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In the past, I desired salvation, and prayed the prayer of salvation, and became frustrated. I tried to follow many gospel tracts, and I never found out what's missing, until the day I met a professor at my college.
On that day, Professor explained to me that what I have been missing all along was sincerity that can only come from God himself, the Holy Spirit somehow gave me the natural seriousness, and Professor indicated that "now you're taking it seriously", and that Father God is strongly drawing me closer to Jesus.
During our spiritual discussion, God was speaking through Professor in such a way that the Holy Spirit resonate the words in my heart, with maximum possible effectiveness toward the gospel. The questions I ask to Professor somehow help smoothen the process of the gospel, because God was guiding us. I became strongly convicted of my awareness of sin to the point where, at that moment, the fact that I sinned against a holy God becomes the most undeniable truth I can possibly know. The fact that I sinned, is as undeniable as human beings will physically die on this earth.
At decision point! I prayed the prayer of salvation, and God practically choreographed how I feel about each line of this prayer,"I'm a sinner, thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for my sin, forgive me, and I want you in my life" when I said "I'm a sinner", I was so convicted that part of me felt that an angry God will strike me dead at any moment, moving on to the next line, "thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for my sin" when I think back at my prayer, I even doubted if I prayed it right, because I think I said that line "thank you Jesus" as if I said it with the attitude of rudeness.
What's amazing is that God can turn "weakness" into strength, in that during the middle of my prayer, the Holy Spirit convict me that "even the bad attitude of my heart is sin against God", and my eyes looked up toward heaven with this realization, and prayed "Forgive me" as in "forgive me for being rude" or "forgive me for being a sinner against you". Somehow my "inner persona" softened and become "child-like", I saw myself as if I'm a little child "wishing upon a star" or "feeling excited to receive a Christmas gift" as if expecting to see something
special, and I prayed with an inner child, "I want you in my life", and this is another part where I also doubted if I prayed it right, because I feel as if, the "child" part of me prayed the prayer of salvation and got saved, but what about the other parts of me? What about the worst part of me? In response to this, Professor told me to not worry about self or weakness but focus on Jesus instead (Hebrews 12:2)
Looking back, the less I "lean on my own understanding", the more my eyes are opened to the fact that I prayed the right way and I prayed flawlessly, because it was God who helped me pray, it was God who's sincerity is powerful enough to make sure that I'm saved.
Scripture can confirm that I prayed it the right way
ROMANS 11:22 - Notice how God is both kind and severe. He is severe toward those who disobeyed, but kind to you if you continue to trust in his kindness. At the beginning, I was given the holy fear of God's severity, when I realize that even my attitude fall short of God's glory, I felt as if my heart behaved so wrongly in front of God who is worthy of great reverence that I told God that I'm sorry, and ask him to forgive me.
The Bible even ask us to receive Jesus like a child, so that part was also done correctly as well.
How do I know that I'm saved?
1 - I believed the record as described in 1 John 5:11 "this is the record: that God have given us the promise of eternal life and eternal life is found in Jesus", and regardless of what worries I may have, I can cast my worries to Jesus who cares for me (Phil 4:6-7) and be thankful that Jesus can give me the peace of God that transcends all understanding
2 - the fact that before I met Professor, I wanted to believe that even if you pray with as little heart, with as little commitment as possible for salvation, you can still be saved, which was my misunderstanding. After I prayed with God's help on praying that God-guided prayer of salvation, I believe with great resolve that whole-heartedness is necessary to commit ourselves fully onto salvation, and that even if I see bible verse like "mustard seed sized faith", or "I believe, help my unbelief" I see it in context to the need to seek God, whole-heartedly, and that half-hearted-ness is never enough
3 - the fact that whenever I doubt my salvation, I don't even bother try to pray the prayer of salvation again, believing that it's pointless. I believe that it's pointless to pray again for salvation because there is no way I can pray even close to how I prayed on the day of my salvation. For a long time, this worries me the most because I know that whole-heartedness is necessary, and felt the possiblity that I might be condemned to be lost forever. Which depresses me for a long time, I don't even look one page into a bible, I would even become "Ok" with "living in sin", but something inside me is "not ok with this" until I ask Professor about "being doer of the word", and Professor assured me that "The main thing is wanting to live by God's word" and that sanctification is a life long process.
Romans 12:3 "God's word can renew my mind" and I decide to place my faith in that promise.
I dig in to God's word and eventually found a verses that hits me.
May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ. (2 Thessalonians 3:5)
Sooner or Later, God revealed to me that, God's help is necessary to help us pray whole-heartedly for salvation. "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26)
My heart can be at peace knowing for sure that I don't have to doubt my salvation, and it is also my heart's desire that others can experience the joy of knowing Lord Jesus.
