How Much of Your Life Do You Put on Hold While Waiting for "The One"?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

Most of us here are hoping to someday meet that special someone that we will eventually marry and build a new life with.

But how much of your current life should you put on hold while you are waiting for that person? After all, we not only have no idea when that person might show up, but a spouse is never guaranteed, and we might NEVER meet a supposed spouse.

How should this affect our major life decisions in the meantime, such as moving, taking a job, and major financial decisions?

Recently, I was talking to a friend who was contemplating spending a bit of money on a car. She could get something to just get by for less money, but what she really wanted was make the jump to something newer and more reliable. Should she go ahead and make the purchase? she pondered thoughtfully, even though it would mean taking out a 5-year loan--because after all, she could meet The One tomorrow and she might need the finances to go towards the wedding.

I know many of us are waiting, and waiting, and waiting... for something that may or may not come into our lives. So, what do we do in the meantime, especially if we don't feel that God is directing us one way or the other?

* Would you decide to move to a new location? What if The One was right in the town where you're living now?

* Should you take that new job? What if it means working more and/or odd hours? Because you just might happen to meet The One in a few months, and you'd need the time to be able to spend with him or her.

* What if you have a lifelong dream that's going to take some time and money in order to achieve, such as visiting Europe for a few weeks or participating in missions work overseas? Should you go ahead and spend the time and money in order to go? After all, The One might show up on your doorstep next week and maybe you'll need those resources in order to start planning your new life together.

But then again... 20 years might go by... and No One ever appears.

As a single, what would you do?

 

[LittleMermaid]

Wow! I wasn't aware some people live like this. It's really sad actually. The biggest blessing of singleness is that all you have to do is please God and yourself. It's awesome! You can take more risks and explore your career more freely. You can go back to school, travel, spend money however you want, move, don't move, buy a home you like...the list is endless. Once you are married...every major decision you make from then on is not solely your own anymore. You have to compromise...and put your spouse/children before yourself.
It's a tough life living selflessly...enjoy your freedom while you still have it.
Also...what if you don't take that trip...or you don't move and you could have met someone in that trip or in your new hometown?
Or worse...what if you save as much money as you can for a wedding that never happens! That would be really really sad.

Life is for the living...not just for those who are married.

 

[Mel85]

I think if you think about marriage too much, you’ll miss what potential happiness would be as a single person. Sure some singles want to get married and settle down and that’s fine, but some are also happy with being single and that’s fine also.

I think the “waiting” part is the struggle for some, and I know it is for me at times but I choose not to let it consume me and have it become a priority because that’s when I know things will get dangerous in my spiritual walk, but instead I rely with the strength of the good Lord to focus on Christ - The One Who Completes my life.

 

[Lynx]

I think what somebody said in another thread is germane to this topic.

We have been sold a lie that a relationship is how the story ends. Once you find your life partner...you will live happily ever after.

You see it all the time in those rom-coms my grandma watches. The whole story (in the stories) is in the boy and girl getting together, overcoming some obstacles and finally becoming a couple. That's where the story (in the stories) always ends. But in real life, getting married is the start of a new chapter, and not even the last chapter.

Also, holding back because "what if?" closes a lot of avenues for "what if?" What if the car salesman is a hunk and he thinks you're beautiful? What if you meet the guy of your dreams on the mission trip? What if there is a coworker at the new job who will be the one you have been looking for? And etcetera and etcetera...

Get the more reliable car. If you meet the perfect guy tomorrow, the two of you can budget around the car bill. Reliable transportation is a wonderful thing. Besides, if your car breaks down on the way to the reception you are going to be royally ticked off.

 

[Lynx]

This whole topic reminds me of a poem by Robert Frost, called "The Road Not Taken."

The kicker is when you realize if he had taken the other road instead, he would still have the same problem.

 

[selfdissolving]

Hey Everyone,

Most of us here are hoping to someday meet that special someone that we will eventually marry and build a new life with.

But how much of your current life should you put on hold while you are waiting for that person? After all, we not only have no idea when that person might show up, but a spouse is never guaranteed, and we might NEVER meet a supposed spouse.

How should this affect our major life decisions in the meantime, such as moving, taking a job, and major financial decisions?

