I think that this discussion is about the ungodly, demonic, worldly sensual practice of dating. Or in other ... less accurate words, recreational dating. If you arent a man ready to marry, or a woman ready to marry, dating is absolutely ungodly.
Aldo, I really suggest you read I Kissed Dating Goodbye. At the top of page 13 Joshua Harris says "I do not believe that dating is sinful." He says "Some people have sinned as a result of dating, but I don't think anyone can accurately say that dating
in and of itself is a sinful activity. I view dating in a similar light as a I view fast-food restaurants--it's not wrong to eat there, but something far better is available. As we'll see, God wants us to seek the best in everything, including our romantic relationships. As Christians, we're too often guilty of making do with the world's model for relationships and missing God's best." [emphasis mine]
I looked up that book on a site that sells book. There were lots of customer reviews. One said that the book has been used as an anti-dating manifesto, which it's not really. Well, the big misunderstanding that people have with it is that they think dating is something that shouldn't be done ever, when in fact, like you said, it's really just not a good idea for those who aren't ready to get married. Actually, I disagree with that. I think it would be more accurate to say "those who won't be able to get married in the forseeable future." I've known one couples who dated in university and then got married after graduation. But, dating when your 16, is probably not a good idea... although I'd hesitate to call it sinful.
I know this will make many people mad, but its the truth. Look back 150 years you won't even find this practice. Things have gotten worse and that's basically what has happened.
There are lots of things that weren't in existence 150 years ago, but it doesn't make them bad. They didn't have capitalism in the Bible, but we all know how much Christians love that, hey? See the reason why we have dating now and didn't then is complicated. I think it has a lot to do with industrialization, actually. But the point is, things have changed. And I don't just mean that beliefs have changed I mean there's been irreversable social change, and I don't look at it as bad or good, I just look at it as change. But the point is this: if you want to go back to doing things the way they were done 150 years ago, you just might not have that option. It would be like if the Cree people wanted to go back to living the way they lived 150 years ago. The buffalo are gone, the land where they roamed is now private farm land, they've been disconnected from their way of life etc. It's like if I wanted to do things the Biblical way and ask my father to arrange a marriage, what trouble do you think he'd encouter?
This is the way I see it: it's probably harder to keep a marriage together now than ever before. Since the Industrial Revolution, and especially since 1963 there's been not just a lot of social change but
rapid social change. And we've been struggling to keep up and marital stability has been one of those casualities.
If you have previous relationships before you come together with your spouse you won't be whole anymore. I did it myself and it scarred me and it scars everyone whether they realize it or not. I agree with Tootles. True Christians should love what God loves, and hate what God hates.
I disagree. I don't think the relationships are damaging unless you compromise yourself emotionally and (especially) sexually. When I was in 14 I had my first boyfriend that I'd be with for over a year. Was there there too much emotional involvement for that age, and (not surprisingly) too much kissing? Of course. Did I regret that later? Yes. But the point I'm making is this: that was the first major turning point in my life. I really turned towards God. And, as one friend pointed out (ironically the one who gave me this copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye that I have in front of me right now) I became a much nicer person after I started going out with my boyfriend. So, for that reason I really struggle with the idea that dating is always a bad thing, even for teenagers.
I suggest you take a look at Boundaries in Dating by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. I think of them as Harris' "foil" that is to say they don't believe the opposite of him but rather they have a very different point of view and when you read both them and Harris (well, now I'm refering to Harris' second book) then you a more balanced view. See, they talk about about how dating can actually be a good thing,
even when a realtionship does not lead to marraige. I mean they don't deny the potential "pitfalls of dating" that Harris talks about, but they think those can be avoided by setting personal boundaries that they describe in the book. However, the dating and boundaries they describe does take maturity and if one isn't mature enough to handle that then they probably shouldn't be dating.
