Thank you. I am naturally quite shy and introverted plus I really haven’t had a good experience of church in the past so I’m finding it very difficult. The doctor just prescribed anti depressants and I find they just mask the depression but don’t actually help me if you know what I mean. As for God loving me, I find it very difficult to believe and I don’t know how to help that. I feel I have just embarrassed myself at the church and they must be sick of me.
Hi Kay, first off, welcome to CC
That said, I think it's great that you are going to church (especially since you have so many struggles associated with doing so). If I was you, I would seek out your pastor and tell him everything you've told us (and more). Pastors excel at being helpful and at giving good advice. After all, your pastor is the Lord's underservant, tasked by Him with keeping watch over your soul as one who will have to give an account .. e.g.
Hebrews 13:17. You will also give him the ability to pray much more specifically for you and your needs as well.
Remember too that we are called to be part of the body of Christ for several very good reasons, two of which are 1. because we all have needs at times, and 2. because we all have something to offer one another. So you need us and we need you ..
1 Corinthians 12:7, 14-26.
When things are going well for us, we're the ones who are expected to minister out of our strength/resources to others. However, when we are down and out spiritually, emotionally and/or physically, it's our brothers' and sisters' turn to step in and minister to us instead. So just like your pastor, don't hesitate to let others know your needs/what's going on with you as you begin to know them better (be patient, I know you'll find some close friends at church in not too long of a time), because it's been my experience that those who are not hurting at the moment within the body are always looking to help/pray for/love those in their midst who are (because when God caused us to be
born again and made us into
new creatures in Christ, that's how He made us
).
As for "believing" that God loves you (or just believing the things God says in general), it is tough sometimes (especially when we have an enemy in the wings (this world's "prince") who is against us .. simply because we belong to God. The devil is often behind the kinds of thoughts you are having as he whispers his lies/deceit into your ears. As a result, sometimes "belief" in God, in His love for us, in His promises to us, etc., is a matter of choosing to believe what we know to be true (fact) over our feelings in the moment. IOW, always choose to trust what you "know" about God and reject whatever feelings you may be having about Him in the moment that run counter to that knowledge. He has every reason to expect this from those of us who are His, because He has proven Himself faithful (and we please and honor Him when we do .. and dishonor Him when we do not).
Part of resisting the devil ..
James 4:7; 1 Peter 5:8 cf Ephesians 6:10-17 is, in fact, accomplished by taking every negative thought we have, every "feeling" about something that we know runs counter to the truth, "
captive", and then by turning it all over to Christ to deal with for us ..
2 Corinthians 10:5.
Unfortunately, resisting the devil can be very tiring (he is a persistent fellow
), but the Bible promises us that he will eventually flee from us as we continue to resist him (if you think you might miss his company however, no worries, he'll be back
... although the more we resist/do battle with him as the Bible instructs us to do, the longer and longer he seems to stay away before returning).
So "believing" is oft times a
choice that we must make in the moment (based upon the truth that we know rather than the feelings that we are having), starting with this fact,
He chose to come here and die for you so that He wouldn't have to live out the rest of eternity without you. THAT'S how much He loves you
Praying for you!
~Deut
3
1
