Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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Apr 15, 2014
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I don't think I am. I think I'm just supposed to trust that God has this all figured out.
 
Jul 25, 2015
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Went to the wedding. Red dress. Everyone said I looked amazing (and how I should wear red more often.)

Had a sad at the wedding remembering hubby's face when he made his vows to me. Tears. Sucked it up. Went to the reception. Dancing. Lots of schmaltz. No partner. Was sat with the old widows. Seriously, everyone at my table was 30 years older than I... lovely women... we all reminisced about our spouses. They left early.. being older, it was past their bedtime. I spent a few minutes watching people dance (partner dancing, dontcha know?)... 30+ minutes... I know no one who is not dancing.... the waiter is solicitous (I'd dance with you if I weren't working). Sigh.

Home. Yay pjs.
PJ's rock!

A "widows table" seems like a terrible idea for any event

Your red dress sounds awesome.

Said a prayer for you .. I'm sorry your struggling tonight.
 

lil_christian

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2010
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Went to the wedding. Red dress. Everyone said I looked amazing (and how I should wear red more often.)

Had a sad at the wedding remembering hubby's face when he made his vows to me. Tears. Sucked it up. Went to the reception. Dancing. Lots of schmaltz. No partner. Was sat with the old widows. Seriously, everyone at my table was 30 years older than I... lovely women... we all reminisced about our spouses. They left early.. being older, it was past their bedtime. I spent a few minutes watching people dance (partner dancing, dontcha know?)... 30+ minutes... I know no one who is not dancing.... the waiter is solicitous (I'd dance with you if I weren't working). Sigh.

Home. Yay pjs.
Ugh...that's awful. I don't know what to say.

I'm tired of being a young widow. Missing what was, hoping for what may never come.

I know it's a whiny post. Please forgive the indulgence.

I know my God will provide all my needs according to HIS riches. And I have no interest in settling for good enough... but the waiting is hard.

I can't imagine how hard all of this is for you. I only saw a glimpse of how it might be with my dad. Even then he kept to himself.

God has so many different plans for everyone...and it's so easy to say, "We just have to trust that God knows what He's doing in this time, and that He has the greater plan, a bigger purpose, the bigger picture in mind." But the sting of loss is not something that simply "goes away." Heck, my dad still misses my mom even though he's getting married next month.

I do wish I could say something of encouragement, but that'd be like trying to fix a gunshot wound with a band-aid. =\
 
Apr 15, 2014
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I know, Lil. Thank you.

I know a few widowers. They all get married within two years. All of them. Do we widows mourn differently? I don't think so. I'm not sure why its different for men (except that a man initiates and a woman waits to receive. Same as it ever was.)
 

lil_christian

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2010
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I've lived with chronic fatigue and thyroid issues for a while now. I also happen to have depression issues. It's affected different areas of my life. But I gotta say.


I feel like people do not get it. I can't always sleep well. And then when I do sleep, sometimes it doesn't matter whether I sleep 8 hours or 12. I will be tired no matter what. I have some "good days," but they can be few and far between. This week it was terrible trying to get a house put together for everything, because I worked on and off all day since Wednesday. I've just been surviving lately. It's been especially bad since I've been getting an average of 5-6 hours of sleep per night and I've been extremely exhausted but I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me.

It happens to affect my mood sometimes. Being on the worship team at my church, the youth pastor and others on the worship team like to get after me for "Attitude issues." Yes, excuse me while I just flip a switch and magically have energy and happiness.

I'm just going to put this out there, I slept 6 hours last night. I went to church. When I came home from church, I ate some chips, checked my social medias, was on my computer for maybe 30-45 minutes, and then I slept until 5 (I started napping around 1). Then I woke up, ate some ham and cheese (because I couldn't cook anything else up) in 5 minutes, and then was straight off to church again for Sunday evening youth group. I was still tired.

