Sounds like emotional slavery.
It's difficult taking care of a narcissist. Constantly a catch-22.
I understand..... I don't visit nor speak to my mom anymore.
You might be surprised to discover she's verbally backstabbing you while you're gone as well.
I dealt with the guilt trip for years..... but now I'm free.
My mother was like that. Not sure if you have ever read any of my testimony on this thread. If not quick summary.
Ancestory Muslim, fell pregnant with me and hence black sheep of the family. I was meant to aborted, she was even in the abortion room.
She blamed me. She used to beat me quite serverely and the only time she expressed any love was when she was p*****d.
If I didn't respond the same way then emotional outbursts followed by a beating, which was quite often.
She tried to play me off against my granny and step grandad who loved me.
Nothing I ever did was good enough.
My two younger brothers never experienced any of that. The youngest was her favourite and 2nd was my step dads favourite.
She threw me out when I was 14 (35 years ago) and spread vicious rumours, told family I was gay and had AIDS.
We didn't speak for years either.
We now have a restored relationship (happened over a period of years and it was tough but we got there).
She has come to Jesus and now believes his claims, not just a prophet but the Son of God who died for. She truly is a saved person.
I am not saying the above to make anyone feel bad if this has not happened with abusive relationships.
I just want to encourage that God can work good in things no matter how bad things are.
I would also say that if after all efforts on my side with my mum, if she showed not intent to restore then I myself would have withdrawn and leave it at that as well.
If a person is not willing to reconcile and is only intersted in controlling us and trying to heap guilt on us, then a time will come to let go and withdraw.
I am glad you are free.