stay a virgin until marriage .

[jamie26301]

I don't believe it's a relative matter, but the rest of your post I agree with. Very good, sister.

Ah, well, what I meant by relative is the option of getting married (by status I meant like single, married, widowed, etc.)

 

[Tintin]

Ah, well, what I meant by relative is the option of getting married (by status I meant like single, married, widowed, etc.)

Oh, sorry. I apologise, sister.

 

[jer2911]

can we get an amen in here? well said.

 

[jer2911]

In all this though, I think it's important to keep Christ at the centre. Otherwise, all your good intentions and beliefs are nothing more than a different form of legalism. Look to Christ for everything. Look to Him for your identity, purpose and authority and you will obey Him out of love, rather than because He commanded it. God bless, mate.

well said, amen

 

[PopClick]

To me, this thinking seems flawed in a couple of ways:

Flaw #1. The idea that someone can "not know what they're missing" if they've never experienced it. This is not a concept that people apply universally to all situations.

For example, if someone posted about being an orphan, no one would claim, they "don't know what they're missing." OF COURSE they know what they're missing. They see parents all around them interacting with children everyday. They can even experience parenting or a level of vicarious parenting by caring for children. From this, they can extrapolate what it would be like to have parents. And, they can have a sense of mourning for the absence of parents.

The same can be said of sexual experience. Sexuality is such a core part of our humanity, we've always been surrounded by it (with varying levels of explicitness depending on the culture and time in history). Apart from that, we're all wired (to varying degrees) with a libido that creates in own set of internal desires. We can see people engaging in romantic behavior (kissing in airports, holding hands, affectionate glances) and (whether or not we've had sex) we can extrapolate what that would be like for us. And this can create a variety of feelings within us--longing, wistfulness, excitement, desire, etc.

In other words, people are wired for connection with others. People are particularly wired for sexual connection. On top of that, we're acculturated to couple off (all layers of meaning intended here). So, even if it's never happened, we can know that we're missing something.

Flaw #2: That changing a sinful course is deserving of more respect than maintaining a spiritually right course.

This is prevalent throughout the church. The elevation of certain testimonies over others. That is, the drug and arms dealing, down-and-out, occasionally homeless, addict/pimp/prostitute/tyrannical world leader (fill in the dramatic blank) comes to Jesus and somehow they have more value than the person who has grown up in the church and spent a lifetime serving God and others.

Make no mistake, we ALL need a Savior.

But somehow we are more impressed by story #1 than story #2. It's the drama of it. Showing up everyday and making continual small sacrifices of self over time just doesn't have the same Hollywood appeal as an instant transformation story.

However, to imply that the drama-filled conversion somehow takes MORE internal fortitude and strength of character than showing up everyday and dying to self is just not accurate. And it's potentially spiritually dangerous.

I said virgins didn't EXACTLY know what they were missing. I meant that there is a huge difference between knowing about sex and actually experiencing it. Nobody could possibly convince me otherwise. It's like that with every human experience. If you saw my response to Fay, I said I know that virgins have desires and all that. I'm pretty sure nobody is so unobservant as to be completely unaware of what they're "missing". But (to use your orphan analogy) often the church seems to rally around the orphans who never knew their parents and offer them commendation and support, but ignore the struggles of those who lost their parents later in life. Do they have a different struggle than orphans? Absolutely! Yet I was not comparing struggles across the board. I'd bet you a dollar that some virgins have more temptation and a harder time staying pure than some people who have come to Christ later in life.

And some virgins will likely have problems with romanticizing sex and expecting it to be more than it is, or glossing over things about it that don't seem like fairy-tale fodder. Some even seem to make sex into an idol in their lives. Their extrapolations might lead them to have unrealistic expectations. So, virgins would likely be more prone to let downs and unrealistic views in this particular way, and therefore have an entirely different struggle, but one that is very real and can potentially damage future relationships.

