Relationship Boundaries?

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abby98023

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Im new to christianchat.com but I am a Christian and am just looking for some help.

I am 16 and have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We both love the Lord with everything we have. That is our favorite thing about each other.
The question I have is on physical boundaries. He is a rare boy in the world that doesnt watch porn and he doesnt even think about sex. You guys can say im lying but Im not. so if you dont believe me then please just let someone else help me.

We are so confused on where to stop with our boundaries. We know that touching boobs, butt, other genitals, is wrong, but why? why is it wrong if he isnt lusting and I am not lusting either. It just feels good.

I want to know, from a biblical standpoint, where is the wrong in touching each other, if we arent having actual intercourse, oral, or any other forms of sex until marriage.
 
HEy...I was a teen when I met my teen girlfriend..and now, we've been married for 40 yrs. WE made a vow to each other, confirmed it by going up to the altar and prayed about it privately, side by side, while we were dating. We had something to look forward to on our wedding night, indeed! Now, we had special kisses, ticklish places, and coy fun whimsical and teasing episodes which is only natural. I remember one time I accidentally reached out while we were dancing and I grabbed her bra. She got pinched and I was red in the face because I was so embarrassed..and we were not in public..we were dancing and playing alone. Now, my children laugh when we share with them that we were virgins until our wedding night. Seems like what you two are dealing with is that the world expects you to sleep with each other and you rationalized "Oh, no..we will not actually sleep together and have intercourse....but since we feel good in each other's company, we feel like it's ok to know each other's bodies because we are not really lusting..we are just exploring what feels good and seems natural."....Never 'justify" by that way..simply enjoy and hug and kiss and squeeze and hold tight....and save all the other 'good stuff" for later..it will be your reward.
 
Hi Abby!

You're right, as long as you're not all out having sex, it's not wrong. But lets think of it this way: we're human. Even the most emotionally pure of us can have a moment of downfall, a weak moment when we aren't pure, when Satan creeps in, when we lose sight of Christ and the cross. Do you want to put yourself...KNOWINGLY put yourself and your boyfriend, in danger of that position?

I know that right now you would never DREAM of having another boyfriend, but another thing to consider is this: you aren't bound to this guy, at this point it is not sinful to break with him (as it would be after marriage, for instance), IF you would break up with this young man, would you want that on your record, would you want to tell your new bf "oh, and by the way, while I'm still technically virgin, this other guy touched my boobs and..."

One more consideration point: what are you trying to do?? since sex before marriage is wrong, shouldn't you try to stay as far away as possible, instead of doing as much as possible without losing your virginity? While it might not be wrong, is it wise? Is it something Christ would have done? If you were touching each other in the aforementioned ways, and someone found out (a non-christian classmate, say), would it help or hinder your witness for the Lord?

These are just a few things to think about, I hope you prayerfully consider the answers that you're given here. It sounds like you have an amazing boyfriend and I'm super happy for you! Keep shining for the Lord!
 
I see you have this same thread in Young Adults forum also. It isn't necessary to make duplicate threads in multiple forums. The mods don't like it and it clogs up the forums. I will ask a mod to remove the thread in the other forum.

As to your OP, you are 16, wayyyyy too young to be dating. Certainly too young to let some guy grope your boobs. :/ And YOU should NOT be touching HIS private parts either. Touching or groping each other CAN lead to lust. You wouldn't want him to touch your boobs if you WEREN'T lusting for it. Just as he wouldn't want you to touch him, if he wasn't lusting for it. Sex outside of marriage is a sin that God does not condone. I suggest you and your bf focus on being kids and for goodness sake, stop touching each other!! It's nasty, inappropriate and wrong. If you ARE having sex, then I hope you're using protection. The LAST thing you need is a baby. :/
 
blue_ladybug said:
I see you have this same thread in Young Adults forum also. It isn't necessary to make duplicate threads in multiple forums. The mods don't like it and it clogs up the forums. I will ask a mod to remove the thread in the other forum.

As to your OP, you are 16, wayyyyy too young to be dating. Certainly too young to let some guy grope your boobs. :/ And YOU should NOT be touching HIS private parts either. Touching or groping each other CAN lead to lust. You wouldn't want him to touch your boobs if you WEREN'T lusting for it. Just as he wouldn't want you to touch him, if he wasn't lusting for it. Sex outside of marriage is a sin that God does not condone. I suggest you and your bf focus on being kids and for goodness sake, stop touching each other!! It's nasty, inappropriate and wrong. If you ARE having sex, then I hope you're using protection. The LAST thing you need is a baby. :/
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Well, I have to disagree. We are not too young to be dating. I know 8 people who met in their mid-teens and have been married for 10+ years so far.
As for touching, Im not saying that we are groping each other as that is innapropriate. I said in my post that we know its wrong. We are so much more focused on growing in our relationship with God rather then feeling each other up. Hence why I am writing this post. to see where the biblical standpoint is on physical contact.

