So happy, yet...not.

[Tinuviel]

I just found out a few days ago that my brother is engaged to an amazing girl, and they are getting married in June! I am super happy/excited for them! I love them both all the worlds, and think they will be really happy together. I cannot wait for a new sister and hopefully nieces and nephews not too far into the future!

But...I feel like I'm being left behind. I've always had a special relationship with this brother, and while we might still remain close, things are still going to change. They have to, and I've accepted that. However, accepting it doesn't make it any easier, and I feel so sad if I let myself think about it. Also there is the erational fear that I might never get married which plagues me every time someone I'm close to gets married (I know, I'm only sixteen, so that mindset is crazy! But not everything about being mature for my age is a plus!)


I'm just wondering if this is normal? Has anyone else has this experience? How did you deal with it? I'd really appreciate any feedback!

 

[Ugly]

When i was a teen i had similar worries about marriage, though not as bad as yours. Had them in my 20s. And 30s. Eventually i realized i spent more time worrying about marriage than i did about living. For some reason you place a high value on marriage and, whether you recognize it in yourself or not, you have this belief that without marriage you have little to know worth or meaning.
Learning to recognize you need no other human to be content in your life, or to be happy, or to have worth, is the first step. Sure, marriage is nice, but if the desire creates fear, anxiety, worry, lack of self worth, then you need to change your outlook and rearrange your priorities and get a more balanced outlook on life in general.

And maybe i'm confused, but being that worried about getting married at your age has Nothing to do with your being mature for your age. Nothing at all. Irrational fear isn't a maturity issues. It's having a wrong view of something. And that can happen at any age or maturity level.

 

[Tinuviel]

When i was a teen i had similar worries about marriage, though not as bad as yours. Had them in my 20s. And 30s. Eventually i realized i spent more time worrying about marriage than i did about living. For some reason you place a high value on marriage and, whether you recognize it in yourself or not, you have this belief that without marriage you have little to know worth or meaning.
Learning to recognize you need no other human to be content in your life, or to be happy, or to have worth, is the first step. Sure, marriage is nice, but if the desire creates fear, anxiety, worry, lack of self worth, then you need to change your outlook and rearrange your priorities and get a more balanced outlook on life in general.

And maybe i'm confused, but being that worried about getting married at your age has Nothing to do with your being mature for your age. Nothing at all. Irrational fear isn't a maturity issues. It's having a wrong view of something. And that can happen at any age or maturity level.

Thanks for your response! I really don't worry about marriage, and I realize that I'm just as beautiful (and even more useful) to God when I'm single; but...how do I explain? Ever since I remember marriage has been something that I just expected. As a kid I never wanted to "be a ballerina", I wanted marriage and kids. Then years ago I realized that I was taking the fact that I would get married for granted, I was in a panic...it would have been like seeing the world around you and knowing how to do EVERYTHING, and then going blind. You just have to relearn how to live and set different goals. And it really turned my life around. But sometimes, like when someone I'm close to gets married, I feel that old ache again, like I don't know how to live.

You're probably right about my irrational fear lol. the only reason I mentioned my maturity level was because since I feel so much older than I am I feel like marriage is already passing my by...or whatever... or something...anyway, I'm not being very mature now so I should sigh off. I feel very fragile tonight lol.

 

[shineyourlight]

I just found out a few days ago that my brother is engaged to an amazing girl, and they are getting married in June! I am super happy/excited for them! I love them both all the worlds, and think they will be really happy together. I cannot wait for a new sister and hopefully nieces and nephews not too far into the future!

But...I feel like I'm being left behind. I've always had a special relationship with this brother, and while we might still remain close, things are still going to change. They have to, and I've accepted that. However, accepting it doesn't make it any easier, and I feel so sad if I let myself think about it. Also there is the erational fear that I might never get married which plagues me every time someone I'm close to gets married (I know, I'm only sixteen, so that mindset is crazy! But not everything about being mature for my age is a plus!)


I'm just wondering if this is normal? Has anyone else has this experience? How did you deal with it? I'd really appreciate any feedback!

