sexual harassment and what to do?

[Jenizona]

Y'all, seriously...let's be done with this thread?

Hey, we had some hashing out to do! It served its purpose! ;-D

 

[Lighthearted]

Hey, we had some hashing out to do! It served its purpose! ;-D

Did we all serve a purpose for Him in our actions and words or did we hurt this young mother's feelings and turned her away from fellowship here on CC? Only Jesus knows.

 

[Enow]

Maybe notify a mod and ask him to close the thread for a while?

I think the OP can ask the mod to close the thread permanently if she got her answer.

 

[violakat]

Willie, I may have made a mistake in not letting you have a chance to clarify this comment. So please forgive me, and explain what you meant by the comment in red.

Now, as for some of the other things, there are some stuff I did agree with you on, such as moving out immediately, and handling things legally, and not with violence. That I 100% agree with, and I mentioned this in my original comment that she should.

What I didn't agree with was bashing her for having children out of wedlock before she became a Christian. I don't hold non-Christians to the same standard as Christians, simply because they aren't Christians. When she became a Christian, then yes, she did need to start learning how to become a Christian. But babies don't do Algebra when they are first born. Instead they have to learn the basics.

And yes, I think she should definitely either have married her fiance, or moved out. However, I don't expect her to know everything right away, not even after two years, especially if she did not grow up in the church. I while I think you're right that every parent should grow up and become responsible when they have children, unfortunately, a lot of parents don't know how to do this, because they were never taught. I see this on a daily basis, as I work with children, many who have parents who are not much more then 20 themselves. Those parents were growing up themselves as they were raising they're children. But this is a soap box for another forum.

One thing most people here seem to be overlooking is that you think you can't move out. That is a problem. You are taking their charity, and a lot of "humbling" comes along with doing that.

You made a huge mistake in having those children without ensuring their future home and support. But, that is done, and you now have to live with it.

So, work your brain, and come up with some way of moving out. There IS a way. You just have to find it.

 

[Corbinscam]

And that's the crap that made me know instantly that Tasha's post should have gone into the ladies forum, instead of stay here, where the macho men can use it to affirm their machoness. Seriously, dude. You're still thinking her kids would instantly go into custody because they were homeless. That alone tells me you've got no idea what's going on.

In my state, they would. Know how I know? My mother was homeless. I've been there. I do know a bit of whats going on I just don't have parental perspective here, I have the perspective of a kid who has lived through a parent who was too addicted to get their act together. I love my mom....But I'd love to see mothers in tough situations get their crap together and spare their kids what the first ten years of my life looked like. You judge me based on a number....you don't know me at all. I mean zero disrespect or hurt at all.

What? The 17 year old with a teenage kid? lol

Again, always trying to get teens to believe you by stroking their ego, but heaven forbid if someone a little older needs help.

I won't even bother defending myself....but Willie has often done the dead opposite of stroke my ego. Lol.
But for the record I was a 15 year old who was too selfish to say no and too stupid to use a condom....and as a result I got the greatest blessing of my. God showed me who I was to Him through the coolest little boy in the world. Was I stupid? Absolutely. But I'd dare you or anyone else to pick apart my actions since then. I've screwed up 100 times....but I've tried as best I could.
I asked God for help...and He hasn't let me down even when I let me down.

 

[Willie-T]

Willie, I may have made a mistake in not letting you have a chance to clarify this comment. So please forgive me, and explain what you meant by the comment in red.

Now, as for some of the other things, there are some stuff I did agree with you on, such as moving out immediately, and handling things legally, and not with violence. That I 100% agree with, and I mentioned this in my original comment that she should.

What I didn't agree with was bashing her for having children out of wedlock before she became a Christian. I don't hold non-Christians to the same standard as Christians, simply because they aren't Christians. When she became a Christian, then yes, she did need to start learning how to become a Christian. But babies don't do Algebra when they are first born. Instead they have to learn the basics.

And yes, I think she should definitely either have married her fiance, or moved out. However, I don't expect her to know everything right away, not even after two years, especially if she did not grow up in the church. I while I think you're right that every parent should grow up and become responsible when they have children, unfortunately, a lot of parents don't know how to do this, because they were never taught. I see this on a daily basis, as I work with children, many who have parents who are not much more then 20 themselves. Those parents were growing up themselves as they were raising they're children. But this is a soap box for another forum.

