I must add what I believe to be the truth concerning the matters of works, faith, and salvation. First, I would like to mention that I am a worldly individual with countless character defects and shortcomings. I fall short in obedience more than not. I also know that I have been imputed with the Holy Spirit because I am absolutely unable to deny Christ in my heart and not love God to the best of my fallible ability. I can only speak on what I know through my personal testimony, and what the Holy Spirit has revealed to me. What I am about to say my entire being screams it to be true through the revelation of the Holy Spirit. I was not seeking God or his righteousness, but merely truly doubted my unbelief while listening to the testimony of what society would likely label a "junkie/whore". At that precise moment of doubt God gave me a Spiritual experience that I can not describe with proper justice. All of my five senses ceased to be, along with any thought process or heartfelt emotion. I (if you could call it me) was in a realm where "I" became part of this love that was so pure, powerful, and angelic. I "felt" (for lack of proper vocabulary) so complete and whole like nothing can parallel as an example. Space and time, along with everything else ceased to exist. There was only this powerful and pure love in which I became. When my senses returned I assumed by the conversation she was having that it lasted anywhere from 20-40 seconds earth time. An my sense of reality came to I looked at her looking and talking to me and noticed she was clueless this amazing thing had happened to me. The first rational thought to enter my mind was "I gotta have this chick! She does something to me." (For we had just met and she was very beautiful and attractive. It was between 4:30 and 5 am outside a hotel room near downtown Salt lake city. I was travelling with a couple people I got to know and one of them was Dave. My senior of about 20 years. I woke the next morning by Dave coming through the hotel door. The very first thought to enter my mind was the peculiar incident that occurred hours before. At that very moment it was manifested within me to know it was of God. I felt as though I had been "washed clean" of all the wrongs I had done to my loved ones. I felt like everything I had ever done had simply dissipated into nothing. I instantaneously was filled with a joy that, once again, I am unable to give it justice through explanation. Tears were streaming down my face and I was hyperventilating as I told Dave between gasps of the incident. Now I had always despised the teachings of God and all that Christ junk my whole life. I am 7 month from 30 yrs old. I don't remember dressing or anything else Dave and I may have mentioned, but I do recall him frantically reaching for the complimentary bible in the dresser drawer. "I blurted I'm between sins that I didn't ask God into my life or anything" (for from that instant on I was incapable of denying that there was a God) "You don't choose God, He chooses you!" He blurted while frantically searching for scripture. We were very close to downtown and it was lunch hour. I dont tecall the short walk but I do renember grabbing arms and spinning people around and grabbing and hanging on the fronts of jackets still bawling in this extreme joy. " THERE'S A GOD!! THERE'S A GOD!! I'VE BEEN MISSING THIS FOR 30 YEARS, THERE'S A GOD!!!!! I had no clue at the time that I had just been given the Holy Spirit. I don't remember nothing else of the day except making the comment to Dave in the bar that I was going to try to quit cussing because I don't think God likes cussing.
R
The spontaneous travelling, drug addiction, toxic relationships, and all other manner of filth continued to lead my life by a nose ring. The only thing that changed was the fact that I was completely incapable of denying the existence of God. 6/1-2 years later I had returned to Pennysylva prison to for violating my parole to finish the 2-1/2 years left on the 5. When I had got there I had to get things in order and that consisted of needing writing material and envelopes. I approached a man who's zeal and demeanor drew my to him. I introduced myself and commented on his joyous countenance. "It's the Lord in me!" He proudly stated. I asked him for the necessities, and he said he would not give a couple sheets of paper, a pen and an envelope but he would give me a pen a pad of paper I'd I promised to read one chapter from the book of John for one week. I quickly said I don't have a Bible as I tried to get out of it. (I had picked the Bible up dozens of times in my life to seek for comfort, answers, etc., and by the time I read two or three lines it would anger me and I would throw from me what I believed to be the worst and most worthless book in existence.) He quickly reached into his locker and produced a KJV Bible that I could keep! I went back to my bunk wrote a letter and fell asleep. The next morning when I woke he was already up with the Bible. Though I was regretting it, I was going to keep my word. I reached for the Bible and found John. I began reading, and by the 10th verse or so I became exhilarated inside as my eyes of understanding were instantaneously opened to understand it! Literally, for about 10 months and every bit of 18-20 hrs a day I read and studied using a Strings concordance. I was literally unable to put it down without desperation to pick it right back up. Since then I am compelled to study or read almost daily, it is my sustenance, it is my direction, it is the living word of God in my hands. I have between 10-15,000 thousands of hours buried in it in search of and to confirm what has been revealed to me by the Holy Spirit. I have kept from commentary, I have only used a reference Bible to compare scripture with scripture. What I KNOW to be the TRUTH in the Bible is the Pauline doctrine of saved by grace and justified by faith.
The ground rules pertaining to that doctrine is that everything and anything that pertains to salvation is solely the will and work of God. You can not loose your salvation if you truly are imputed with the Holy Spirit. Your works are debt, and your Faith in the truth justifies your salvation. Everything needed to get to heaven is supplied by God. God is sovereign, just, and wholly righteous in everything he has done, is doing, and will do. We exist and all are abundantly blessed (even the unbelievers) because of only him. He is are maker, and we are mere clay vessels. He has the right to pick and choose if he wants, and he does. He did not send Christ as an example but a savior for His.
It is clear throughout the old and new testament that he will choose as he wills, and it will be so. In exodist I believe, he tells Israel he chose them, and left the entire world out of his saving grace, and that was after he killed all but 8 souls on the planet. Anyhow, the bottom line for me is that if my eternal destination of my spirit is left in my hands in the slightest way, then there is no good news, because I have a tendency to mess earthly circumstances up, let alone spiritually things I can't begin to understand let alone get right. As humbly as I can say it, I am chosen, and the proof is abundant. I know that the idea we have no choice in the matter is a heated debate, but I'm leaning toward the thought that most of the heat comes from those who are unable to come to the knowledge of the truth. I don't need to defend the truth, it defends me. There is a short version of my testimony and doctrinal beliefs. For obvious reasons, much of the working will of God and his persistent love and grace were excluded. Do give me for it will NEVER be about me. I love everyone of you with a love that has been given to me to give away. That to me is the biggest factor of the Spirit within me...I used to hate everyone. Peace my brothers and sisters. Rest in the truth, you have the creator of all things wielding from himself the most powerful entity to exist (love) to make sure you make it home safe. Rest in the Good news for God's sake.
Love you all...God bless!
