sexual harassment and what to do?
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You could ask a mod to delete the thread. The best thing may be to just stop posting here, and it will eventually fall away from sight and hopefully mind.
No, I am talking about the insurance people immediately take out when they have one baby. It is not necessary to be married to do that normal thing.
I get the feeling you're a sweet person, kind to others, humble. But one thing I get the feeling too is because of this willingness to be seen as polite and gentle, you are maybe passive in this situation.
Imagine different personalities in this situation. Would everyone deal with it in the same way? Some personalities are being advised here, although dangerously. Like threaten him. Or be aggressive.
The hardest thing most people have to deal with in any situation, whether home or work or out in the world, is being assertive, over reactive (outward) or passive (inward).
Be confident about what you want. a) you don't want him to treat you this way. Say how it is, not politely, not aggressively, just say 'this is how it is...etc' boldly, confidently, and firmly, with absolute faith. God is on everyones side when they crack what assertion is. Even a child has the power to be assertive, yet they are often the lucky ones (God is with them).
Even with yourself, what do you want? You want your own place, you want to move out, you want somewhere for your children to grow up in a good home, and a safe environment. Say how it is to yourself, and God is with you.
It is really about assertion.
Passive is worrying about the reaction and therefore doing nothing.
Aggressive is not worrying about the consequence and therefore causing reaction. Eg. you could take some of the dangerous advice on this thread and he could turn round and make your life a living hell. People are capable of that.
Assertive is a kind of faith, you know what is right, you stand by it, and you do it. It is the best option in all things. eg. 'Its not right what you do (assert), and you KNOW it is not right (truth), and I will not allow you to behave like this with me in future (assert). This is how it is (assert), please respect my decision (assert), and I will respect you more (mutual agreement). If you do that, we will get along better (mutual agreement). I hope I make myself clear (assert).'
Imagine different personalities in this situation. Would everyone deal with it in the same way? Some personalities are being advised here, although dangerously. Like threaten him. Or be aggressive.
The hardest thing most people have to deal with in any situation, whether home or work or out in the world, is being assertive, over reactive (outward) or passive (inward).
Be confident about what you want. a) you don't want him to treat you this way. Say how it is, not politely, not aggressively, just say 'this is how it is...etc' boldly, confidently, and firmly, with absolute faith. God is on everyones side when they crack what assertion is. Even a child has the power to be assertive, yet they are often the lucky ones (God is with them).
Even with yourself, what do you want? You want your own place, you want to move out, you want somewhere for your children to grow up in a good home, and a safe environment. Say how it is to yourself, and God is with you.
It is really about assertion.
Passive is worrying about the reaction and therefore doing nothing.
Aggressive is not worrying about the consequence and therefore causing reaction. Eg. you could take some of the dangerous advice on this thread and he could turn round and make your life a living hell. People are capable of that.
Assertive is a kind of faith, you know what is right, you stand by it, and you do it. It is the best option in all things. eg. 'Its not right what you do (assert), and you KNOW it is not right (truth), and I will not allow you to behave like this with me in future (assert). This is how it is (assert), please respect my decision (assert), and I will respect you more (mutual agreement). If you do that, we will get along better (mutual agreement). I hope I make myself clear (assert).'
There is no easy solution to this situation. Find your self respect and trust God to give you a way to deal with the problems.
I wish I could say you were the only person to ever get into a mess like this but you are not and you will not be the last. You will be called upon someday to help another so let others who are able to help you.
Stay strong for the kids and get away from the man who is offending you. He will not change except to become more emboldened to go even further in his assault of your person.
For the cause of Christ
roger
Dear TashaB,
I am so sorry that your having such a difficult time and had to move back in with your mom. I would suggest that you truly pray to the Lord for guidance in this situation and protection for you and your children. Please try not to aggravate the situation by pepper spraying him or by kicking him in the you know what for this will just escalate to another level of situation and you might end up in the streets with your children. The lord will guide you but it is all up to you to follow him. Best of luck to you and God Bless You...
I am so sorry that your having such a difficult time and had to move back in with your mom. I would suggest that you truly pray to the Lord for guidance in this situation and protection for you and your children. Please try not to aggravate the situation by pepper spraying him or by kicking him in the you know what for this will just escalate to another level of situation and you might end up in the streets with your children. The lord will guide you but it is all up to you to follow him. Best of luck to you and God Bless You...