Recently, I was talking to a friend who was contemplating spending a bit of money on a car. She could get something to just get by for less money, but what she really wanted was make the jump to something newer and more reliable. Should she go ahead and make the purchase? she pondered thoughtfully, even though it would mean taking out a 5-year loan--because after all, she could meet The One tomorrow and she might need the finances to go towards the wedding.

I know many of us are waiting, and waiting, and waiting... for something that may or may not come into our lives. So, what do we do in the meantime, especially if we don't feel that God is directing us one way or the other?

* Would you decide to move to a new location? What if The One was right in the town where you're living now?

* Should you take that new job? What if it means working more and/or odd hours? Because you just might happen to meet The One in a few months, and you'd need the time to be able to spend with him or her.

* What if you have a lifelong dream that's going to take some time and money in order to achieve, such as visiting Europe for a few weeks or participating in missions work overseas? Should you go ahead and spend the time and money in order to go? After all, The One might show up on your doorstep next week and maybe you'll need those resources in order to start planning your new life together.

But then again... 20 years might go by... and No One ever appears.

As a single, what would you do?

i think the answer becomes clearer when we consider the omnipotence of God. "With God all things are possible."

The Lord will bring about people and situations in our lives according to his will and timing. No matter where we are or what we are doing the Lord's will shall be done.

We have to walk by faith in the all powerful God, not by the limited sight of our human understanding.

Making life decisions on a "what-if" basis has unbelief at it's core. It's us trying to walk by sight instead of faith.

The Lord is all-powerful and all-knowing. He guides his children at all times and is ALWAYS in control.

Let that be a comfort to us

 

[Tommy379]

Hey Everyone,

Most of us here are hoping to someday meet that special someone that we will eventually marry and build a new life with.

But how much of your current life should you put on hold while you are waiting for that person? After all, we not only have no idea when that person might show up, but a spouse is never guaranteed, and we might NEVER meet a supposed spouse.

How should this affect our major life decisions in the meantime, such as moving, taking a job, and major financial decisions?

Recently, I was talking to a friend who was contemplating spending a bit of money on a car. She could get something to just get by for less money, but what she really wanted was make the jump to something newer and more reliable. Should she go ahead and make the purchase? she pondered thoughtfully, even though it would mean taking out a 5-year loan--because after all, she could meet The One tomorrow and she might need the finances to go towards the wedding.

I know many of us are waiting, and waiting, and waiting... for something that may or may not come into our lives. So, what do we do in the meantime, especially if we don't feel that God is directing us one way or the other?

* Would you decide to move to a new location? What if The One was right in the town where you're living now?

* Should you take that new job? What if it means working more and/or odd hours? Because you just might happen to meet The One in a few months, and you'd need the time to be able to spend with him or her.

* What if you have a lifelong dream that's going to take some time and money in order to achieve, such as visiting Europe for a few weeks or participating in missions work overseas? Should you go ahead and spend the time and money in order to go? After all, The One might show up on your doorstep next week and maybe you'll need those resources in order to start planning your new life together.

But then again... 20 years might go by... and No One ever appears.

As a single, what would you do?

I would tell the friend to get the car she wants. A person can get married for no more cost than the fee for the marriage license. It only gets expensive during the divorce.

 

[seoulsearch]

i think the answer becomes clearer when we consider the omnipotence of God. "With God all things are possible."

The Lord will bring about people and situations in our lives according to his will and timing. No matter where we are or what we are doing the Lord's will shall be done.

We have to walk by faith in the all powerful God, not by the limited sight of our human understanding.

Making life decisions on a "what-if" basis has unbelief at it's core. It's us trying to walk by sight instead of faith.

The Lord is all-powerful and all-knowing. He guides his children at all times and is ALWAYS in control.

Let that be a comfort to us

This is a very interesting point--thank you for mentioning it. From this point of view, always living with a frame of mind that asks, "What if?" is actually a form of unbelief.

One of the things that fueled this kind of thinking for both my friend and myself is that we were both given personal "prophecies" by sincere, well-meaning people in our churches (one of mine was even from my pastor) that we were each going to marry again (each of us had gone through having an unfaithful husband who had left for another girl.)

