Why so fake?
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When hurting people break out of the default response "I'm Fine" crowd to confess some fault or problem, that's an opportunity to minister any one or more of many possible helps, part of a valid experience of edification for self and others.
While most are not teachers, or deacons, pastors, or have anointing for any in-service gift, anyone can attain to being a "hearer", being someone that will listen. Many times hurting people only need to be heard. Sometimes by just confessing a problem they are soon delivered simply because at last someone else "knows".
The main requirement for that ministry is never be a gossiper. Everyone around a gossiper knows that fault, so won't confide in them. At least among men, when fellows realize you can be trusted with confidentiality, the word spreads, and that ministry grows. Then when someone responds "I'm fine" while I get a bit of word of knowledge they really need to be heard, I turn up the "inward ea"r to listen and anticipate an upcoming opportunity to off to listen. Let that open up, then if obviously appropriate offer to be praying for them, as when people first respond with "I'll be praying for you" (another common default response with little or no true value), not many believe that will actually happen, and nobody yet knows what to be praying about.
Too many folks are afraid to open themselves up to that scenario because they themselves are withholding something they need to dump. Fear of becoming involved with people personally isn't being "fake", but is often because of lack of preparation, not knowing what to say or do. So clear your own mind of wasteful thoughts, go to church already full on meals of the word of God, and pray the Lord will use you to help someone today.
Eventually those around you will tell each other "Don't tell that elder you're just fine if you ain't".
Looking for your ministry? There's one every church needs someone to fill.
While most are not teachers, or deacons, pastors, or have anointing for any in-service gift, anyone can attain to being a "hearer", being someone that will listen. Many times hurting people only need to be heard. Sometimes by just confessing a problem they are soon delivered simply because at last someone else "knows".
The main requirement for that ministry is never be a gossiper. Everyone around a gossiper knows that fault, so won't confide in them. At least among men, when fellows realize you can be trusted with confidentiality, the word spreads, and that ministry grows. Then when someone responds "I'm fine" while I get a bit of word of knowledge they really need to be heard, I turn up the "inward ea"r to listen and anticipate an upcoming opportunity to off to listen. Let that open up, then if obviously appropriate offer to be praying for them, as when people first respond with "I'll be praying for you" (another common default response with little or no true value), not many believe that will actually happen, and nobody yet knows what to be praying about.
Too many folks are afraid to open themselves up to that scenario because they themselves are withholding something they need to dump. Fear of becoming involved with people personally isn't being "fake", but is often because of lack of preparation, not knowing what to say or do. So clear your own mind of wasteful thoughts, go to church already full on meals of the word of God, and pray the Lord will use you to help someone today.
Eventually those around you will tell each other "Don't tell that elder you're just fine if you ain't".
Looking for your ministry? There's one every church needs someone to fill.
My church is not like that either, but at one time I attended a church like that in which people got caught up in what I call, "THE BIG SHOW."
I've actually tried doing something similar in the check out line. Cashiers are expected to ask "How are you" and I would sometimes reply saying "I have a migraine" or just briefly talk about something going on. I've actually had some cashiers say "That's good" when telling them of a migraine. Others simply just look like you're from a different planet when starting to talk about something.
ha!
why don't we be even more honest though with each other --
"good morning! how are you?"
"surviving."
"yes! and how was your week?"
"fine, look - please don't take up any more of my time; i'm here to be edified and inspired."
lol OK i don't think this is exactly how Dan's conversations go..
that's funny & insightful, breno. thanks
My "Surviving" suggestion stems from experience with long winded people who give you their life story when you ask them "How are you doing?". There's one older lady at my church that I'm afraid to ask "How are you?" because she inevitably goes into a 20 minute detail by detail report of her health. I probably know more about her condition than her doctor, and she's actually in better health than most of the people who ask her how she's doing. Plus I don't get to greet other people when I'm tied up with her for so long, the building usually empties out as she goes on and on, and I'm too polite to just walk away. My solution; I now just greet her with "Hi, Howdy, or Hello there"
Nothing wrong with engaging in conversation in the parking lot or over lunch, but I just don't think its polite to dominate others with all your burdens because it becomes more like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting than a church service. "How are you?" is really meant as a superficial pleasantry, not a request for every intimate detail of everything that happened to you in the past week (information overload).
T
thepsalmist
Guest
[FONT="]John 14 25 “These things I have spoken to you while being present with you.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT][FONT="]26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT][FONT="]27 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT][FONT="]28 You have heard Me say to you, ‘I am going away and coming back to you.’ If you loved Me, you would rejoice because I said,[e] ‘I am going to the Father,’ for My Father is greater than I. [/FONT]
E
eternally-gratefull
Guest
why? Because it is all a show. Legalism is rampant, and we are a performance based culture.. So I can't complain, I would be judging myself..
