I wish I wasn't sexual

[ServantStrike]

I can tell you from first hand experience that God may well take what you feel is a distant (or even improbable) future and make it a reality for you. I can (and will) gladly type volumes if it will give you or anyone else here encouragement, but here are the bullet points.

- After a debilitating illness, I spent over a decade of my life feeling like a social outcast that did not belong. I never understood why people wanted to be near to me, and as soon as they were gone I felt like they must have done so out of pity
- I also spent a long time fearing that unless I attained absolute perfection, God would never see fit to change my circumstances. I lived in fear of failing God because I worried that if I did, my situation would become even more dismal
- I spent the first 29 years and 11 of my months of my life without a first kiss
- My soon to be bride spent the first 24.5 years of her life never having been on a date, she's often quite shy and I absolutely love her gentle and sweet heart. She was so special that waiting until she came out of her shell was a labor of love for me. I didn't have to work very hard at it either. God had so equipped me after my trials that by the 3rd or 4th date we were discussing marriage. Her parents knew within 1.5 months, and with their blessing, she had a ring on her finger within 2 months. A Burmese ruby with white diamonds in a channel setting to throw some extra light on it.

A lot has changed about me over the years, and yet it's very little in the grand scheme of things. I'm lucky in that I'm not an introvert (at least not always), so it may have been easier for me in some ways, but you have other factors working in your favor that I do not have.

I can guarantee you with certainty that God does not intend for you to be alone (that is to say you will find true friends) if you find the skills you need to interact with others. The Holy Spirit residing within you is more than up to the task of helping you find these friends.

I cannot promise you with certainty that you will end up with a husband some day, but I will say that logically it's quite possible. Shy women are very beautiful to the men who have the patience to see them bloom. I'd trade everything I have and even my newfound health and vigor before I'd ever change the heart of my betrothed. She's even become less shy. Seeing her heart grow makes her even more ravenously beautiful to me than she was before.


So, feel free to ask questions if any of that helped. I've got to go write my fiance another love letter, I think she's due one... typing how special she is made me remember just how special she is. She needs to hear that again - she can never hear it too many times.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

I wish I could see it that way. But like I said, it's borderline impossible to call something good when it's caused you nothing but pain and isolation. At times I get so sick of trying to deal with it I want to cry. Nor can I change the way I think. I've always had autism and I always will. Whatever God wants for me, I'll follow it. But that doesn't mean I'll be happy about it.

Your struggle opens up the potential to meet others where they're at in similar trials. It's still hard to see it as a positive thing, but empathy can be powerful. (I don't mean to dismiss or minimize it, in any case.)

I really hope that what you choose to follow ultimately makes you happy.

 

[RickyZ]

I'm a young woman in my early twenties, and have been a Christian for five years. I also have Asperger's Syndrome, which makes it difficult to form and maintain relationships. Because of this, I often feel lonely. I've even told God I hated the way he made me, and that includes this part about me.

I know desire in and of itself isn't bad. I've never been in a relationship, never viewed porn, or even had sex. But it's really hard not to think of it as bad when it's been causing me nothing but pain. I don't mean to sound self-pitying, but it's the truth.

Hi Princess. I know what you are going thru. Wish I was asexual as well. I did a little tongue in cheek bit on the sexuality of God some time back; I think most people glean at least a little something from it in understanding the desires of our flesh and how they jibe with God. It's here http://christianchat.com/blogs/rickyz/4636-sexuality-god.html if you want to look at it. But yeah. Life would be sooo much easier if we didn't have this d*mmed flesh. Especially for Asperger's, my nephew who we are close to has it and that's a tough road to hoe. He's asexual with his, but one could be just as easily hypersexual as well. He's not real good with friends either, I mean he has them but they're never close and seldom long lived. You have my prayers, Father set angels around this girl to occupy the enemy and break their holds on her flesh, may Your Holy Spirit then cleanse that flesh and wash away it's own taggings. Holy Spirit gift her with wisdom and understanding, and focus her disability into a super ability in Your Spirit and this world.