In hindsight, I realize what a Catch 22 this was--we were told to live by faith, and yet... we both felt we were not being faithful to God's vision for our lives if we didn't think along the lines of, "I have to save and be prepared for when I meet the husband God has for me!" We didn't want to live too selfishly--always thinking of our own interests--or spend too much when we had been told that a husband was in our future. Fast forward 20 years, but that's another story...

This also gives me some solid ideas for another thread I was working on... Thank you very much for your post.

I always enjoy reading everyone's feedback--I learn a lot too--and I hope that people will continue to share.

 

[Jewel5712]

Hey Everyone,

Most of us here are hoping to someday meet that special someone that we will eventually marry and build a new life with.

But how much of your current life should you put on hold while you are waiting for that person? After all, we not only have no idea when that person might show up, but a spouse is never guaranteed, and we might NEVER meet a supposed spouse.

How should this affect our major life decisions in the meantime, such as moving, taking a job, and major financial decisions?

Recently, I was talking to a friend who was contemplating spending a bit of money on a car. She could get something to just get by for less money, but what she really wanted was make the jump to something newer and more reliable. Should she go ahead and make the purchase? she pondered thoughtfully, even though it would mean taking out a 5-year loan--because after all, she could meet The One tomorrow and she might need the finances to go towards the wedding.

I know many of us are waiting, and waiting, and waiting... for something that may or may not come into our lives. So, what do we do in the meantime, especially if we don't feel that God is directing us one way or the other?

* Would you decide to move to a new location? What if The One was right in the town where you're living now?

* Should you take that new job? What if it means working more and/or odd hours? Because you just might happen to meet The One in a few months, and you'd need the time to be able to spend with him or her.

* What if you have a lifelong dream that's going to take some time and money in order to achieve, such as visiting Europe for a few weeks or participating in missions work overseas? Should you go ahead and spend the time and money in order to go? After all, The One might show up on your doorstep next week and maybe you'll need those resources in order to start planning your new life together.

But then again... 20 years might go by... and No One ever appears.

As a single, what would you do?

You are so right and ive fallen into the "life on hold" a few times..i dont like traveling alone..was interested in taking a cruise and found myself thinking how much more i would enjoy it with my man some day..havent taken the cruise...also..the thought of being single the rest of my life has sometimes been hard to accept since i have so much love to give..these are some of my experiences..please no haters

 

[tourist]

You are so right and ive fallen into the "life on hold" a few times..i dont like traveling alone..was interested in taking a cruise and found myself thinking how much more i would enjoy it with my man some day..havent taken the cruise...also..the thought of being single the rest of my life has sometimes been hard to accept since i have so much love to give..these are some of my experiences..please no haters

Before we got married my wife was planning on taking a cruise too but she ended up marrying me instead. We still want to take a cruse to Alaska one day. That is one reason why I got remarried, I had a lot of love n my heart but no woman to share it with. Things can change dramatically when you least expect it.

 

[tourist]

I would tell the friend to get the car she wants. A person can get married for no more cost than the fee for the marriage license. It only gets expensive during the divorce.

I found that out my first time around years ago. I have felt your pain brother.

 

[Jewel5712]

Before we got married my wife was planning on taking a cruise too but she ended up marrying me instead. We still want to take a cruse to Alaska one day. That is one reason why I got remarried, I had a lot of love n my heart but no woman to share it with. Things can change dramatically when you least expect it.

Lol..ive been saying that for 30 years..lol..would be nice to meet someone before id have to change thier depends under garments lol

 

[cinder]

The what if game can easily back you into a corner. And there's always the chance that any emergency could happen tomorrow and you'd need that money you already spent. But as I said in another thread, this whole meeting to marrying thing isn't an overnight occurence so it's not like you'll need all that money tomorrow even if it's tomorrow that "the One" shows up. Besides if you live your life and collect some good anecdotes and stories, you'll be a much more interesting date and partner when the one shows up.

Where I find myself more likely to put my life on hold is making non-essential major purchases. Most of the furniture in my apartment is old. I've thought about replacing my bed ( the frame is 25 years old I think and the mattress is about 14), but then I wonder if I should get another twin bed that I already have the bedding for and would be a bit cheaper or if I should go up in size which would accomodate the hypothetical (albeit quite unexpected) future husband and let me buy some of the nicer bedding that they don't make in twin size (oh and I sleep with 2 pillows and it would be wonderful to actually get 2 pillowcases with my sheet sets). I have similar debates with myself about buying a couch. Right now it's more like I'm putting my household furnishing life on hold until I buy a home and just living with the perfectly functional old stuff until then. But it also helps to remember that today is all we can live now, we can plan for goals but we need to live today as well and not let a zillion todays be held captive by a tomorrow that may never come.

