I am sorry about Angel, blue_ladybug. Just thinking that maybe God wants you to focus on "taking care" of something or someone else. My ex-wife had a friend who didn't want a boy baby and prayed fervently for a girl. She got the girl, but the baby got sick and died. She had a boy later and loved him just as much. I know that you have had big problems physically, but are you capable of taking care of another person? You may even find it more rewarding than loving your kitties. If you don't think that is what God has in mind for you, I am sorry I brought it up, but I would encourage you to explore other options.
When I was taking care of Tequila, she started getting sick again around the same time that I had the herniated disk/ sciatica in my back and leg. That was in November/December of 2014. At first, she only threw up occasionally, then more frequently, and often at least 3-4 times a day. Then she started losing her bowels. I was literally stuck in bed unable to move, getting up was agony, and I couldn't even walk or stand, much less clean up cat puke or poop. BUT, I live alone, so somehow I managed to clean it up, using God's strength because I didn't have any strength of my own.. Finally the herniated disk got better in March/April of 2015, even though I still suffered residual effects from up until an entire year later in March of this year.
By March 2015, Tequila had progressed to the point that she was throwing up several times a day, had chronic diarrhea and quite alot of gas. Even though my back was somewhat better due to PT, it still wasn't 100%. The added strain of having to bend over, squat down and pick up poop and vomit really took a toll on my back, so it kept going out. I made the decision to have her put to sleep, as much so that she wouldn't suffer anymore, but also so MY health wouldn't suffer. So March 16th she went home, and I started going to PT again. My body finally discovered it didn't have the physical and emotional stress of stooping and bending a dozen times a day, and since she's been gone, my back has been fine. Hasn't gone out once in the last 3 months.
God used my cat to teach me a lesson. That lesson was, that I had taken care of her long enough, and there was no more I could do to restore her health, but that I needed to restore MY own health. Had I let her just linger on and suffer, my health would still be suffering too. I've been stubborn lately, and I'm paying for it. I wanted a kitty so badly, and went and got one. A SICK one that I had to return for her own health, and so that mine wouldn't suffer again. The next cat I get will be healthy, I'm sure of it.
And I will be healthy also.