Life is all about allowing Jesus to constantly edit and revise our life, as Jesus is the author and the perfector of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2)
Spiritual growth is not linear, it's as dynamic as relationships, especially the most ultimate relationship of all: fellowship with Jesus who paid the penalty for all the sins of those who are willing to believe, but not only believe, but believe whole-heartedly onto salvation. May God's power be praised, amen
On that day, Professor explained to me that what I have been missing all along was sincerity that can only come from God himself, the Holy Spirit somehow gave me the natural seriousness, and Professor indicated that "now you're taking it seriously", and that Father God is strongly drawing me closer to Jesus.
During our spiritual discussion, God was speaking through Professor in such a way that the Holy Spirit resonate the words in my heart, with maximum possible effectiveness toward the gospel. The questions I ask to Professor somehow help smoothen the process of the gospel, because God was guiding us. I became strongly convicted of my awareness of sin to the point where, at that moment, the fact that I sinned against a holy God becomes the most undeniable truth I can possibly know. The fact that I sinned, is as undeniable as human beings will physically die on this earth.
At decision point! I prayed the prayer of salvation, and God practically choreographed how I feel about each line of this prayer,"I'm a sinner, thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for my sin, forgive me, and I want you in my life" when I said "I'm a sinner", I was so convicted that part of me felt that an angry God will strike me dead at any moment, moving on to the next line, "thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for my sin" when I think back at my prayer, I even doubted if I prayed it right, because I think I said that line "thank you Jesus" as if I said it with the attitude of rudeness.
What's amazing is that God can turn "weakness" into strength, in that during the middle of my prayer, the Holy Spirit convict me that "even the bad attitude of my heart is sin against God", and my eyes looked up toward heaven with this realization, and prayed "Forgive me" as in "forgive me for being rude" or "forgive me for being a sinner against you". Somehow my "inner persona" softened and become "child-like", I saw myself as if I'm a little child "wishing upon a star" or "feeling excited to receive a Christmas gift" as if expecting to see something
special, and I prayed with an inner child, "I want you in my life", and this is another part where I also doubted if I prayed it right, because I feel as if, the "child" part of me prayed the prayer of salvation and got saved, but what about the other parts of me? What about the worst part of me? In response to this, Professor told me to not worry about self or weakness but focus on Jesus instead (Hebrews 12:2)
Looking back, the less I "lean on my own understanding", the more my eyes are opened to the fact that I prayed the right way and I prayed flawlessly, because it was God who helped me pray, it was God who's sincerity is powerful enough to make sure that I'm saved.
Scripture can confirm that I prayed it the right way
ROMANS 11:22 - Notice how God is both kind and severe. He is severe toward those who disobeyed, but kind to you if you continue to trust in his kindness. At the beginning, I was given the holy fear of God's severity, when I realize that even my attitude fall short of God's glory, I felt as if my heart behaved so wrongly in front of God who is worthy of great reverence that I told God that I'm sorry, and ask him to forgive me.
The Bible even ask us to receive Jesus like a child, so that part was also done correctly as well.
How do I know that I'm saved?
1 - I believed the record as described in 1 John 5:11 "this is the record: that God have given us the promise of eternal life and eternal life is found in Jesus", and regardless of what worries I may have, I can cast my worries to Jesus who cares for me (Phil 4:6-7) and be thankful that Jesus can give me the peace of God that transcends all understanding
2 - the fact that before I met Professor, I wanted to believe that even if you pray with as little heart, with as little commitment as possible for salvation, you can still be saved, which was my misunderstanding. After I prayed with God's help on praying that God-guided prayer of salvation, I believe with great resolve that whole-heartedness is necessary to commit ourselves fully onto salvation, and that even if I see bible verse like "mustard seed sized faith", or "I believe, help my unbelief" I see it in context to the need to seek God, whole-heartedly, and that half-hearted-ness is never enough
3 - the fact that whenever I doubt my salvation, I don't even bother try to pray the prayer of salvation again, believing that it's pointless. I believe that it's pointless to pray again for salvation because there is no way I can pray even close to how I prayed on the day of my salvation. For a long time, this worries me the most because I know that whole-heartedness is necessary, and felt the possiblity that I might be condemned to be lost forever. Which depresses me for a long time, I don't even look one page into a bible, I would even become "Ok" with "living in sin", but something inside me is "not ok with this" until I ask Professor about "being doer of the word", and Professor assured me that "The main thing is wanting to live by God's word" and that sanctification is a life long process.
Romans 12:3 "God's word can renew my mind" and I decide to place my faith in that promise.
I dig in to God's word and eventually found a verses that hits me.
May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ. (2 Thessalonians 3:5)
Sooner or Later, God revealed to me that, God's help is necessary to help us pray whole-heartedly for salvation. "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26)
My heart can be at peace knowing for sure that I don't have to doubt my salvation, and it is also my heart's desire that others can experience the joy of knowing Lord Jesus.
Life is all about allowing Jesus to constantly edit and revise our life, as Jesus is the author and the perfector of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2)
Spiritual growth is not linear, it's as dynamic as relationships, especially the most ultimate relationship of all: fellowship with Jesus who paid the penalty for all the sins of those who are willing to believe, but not only believe, but believe whole-heartedly onto salvation. May God's power be praised, amen
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