 

[Jewel5712]

I would tell the friend to get the car she wants. A person can get married for no more cost than the fee for the marriage license. It only gets expensive during the divorce.

Or you gotta be like me..marry someone who doesnt HAVE money ..then theres nothing to split up..lol

 

[tourist]

Or you gotta be like me..marry someone who doesnt HAVE money ..then theres nothing to split up..lol

The only thing that I got out of my first marriage that lasted 6 1/2 years and ended in 1984 was my dog. Lost everything. Lesson learned. Spent next 18 years alone, single and celibate. Remarried in 2002, wife died in 2014. Remarried to my current wife Darlene (JesusLives) by the end of that year. She will be my last wife. This is my last rodeo.

 

[Jewel5712]

The only thing that I got out of my first marriage that lasted 6 1/2 years and ended in 1984 was my dog. Lost everything. Lesson learned. Spent next 18 years alone, single and celibate. Remarried in 2002, wife died in 2014. Remarried to my current wife Darlene (JesusLives) by the end of that year. She will be my last wife. This is my last rodeo.

Keep up with your PMs tourist..youre sluffin off..lol

 

[Tommy379]

The what if game can easily back you into a corner. And there's always the chance that any emergency could happen tomorrow and you'd need that money you already spent. But as I said in another thread, this whole meeting to marrying thing isn't an overnight occurence so it's not like you'll need all that money tomorrow even if it's tomorrow that "the One" shows up. Besides if you live your life and collect some good anecdotes and stories, you'll be a much more interesting date and partner when the one shows up.

Where I find myself more likely to put my life on hold is making non-essential major purchases. Most of the furniture in my apartment is old. I've thought about replacing my bed ( the frame is 25 years old I think and the mattress is about 14), but then I wonder if I should get another twin bed that I already have the bedding for and would be a bit cheaper or if I should go up in size which would accomodate the hypothetical (albeit quite unexpected) future husband and let me buy some of the nicer bedding that they don't make in twin size (oh and I sleep with 2 pillows and it would be wonderful to actually get 2 pillowcases with my sheet sets). I have similar debates with myself about buying a couch. Right now it's more like I'm putting my household furnishing life on hold until I buy a home and just living with the perfectly functional old stuff until then. But it also helps to remember that today is all we can live now, we can plan for goals but we need to live today as well and not let a zillion todays be held captive by a tomorrow that may never come.

Just marry a guy who has a king sized bed. In fact, that should be a requirement on your online dating profile.

 

[Tommy379]

Or you gotta be like me..marry someone who doesnt HAVE money ..then theres nothing to split up..lol

I married someone without money, she walked away with all mine.

 

[Jewel5712]

I married someone without money, she walked away with all mine.

I didnt have money..was too busy pro creating..lol

 

[Milothethird]

* Would you decide to move to a new location? What if The One was right in the town where you're living now? To me I feel like if the tug was there to move to another location I would.

* Should you take that new job? What if it means working more and/or odd hours? Because you just might happen to meet The One in a few months, and you'd need the time to be able to spend with him or her. So, this one I would say I am currently in this situation, looking for a new job to kind of work with my school schedule. If I don't get it I would be working two days a week which are eight hours per week. instead of 40 hours per week, with a set schedule benefits and all that. If there is a way God will make a way for us to spend time with her.

* What if you have a lifelong dream that's going to take some time and money in order to achieve, such as visiting Europe for a few weeks or participating in missions work overseas? Should you go ahead and spend the time and money in order to go? After all, The One might show up on your doorstep next week and maybe you'll need those resources in order to start planning your new life together.
This one is a little tougher to answer, because you have two ideas here. For one, I think God has a plan throughout the mission trip, I will go on that mission trip. If it a chance to study abroad that might be a different issue there. In that case I wouldn't feel the need to.

But then again... 20 years might go by... and No One ever appears.

As a single, what would you do?

If it feels like you can't feel anything, are you still feeling something?