My younger brother and I have a very special relationship. He was married in August of 2014. I remember I had to come to grips that he had another woman in his life. Devon and I used to go on random rides, talk about life, God, and what's going on. Sure, we have a strong relaitonship but...it's different.

I think it's normal. It's not that you are not happy for him....because you are happy. But it'll be different. Just know that Devon and I have a strong relationship still. But I have, in a way, handed my brother over to his wife. I know, that sound extremely weird....but learning to "let go" of my little brother was the hardest thing to do. I was no longer his protector, but his wife was. I wouldn't be the one sticking up for him anymore, but his wife would. I wouldn't be the one taking care of him on weekends, but his wife would. I am happy for him and I was happy for him....but it was still hard.

 

[Ugly]

Thanks for your response! I really don't worry about marriage, and I realize that I'm just as beautiful (and even more useful) to God when I'm single; but...how do I explain? Ever since I remember marriage has been something that I just expected. As a kid I never wanted to "be a ballerina", I wanted marriage and kids. Then years ago I realized that I was taking the fact that I would get married for granted, I was in a panic...it would have been like seeing the world around you and knowing how to do EVERYTHING, and then going blind. You just have to relearn how to live and set different goals. And it really turned my life around. But sometimes, like when someone I'm close to gets married, I feel that old ache again, like I don't know how to live.

You're probably right about my irrational fear lol. the only reason I mentioned my maturity level was because since I feel so much older than I am I feel like marriage is already passing my by...or whatever... or something...anyway, I'm not being very mature now so I should sigh off. I feel very fragile tonight lol.

You do realize your first line here was 'i don't really worry about marriage' but in your first post you said 'there is the erational fear that I might never get married which plagues me every time someone I'm close to gets married'.
And, despite that post being about your brother, you still found a way to work in your fears about not marrying. You actually DO worry about marriage.
It may be true that you are working at changing this thinking, which is commendable, but it hasn't gone away, it's still there. Which isn't to say you aren't doing well at getting past it, such things take time. But you are not done with the work.

And you are fine. And being fragile isn't always a bad thing. We all have those moments, just some are better at hiding those moments than others. But that you have the awareness of all of this going on in you and are working towards self betterment is a good thing, so don't be discouraged.

 

[OrthodoxGirl]

I just found out a few days ago that my brother is engaged to an amazing girl, and they are getting married in June! I am super happy/excited for them! I love them both all the worlds, and think they will be really happy together. I cannot wait for a new sister and hopefully nieces and nephews not too far into the future!

But...I feel like I'm being left behind. I've always had a special relationship with this brother, and while we might still remain close, things are still going to change. They have to, and I've accepted that. However, accepting it doesn't make it any easier, and I feel so sad if I let myself think about it. Also there is the erational fear that I might never get married which plagues me every time someone I'm close to gets married (I know, I'm only sixteen, so that mindset is crazy! But not everything about being mature for my age is a plus!)


I'm just wondering if this is normal? Has anyone else has this experience? How did you deal with it? I'd really appreciate any feedback!

Hello sister in Christ,

I KNOW EXACTLY what you are going through. I am 23 years old and my brother who is younger than me got married almost 2 years ago... I was beyond thrilled and excited to finally have a sister. Let me tell you, despite our year and a half age gap, my brother and I act as if we are twins! It was a bit difficult to adjust to the new person, my sister in law, and being that she's another personality that maybe im not 100% used to, however I PRAISE Jesus that He led my brother to marry her. Yes sometimes we argue, but so do my brother and I and guess what? We make up, because we're family. And please please please DO NOT see this as her taking your brother from you or you losing your brother. Consider this Jesus' gift to you... That you also are getting a sister. You are going to be one rockin' auntie some day! And TRUST AND BELIEVE that when the time comes, and if you are called to, Jesus WILL guide you to the man you are meant to be with.

