nd look and even get to KNOW her "from the inside out" if shes not skinny etc..they still have the eyes and egos of teenagers often christian or not...

 

[calibob]

She wss actually very pretty in real life..lol

I'd pick homley but brilliant over pretty but dumb 7 days a week

 

[Jewel5712]

She wss actually very pretty in real life..lol

Whoops sorry..i was thinking bout the mom..not the daughter..lol

 

[calibob]

It's ok, I used thy word type. You see a man get's used to looking at a woman and after a while it takes more than a pair of breasts to keep a mans intrest unless that's all he is interested in to begin with. If that's all he wants the relationship was doomed from the start because the world is full of them!

 

[Jewel5712]

I hope I won't be offending anyone, because I personally believe that the only people who can actually say that looks don't matter are blind.

And even then, I wonder, what are blind people attracted to? The sound of someone's voice? The way a person smells, or the rhythm of their walk as they shuffle across the room? These are questions I've always wanted to ask, because after all, blind people get married, too.

As someone who feels the pressure of singleness to try to somewhat maintain one's looks (I had a friend who got married and said, "I can't wait to be able to just let myself go!"), it can be a very miserable journey. I pass up about 95% of the things I'd really rather prefer to be eating (goodbye cheeseburgers, fries, and crispy tacos with extra cheese; hello boiled spinach and eggs), I don't like exercise but I do it because I know it helps, and I do have to be a bit obsessive at times, because otherwise my weight goes through the roof.

So, it would be nice to find someone who cares about weight, nutrition, and exercise as well because if I wound up with someone who sits on the couch eating Doritos all evening, I'd gain 20 lbs. the first month.

The thing I think about though, as calibob illustrated, is that looks change over time. I've written several threads in the past with pictures of popular young Hollywood stars... and then have shown current pictures in which they're 30 pounds older and 80 pounds heavier. People don't find them nearly as attractive in that state.

I know a couple who have been together a very long time, and the husband is picking at the way his wife's face has aged--while seeming to forget that he himself has aged as well and put on a lot of weight (she, however, is thinner than when they met.)

The best example I ever saw of love over looks was of an article about a young, very beautiful, model-looking couple who got married... and the husband was in the military and lost half his face during an explosion. Doctors did what they could, but of course, he looked completely different--and she still loved him.

One of the things I wonder about now that I'm older is, "Sure. He looks good to me today..."

"But will I have a Godly enough heart to think that he looks good 20 years from now? And, even more honestly... Would I have a chance of looking good to him and keeping him faithful?"

My gma used to say "its your looks that will get him..your heart that will KEEP him"...i think theres different "faces" of love..looks might be more important now but propably less important in 20 yrs cause his HEART will then "keep you" but i DO know the pressure to be and stay thin...im not now..workimg on it..ut like you..hope to find someone that feels the same bout nutrition etc..knowing me..id end up with a guy that can eat everything and not gain a pound..while ..if i even LOOK at a brownie..5 pounds goes to this hips (btw..youre gonna love menopause..NOT) anywhoo..love the fact you can open up and if youre ever in Illinios ..ill get the brownie break up icecream!

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

Taking it further, what about when a quick wit fades? What about when a person's memories and the very personality fade?

There is this one elderly couple who used to come to McDonald's where I work multiple times a day, every day. Sometimes they would only get an ice cream cone, but they were always there. We watched as the wife succumbed to alzheimer's right before our eyes. The husband kept taking care of her long past the point where she had become a caricature of her former self. When he finally put her in a nursing home it was because she had reached the point where he was no longer able to take care of her.

What keeps people together when what attracted them to each other fades? It can't just be the memory of what the person used to be.

That my friend is love. Physical appears may be the initial attraction. But that can't be the only thing one looks at or for. You fall in love with the person. Their character, who they are. You start to get to learn and grow with them. You truly become one. Body, soul and mind. See love is not an emotion it is an action and a choice. Say your couple had problems early in the marriage. They could choose to throw it away or work through it. Back in the day marriage was for life. They choose to work through the struggles and love each other anyway. Life was not disposable back then.
I to knew an older couple like that. Pops. See I know his children too. Pops was hardcore in his younger day. Not violent, just demanding. MaryAnn his wife endured him and loved him his flaws and all. He grew and his love and admiration grew deeply for her. When she got sick. He waited on her hand and foot. Cooked for her, bathed her, dressed her, did her hair and make-up. He did everything for her. He was so gentle with her. Up till she passed. When she passed he was still mowing his own lawn. A year later to the month he passed. He had no more reason to go on. They were both in there 90s. Their marriage was not perfect. But it was solid and real.

 

[theanointedsinner]

I need to be taught what respect is

 

[Jewel5712]

It's ok, I used thy word type. You see a man get's used to looking at a woman and after a while it takes more than a pair of breasts to keep a mans intrest unless that's all he is interested in to begin with. If that's all he wants the relationship was doomed from the start because the world is full of them!