The thing is I probably would feel better if I had a few friends my age. But I really don't. I'm very shy, awkward, and not very outgoing. What's the point of having this God-given desire for relationship if it's automatically hard for me? And even though I'm a Christian (said the prayer), I sometimes am very afraid to trust God and getting even the slightest bit out of line.

It takes a conscious decision to accept Christ, and nothing short of a conscious decision to reject Him will ever separate you from Him. 'Getting out of line' (sinning) doesn't affect our relationship with Him (forget the old Testament vengeful God because He's retired). But there are 2 dimensions at work here now, and you have to keep in mind how sin works differently in each:

As I said, in respect to salvation, forgiveness is a once-for-lifetime event and the power of sin has no effect on it. God will keep you for as long as you stay, and regard you as pure no matter how dirty you get. In this aspect once saved your sin does not exist, even the ones you commit post-salvation. So you don't have to worry about pissing off God if you stumble and fall. You can trust that He's not going to turn on you.

But in the here and now, the power of sin is that if you submit your flesh to a spiritual authority thru sin, your flesh is submitted to a spiritual authority... until you confess and rebuke it. That's important, especially in a case like Asperger's. And that is where repentance comes into play in the life of the believer. It's not to 'regain' your admittance to heaven, it's to break strongholds in your flesh that are tempting you to do things that would otherwise piss off God

Trust me, trust Him. Getting out of line affects your relationship with the flesh and this world far far more than it does your relationship with Him. I've found that no matter how far off His path I stray, it's only 1 step away to get back on His. He's that faithful and trustworthy, even when I'm not.

I will say God bless you, and bless you richly; according to your faith may it be returned to you a hundred fold in the flesh and the Spirit my sister. You face greater challenges, but with that comes the potential to reach higher things. May the Blood of Jesus cleanse your flesh, and the Holy Spirit carry you far.

Amen!

 

[sharkwhales]

I wish I could see it that way. But like I said, it's borderline impossible to call something good when it's caused you nothing but pain and isolation. At times I get so sick of trying to deal with it I want to cry. Nor can I change the way I think. I've always had autism and I always will. Whatever God wants for me, I'll follow it. But that doesn't mean I'll be happy about it.

I am very sorry for the difficulty and pain you experience as you struggle with this. But what if there is still a way for God to help you to grow through it and become stronger, so you don't suffer? When I was an adolescent I was diagnosed with clinical depression. When I was 19 I had a very strong experience of God for an extended period and through many things God was doing with me, I was healed of that depression and did not experience it that way ever again. Not to say I never struggled with anything else, but that is something God did for me that psychiatrists did not think was possible. Your words have power, even if you consider yourself limited, don't limit God's ability to change and improve your situation somehow.

I have to wonder if there isn't something God might be wanting to show you through this, if you take it to him. Maybe it's about something deeper than the sexuality itself?

 

[AsifinPassing]

I'm a young woman in my early twenties, and have been a Christian for five years. I also have Asperger's Syndrome, which makes it difficult to form and maintain relationships. Because of this, I often feel lonely. I've even told God I hated the way he made me, and that includes this part about me.

I know desire in and of itself isn't bad. I've never been in a relationship, never viewed porn, or even had sex. But it's really hard not to think of it as bad when it's been causing me nothing but pain. I don't mean to sound self-pitying, but it's the truth.

There are times I also wished that, but there are also times I don't.

I suppose it's a question of nature vs nurture, but then... there's also this question: 'Just because something is innate, does that some make it necessary or determine the morality of its existence?'

For example, humans seem to have an innate desire or persuasion or inclination to sin largely fed by another innate desire for self-preservation, indulgence, etc etc...

Interesting, then, that both of those desires (while largely disputed), seem to be incorrect to act upon, and yet occur naturally. Now, I'm not trying in this way to liken our sexuality to sin, but I am curious as to why people think something occurring naturally has any bearing on its morality.


Perhaps God gave us sexual desire. Most would say procreation and pleasure are good things. However, the Bible speaks pretty clearly on how that is only to be enjoyed in the context of marriage (and with only that partner) by God's design/desire.