Maybe Jesus is working on him right now so you have to be patient. Also Jesus is working ON YOU right now as we speak. Please do not rush marriage and do not feel pressured to just settle, but take EVERYTHING to Jesus. You are so loved by the ALMIGHTY. Everything you are going through is building you up to be that rocking PSALM 31 woman someday! So my dear sister I leave you with this... Love both your brother and your new sister as Christ loves YOU and focus on Jesus. Focus on growing IN HIM and He will guide you.

Jesus bless you and be with you always,

Your sister in Christ. <3

 

[OrthodoxGirl]

My younger brother and I have a very special relationship. He was married in August of 2014. I remember I had to come to grips that he had another woman in his life. Devon and I used to go on random rides, talk about life, God, and what's going on. Sure, we have a strong relaitonship but...it's different.

I think it's normal. It's not that you are not happy for him....because you are happy. But it'll be different. Just know that Devon and I have a strong relationship still. But I have, in a way, handed my brother over to his wife. I know, that sound extremely weird....but learning to "let go" of my little brother was the hardest thing to do. I was no longer his protector, but his wife was. I wouldn't be the one sticking up for him anymore, but his wife would. I wouldn't be the one taking care of him on weekends, but his wife would. I am happy for him and I was happy for him....but it was still hard.

Aw, I so understand that. Jesus bless you, doll.

 

[Tinuviel]

My younger brother and I have a very special relationship. He was married in August of 2014. I remember I had to come to grips that he had another woman in his life. Devon and I used to go on random rides, talk about life, God, and what's going on. Sure, we have a strong relaitonship but...it's different.

I think it's normal. It's not that you are not happy for him....because you are happy. But it'll be different. Just know that Devon and I have a strong relationship still. But I have, in a way, handed my brother over to his wife. I know, that sound extremely weird....but learning to "let go" of my little brother was the hardest thing to do. I was no longer his protector, but his wife was. I wouldn't be the one sticking up for him anymore, but his wife would. I wouldn't be the one taking care of him on weekends, but his wife would. I am happy for him and I was happy for him....but it was still hard.

Thank you! Yes, that's what it is like. Loving my new almost-sister-in-law all the world, things are going to change. And hey! I'm gonna be the last one to condemn her for loving my brother because he's an amazing guy! I was just wondering if this was a normal step of working through things, or if I was being dumb and had to put up and shut up. Thanks for sharing your experience!

 

[Tinuviel]

You do realize your first line here was 'i don't really worry about marriage' but in your first post you said 'there is the erational fear that I might never get married which plagues me every time someone I'm close to gets married'.
And, despite that post being about your brother, you still found a way to work in your fears about not marrying. You actually DO worry about marriage.
It may be true that you are working at changing this thinking, which is commendable, but it hasn't gone away, it's still there. Which isn't to say you aren't doing well at getting past it, such things take time. But you are not done with the work.

And you are fine. And being fragile isn't always a bad thing. We all have those moments, just some are better at hiding those moments than others. But that you have the awareness of all of this going on in you and are working towards self betterment is a good thing, so don't be discouraged.

Yes, haha. I also mentioned that while I don't worry about marriage, a situation similar to this tends to drag my worry out of the dark corner where it hides in all it's ugliness. With God's help, I have been able to corner and control it, but not yet destroy it. We're still working on that Thanks for your encouragement!

 

[Tinuviel]

Hello sister in Christ,

I KNOW EXACTLY what you are going through. I am 23 years old and my brother who is younger than me got married almost 2 years ago... I was beyond thrilled and excited to finally have a sister. Let me tell you, despite our year and a half age gap, my brother and I act as if we are twins! It was a bit difficult to adjust to the new person, my sister in law, and being that she's another personality that maybe im not 100% used to, however I PRAISE Jesus that He led my brother to marry her. Yes sometimes we argue, but so do my brother and I and guess what? We make up, because we're family. And please please please DO NOT see this as her taking your brother from you or you losing your brother. Consider this Jesus' gift to you... That you also are getting a sister. You are going to be one rockin' auntie some day! And TRUST AND BELIEVE that when the time comes, and if you are called to, Jesus WILL guide you to the man you are meant to be with.