I meant that by having to put oneself in a position to be the one helped, it often has the effect upon us that we feel we may not have the right to expect what we would otherwise almost demand. And also, in her case, can make you feel you really can't move out. That kind of a situation can sometimes create an emotional confusion and psychological "weakness"... almost a hopeless helplessness. You start accepting conditions you might not otherwise stand for at all. That is one of the reasons I was hoping I could inspire a little anger in her that she would, if for no more reason than indignation to prove me wrong, find the moxie to figure out a way to move out, come hell or high water.

 

[violakat]

If we don't like Willie-T going after this mom for having children out of wedlock and then becoming Christians later on, then we don't go after teenagers either, who had children before they were saved.

Corbin and I don't always agree on issues, but he is not trying to be macho. Instead, he's normally very respectful.

 

[Willie-T]

Willie, I may have made a mistake in not letting you have a chance to clarify this comment. So please forgive me, and explain what you meant by the comment in red.

Now, as for some of the other things, there are some stuff I did agree with you on, such as moving out immediately, and handling things legally, and not with violence. That I 100% agree with, and I mentioned this in my original comment that she should.

What I didn't agree with was bashing her for having children out of wedlock before she became a Christian. I don't hold non-Christians to the same standard as Christians, simply because they aren't Christians. When she became a Christian, then yes, she did need to start learning how to become a Christian. But babies don't do Algebra when they are first born. Instead they have to learn the basics.

And yes, I think she should definitely either have married her fiance, or moved out. However, I don't expect her to know everything right away, not even after two years, especially if she did not grow up in the church. I while I think you're right that every parent should grow up and become responsible when they have children, unfortunately, a lot of parents don't know how to do this, because they were never taught. I see this on a daily basis, as I work with children, many who have parents who are not much more then 20 themselves. Those parents were growing up themselves as they were raising they're children. But this is a soap box for another forum.

My comments about having three kids with a guy she obviously didn't even know, had nothing to do with her being a Christian, or not. I hold that taking such a risky step is just plain fool hardy.

 

[violakat]

From what I understand, based on what she said, it was not from a one-night-stand, but they were her ex-fiancé's children. And while you and I don't believe children should be born out of wedlock, unfortunately, the World has a different Standard. And she was taught the World's standards and not God's.

My comments about having three kids with a guy she obviously didn't even know, had nothing to do with her being a Christian, or not. I hold that taking such a risky step is just plain fool hardy.

 

[Willie-T]

From what I understand, based on what she said, it was not from a one-night-stand, but they were her ex-fiancé's children. And while you and I don't believe children should be born out of wedlock, unfortunately, the World has a different Standard. And she was taught the World's standards and not God's.

I'll give you that first part as a fact. But, like it or not, all creatures eventually find out that we really are all still subject to the consequences of ignoring God's laws.

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

From what I understand, based on what she said, it was not from a one-night-stand, but they were her ex-fiancé's children. And while you and I don't believe children should be born out of wedlock, unfortunately, the World has a different Standard. And she was taught the World's standards and not God's.

I don't know about this...even by the world's standards, having 3 kids by a man that wasn't even engaged to you at the time, much less married, is still not wise or encouraged, though it happens. The world may have modeled that for her, but I don't think the world encouraged it. Most unsaved people I know would disapprove too. There's someone in my family who had 4 kids by the same man that did not marry her. Nobody talks about it, but I can tell you it's certainly not celebrated.

 

[violakat]

I'll give you that first part as a fact. But, like it or not, all creatures eventually find out that we really are all still subject to the consequences of ignoring God's laws.

True, However, they usually don't accept it, until they are saved. And if they die unsaved, then they learn it too late.

 

[violakat]

I see it differently, because, all too often, I do see this happening, and sometimes, it feels like its celebrated, not scorn. I wonder if it might be because of where we live. I live in a city, that's quite liberal. (Sometimes I think San Fran would be shocked at how liberal some of the people are that live here. Okay, maybe not, they are still far more liberal.) What about you? And anybody else who wan'ts to respond, what type of area do you live in?

