Hello, this might be a slightly odd request for friends. Please allow me to explain.
About all last week, the left side of my mouth was *killing* me, a throbbing pain which I've never really experienced before. My guess was sinus allergies, it just wouldn't stop and sometimes massages and peppermint tea might make it go away for 5 minutes, only to come back stronger. Seemed to get worse from day to day. Right now, I'm just experiencing some pain in my gums ... but a whole heck of lot better than staring at a computer screen wanting to saw the other side of my face off!
Thursday night when I went to bed, I was just laying there with this throbbing. (Don't worry, the FRIENDS part will get in here shortly! Then I realized; I hadn't really prayed in a very long time in my Christian life. I am a 'supposed' Bible teacher at church, take classes at seminary, deacon at church, and so forth.
So I earnestly prayed to God; the theological side of me says "Can't make deals with God, God is not someone to be trifled with. He wants obedience from us with a pure heart, can't make deals with God." However, the pain on the left side of my face was begging God for healing right at that very moment.
So this is what I said to God [paraphrasing my thoughts as I remember them]. I said 'God, you know me and how sinful I am. You know that I've disrespected women because I'm addicted to porn on line, I am married, have kept this secret for so long. You know also I have a longing desire for friendship that never seems fulfilled, and that I have made an idol in my heart out of all of these things. Plus I always want a 'sister' friend which maybe separation anxiety from being so young, I don't know. But you know that I can't have a sister and need to be thankful for everything I have in you. So I am committing to you right now to turn my back forever on my porn habit, to learn to respect women the right way, and to get back to serving you and I will do this whether or not you heal the left side of my face or not. And I ask that you would heal the left side of my face from this throbbing.' [After which I imagined Jesus next to me giving me a very big bear hug which was basically me holding the pillow and imagining what it would be like to be held by His nail pierced hands. I know, sounds weird. But it helps me sometimes.]
I fell asleep and woke up. The left side of my face was no longer throbbing! My teeth are still a little sensitive from a recent cleaning and my gums are a little sensitive, but they seem to get better day by day. But no more throbbing! Hallelujah! God gave me a wonderful gift that I truly didn't deserve.
Now it's like this; I don't want to disappoint God and in thanksgiving for taking that throbbing away - I really want to serve Him with a pure heart. Unfortunately, I am a social creature needing friendship and the like. But I want to have this friendship as a godly part of life; I want purity of heart. There are already friendly interactions I have with Catholic Christians at work (though I'm not Catholic), and I just want to infuse more meaning in those friendships by avoiding sin at all cost.
So, I am seeking your prayers for my life and if you wish to be a friend - that would be great! Thank you for taking the time to read this. God Bless - Peter James
About all last week, the left side of my mouth was *killing* me, a throbbing pain which I've never really experienced before. My guess was sinus allergies, it just wouldn't stop and sometimes massages and peppermint tea might make it go away for 5 minutes, only to come back stronger. Seemed to get worse from day to day. Right now, I'm just experiencing some pain in my gums ... but a whole heck of lot better than staring at a computer screen wanting to saw the other side of my face off!
Thursday night when I went to bed, I was just laying there with this throbbing. (Don't worry, the FRIENDS part will get in here shortly! Then I realized; I hadn't really prayed in a very long time in my Christian life. I am a 'supposed' Bible teacher at church, take classes at seminary, deacon at church, and so forth.
So I earnestly prayed to God; the theological side of me says "Can't make deals with God, God is not someone to be trifled with. He wants obedience from us with a pure heart, can't make deals with God." However, the pain on the left side of my face was begging God for healing right at that very moment.
So this is what I said to God [paraphrasing my thoughts as I remember them]. I said 'God, you know me and how sinful I am. You know that I've disrespected women because I'm addicted to porn on line, I am married, have kept this secret for so long. You know also I have a longing desire for friendship that never seems fulfilled, and that I have made an idol in my heart out of all of these things. Plus I always want a 'sister' friend which maybe separation anxiety from being so young, I don't know. But you know that I can't have a sister and need to be thankful for everything I have in you. So I am committing to you right now to turn my back forever on my porn habit, to learn to respect women the right way, and to get back to serving you and I will do this whether or not you heal the left side of my face or not. And I ask that you would heal the left side of my face from this throbbing.' [After which I imagined Jesus next to me giving me a very big bear hug which was basically me holding the pillow and imagining what it would be like to be held by His nail pierced hands. I know, sounds weird. But it helps me sometimes.]
I fell asleep and woke up. The left side of my face was no longer throbbing! My teeth are still a little sensitive from a recent cleaning and my gums are a little sensitive, but they seem to get better day by day. But no more throbbing! Hallelujah! God gave me a wonderful gift that I truly didn't deserve.
Now it's like this; I don't want to disappoint God and in thanksgiving for taking that throbbing away - I really want to serve Him with a pure heart. Unfortunately, I am a social creature needing friendship and the like. But I want to have this friendship as a godly part of life; I want purity of heart. There are already friendly interactions I have with Catholic Christians at work (though I'm not Catholic), and I just want to infuse more meaning in those friendships by avoiding sin at all cost.
So, I am seeking your prayers for my life and if you wish to be a friend - that would be great! Thank you for taking the time to read this. God Bless - Peter James
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