I do not eat that bad. I refuse to eat processed foods most of the time (I'll have something from like Wendy's or Arby's once or twice a month). I eat gluten-free 90% of the time (because on the occasion I've knowingly or unknowingly ate something not gluten-free).


I am trying to move. I am trying to prepare myself for an entirely different life.

The next person that tells me I'm just having attitude issues gets Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked.


I'm gonna be fixing this soon enough. I'm gonna try to get myself tested for autoimmune disorders to see if I can get those ruled out. I've been thinking about it for a while but I haven't been actively trying to get it done because needles are NOT my thing. -_-
 
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Apr 15, 2014
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I can empathize with you on some of this Lil. I won't offer advice on how I've dealt with some of this if you don't want it because I know sometimes you just need to vent...

but if you want what I've done to help me get back onto a regular track, I'm happy to do it.
 
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blueorchidjd

Guest
brought back to year 1999 today,
ate some bagels
listened to some Eminem
had some feels.
his music is good, but it could use a lot less profanity.
if it had less profanity that would've been good.
but now his music is so-so. just being honest

I should eat one meal a day....yeah that sounds right.

heeeeehe
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
I know this isn't the thread for it, but I would appreciate any and all prayers for a career change. I just submitted my resume for consideration for a position outside of my current skill set; it could be a good change.

Good night, CC.
 
Apr 15, 2014
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I know this isn't the thread for it, but I would appreciate any and all prayers for a career change. I just submitted my resume for consideration for a position outside of my current skill set; it could be a good change.

Good night, CC.
Praying for you, Dear Brother
 

lil_christian

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2010
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I can empathize with you on some of this Lil. I won't offer advice on how I've dealt with some of this if you don't want it because I know sometimes you just need to vent...

but if you want what I've done to help me get back onto a regular track, I'm happy to do it.
Yeah, go ahead and message me what all you've done.
 

lil_christian

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2010
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Sometimes it just feels good to vent. I try not to be an avid complainer, and I try to be an encouragement when I can, because I know how important it is not only to speak life into myself, but speak life into others. I struggled with both for a long time, but God's slowly softening my heart.

And Siberian, I'll be sure to keep that in my prayers. :)
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
Sometimes it just feels good to vent. I try not to be an avid complainer, and I try to be an encouragement when I can, because I know how important it is not only to speak life into myself, but speak life into others. I struggled with both for a long time, but God's slowly softening my heart.

And Siberian, I'll be sure to keep that in my prayers. :)
Thanks Lil (and thank you Olerica and Sky), and I'll be sure to respond in kind by praying for your growth. :)
 

BS

Banned
May 13, 2015
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I know this isn't the thread for it, but I would appreciate any and all prayers for a career change. I just submitted my resume for consideration for a position outside of my current skill set; it could be a good change.

Good night, CC.
Let God put you at the place where you will show your skills and where you will shine in His Glory! In the name of Jesus I am asking that. Amen!
 
Jul 25, 2015
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Applied for a promotional position within my company and just received notice I have been selected for phase 1 of interviews. Prepping tonight for interview and feel so blessed to even be considered but in true form..plagued with fear of making a fool out of myself. Lol. Lord be with me ..prayers for CWS would be appreciated if for nothing else than to help me remain calm and adequately represent my skills. Yikes...here we go
 
Apr 15, 2014
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Applied for a promotional position within my company and just received notice I have been selected for phase 1 of interviews. Prepping tonight for interview and feel so blessed to even be considered but in true form..plagued with fear of making a fool out of myself. Lol. Lord be with me ..prayers for CWS would be appreciated if for nothing else than to help me remain calm and adequately represent my skills. Yikes...here we go
ON IT!

(10 characters? Sigh.... Oh CC)
 
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MissCris

Guest
Energetic toddlers...can't even begin to keep up when I'm sick. They're both all, "WHEEEEE! LIFE!!!! MOM!!!PLAY!!!" And I'm over here on the couch like..."Noooo, I'm not even your real mom..." And then they giggle and try to run off with my blanket.

Oh, sweet! It's nap time.