Also. we are a self centered society, "I have enough problems of my own, don't bother me with yours"
as for saying I am ok in church.. That's the worse thing you can do. When a brother needs help the church should rise up and help that person.. Not ignore it and tell it to go away..The church can go on, A deacon or other elder can always take a person to another room and pray and comfort the one in need..
Also. we are a self centered society, "I have enough problems of my own, don't bother me with yours"
as for saying I am ok in church.. That's the worse thing you can do. When a brother needs help the church should rise up and help that person.. Not ignore it and tell it to go away..The church can go on, A deacon or other elder can always take a person to another room and pray and comfort the one in need..
T
Trail-of-Truth
Guest
Im not fake, if someone asks me how I'm doing I tell them the truth. Paul wrote about how he was in jail, and was honest about his feelings. You will know them by their fruit- if someone asks how you're doing, but walks away before you can answer, they are the fruit that the Grinch song describes... Lol
[video=youtube_share;XVwiNGEeTaU]http://youtu.be/XVwiNGEeTaU[/video]
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We should all be like that.
It does get old being around people who are fake and turn life into a big game and a power struggle.
Lol I read that in America and England they say that just as a hi.
If you ask that here prepare for a long answer.
[video=youtube;NQ15n6Jzg7E]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQ15n6Jzg7E&feature=youtu.be[/video]
Andre Van Duin - But for the rest everything goes well
Good morning
Good afternoon
How are you doing?
Well let's not talk about that.
How come?
My wife ran off with my best friend
My boss fired me last month
I didn't earn a penny last week
That's not much
but I may not complain for the rest
although
The baker doesn't deliver anymore until I pay him
The man from the garage took my car back
my bike was stolen so I have to walk
but otherwise everything goes well
although
My dog has given birth and my cat is rutting
my sister has a friend and is now in her last days (pregnant)
My brother fell down the stairs and broke his wrist
but I may not complain for the rest
Although recently with the storm the tiles flew from the roof
exactly at the moment when, in the kitchen fire broke out
I run to the kitchen and twist my foot
but otherwise everything goes well
although
A tax collector with an assignment
suddenly stood at the door, I will have to ask for postponement
creditors keep ringing at the door bell
but I may not complain for the rest
although
My mother comes to stay and she takes her sisters with her
when I bent over this morning my glasses fell into the toilet
My fiancé came to tell me that she should marry
but otherwise everything goes well
although
The cat almost stitched in a piece of cat bread
My father was caught drunk in his car
My dog almost got run over when I called him
but I may not complain for the rest
although
I have to go to the hospital with a broken leg
that was because of a fight with my girlfriend her husband
she's back with him but I couldn't care less
but otherwise everything goes well
Yeah I thought I'd ask how you were doing.
Yeah I thought let's answer.
I won't do that again.
No please don't do that anymore.
But for the rest all goes well?
Yes for the rest all goes well.
Oh luckily, that's enough for one week isn't it?
La-la-la
But for the rest
everything is okay
For the rest all goes well
although..
Andre Van Duin - But for the rest everything goes well
Good morning
Good afternoon
How are you doing?
Well let's not talk about that.
How come?
My wife ran off with my best friend
My boss fired me last month
I didn't earn a penny last week
That's not much
but I may not complain for the rest
although
The baker doesn't deliver anymore until I pay him
The man from the garage took my car back
my bike was stolen so I have to walk
but otherwise everything goes well
although
My dog has given birth and my cat is rutting
my sister has a friend and is now in her last days (pregnant)
My brother fell down the stairs and broke his wrist
but I may not complain for the rest
Although recently with the storm the tiles flew from the roof
exactly at the moment when, in the kitchen fire broke out
I run to the kitchen and twist my foot
but otherwise everything goes well
although
A tax collector with an assignment
suddenly stood at the door, I will have to ask for postponement
creditors keep ringing at the door bell
but I may not complain for the rest
although
My mother comes to stay and she takes her sisters with her
when I bent over this morning my glasses fell into the toilet
My fiancé came to tell me that she should marry
but otherwise everything goes well
although
The cat almost stitched in a piece of cat bread
My father was caught drunk in his car
My dog almost got run over when I called him
but I may not complain for the rest
although
I have to go to the hospital with a broken leg
that was because of a fight with my girlfriend her husband
she's back with him but I couldn't care less
but otherwise everything goes well
Yeah I thought I'd ask how you were doing.
Yeah I thought let's answer.
I won't do that again.