So then, what do we do with that desire outside of that context? Well, it becomes sin... Most seem to grasp that easily enough, but it certainly creates a struggle.

Paul actually says that it's good not to have sexual relations or get married (from his point of view...), but Solomon in Proverbs speaks to the opposite about how a man should enjoy his wife and found a good thing (blessed by God) in marrying.

So, there are many such interesting matters to ponder...

Yeah, the struggle is real, but to live is to struggle. Life is a complex dance of choice and consequence.

 

[cinder]

The thing is I'd rather have friends I can actually talk face-to-face with. I had a couple friends growing up but for the most part, I was the shy, quiet one everyone overlooked. And even before I knew I have Asperger's, I knew I was different from everyone else. I love my family, but I'd also like to be chosen.

And I know someone's going to say, "Well, God chose you." But, God loves everyone that way. How is it different for any one person. Besides, when you have high-functioning autism, it's hard enough trying to have relationships with people you can sense with your five senses. So imagine how much harder it is to try and have a relationship with someone you can't sense at all.

I wish I could see it that way. But like I said, it's borderline impossible to call something good when it's caused you nothing but pain and isolation. At times I get so sick of trying to deal with it I want to cry. Nor can I change the way I think. I've always had autism and I always will. Whatever God wants for me, I'll follow it. But that doesn't mean I'll be happy about it.

So the question I'm still not entirely clear on here is are you mainly lonely and wanting just to find friends and connect with people and resenting that God made you a relational being, or is your struggle more with the biochemical pressure to experience the physical side of sex, and resenting that God is so restrictive about it? Either way, I have personally found that when I have no one I feel connected to my desire for a romantic relationship increases, but having a few friends I can talk to generally helps moderate that desire.

As to the desire to be chosen, yeah I can relate to that. Mostly with me it comes out as I want the affirmation of some guy falling in love with me, even though I often don't want to deal with all the complications and implications of being in a relationship. And as I come close to being maybe a little bit mature, I'm learning to not be too hard on myself for wanting something like that, but also that it's better and a lot less painful to not start something you can't finish than to get all emotionally entangled and feel stuck in a situation you no longer want to be in.

As to a preference for in person communication, you're free to have your own preferences, but I have found that written communication can help minimize some of my lack of social graces and misunderstandings. So you are welcome to jump in here and see if you can't build some friendships. It's not the same as in person, but it does have it's advantages and it can help.

 

[HistoryPrincess]

Like I said, I don't really have that much to complain about. I have a nice family, I'm not poor. But I also have a very melancholy personality. As much as I love my family, they don't seem to get my real lack of emotional and physical fulfillment. I do get hugs now and then but, it's very minimal and quick. I don't mean to come across this way but, I'm probably the neediest and most desperate person I know.

I honestly view the whole thing as just a cruel joke. When I'm alone I'm a very passionate person, and I want to share it with someone. But I don't have the skills necessary for it. I've heard that God uses trials like this to bring us closer to Him, but that just makes me angrier. It sounds like a guy sending robbers after his girlfriend so he can come rescue her. Or a father pushing his son down the stairs so he can go comfort him.

 

[tourist]

As a guy I'm not sure what to tell you. A lot of people that are a lot older than you have never been in a relationship. My younger brother had not even been on a date until he was 30 (he married that girl) so please don't give up hope. God certainly knows and understands you and what you are feeling and He will not be slack to address that part of your life but you may have to be a little patient. You don't sound self-pitying at all. I have said a prayer for you. Welcome to CC.

 

[wisebeardman]

yeah, im almost 34 and been alone all me life. it is what it is

 

[RickyZ]

I've heard that God uses trials like this to bring us closer to Him, but that just makes me angrier. It sounds like a guy sending robbers after his girlfriend so he can come rescue her. Or a father pushing his son down the stairs so he can go comfort him.

Even tho God can use our trials, that doesn't mean He brings them on us. God is not the ruler of this world. Our trials are not from Him.