I don't know about this...even by the world's standards, having 3 kids by a man that wasn't even engaged to you at the time, much less married, is still not wise or encouraged, though it happens. The world may have modeled that for her, but I don't think the world encouraged it. Most unsaved people I know would disapprove too. There's someone in my family who had 4 kids by the same man that did not marry her. Nobody talks about it, but I can tell you it's certainly not celebrated.

 

[Depleted]

I apologize. I must have missed the post where you said you were sending her money to get an apartment.

Honey, she was gone by the time I responded. Shoe already got chased away by insults through you. And I don't do that kind of thing in public. I'm not all about looking like The Man!

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

I see it differently, because, all too often, I do see this happening, and sometimes, it feels like its celebrated, not scorn. I wonder if it might be because of where we live. I live in a city, that's quite liberal. (Sometimes I think San Fran would be shocked at how liberal some of the people are that live here. Okay, maybe not, they are still far more liberal.) What about you? And anybody else who wan'ts to respond, what type of area do you live in?

I live in a large town, in a state that has its share of liberals and conversatives (not quite half and half, but neither side has an overwhelming majority). Closer to the city, it's overwhelmingly liberal. My family is mostly liberal (though perhaps there are more conservatives in my family than I know of, since revealing that you're a conservative as a black person has some severe consequences).

 

[Depleted]

In my state, they would. Know how I know? My mother was homeless. I've been there. I do know a bit of whats going on I just don't have parental perspective here, I have the perspective of a kid who has lived through a parent who was too addicted to get their act together. I love my mom....But I'd love to see mothers in tough situations get their crap together and spare their kids what the first ten years of my life looked like. You judge me based on a number....you don't know me at all. I mean zero disrespect or hurt at all.


I won't even bother defending myself....but Willie has often done the dead opposite of stroke my ego. Lol.
But for the record I was a 15 year old who was too selfish to say no and too stupid to use a condom....and as a result I got the greatest blessing of my. God showed me who I was to Him through the coolest little boy in the world. Was I stupid? Absolutely. But I'd dare you or anyone else to pick apart my actions since then. I've screwed up 100 times....but I've tried as best I could.
I asked God for help...and He hasn't let me down even when I let me down.

A. I can't judge you by a number. I just remember you were talking about your child, (not baby, child) and saying you screwed up on your age when you signed in. I've got no idea how old you are, so I'm not judging you by a number.

B. You sure are judging her. Why is it okay for you to do that, but I can't judge her? As far as I see, you're the one with zero respect.

 

[Corbinscam]

A. I can't judge you by a number. I just remember you were talking about your child, (not baby, child) and saying you screwed up on your age when you signed in. I've got no idea how old you are, so I'm not judging you by a number.

B. You sure are judging her. Why is it okay for you to do that, but I can't judge her? As far as I see, you're the one with zero respect.

I actually forgot all about the age thing. My current age is correct.

I'm judging her based on the information she provided. Is that somehow unfair? I'm sorry you saw that/me as disrespectful. It's far more likely that I'm being blunt not judgemental. And again....I meant no disrespect at all. I apologize if I came off as disrespectful. That wasn't in anyway my intent....but the best thing that ever happened to me was people honestly telling me the cold hard truth....when I can I try to pass that on.

 

[Willie-T]

Corbinscam,

I think you know that I would never embarrass you (or me) by revealing any of our exchanges. but, I just have to say on the open forum that if it were not for you and several other special people on here (they know who they are) I would have chucked this hassle long ago.

 

[oldethennew]

I can only 'look-back', but oh how I would have loved it if 'someone-anyone', cared
enough for me, back in the day, and pointed-out-to-me', how 'immoral' my actions
were and what the consequences would be, and given me a REAL 'REALITY CHECK'...
it never happened until I lost everything,
'But, it did eventually happen', and only by the Love and Grace of our Saviour,
through the intercession of a Christian counselor...I would be 'dead' now, if not for
his hard to accept TRUTH about my situation...PG!!!

 

[Speak2Me]

How easily we forget that Jesus paid it all for us, and sent us a paraclete in His place, one who comes along side with strength & power. Without that paraclete, we could do nothing.
Now, when others need the paraclete in us, do we come along side with the Spirit's strength & power? Not always.
God has poured out grace & mercy on us by the ton so we could do the same, but instead we shoot our wounded.
I hope The Lord does something special for the Op, to cause her to forget what happened here.
In the mean time, some will need to relearn humility, for they have forgotten where they came from.