I also said that I MIGHT respect someone who came to Christ later in life and decided to live His way more than someone who had remained a virgin. Why did I say "might"? Because it's an individual thing. I'm not sure why you saw broad-brush statements where none had been made. Virginity is commonly celebrated by the church, but there is often more to the story. I know someone who is very proud of her virginity, but does many sexual things that she really should not be doing. She misses the point of purity and holds on for dear life to this technicality that enables her to categorize herself as a virgin. On the other hand, I also know a man who was very wild and worldly when he was saved at 23, and by God's grace has decided to live the rest of his life in a way that is pleasing to God. He's doing very well at that, in my humble opinion. Guess whose attitude and actions get more respect from me?

That's a fairly extreme example, but your assertion that "it's the drama of it" that leads people to be more impressed by a repentant sinner is not at all what I was saying. In fact, it is often the very absence of drama and self-aggrandizement that leads me to respect one person's actions and attitude over another. It also has a lot to do with purity of heart, and motives. Is someone a virgin because they love God, or because they love talking about being a virgin? Do they talk about their virginity more than they talk about Christ? Exactly whom are they attempting to promote? And yes, it goes both ways. Does someone seem hung up on their sinful past, even holding onto it like an idol? Do they never miss a chance to talk about how wild they were, or promote how "good" they have now become, over the God who gave them every good thing? Do they show legitimate fruit of the Spirit in their lives?

I understand what you're saying, but that's not what PopClick is saying.

Thanks Tinners

 

[secularhermit]

can we get an amen in here? well said.

 

[Prazer4Evr]

Hi, I'm 46 and still standing. Hold fast to God's unchanging word!

 

[LonelyChristian]

I am waiting for marriage. Although I have also considered I may not find the right woman to marry, and I'm fine with that.

 

[MysteryReader101]

Wow it's really nice to see so many people for staying a virgin until marriage.

 

[Jbergeron]

All I know is, sex feels amazing, when your body connects with a female its spectacular.

But regardless of how awesome the orgasm felt, the expirence never fixed the pain I was trying to numb. It felt good to be wanted even tho the women only wanted the penis attached to me and nothing really of me.

All that to be said, I truely wish I was still a virgin and could give that to the wife God has prepared for me

I'm dirty and broken and a lot of it is my fault.

 

[Misty77]

All that to be said, I truely wish I was still a virgin and could give that to the wife God has prepared for me

I'm dirty and broken and a lot of it is my fault.

ALL sins can be forgiven. We have a whole Bible filled with sinners--including adulterers, murderers, prostitutes, and cheaters--who became followers of God. Your sins can be forgiven, too.

As far as virginity being a gift to your spouse, it isn't one with a long shelf life. Be more concerned with being a man of character. CHOOSE to live celibate, in sexual holiness. That's a matter of discipline: virginity is just the default status we are all born with.

I just recognized your name and wanted to say that virginity is something that can only be given. If someone tries to take it away without your consent, then you haven't really lost it.

 

[secularhermit]

THAT seemed to be a wide-spread double standard in Christianity!

What did the Lord Jesus told the samaritan woman: "You have had 5 men and NONE is your husband"... as long as I see Him, He was NOT judgemental, neither rude, but sincere: What a BLESSING being finally married to ONE person she or he likes.

What did Jesus said to that woman who was caught (alone) as an adulterer? (Jn 8). He said: "Sin no more..." But, what were those reasons she had to "explore" another man´s bed? God knows and adult ppl knows (but they insist on denying several facts: Emotions can´t be satisfied... WITHOUT GOD!)

If it was so easy to be contend and happy with those ppl have found (next door) but, the truth is another.

Those who had indulged to live their lives KNOW what they like and what they do expect to find... Although I don´t like certain ideas, I can quote some words to show how hipocrites this double moral standar could be:

Heb 13:4 Let marriage be had in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Heb 13:4 Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage.

And that word for "bed" (an foolish euphemism) is coitus: Koité.