 

[coby]

Like I said, I don't really have that much to complain about. I have a nice family, I'm not poor. But I also have a very melancholy personality. As much as I love my family, they don't seem to get my real lack of emotional and physical fulfillment. I do get hugs now and then but, it's very minimal and quick. I don't mean to come across this way but, I'm probably the neediest and most desperate person I know.

I honestly view the whole thing as just a cruel joke. When I'm alone I'm a very passionate person, and I want to share it with someone. But I don't have the skills necessary for it. I've heard that God uses trials like this to bring us closer to Him, but that just makes me angrier. It sounds like a guy sending robbers after his girlfriend so he can come rescue her. Or a father pushing his son down the stairs so he can go comfort him.

I was so mad at Him. He was simply unwilling to give me someone and I have no friends. I felt horribly alone and desperate for a man and not a bit desperate, no I needed a man NOW!!!! And He just says no.
I was really mad at Him. Well then okay if You want it like that I will crush on You!! And so I did. I got this amazing dream the next morning of a Prince on a white horse Who put me on His horse. I had a dream once of Him and me on a sailship. He was the Captain.
Get a relationship with Him. He wants your heart, the first place. Then He can heal you so later maybe you can have a man or it doesn't even interest you anymore because He is awesome.

 

[Ugly]

Like I said, I don't really have that much to complain about. I have a nice family, I'm not poor. But I also have a very melancholy personality. As much as I love my family, they don't seem to get my real lack of emotional and physical fulfillment. I do get hugs now and then but, it's very minimal and quick. I don't mean to come across this way but, I'm probably the neediest and most desperate person I know.

I honestly view the whole thing as just a cruel joke. When I'm alone I'm a very passionate person, and I want to share it with someone. But I don't have the skills necessary for it. I've heard that God uses trials like this to bring us closer to Him, but that just makes me angrier. It sounds like a guy sending robbers after his girlfriend so he can come rescue her. Or a father pushing his son down the stairs so he can go comfort him.

Truth is people grow the most during hard times, not during easy times. You will never know how much you can handle until you go through things you thought you couldn't go through, and survive. Growing hurts. It's not fun. But it opens our eyes to what we are capable of.
This is not only a spiritual principle, but is also recognized outside of belief in God.
I've talked about my life to other Christians and more than once people who were strong in their faith, people who i felt were stronger in their faith than i was, have told me they were surprised i was still a Christian, and some even said they didn't know if they would still be if they went through things i had. It sucks. Life often sucks. I'm not happy for all that i've had to go through. But life is difficult for most people. Some people have it easier than you. And some people would wish their life was as good as yours.
I can't say what God's reason is for why He has you going through all this. It's not my, or anyone else's place to say, either. But that's part of faith, believing in what you have no reason to believe.

 

[HistoryPrincess]

I was so mad at Him. He was simply unwilling to give me someone and I have no friends. I felt horribly alone and desperate for a man and not a bit desperate, no I needed a man NOW!!!! And He just says no.
I was really mad at Him. Well then okay if You want it like that I will crush on You!! And so I did. I got this amazing dream the next morning of a Prince on a white horse Who put me on His horse. I had a dream once of Him and me on a sailship. He was the Captain.
Get a relationship with Him. He wants your heart, the first place. Then He can heal you so later maybe you can have a man or it doesn't even interest you anymore because He is awesome.

Thing is, I don't view Him like that. He's not my husband or anything like that. If anything, He just owns the fire insurance I'm getting. I'm not very good at relationships anyway, and it feels way too awkward trying to have one with someone who is so unlike me in every way. Bottom line, all I see Him as is someone who wiped out the red on my ledger. That's it. Nothing more.

 

[wisebeardman]

someone who wiped out the red on my ledger.

I read that, and I think that avengers movie...

 

[coby]

Thing is, I don't view Him like that. He's not my husband or anything like that. If anything, He just owns the fire insurance I'm getting. I'm not very good at relationships anyway, and it feels way too awkward trying to have one with someone who is so unlike me in every way. Bottom line, all I see Him as is someone who wiped out the red on my ledger. That's it. Nothing more.

