Do opposites really attract?

[Mel85]

I was just thinking the other day about how most of my couple friends personalities’ or characters’ are opposites to the personalities’ and/or characters’ of their partner/spouse/husband/wife.

For example;

‘Couple A’ - the husband is a very outgoing, talkative, social, kind of person whereas his wife is quiet, conservative, and reserved. What’s ironic is their kids are almost ‘mini-me’ versions of them; the son takes after his mother and the daughter takes after her father in terms of personalities.

Another couple;

‘Couple B’, - the wife is a very boisterous, loud and a energetic type of person whereas, her husband is shy, quiet and a very reserved man.

So what are your thoughts and/or experiences?

Do you think this ‘idea’ of “opposites attracting” exists or could it be based on something else, like physical, emotional, or financial attraction?

And finally, are you attracted to the opposite personality from your own personality? (Introvert vs Extrovert)?

Married/Couples - feel free to share your experiences with your partner/spouse.

 

[Lynx]

Instead of opposites attracting, I think it is more about skill sets complementing. Nobody is good at everything, and the best partnership is usually the one where different people bring different skills to the table, and between them they can take on most problems the world presents.

My best friend and his wife are good examples of this. They are about as different in personality as you could ever imagine, but between the two of them they work well together. What one is not good at, the other is great at.

 

[Demi777]

Im very extroverted and energetic...Martin is calm and barely talks to people.
He loves extreme sports and i get creeped out by them.... we are fire and water in most things.

 

[seoulsearch]

Hey Mel,

Great topic! Now you have me thinking about how all my past relationships actually WERE a case of opposite trait, and in my case, none of them worked out, and probably should have never even started in the first place.

I know a lot of guys have had bad experiences with women who were shopaholics, but I had the exact opposite experience. I was always the saver and he was always the spender, so after he'd blown through all his money on games, clothes, and take-out food, he'd then look to me to make up the difference when his bills were due. I'll never date someone who is financially irresponsible like that again.

Another important lesson I learned was about certain personality traits taken to the extreme. As I like to say, I am an introvert who can masquerade as an extrovert when needed, but only for a short amount of time. One guy I dated was an extreme extrovert. He was the type that would talk to anyone, but the problem was that he would then proceed to tell all of my business (personal details about my life) to complete strangers, and I hated that.

One time we went to an amusement park and he would chat up everyone we stood next to in line, then want to go smoke with them afterwards (I'm not a smoker), which would take at least half an hour each time. I didn't pay $100 for my ticket to just stand around chit chatting with strangers--I was there to ride the rides, and I told him he could stand there and talk to as many people as he wanted, but I was going to go get my ride fix. Apparently, he didn't believe me, and I was so ticked off that he wasn't listening to me that I just went off by myself like I said I was going to and rode all the rides alone to my heart's content.

I also hated it when he would say something like, "These people want us to eat with them," because they were people he'd chatted up while smoking. If I'm spending time with a significant other, I'd like to know that I'll actually get to spend time with HIM and not an entourage of strangers that I have to small talk with. I have to do enough of that in my everyday life.

So my first thought is that I don't think I'd do very well with someone who is too much the opposite of me. But then I was thinking about something that Lynx often says--if two people are good at all the same things, it makes one of them unnecessary.

And it would be really nice to meet someone whose skill set made up for the things I'm not very good at (which longer than a kid's wish list at Christmas, believe me.) I also have another friend who always says, "God will send you what you need, not necessarily what you want," so I try to keep in mind that the things I think I want might not be what God wants for me.

I'm just hoping that even if that person and I do have major differences, they will somehow work FOR us both as a couple and bring us closer together rather than causing all the chaos I've experienced in the past.

 

[Dino246]

I don't think opposites necessarily attract. I think attraction is far more complex. Those to whom one is attracted may be opposite in certain characteristics and very similar in others.

The only necessary opposite, in terms of a romantic relationship, is male and female.

 

[toinena]

You need to have a common ground in the way of communication and ideology. But if the two are exactly the same, with the same set of skills and interests it is not a good match. They have to fulfill eachother

 

[Lynx]

(STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I have never been married before, so the following might be totally wrong. But it makes a lot of sense to me so I'm posting it here anyway.)

Today I have been thinking about this thread, and about my friend and his wife, and how they work so well together even though they are so different. Then I started thinking about all the other "opposites" couples I know and how they work together, or how they don't work together.

I have seen a lot of "opposites attract" couples who do not work at all well together. They are always arguing, frequently quite bitterly, and even if they do stay together for a while they never last very long. And while they are together, they have more flying sparks than a foundry.