What is this? I have three kids, and I have no idea what this is... seriously. No clue.
Then I submit it is high time you did something about that oversight. All it takes is a phone call. One car accident, and your children could find themselves destitute... in a split second.
Are you talking about health insurance? Life insurance? I honestly had no idea what you were talking about. Sorry!
Okay... if we're talking about life insurance... did someone die? I'm so confused! Really, sorry! I feel like I missed something.
You brought up insurance... and said it would take care of the four of them for years... I dunno, maybe you can explain what you meant by that? Either life insurance or health insurance... it SOUNDS like you meant life insurance, as in a payment that they would have received upon being the beneficiaries of a policy when someone dies.
Is that what you were talking about? Who died?
Sorry. I forgot what I was dealing with these days. I wasn't raised in the era of one-night-stand pregnancies. I foolishly let myself think that a mother of three would have usually gotten that way due to the death of the spouse.
I doubt he will ever change unless something hits him hard, and I don't mean physically. The thing is abusers rarely change unless they choose too. While, it's probably too late to charge him child abuse, you can charge him with the crime of sexual assault and harassment. I would, however, make sure you have as much proof as possible, and legally. So my suggestion is to consult someone you know who works in law enforcement and ask them how to obtain that type of proof legally. Keep in mind, that if you do press charges, there is a good chance that your mother will kick you and your children out.
And no, you do not have to put up with what he's doing just because you are accepting, as Willie-T puts it, "Charity." No woman or man should ever have to be humbled in such away.
Also, I would recommend that you move out immediately to a woman's shelter, especially if you have a daughter, as there is a high chance he will start with them. So for your protection and there's leave as soon as you can.
And no, you do not have to put up with what he's doing just because you are accepting, as Willie-T puts it, "Charity." No woman or man should ever have to be humbled in such away.
Also, I would recommend that you move out immediately to a woman's shelter, especially if you have a daughter, as there is a high chance he will start with them. So for your protection and there's leave as soon as you can.
No one mentioned one-night-stand pregnancies. Or the death of anyone. I think I am not used to your sense of humor. Don't worry about it.
Since your dependent on them, your kind of a victim trapped in a cage. You either put-up with his harassment, or you put an end to it at the risk of being kicked out. All you can do is try to become independently supportive, sue for child support, rent assistance, food stamps, etc. And look forward to the day when you can move out, at which time I'd tell your mother that she'll never see her grand kids again as long as that pervert is living with her. You don't seem like a fighter, so I suspect you'll be a victim until you can flee the situation... jmo
D
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He has no reason to stop yet. That's why it's called harassment. He holds something over you, so is using you.
Give him a reason to stop. First, let him know what you will do, and then it's up to you which way you'd like to take this, but here are some options that will make him think twice before trying it again:
1. Knee him.
2. Report him to the police.
3. Announce what he's doing on social media, preferably HIS social media.
As much as I'd like to recommend the first choice, given you need a place to live, I'd go with the third choice, because then you have something to hold over him, so he will think twice before kicking you out.
D
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Sadly, in America, we have no criminal charges for sexual harassment. It's a civic law. So, if she's pressing charges, the charges would have to be attempted rape.
D
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Go ahead, oh ye of big brain! Teach her how to move out this weekend. (Because every time this jackass puts his hands on her again, or verbally makes her feel small, she does lose a little more dignity and gains a little more fear, so it has to be fast.)
What does it take to find a place for a young woman with a three-year-old to get somewhere fast?
Because, as I understand it, she first needs a job, (which is tough because there is a three year old), then save enough for down payment and first month's rent on a place for them to live, and, oh, yeah, also the money for a safe place for the three year old to stay, while she works.
Sure, there are women's shelters, but do you really think that's a safe place for a three year old? And there is family, but I don't see many, if any, wanting to invite a woman AND a three year old for long-term in their house. Three-year old -- a continuation of the Terrible Twos. They're rambunctious! Frankly, they're exhausting.
And yet, you, oh brilliant brain, thinks it's easy enough for a young woman to find her own way that what's adding a three-year-old to that?
So, please, do tell. What is this brilliant plan she's supposed to think out? You've had 49 more years than she has had to figure it out! Obviously you know, or you wouldn't have said, "There IS a way."