And here I see where that visginity is void:

I recently asked, somewhere else:

"If I lost my manly conditions, will you love me that way?


If I were not the one you think I am, will you love me? (to marry me)"


Any ppl would say:

"I will love you, but won't be with you."

It is easy to wonder -whenever you entered a court or the lives of several ppl, the reasons they got divorced:

a) Unachiving sex

b) Unachiving wife

c) Any of both could be to fat (or too thin) to give the apropriate sex arousal their partner needed.

d) One (or both spouses) lacked enough money to keep the material status the other needed to mantain such an exclusive sexual rights

e) Sexual boredom! Which is also found in those who tried to be holy, the way they knew (one of my close friends fell into a relatioship where that woman had married a military man... But He was fequently absent, too often, and she needed someone in her house)

So, if Christians keep on denying they had previous "sexual" experiences, before being married, I know someone lied. Because, at kissing, at watching a single video, ppl have felt those ideas vanished and their brains knew where those concepts have gone, without having a real sexula intercourse.

Kick me out, if you like; but I can´t be puritan, to lie.

God has made things perfectly, it is us who defiled those things by thinking or having those "fantasies" we should not dare to think of.

 

[Tamas]

I said virgins didn't EXACTLY know what they were missing. I meant that there is a huge difference between knowing about sex and actually experiencing it. Nobody could possibly convince me otherwise. It's like that with every human experience. If you saw my response to Fay, I said I know that virgins have desires and all that. I'm pretty sure nobody is so unobservant as to be completely unaware of what they're "missing". But (to use your orphan analogy) often the church seems to rally around the orphans who never knew their parents and offer them commendation and support, but ignore the struggles of those who lost their parents later in life. Do they have a different struggle than orphans? Absolutely! Yet I was not comparing struggles across the board. I'd bet you a dollar that some virgins have more temptation and a harder time staying pure than some people who have come to Christ later in life.

And some virgins will likely have problems with romanticizing sex and expecting it to be more than it is, or glossing over things about it that don't seem like fairy-tale fodder. Some even seem to make sex into an idol in their lives. Their extrapolations might lead them to have unrealistic expectations. So, virgins would likely be more prone to let downs and unrealistic views in this particular way, and therefore have an entirely different struggle, but one that is very real and can potentially damage future relationships.

I also said that I MIGHT respect someone who came to Christ later in life and decided to live His way more than someone who had remained a virgin. Why did I say "might"? Because it's an individual thing. I'm not sure why you saw broad-brush statements where none had been made. Virginity is commonly celebrated by the church, but there is often more to the story. I know someone who is very proud of her virginity, but does many sexual things that she really should not be doing. She misses the point of purity and holds on for dear life to this technicality that enables her to categorize herself as a virgin. On the other hand, I also know a man who was very wild and worldly when he was saved at 23, and by God's grace has decided to live the rest of his life in a way that is pleasing to God. He's doing very well at that, in my humble opinion. Guess whose attitude and actions get more respect from me?

That's a fairly extreme example, but your assertion that "it's the drama of it" that leads people to be more impressed by a repentant sinner is not at all what I was saying. In fact, it is often the very absence of drama and self-aggrandizement that leads me to respect one person's actions and attitude over another. It also has a lot to do with purity of heart, and motives. Is someone a virgin because they love God, or because they love talking about being a virgin? Do they talk about their virginity more than they talk about Christ? Exactly whom are they attempting to promote? And yes, it goes both ways. Does someone seem hung up on their sinful past, even holding onto it like an idol? Do they never miss a chance to talk about how wild they were, or promote how "good" they have now become, over the God who gave them every good thing? Do they show legitimate fruit of the Spirit in their lives?


Thanks Tinners

I know you didn't write this to me, but may I ask a question about this? I'm virgin. I think you're right about that virgins didn't exactly know about sex, because they've never experienced it. However, is marriage just about sex? What about the emotional side of the marriage? I think virgins are missing not just the sex, but the emotions. At least, me. So, what about the emotions? Do you think virgins don't know enough about the emotions?