No please don't do that anymore.
But for the rest all goes well?
Yes for the rest all goes well.
Oh luckily, that's enough for one week isn't it?
La-la-la
But for the rest
everything is okay
For the rest all goes well
although..
My only reply would be to say that you're attending the wrong church. Yes, I've seen this behavior, but then I leave and find another church. One needs to fellowship with authentic Christians.
That, and the fact that there are a lot of churches bigger than our local high-school. It's crazy. Never understood it. If a rich man has a better chance of going through the eye of a needle than going to heaven (or whatever it is) why do so many rich men congregate at huge churches and think they are going to heaven? Why so much money in these churches. Why are all the carpenters cups made of gold and silver and why does the cloth across the alter cost $500/yard.
My "Surviving" suggestion stems from experience with long winded people who give you their life story when you ask them "How are you doing?". There's one older lady at my church that I'm afraid to ask "How are you?" because she inevitably goes into a 20 minute detail by detail report of her health. I probably know more about her condition than her doctor, and she's actually in better health than most of the people who ask her how she's doing. Plus I don't get to greet other people when I'm tied up with her for so long, the building usually empties out as she goes on and on, and I'm too polite to just walk away. My solution; I now just greet her with "Hi, Howdy, or Hello there"
Nothing wrong with engaging in conversation in the parking lot or over lunch, but I just don't think its polite to dominate others with all your burdens because it becomes more like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting than a church service. "How are you?" is really meant as a superficial pleasantry, not a request for every intimate detail of everything that happened to you in the past week (information overload).
Ahh yes, I remember years ago at a church I was attending one lady who was from...the rough end of town, every week there was something wrong and that's all you'd hear about whether it was all true or just looking for sympathy I will not judge, either way...yes, gently teach our new life in the Lord, and how we should change how we think and react to situations etc..but at the same time have the patience to meet people where they are at, and pray for them too.. I'm not saying I m an expert at this by any means, in fact, I fall short of this more than I live it but my desire is to keep reminding myself to do this..for it is Gods will for each of is to be patient with those who are weaker in the faith (not saying I'm strong)
It was funny once. A girl came for the first time and she was like: ehm yeah I've been to ehm that place, she didn't want to talk about it.
I said: oooh Siependaal? Really? The mental institution. I've been there too. Had a great time. The swimming was cool wasn't it? Oh yeah says the other guy, I work with people from there. Oh I've been healed from 5 mental illnesses says another. LOL the only normal one left, wo used to fake, felt left out hahahahaha. We had so much fun.
When I came in that mental institution one guy said: we have gone past the shame. Since then I don't care anymore. I just blurt everything out, well not everything, I watch out a little bit, but a lot that normal people wouldn't blurt out. What do I care? Then others open up too. Somehow everyone thinks that everyone else but them is super holy and never has any struggle. And if they Judge you for it, that's their problem. My boss told me to be quiet about it though. He said: people are not used to it. They get upset when someone has a flue.
I said: oooh Siependaal? Really? The mental institution. I've been there too. Had a great time. The swimming was cool wasn't it? Oh yeah says the other guy, I work with people from there. Oh I've been healed from 5 mental illnesses says another. LOL the only normal one left, wo used to fake, felt left out hahahahaha. We had so much fun.
When I came in that mental institution one guy said: we have gone past the shame. Since then I don't care anymore. I just blurt everything out, well not everything, I watch out a little bit, but a lot that normal people wouldn't blurt out. What do I care? Then others open up too. Somehow everyone thinks that everyone else but them is super holy and never has any struggle. And if they Judge you for it, that's their problem. My boss told me to be quiet about it though. He said: people are not used to it. They get upset when someone has a flue.
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G
GraceRevelation
Guest
It's true...we don't want to obligate someone else to listen to our problems because honestly everyone's got them. The church should be for people to go to be uplifted and also listened to if they need it. A lot of churches have leaders that will schedule meetings with people to listen and try and offer sound christian advice or help. Family and friends are really the people to talk to because they care, your daddy God you should talk to everyday because he's your real help and he's ready to listen 24/7.
Be ready to Listen back!
Be ready to Listen back!
Fear of stepping into the Light, because the Light makes things visable. good post, my own view is we act fake as a way of Hiding the imperfections we know are there. Shame, which Jesus took for us. judegement which Jesus took for us. Pain which Jesus took for us. Ridicule, which Jesus took for us. and I believe in human nature because of Law, we know our imperfections are death without Jesus , who took death for us. Faking for the sake of others not seeing and judging who we are in truth in the depths of the secret Places. we don't want to be visible because we are flawed in so many ways. just my thought.