Public Apology to Lynx

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LaVieEnRose said:
Let’s all get together and sing Kum Ba Ya, then we can do some trust falls. It will take several of you to catch me, as I am rather large.
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LaVieEnRose said:
I am telling the truth, unfortunately. 😔
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Nothing wrong with being large cos I am. I hope you’re being sarcastic cos that would make this thread (along with my sympathetic posts to you) look like a waste of time.
 
Lynx said:
Ah but contempt is so easy. Sour grapes you know. Contempt makes it much easier to rationalize rejection.
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This is not always true. I have been rejected more than once. Sometimes I have been the one rejecting. And contempt has never been a part of it on my part. It is always a sadness on both parts. I have had positive feelings for that person. I have invested love and thoughts to that person. And that doesn't transfer to contempt. I may say something like "this was for the best" or "I knew he wasn't right for me, anyway", but that is the not the same as contempt. Because a part of me would still be with that person and that is bound to hurt.

Sour grapes are refreshing for a minute when feeling down and drained, but it is not the main source of nutrition.

I guess this statement is said by a person that needs to rationalize everything. Rationalizing doesn't give me peace of heart, it doesn't relieve the pain in my heart and it doesn't magically turn my feelings into contempt or even hate. Rationing is just a band aid in the matters of the heart.
 
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Dino246 said:
I find the discussion around attraction, appearance, and other attributes somewhat amusing. It's one thing to feel frustrated and passed over by people; that is understandable. It's quite another to complain that "they" don't appreciate what you do have to offer.

Why would you (anyone) want to date someone who is not attracted to you, regardless of the reasons why they aren't attracted? The harsh reality is that although there are attributes which a majority of either gender finds attractive in the other, you aren't going to be dating a majority, but only one (at a time, hopefully). What is important is that person finds you attractive. What the rest of their gender finds attractive is really quite irrelevant.

Nobody can dictate what another person finds attractive. With the exception of parents teaching their children general principles, nobody should try. You like what you like. That will change slowly over time, and you can consciously choose not to follow up on certain preferences, but basically, you are either attracted... or not. It's the same for others in their perception of you. If you like a person who doesn't like you back, move on, and don't hold them in contempt for it. After all, there are many people whom you don't find attractive either.
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Nja.

If I think back to the persons I have been most attracted to, it has not been the looks. I remember my husband. When we met it was all glory and he was just all consuming. When people asked me how he looked, I couldn't answer. When I saw photos of him, I didn't recognize him. If I think of the looks I am normally attracted to, he didn't have them. And it didn't matter. When I think of what has been my biggest love, he was everything I could want, but his looks was all I didn't like at all. I never cared for beard. He was proud and would never give up his. I have always liked stereotypical Norwegian skiiers.... tall and lean. He was the opposite. Rather short and heavily overweight. His looks didn't matter at all. Actually I have never been very interested in a person that is blond, tall and lean although that is my preference.

For me the looks fade when I get to know the person's heart. Hopefully one gets the time to get to know my heart and find that attractive, too. I am not very visual, and I am more attract to the way a person speaks and thinks. But I respect people that needs to be physically attracted too. I guess we are just different.

I have been on dates with a persons that, when I first met them, thought they were appalling. The looks were not that bad, but the poisture and attention and how they dressed and everything they conveyed was just a huge turn off. Even the way they walked annoyed me. They were both adoreable to communicate with and one was on paper a true match. But it was nothing there. So I am not saying I am not into looks, either. I would frankly have been ashamed being with them. (I know that sounds terrible).

To conclude. The initial attraction for me is not the looks but the brains, the communication style, the humor, the knowledge and wisdom and most of all their faith. I can't think of anything as beautiful as a man that has a genuine faith and that is spiritfilled. That is true beauty. And when I think of it.... the previously mentioned dates were just Christians in name only. One of them even said he would reject Christ and convert to Islam if he would have to face Islamic terrorists.
 
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toinena: The sour grapes comment was referring to people who use the sour grapes reaction when somebody rejects them. I never said everybody does the sour grapes thing.
 
Mel85 said:
Nothing wrong with being large cos I am. I hope you’re being sarcastic cos that would make this thread (along with my sympathetic posts to you) look like a waste of time.
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No offense, but I am overweight. I don’t like it. I want to lose weight and get fit. A huge part of my low self esteem stems from my weight.
 
Try biking. I recently picked up biking because I have noticed my stomach getting in the way when I try to do things like pick something up from the floor or clip my toenails. About a month of biking to my job and back, and I can already tell it is making a difference.
 
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LaVieEnRose said:
Well, I was being Elmyra Gulch, and Tinuviel posted “That turned ugly” and a day later, she left and I kind of thought all the meanness drove her away.

I am going to try to be more pleasant and sarcastic at the same time, which is hard to do.
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I see well even if it was because if that it was more of a build up I'm sure. She probably just kept seeing people argue and constantly be jerks so she left but that's not just your fault im sure a lot of us probably contributed at some point too. Still pretty sad she just left us😭
 
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LightBright said:
I see well even if it was because if that it was more of a build up I'm sure. She probably just kept seeing people argue and constantly be jerks so she left but that's not just your fault im sure a lot of us probably contributed at some point too. Still pretty sad she just left us😭
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She is taking college courses, so perhaps she is busy. Besides, offline life is superior to online life- so instead of us being sad about people leaving, maybe we should be happy.
 
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LaVieEnRose said:
She is taking college courses, so perhaps she is busy. Besides, offline life is superior to online life- so instead of us being sad about people leaving, maybe we should be happy.[/QUO
LaVieEnRose said:
She is taking college courses, so perhaps she is busy. Besides, offline life is superior to online life- so instead of us being sad about people leaving, maybe we should be happy.
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Maybe you have a point but it doesn't help me to be less sad xD she abandoned ussss lol. Seriously though we should still pray for her and stuff she's still family regardless of where she goes.
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Sometimes a person needs to adjust their behavior to avoid to get stuck in their pattern. Sometimes they have to distance themselves.

I think CC is not the same without Tinuviel. But then it wouldn't be the same without LaVieEnRose, either.

I think CC shouldn't be the source of your social life for a longer period of time. Periods of loneliness can be cured here. But we should all try to get a life in the real life. It is sad when people tell me they only have online friends.

We should all support eachother in making a life worth living in Christ. Not online. Tinuviel, I think, knew that. And I am happy for her.
 
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toinena said:
Sometimes a person needs to adjust their behavior to avoid to get stuck in their pattern. Sometimes they have to distance themselves.

I think CC is not the same without Tinuviel. But then it wouldn't be the same without LaVieEnRose, either.

I think CC shouldn't be the source of your social life for a longer period of time. Periods of loneliness can be cured here. But we should all try to get a life in the real life. It is sad when people tell me they only have online friends.

We should all support eachother in making a life worth living in Christ. Not online. Tinuviel, I think, knew that. And I am happy for her.
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THIS IS MT FIRST ATTEMPT IN MAKING FRIENDS IN 8 YEARS
 
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