Maybe Jesus is working on him right now so you have to be patient. Also Jesus is working ON YOU right now as we speak. Please do not rush marriage and do not feel pressured to just settle, but take EVERYTHING to Jesus. You are so loved by the ALMIGHTY. Everything you are going through is building you up to be that rocking PSALM 31 woman someday! So my dear sister I leave you with this... Love both your brother and your new sister as Christ loves YOU and focus on Jesus. Focus on growing IN HIM and He will guide you.

Jesus bless you and be with you always,

Your sister in Christ. <3

Thank you for all your words of encouragement and for sharing your story with me! As I said in a post above, I don't blame my brother's fiance for falling in love with him, because he's a great guy. I don't see her as taking him away from me...but it's going to change and I'm adjusting to that.

 

[Xeano321]

I can relate on this problem... Heavily. Seen my sisters, and friends pursue that married life. Leaves you wondering with the "if and when", which is perturbing... It's hard to put into words, really. I totally see what Tinuviel is experiencing. Is it a slight form of jealously? Maybe. Am I a bit upset that God hasn't done the same for me? Possibly (one can only wonder.Then other crazy thoughts arise, like being the only one out of your group of friends that doesn't marry... Devil is at work here folks. XD) It's a strange strange feeling. Learning how to live alone for the rest of your life is a bit scary too, mostly because I don't know how... If that makes sense. Too few role models in life to simulate LOL.

Pray for your future husband. Pray that God will protect his heart and inspire him to wait for you. It's a bit reassuring to know that God watching over your future spouse, whether you're getting married or not.

You just have to relearn how to live and set different goals.

It might alleviate your fear(s) if you set goals that can adjust to fit future changes in your life... What you foresee now is rarely ever what arrives five years from now. Did you set a goal that you would be married and have a kid by the time you're 25? Lighten that up, life may not follow your map that perfect (it could, but you'll be disappointed if it doesn't.) Set a goal to maybe get married. Then see what happens. (Kind of exciting actually. Has helped me a bit.)

 

[Tinuviel]

I can relate on this problem... Heavily. Seen my sisters, and friends pursue that married life. Leaves you wondering with the "if and when", which is perturbing... It's hard to put into words, really. I totally see what Tinuviel is experiencing. Is it a slight form of jealously? Maybe. Am I a bit upset that God hasn't done the same for me? Possibly (one can only wonder.Then other crazy thoughts arise, like being the only one out of your group of friends that doesn't marry... Devil is at work here folks. XD) It's a strange strange feeling. Learning how to live alone for the rest of your life is a bit scary too, mostly because I don't know how... If that makes sense. Too few role models in life to simulate LOL.

Pray for your future husband. Pray that God will protect his heart and inspire him to wait for you. It's a bit reassuring to know that God watching over your future spouse, whether you're getting married or not.



It might alleviate your fear(s) if you set goals that can adjust to fit future changes in your life... What you foresee now is rarely ever what arrives five years from now. Did you set a goal that you would be married and have a kid by the time you're 25? Lighten that up, life may not follow your map that perfect (it could, but you'll be disappointed if it doesn't.) Set a goal to maybe get married. Then see what happens. (Kind of exciting actually. Has helped me a bit.)

Thanks! Could be jealousy I suppose...mostly I see it in myself as a major faith issue. I mean seriously, God is sovereign, how many times do I tell others that? Yet in simple areas in my life I don't take it for myself! Human beings are so, so frail! It should send us to our knees, shouldn't it? Wow.

 

[shineyourlight]

Thank you! Yes, that's what it is like. Loving my new almost-sister-in-law all the world, things are going to change. And hey! I'm gonna be the last one to condemn her for loving my brother because he's an amazing guy! I was just wondering if this was a normal step of working through things, or if I was being dumb and had to put up and shut up. Thanks for sharing your experience!

I just prayed to God and ask, "Show me ways on how to let go." There weren't really "steps" on what I had to do.

 

[Tinuviel]

I just prayed to God and ask, "Show me ways on how to let go." There weren't really "steps" on what I had to do.

Ok thanks...and I love your signature!