 

[PopClick]

I know you didn't write this to me, but may I ask a question about this? I'm virgin. I think you're right about that virgins didn't exactly know about sex, because they've never experienced it. However, is marriage just about sex? What about the emotional side of the marriage? I think virgins are missing not just the sex, but the emotions. At least, me. So, what about the emotions? Do you think virgins don't know enough about the emotions?

Well, first of all, I'm probably not qualified to answer this.

I am positive that non-virgins can be clueless about proper love/emotions that should exist within a marriage. I once heard a man talk about how much he preferred prostitutes to actual relationships, specifically because they were devoid of emotions and other feelings and "obligations" that come with an actual relationship. I don't think that a knowledge of emotions and a lack of virginity necessarily have anything to do with each other... but of course they can, and should. God designed us for connections that go way beyond the physical side of things, though we know that humans sin and are selfish and do things contrary to the way God intended them to be.

But virgins can absolutely have a deep emotional connection to someone. If nothing else, they would be deeply connected to someone they were planning to marry, right? Even though they weren't married yet. I doubt it's as meaningful of a connection as the one they share when they become married, but again, I'm not really qualified to answer. If this doesn't help, maybe one of the more knowledgable people here will step in and answer your questions.

 

[Tamas]

Well, first of all, I'm probably not qualified to answer this.

I am positive that non-virgins can be clueless about proper love/emotions that should exist within a marriage. I once heard a man talk about how much he preferred prostitutes to actual relationships, specifically because they were devoid of emotions and other feelings and "obligations" that come with an actual relationship. I don't think that a knowledge of emotions and a lack of virginity necessarily have anything to do with each other... but of course they can, and should. God designed us for connections that go way beyond the physical side of things, though we know that humans sin and are selfish and do things contrary to the way God intended them to be.

But virgins can absolutely have a deep emotional connection to someone. If nothing else, they would be deeply connected to someone they were planning to marry, right? Even though they weren't married yet. I doubt it's as meaningful of a connection as the one they share when they become married, but again, I'm not really qualified to answer. If this doesn't help, maybe one of the more knowledgable people here will step in and answer your questions.

Thank you for your answer. I understand.

If anyone has any other opinion/experience, please share it.

 

[Yeraza_Bats]

I dont believe at all that sex = emotions, I dont believe they are even connected. I believe that it could make the act more meaningful and special and all that, but really sex is just that physical act, and doesnt need to have love, and love doesnt need to have sex, so I do not believe they are equal, but two totally separate things.

I totally believe a boy and a girl can love each other even if theyve never done that act


And I do think its a very good thing to wait until youre married before acting out on your urges, yeah

 

[Tintin]

I dont believe at all that sex = emotions, I dont believe they are even connected. I believe that it could make the act more meaningful and special and all that, but really sex is just that physical act, and doesnt need to have love, and love doesnt need to have sex, so I do not believe they are equal, but two totally separate things.

I totally believe a boy and a girl can love each other even if theyve never done that act


And I do think its a very good thing to wait until youre married before acting out on your urges, yeah

The Bible teaches us that sex engages the body, mind and spirit. All three. Not just the physical. Funny about that. It's almost like God designed sex to point back to perfect relationship with the Father, Son and Spirit.

 

[MollyConnor]

I've heard that not all sex is created equal. Like if sex is done through God's context of marriage, it's called "yada" in Hebrew. Yada means "to know or to be known."

If it's done outside of marriage or in an unloving relationship, it's called "shakab." This word means "to exchange bodily fluids."

So I don't think every sexual encounter would include emotions at least not positive ones. I think it depends. I'm sure the "shakab" kind of sex would include negative emotions.

If you guys want to learn more, check this out.

https://www.nicolelhvaughn.com/not-all-sex-is-the-same/

 

[Yeraza_Bats]

The Bible teaches us that sex engages the body, mind and spirit. All three. Not just the physical. Funny about that. It's almost like God designed sex to point back to perfect relationship with the Father, Son and Spirit.

