OK...Finally caught up.
and now trying to summarize thoughts.
Stunnedbygrace,
Would you be willing to share what situation you were in when you first had that "feeling" we talked about earlier? I'm asking because I'm wondering if you were around tongues-talkers. And/or generally what kind of church situation you were 'raised' in. No, I don't think external environment = internal belief. I'm just starting to ask some of those questions I promised.
I'll post more but prefer to keep to one topic in a post.
Love in Jesus,
Kelby
I'm very willing.
I was driving to work in my car. The night before I had talked to God about a problem a neighbor was having and I asked Him if there was anything I could do to help her, would He tell me how. She had come over and been crying uncontrollably over the situation and I felt awful to see her so upset.
So I was driving along and I remembered talking to Him the night before and at that second was when the feeling came on me and it was unlike any feeling I'd ever felt. Ever! And at the same time, all this understanding about her situation instantly came to me. It didn't come to me through pondering. It was just instantly in my head, all explained. And I was happy and excited and I said: I'll tell her as soon as I get home!
And then I was marveling over what I was feeling - like warm water being poured over me and through me and goosebumps even though it was over 80 degrees that morning.
And then I started to think about telling her that God told me what was happening to her and why and I was stricken with fear that she would laugh at me or think I was crazy. And I wasn't willing to be thought crazy or have people saying I was crazy. So I said: wait a minute. I don't know for sure that was from You. I'm not going to tell her all of this unless you let me know for sure it was You and not just my own mind.
Just then traffic came to a standstill on the parkway and I sat for a long time, basking in this wonderful new feeling and crying and just marveling over it, and also reiterating to Him that unless He let me know for sure it was from Him, I was refusing to tell it to her. Finally traffic started moving again and I noticed the license plate of the car I had been behind.
It was: HVN SNT. When I noticed it, the feeling intensified and just came in wave after wave, without ebbing at times as it had been doing previously.
So I said, okay, that's it. I'll tell her, even though she will think I'm crazy. And I told her and all of my neighbors shunned me within days and the womans husband wouldn't allow his children to even come into my yard or talk to me anymore and my own husband thought I was crazy and it went downhill from there, culminating in just...really bad situation all around that I won't get totally into. But I never regretted telling her even though I cried some tears at my whole life being ripped apart. Being so thoroughly shunned by everyone you've known for years, including your own husband is a staggering thing at first. It happens before you completely die to the world, so it's...distressing.