Confused and need advice

[Nehemiah6]

He told me when we met that he was struggling with it and knew he had to stop. So he told me that he was going to.

If this person is genuinely a Christian, he does NOT have to *struggle* with any kind of unacceptable music. All he had to do it quit listening to garbage. Yes, just like that. Or if he had DVDs, or records, or whatever, all he had to do is destroy everything and throw it in the garbage bin.

So the real issue is whether he is self-deceived about his Christianity and his salvation. If you both attend church it would be a good idea for you both to sit down with a pastor or elder and determine his true spiritual standing.

One can understand someone who has been smoking cigarettes for years having a hard time quitting this addiction *cold turkey*. But rap music?

Christians constantly talk about *struggling* with this and *struggling* with that. As though they have no power from God to quit whatever needs to be rejected.

 

[JamieW]

I shouldnt have to lead him as a baby Christian or especially as a wife. However, I will give him a fair chance. I know I can’t hold that back from him because of Christ mercy for me. I

Kmdavis, you are doing a great job studying this issue. I would just add that your choice of husband should be entirely selfish. If you believe that the marriage is a platform from which you can serve others, or whatever you believe, then make that platform strong and secure. It is not a place where you give someone a fair chance. I do not think you owe him a chance because of Christ's mercy for you.

Addiction, if that is what this attachment to dirty rap might be called, can become a strength for him. But I would keep it out of the marriage itself. This is his burden; he is to bring his best into your mutual relationship.

 

[Demi777]

This thread screams control freak. Hes got a free will too?

 

[7seasrekeyed]

Hello, all.

I’ve recently been in a courtship for 6 months. The guy I’m dating works in ministry with inner city youth and serves sometimes as an elder. Recently I have found out some things about him that really disturb me. 4 years ago he vulunteered his time with some urban city youth. Well, they turned him on to this really dirty trill rap music. He told me when we met that he was struggling with it and knew he had to stop. So he told me that he was going to. Well the other day I asked when was the last time he listened to it an he said the other day. What should I do? He professes Christ on the outside but he listens to music I wouldn’t even have listened to when I was in the world.

well you say 'some' things but then go on to basically one thing. It does not mean he is not a Christian because he listens to that type of music (personally I cannot abide any type of rap but that's another story)

if it means that much to you, you have some decisions to make. you cannot force someone to change because you are uncomfortable with something and pressuring them to do so might cause nothing but resentment.

however, you are not engaged or married it seems and so you are free to disengage before anything else develops. better now, then later with a divorce. that's just the way it is. people can have nothing but good intentions but commitment is another story.

IMO, he is immature in some areas and it is up to you whether or not you want to work with him on that. However, as I said, if it bugs you that much, he might 'change' for you, but unless he changes for himself, it prob will just creep up again later.

I guess you have some thinking to do. Hope it works out one way or another.

 

[Kmdavis]

Thanks for all the advice. I am ashamed to get on a Christian site and be bashed for asking a question. I’ve been saved for four years. I don’t have all the answers but at least I’d expect Christians to have some dignity in constructive criticism. I’m never asking questions on here again..

 

[Kmdavis]

This thread screams control freak. Hes got a free will too?

Shame on you

well you say 'some' things but then go on to basically one thing. It does not mean he is not a Christian because he listens to that type of music (personally I cannot abide any type of rap but that's another story)

if it means that much to you, you have some decisions to make. you cannot force someone to change because you are uncomfortable with something and pressuring them to do so might cause nothing but resentment.

however, you are not engaged or married it seems and so you are free to disengage before anything else develops. better now, then later with a divorce. that's just the way it is. people can have nothing but good intentions but commitment is another story.

IMO, he is immature in some areas and it is up to you whether or not you want to work with him on that. However, as I said, if it bugs you that much, he might 'change' for you, but unless he changes for himself, it prob will just creep up again later.

I guess you have some thinking to do. Hope it works out one way or another.

thank, appreciate the advice. He asked me to marry him. So this is why this is hard for me. I decided to not marry. There are other issues at hand.

 

[7seasrekeyed]

Thanks for all the advice. I am ashamed to get on a Christian site and be bashed for asking a question. I’ve been saved for four years. I don’t have all the answers but at least I’d expect Christians to have some dignity in constructive criticism. I’m never asking questions on here again..

yeah well you get all kinds here

I'm so sorry you felt negatively impacted. many people answer out of their own fears and their own insecurities

thank, appreciate the advice. He asked me to marry him. So this is why this is hard for me. I decided to not marry. There are other issues at hand.

I once broke off an engagement so I know that can be really hard to do. when you feel so undecided about something...anything really..but I guess especially something so life changing as marriage, you (meaning anyone) should never go ahead and just commit anyway

hugs and blessings in Jesus name

 

[GardenofWeeden]

Pray that you learn to love him because of his imperfections instead of loving him in spite of them.

 

[PennEd]

Wow! Although Jesus Christ resides in us we do not yet reside in our perfect bodies. None of us are perfect. All of us sin.
That he readily admitted to you that he had recently listened to that music is a HUGE plus! There Is no perfect guy out there. Don't sacrifice the good in the search for the perfect.
I thank the Lord my wife was able to reckon with all my much worse imperfections. I'm betting you have a few of your own. Maybe pride and lack of giving Grace?

Also, when you ask for advice and opinions, on a public forum, you need to be prepared to NOT hear what you want to hear.

 

[7seasrekeyed]

I would like to remind the contributors that the op was not married and was not even engaged

she has turned down a marriage proposal

would you like to see her back here in 2 years asking how she can get out of a marriage that she wishes she never entered into?

thank God people can make up their own minds and do not have to be persuaded by what amounts to a bunch of drivel far too often

those offering biblical advice excluded

 

[7seasrekeyed]

Thanks for all the advice. I am ashamed to get on a Christian site and be bashed for asking a question. I’ve been saved for four years. I don’t have all the answers but at least I’d expect Christians to have some dignity in constructive criticism. I’m never asking questions on here again..

I changed my sad face on your comment to a trophy because I put a sad face for you to indicate I was sad you had that experience

I have now put the trophy there because I agree regarding your comment on how some people responded to you

never loose your freedom to make your own decisions. you sound like the thoughtful kind of person who does not enter into things lightly and I know you made a difficult decision