So I started thinking about what makes my friend and his wife different from most of the other "opposites" couples I know. And I think I know what it is. Whenever they come up against someone with an opinion that goes against what they think, instead of reacting negatively they investigate the reason for the contradiction. Of course I can't speak for how they communicate with each other at home, but I do know how they talk to me. Every time I have ever said something directly contradictory to their opinions, neither of them has ever said, "You are wrong and this is why." They have both always said basically, "Interesting, I've never heard that opinion before. Why do you think this is the way it is?"

(In fact my friend's wife is almost amusing when somebody says something that contradicts what she thinks. She will stop, blink a few times and say, "Well that's... interesting." And then she'll start asking why the person believes that way.)

I believe this is a critical difference, and the heart of why my friend and his wife work so well together. All the people I know who are in "opposites with a lot of flying sparks" relationships are always quick to argue against anything that contradicts what they think. If you have an opinion opposite theirs, they are quick to tell you why you are wrong. They don't want to hear why you think the way you do - they don't CARE why you think that way. All they care about is proving they are right.

It seems to me that (see disclaimer at top of post) people who will spend time to ask why somebody thinks a certain way are good at making "opposites" relationships work, because they actually talk to each other and find out why each other is thinking a certain way. In fact, for people who try to understand others, "opposites" relationships seem much more viable as a way of cooperating with each other to face the world.

However, argumentative people who don't care how other people think should avoid "opposites" relationships at all cost. They should probably find relationships with people who are as much like them as possible.

As I said, I have no personal experience with this matter. But I have seen a lot of people in these relationships and this makes a lot of sense to me.

 

[Jewel5712]

I think they CAN attract..just as long as differences arent spiritual etc...problem is... people are afraid of "differences" and other than embracing the differences..they look for someone like themselves and more often than not..the relationships dont work..

 

[Pipp]

I am a female.... I'm attracted to males... so yes.... opposites attract

 

[Pipp]

Also I don't want anyone exactly like me... I'm crazy.

 

[LittleMermaid]

I am very attracted to extroverts. I feel that as an introverted person...I need a man that is extroverted. He could push me to go to social events. If I marry an introvert...we wouldn't get out of our comfort zone.

 

[OneFaith]

I think opposites attract only when one is feminine and the other masculine. Aside from these, I think having the same goals and interests attract.

 

[Mel85]

I am very attracted to extroverts. I feel that as an introverted person...I need a man that is extroverted. He could push me to go to social events. If I marry an introvert...we wouldn't get out of our comfort zone.

It’s funny cos I’m attracted to shy, quiet guys and I class myself as a introvert as well.

I’m weeeeird. 😎

 

[Sweetmorningdew78]

It’s funny cos I’m attracted to shy, quiet guys and I class myself as a introvert as well.

I’m weeeeird. 😎

I like shy quiet guys 😆 (introverts) and I am not an introvert 😆

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

I don't think opposites are really attracted. Some maybe. But for me and I think many, its about your partner being strong in areas you maybe weak. More of completing each other to make a strong whole. Complementing each others abilities, and or lack of. I don't do large crowds and small talk. It would be beneficial if my partner was skilled in such areas.

As far as total opposites. Not to sure how well it would work. Country girl and city boy. I was engaged to a city boy many many moons ago. We both agreed it was best to end it and be friends. I hated city life and he was intimidated that I could change the oil. ( said he felt like less of a man, because he didn't know alot of stuff I did) I hated the big crowds and always eating out. I think there is many many obstacles in opposites. I loved him and still do as a dear friend. But I think that's all it ever was. We both would have been miserable if we married.

 

[Lynx]

Intimidated by a woman who knows how to change the oil? I would love to know a woman who could change the oil in my car!

 

[toinena]

I think opposites attract only when one is feminine and the other masculine. Aside from these, I think having the same goals and interests attract.

I found it utterly annoying when my ex undermined me and belittled me in my kitchen. I think we all need to be experts in some areas in a relation.

Any man out there able to fix my printer? I will serve pies and cookies and even wear an apron in return.

 

[Tommy379]

Yes

 

[Tommy379]

Like the poles of a magnet.

 

[Jewel5712]

I don't think opposites are really attracted. Some maybe. But for me and I think many, its about your partner being strong in areas you maybe weak. More of completing each other to make a strong whole. Complementing each others abilities, and or lack of. I don't do large crowds and small talk. It would be beneficial if my partner was skilled in such areas.

As far as total opposites. Not to sure how well it would work. Country girl and city boy. I was engaged to a city boy many many moons ago. We both agreed it was best to end it and be friends. I hated city life and he was intimidated that I could change the oil. ( said he felt like less of a man, because he didn't know alot of stuff I did) I hated the big crowds and always eating out. I think there is many many obstacles in opposites. I loved him and still do as a dear friend. But I think that's all it ever was. We both would have been miserable if we married.

I agree..i think that personalities should COMPLIMENT each other like you said..where one is weak..anothet is strong etc