And Sorry I didnt know where to post it. I will delete it from the other place
 
Touching each other IS groping. If you're touching his private parts, rubbing it or whatever, that's groping. Same with him touching you and rubbing your breast. Touching can lead to one or both of you getting "turned on", and THAT ALWAYS leads to sex. I wouldn't even do kissing, hand holding OR snuggling. It takes one moment to get all hot and bothered and hop in bed. As tourist stated in the other thread, you're both putting yourself IN temptation, rather than fleeing from it. And you ARE too young to be dating. Especially since you have these types of questions about what's appropriate and what isn't. Just because you know 8 people who met and married in THEIR teens, does NOT mean you need to follow their poor example and do the same. I would suggest you wait until you're 18, and learn what a relationship is all about, and what sex is all about, before you go experimenting on your own.
 
I wouldn't say your to young to be dating, started dating my wife when I was 16 heck my sister got married at sixteen both of us still have very good relationships... As far as your question I'd defiantly limit the physical contact there's nothing wrong with a hug or a kiss or a hand hold but if y'all start to get all touchy it is very likely to lead to other things best left for your wedding night.
 
@Blue Did it ever occur to you that you can do all that stuff and not be lead down the path to sex? Just watch yourself, amd make him respect your boundaries. And stand where you stand. Dont let him persuade you into something your not comfortable in.
 
abby98023 said:
Im new to christianchat.com but I am a Christian and am just looking for some help.

I am 16 and have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We both love the Lord with everything we have. That is our favorite thing about each other.
The question I have is on physical boundaries. He is a rare boy in the world that doesnt watch porn and he doesnt even think about sex. You guys can say im lying but Im not. so if you dont believe me then please just let someone else help me.

We are so confused on where to stop with our boundaries. We know that touching boobs, butt, other genitals, is wrong, but why? why is it wrong if he isnt lusting and I am not lusting either. It just feels good.

I want to know, from a biblical standpoint, where is the wrong in touching each other, if we arent having actual intercourse, oral, or any other forms of sex until marriage.
Click to expand...

One of the things you said is that he doesn't think about sex but then you said, "it just feels good." How do you know if he doesn't think about it or if he never touched you?

The rule in my church is that if you are doing whatever and you feel like sex then the date is over.

Having children is incredibly expensive, tiring and time consuming which is what sex produces. Sex at an early age is also the wrong choice for your life right now because you should be concerned about grades, graduating, college, career, and home in this order. When I got married, my wife didn't finish her Master's degree so we waited until she finished her Master's degree before we had children and she recognized my wisdom that directly during the first six months to a year, it wasn't possible to complete courses because she was constantly waking up to a baby crying saying he needed to be changed, burped, rocked and fed.

People who have sex before marriage don't always have a commitment and sex before marriage teaches someone that they can get something for free. So I've met Christians who said they were pregnant, wanted the baby but stopped talking to me because they couldn't afford to care for the child and then they went off and had an abortion.

There was also a sign on the wall when I took my wife in for prenatal checkups that said if you had more than so many partners, you were at risk for STDs.

You would also be ruining sex for yourself and a future husband because statistically, you could fall into certain statistics where women get bored with sex and they say, "It is just sex" or there is another category women fall into.

What does it do to the children to grow up with a single parent? I could not be a single parent and my kid's grades would suffer because I have to work and my wife is the one who helps with homework. I couldn't get it all done or schedule it all. I also fall down on the job where my body gets sick or I am tired and the other spouse has added responsibilities.

The other issue is that married life is more than sex. When sex gets old, there is still another side to marriage that you have to work on and people who are after sex aren't concentrating on the other things that would tell you whether you are really compatible or not because you are focused on play instead of responsibilities. Statistically, half of the people who get married will get divorced and the numbers could be or get greater than that. So if you are just focused on sex, you aren't concentrating on all the warning signs of getting married to whom you think is the right person. There are lots of married people who are doing the wash and they are lonely because the husband or wife is out at work but the responsibilities of marriage don't go away.

I've had to take care of my wife for days on end because she was sick and we have children. It is literally hard and I couldn't lay down on the bed because I knew I wouldn't get up and it would have been a disaster to fall asleep because it would have ruined everything.

God says not to do it. You won't get the knowledge until you walk down the wrong path and then you will experience it. I could spend hours writing about it but I'm not. When you think you know more than God and make those decisions, you can literally start crying from the mistakes because you didn't listen.


Do you have a concordance in a separate book like Strong's or Young's?