But if you don't get to know Him like your Dad or just Friend it's very hard to be in a relationship with someone.
When I was 18 I asked Him for a man. He said He so hoped that the relationship with Him would come on the first place for me. Took me more than 25 years and two divorces to finally come to that point. He can heal you also btw. He didn't put that on you to make you suffer. You suffer if you don't have a relationship with Him and expect it from a person to give you what only He can and then you could also have a good relationship with someone.

 

[Ugly]

Thing is, I don't view Him like that. He's not my husband or anything like that. If anything, He just owns the fire insurance I'm getting. I'm not very good at relationships anyway, and it feels way too awkward trying to have one with someone who is so unlike me in every way. Bottom line, all I see Him as is someone who wiped out the red on my ledger. That's it. Nothing more.

I agree with not viewing God as a husband or boyfriend or whatever romantic aspect that can be taken. But true Christianity is about having a relationship with God.
And as far as 'unlike you in every way', have you heard of Jesus? God coming to earth experiencing sexual desire, fear, pain, sadness, happiness, joy, hunger, thirst, being out of breath, getting a splinter, betrayal, not being accepted, and a whole list of other feelings and temptations.
God understands the difficulty you have in carrying a relationship of any kind with someone and no doubt knows that your relationship with Him will be different with the kind He has with most others. But he also expects us all to at least make the effort.
Given the tone in which you speak in this thread, the real problem isn't your autism or difficulty in relationships, it's that your attitude towards God sounds as if you are bitter towards some distant being that has no clue what it's like to be human. Just like any relationship with a person, if you harbor bitterness and resentment while putting up walls and creating separations between you and the other person, doing the same with God will only increase the problems, not resolve them.

 

[HistoryPrincess]

But if you don't get to know Him like your Dad or just Friend it's very hard to be in a relationship with someone.

My relationship with my dad isn't the best. Yes, he loves me very much, but he and I aren't particularly close. And I don't really have any friends anyway, so it's kind of hard to even know what to do. And based on what you're saying, it sounds like He only wants to have me to himself. And I'd rather not be put in that position. Just because it's 'His will' doesn't mean I have to like it. Right now the closest thing I have to a 'relationship' with him goes like this: God gives me this life I never asked for, and in return, I just do whatever he says and not ask questions. What I may want is irrelevant.

 

[GaryA]

Thing is, I don't view Him like that. He's not my husband or anything like that. If anything, He just owns the fire insurance I'm getting. I'm not very good at relationships anyway, and it feels way too awkward trying to have one with someone who is so unlike me in every way. Bottom line, all I see Him as is someone who wiped out the red on my ledger. That's it. Nothing more.

You are not "seeing" God well enough. You are not fully grasping -- just exactly Who He is - and, who you are in comparison - and, what He has done for you.

My relationship with my dad isn't the best. Yes, he loves me very much, but he and I aren't particularly close. And I don't really have any friends anyway, so it's kind of hard to even know what to do. And based on what you're saying, it sounds like He only wants to have me to himself. And I'd rather not be put in that position. Just because it's 'His will' doesn't mean I have to like it. Right now the closest thing I have to a 'relationship' with him goes like this: God gives me this life I never asked for, and in return, I just do whatever he says and not ask questions. What I may want is irrelevant.

"Yes, darlin' - you do have to like it. What you want is irrevelant. What He wants is supreme."

( Please understand the context. )

And, I would like to suggest to you that -- God is not going to "let up" until you "comply" with His will... ( and, like it )

If you are truly born-again -- and having the Holy Spirit -- and listening to the Holy Spirit -- you will want to do His will.

Everything in your life does not come directly from God; Satan also has influence on your life's experiences. Don't get angry with God; rather, listen to Him. He is trying to help you...

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

"Yes, darlin' - you do have to like it. What you want is irrevelant."

That's some tough food to chew.

 

[GaryA]

That's some tough food to chew.

Yes, I know...

For all of us.

Nonetheless -- it is biblical.

God wants us to do His will. And, He has the right to demand it.

However, He has also promised us that - if we will do His will - He will "see to it" that we are 'blessed' for doing so.