Well..the men my age have usually just gotten out of a long sexless martiage..guess what theyre looking for..and its not another committed relationship..that..or theyre going through midlife crisis..or BOTH lol

 

[theanointedsinner]

Ok, for respect, lesson one, *in some rich butler's voice*

um ...

I don't know

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

Had a cheater to..tried everything i could to "keep" him...didnt work..he still walked out on me and 2 babies..Gods redeeming grace? HAD i stayed martied to him it wouldvr been like living in a bar..house thick with smoke..beer cans and a drunk husband every night..etc...in my :tears" of diorce over him..God SAVED us in hind sight!

Anyway..a lot of times a man wont give a woman a 2nd look and even get to KNOW her "from the inside out" if shes not skinny etc..they still have the eyes and egos of teenagers often christian or not...

I'm sorry you went through that. I do pray you and your children have healed or started the healing process.

You are correct. There are alot of carnal men out there. They think with there crotch. Not there heart. But there are also some good men out there. They are rare in this worldly world.

I think there are some good men, that also like us women, have been wounded. Case in point, an Aunt by marriage. All she cares about is keeping up with the Jones, sorta speak. As long as he brings the checks home she's happy. His family is not good enough for her. So I do see the struggles on both sides. It can be frustrating at times, to be sure.

 

[theanointedsinner]

my apologies, sometimes I take things too far, thank you Jewel, I need to respect limits

 

[calibob]

Well..the men my age have usually just gotten out of a long sexless martiage..guess what theyre looking for..and its not another committed relationship..that..or theyre going through midlife crisis..or BOTH lol

Of course I know what men want, I am one remember? Many of us have an inflated ego and think that having a lovely woman in our arm makes other men envy and this attention makes our egos puffed up. Those kinds of guys tend to do juvenile things like buy cars that are so fast that they can barely drive them or motorcycles with gold plated spokes. Silly ain't it. There are tho's too who are not comfortable with themselves and think they need a woman to be complete, watch out for them because they will to run your life.

Most of us have a varying degrees of these faults. Nothing to worry about but the ones that just go over the top, are train wrecks inside.

 

[theanointedsinner]

we do acknowledge our weakness, but most often, it's part of life, and we need to be gently guided toward the path of growth. maturity is a step by step process

 

[tourist]

My dear friend, your statement saddens my heart. Your looks will not keep a man faithful. You have no control over that. Adultry is a matter of the heart. My ex cheated. The AP was older than me, and about a 100lbs more than me. Most men, ( unless rich and powerful) the person they cheat with is less desirable than the spouse. A cheater has no moral compass, and they themselves are emotionally unstable. Now if you used your body and intentionally with held. You can cause your spouse to be more easily tempted. As suggested in the bible.

Have you that cheeseburger or taco once in awhile moderation is good for the body and soul. Find an activity you enjoy. Not just exercise. Forcing yourself to do unenjoyable tasks wears a person done. Remeber emotions have an effect of ones health and weight. If a man wants you as a toothpick supermold. You don't need him. If he sees a healthy beautiful woman from the inside out. That is a good hearted man. Remember the song " I'll love you forever and ever amen" all of our bodies change and age. Just life's circumstance change our bodies, minds and souls for a time. Please don't believe the " crap " that a woman causes a man to stray. She is not. A man or woman can be tempted. It is their responsibility whether they fall into that trap or us the escape the Lord provides.

I agree with everything you have said. Well spoken and well written post. Impressive.

 

[Jewel5712]

we do acknowledge our weakness, but most often, it's part of life, and we need to be gently guided toward the path of growth. maturity is a step by step process

But that "guidence" shouldnt be expected from a woman but of God..lol

 

[theanointedsinner]

But that "guidence" shouldnt be expected from a woman but of God..lol

no matter how beautiful I perceive Jewel may be, right?

 

[tourist]

Had a cheater to..tried everything i could to "keep" him...didnt work..he still walked out on me and 2 babies..Gods redeeming grace? HAD i stayed martied to him it wouldvr been like living in a bar..house thick with smoke..beer cans and a drunk husband every night..etc...in my :tears" of diorce over him..God SAVED us in hind sight!

Anyway..a lot of times a man wont give a woman a 2nd look and even get to KNOW her "from the inside out" if shes not skinny etc..they still have the eyes and egos of teenagers often christian or not...

God saved me too from a horrible first marriage. Yes, she was a cheater too. Very lazy. Abusive. Can't figure out why I married her in the first place. I guess I was lonely that year (1978). Should've known better. My bad. Proceeded to live the next 18 years alone and celibate. Finally remarried. Lonely. Good wife though but died at an early age. Got remarried again (for the last time) in 2014. Lonely. There seems to be a method to my madness. Wonderful wife though. Pretty. Smart. Sensitive. Amusing. Impressive.

"Lonely days, lonely nghts.
Where would I be without my woman?"

 

[tourist]

But that "guidence" shouldnt be expected from a woman but of God..lol

There are times when a new husband needs remedial training from his wife. I know from experience that you can teach an old dog new tricks. I do agree with you though...