I want you to look up fornication, lasciviousness and lust.

Here is a word search for fornication:
Blue Letter Bible - Search Results for KJV

Here is a word search for lasciviousness:
Blue Letter Bible - Search Results for KJV

Here is the word search for lust:
Blue Letter Bible - Search Results for KJV
 
abby98023 said:
Im new to christianchat.com but I am a Christian and am just looking for some help.

I am 16 and have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We both love the Lord with everything we have. That is our favorite thing about each other.
The question I have is on physical boundaries. He is a rare boy in the world that doesnt watch porn and he doesnt even think about sex. You guys can say im lying but Im not. so if you dont believe me then please just let someone else help me.

We are so confused on where to stop with our boundaries. We know that touching boobs, butt, other genitals, is wrong, but why? why is it wrong if he isnt lusting and I am not lusting either. It just feels good.

I want to know, from a biblical standpoint, where is the wrong in touching each other, if we arent having actual intercourse, oral, or any other forms of sex until marriage.
Click to expand...


I will hit you with a bunch of scriptures in a minute but first just because it feels good does not mean it is right. You can do a lot of things that feel good but not be good. As a christian, it may feel good, and it's suppose to but it's off limits until marriage. Your boundries should be kissing and hugging. Nothing more. No cuddling. Nothing that would lead you down the dark and enticing road that you cannot come back from.

Here are some scriptures,

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality. --1st Thessalonians 4:3

2 Timothy 2:22 - Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

1 Peter 2:11 - Dearly beloved, I beseech [you] as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;

1 Corinthians 6:18 - Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body

Titus 2:12 - Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;





There are so many more verses. Point in blank. Do you think it's pure to be touching each other in a sexual manner outside of marriage epsically when you're not married? Touching only begets lust which begets sex. Also if you want to point people to Christ you need to be the example...show someone the light in your relationship by saying that you don't have to have sex or lust to be happy in a relationship.

 
Colt45Bullet said:
@Blue Did it ever occur to you that you can do all that stuff and not be lead down the path to sex? Just watch yourself, amd make him respect your boundaries. And stand where you stand. Dont let him persuade you into something your not comfortable in.
Click to expand...


​Colt, did it ever occur to you that they ARE already touching each other's privates, since the OP did say "it feels so good"? Touching usually leads to getting aroused, which leads to sex much of the time. Very rarely does touching, kissing and snuggling NOT lead down the pathway to sex.
 
I agree with shineyourlight, what's with the fake age thing? Is your bf actually 25 and you 16? Either way, you guys are getting way too close to each other and it is not healthy! Even if your bf says he never watches porn and doesn't think about sex it does NOT excuse fondling each other. When you touch each other in those areas, you can be sure it is stimulating those sexual areas of the brain and you guys are thinking about sex without actually committing it. I think the best way to describe it is mental fornication. Remember Jesus said if you look at another woman with lust you have already committed adultery with that person. Same thing applies, lustful thoughts are feeding your "touching episodes" and when you touch that person, you're just feeding your bad thoughts more in a feedback loop...

My advice is to stop all this extra touching stuff and at best hold hands that's all. It seems you guys have gotten too close to the line so I would advise not kissing or hugging until some boundaries are definitely set..
 
There is nothing wrong with snuggling. Now granted, I dont do that in bed, but when I had a girlfriend, I used to put my arm around her and she would go to sleep. That is snuggling.
 
shineyourlight said:
You're 16 but your profile says you're 25.....:confused:
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Yes I know Im sorry. When I was signing up for this I didnt know if it would let me in without being over 18. I contacted the mod about getting it changed so that is in motion. I am sixteen and my boyfriend is 16 as well
 
Our boundaries have been set. I went over to his house and we sat down and discussed where we wanted to stop.

God has not yet exposed him totally to all the perverted thoughts of the world. He doesnt have an interest in touching me innapropriately. And I have talked to my mom about all of this as well. The people telling us to stick to hugging and hand holding - yeah you're ridiculous. Sorry but I'm not going to like like the Duggars from "19 Kids and Counting".

I know that just because it feels good does not mean that its right. I didnt mean it in that sense. What I meant was that the only thing that feels not right about it is that it feels good. Lust isnt entering our minds though. Like I have not thought about sleeping with him and I believe him when he says that he doesnt think about that as well.

and @blue, please. It might not seem like it, but we are trying to keep most of our innocence. When people ask us if we are going to have sex (mostly just immature classmates) we reply with "we are only 16!" We have the rest of our life for that. We were snuggling the other day when he came over. Every now and then sneak a kiss. Sex was no where NEAR our minds. It was just nice to be close to someone you love so much.
So no. Its not THAT rare to do those things and not have sex

yes people im working on getting my age changed I didnt know
 
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