Can you show me the verse?

 

[jamie26301]

Thank you for your answer. I understand.
If anyone has any other opinion/experience, please share it.

I've heard it said that you will feel the same emotions in marriage while courting - safety, love, trust, etc. and marriage magnifies these emotions. Also, the negative emotions that comes with relationship problems, like dissatisfaction, offense, poor communication etc are also magnified in marriage. Dissatisfaction is particularly magnified, because you have no other options for the nature of your vows and commitment. Which is why selecting a spouse - and having realistic expectations - is a very serious matter.

As someone else said, sex can be void of emotions. No two people have the same soul, and there are various levels of maturity in all souls, and various personalities in individuals, and along with that comes various likes, dislikes, hobbies, talents etc. I do believe the soul and spirit are involved in sex along with the body, and your passions are wrapped in these. In my opinion, these are all interconnected, but depending on the couple, can be divorced from one another when in a sexual union.

Tintin made the comparison to Trinity. The Father, Son, and Spirit WERE separated at one point, particularly at the Cross. Not meaning to open a can of worms, but while Jesus was on earth, He was apart from the Father, but yet still with the Father. To use this analogy, I submit that it's possible for only one or two of these human layers to be engaged in sex while another is not - but the human/body still remains literally as one.

Different combinations of spiritual, soulful, and physical tastes results ultimately in the fact that not just any man and woman put together can just "make sex work" just because they physically fit together. I've heard it said don't worry about chemistry before marriage - you have the equipment, that's pretty much all you need. I don't agree, because the "equipment" is not all there is to compatibility. Dissatisfaction is one of the top five issues among married couples, and sometimes leads to adultery and divorce. If just having the "innie and the outie" was all there was to satisfying sex life, it doesn't makes sense that it is such an issue - esp when some couples with this problem try to work it out with great difficulty. I'm not saying what a couple should do to prevent this, only that they should pray and talk honestly and thoroughly about what would be best for them.

That's is a personal choice. I can vouch for what Molly said. Not all sex is the same. I wasn't a virgin before I got married, and even so I had very, very little experience with it. My first lover felt good - at the time - but the spiritual and soulful bond was not there. I wanted to be with him, but now I know it wasn't deep, true love but co-dependency. I was not grounded in faith, nor did I know what I wanted in life. As for him, I can't say for sure. But he wasn't ready for a commitment, and he didn't treat me well, either.

My husband did wait for me, and I can tell you this much: A woman or man that is ready for a serious relationship/commitment, AND (this is key) insync with you in other deep matters, will wait for you if you ask them. As the spirit and soul isn't all there is to compatibility, the relationship will not survive on the body/sex alone either. So it makes sense that someone who is truly right for you wouldn't reject you on sex alone. With whatever boundaries you set (some choose not to kiss, whatever works for the couple) someone who is serious will wait.


To anyone who have given up or lost their virginity, I wish that you not be tormented as I was. It hurt enough for what it was. But the honeymoon fantasy that had been fed to me - that I forfeited - made the pain far greater than it should've been. Saving sex for marriage was taught to me as something literally so precious, it was implied that not being a virgin would taint a future marriage, or make it less meaningful. That is rubbish.

The union is not defined by what you've done physically in your past, it is about what you and your spouse are as one. Being a virgin doesn't guarantee a successful marriage. As someone else said, it has an extremely short life - and then there's life after the honeymoon. What happens from there on out defines the quality of your marriage, not whether you were a virgin or not.

This is what I was told: Before God, you are a spotless virgin in Christ - even though you have done this. Objectively, you may have sinned, but so far as your faith is concerned, it can still transform you into that suitable match for someone else... you're not "damaged" goods for a future marriage. Chances are your future spouse won't be a virgin either. Please don't think of yourselves that way.