Post 54 tells something I purposely hid!
I bet, the real investment, should be living together instead of wa$ting to make belive... Here, on CC, I learned how social conventionallisms and business had shaped people´s ways and, since I´m poor, I would never dream of a marriage where I have to invite 200 guests, because the day I married, I invited no one and those who went there (like my mom or sister) were present because they hear it, because I married in another state...
Well, no one from my end was at our wedding, because I married and took residence 900 miles from where I lived. His mom gave me away on behalf of my father.
Yes, I try to be fair.
When we were dating, sometimes he'd pick up the tab, sometimes I would, and sometimes we pay our own way. I have always felt that if I'm going to be a modern working woman, I should act like a working woman, iow, use my money to treat or pay my own way. But yeah, for the wedding, I paid for the dress, he paid for the rings (which made up the bulk of our expense). And our rings are "cheaper" than most spend, because they are white gold, and plain. We choose white gold because the silver symbolises that marriage requires work and attention, as silver requires polishing to keep its shine.
Incoming thoughts beyond OP but in response to this post:
I hope I don't step on any toes, but you mentioned conservative thought concerning marriage. Statistically, divorce is higher among the deeply religious, literal-minded Christian community. Mainly because their expectations are often unrealistic, because they are fed in church as youth concerning selection of a mate: "God will do all the work, just sit back and wait." (Is the overall impression) For one, God never promised anywhere in Scripture to bring a mate - it actually suggests the opposite could be God's will - but the youth are guarented, it seems, the future of being married. (And I've been in this type of church as a teen, I read Joshua Harris, yada yada. I'm not a second-hand source, here).
And I DO NOT advocate a causal attitude towards intimacy, but the forbiddance of exploring that in any way beyond talking takes for granted how important chemistry is (I said chemistry, not attraction. These are different). Sexual dissatisfaction is one of the top ten concerns/issues in American marriage, and the frustration oftentimes leads to adultery. You can talk about what you think you like all day long - but what you think, and what you do, you may find are different. And there are different kinds of lovers, preferences, and two people without that base chemistry can't just "decide" to have a great sex life. People are more complex beyond their basic plumbing, personality plays a big role.
People in past generations may have made traditional marriage (waiting, not living together) work, but they also had societal pressures, woman were a lot less independent, and they didn't have no-fault divorce laws. It was a far different climate, so keeping a marriage together has far less negative implications (for the couple; on a whole, this is killing our society) today, and so, perhaps to take a more "liberal" approach would be wise to consider. When atheists have a better success rate than Christians who are being faithful (to a literal understanding), you need to start asking questions - but be ready to accept hostility for doing so.
Unbelievers, in a sense, have an advantage in working on their marriage and selecting someone, because they are not elimating what could be a highly compatible spouse because of this one thing, or that thing, and these are far less probe to "read into" events and coincidences they think are from God, and be swayed by something completely irrevelant to their decision. *I* still struggle with that, leftover from fundamental thinking.
If sin had any kind of hierarchy so far as being judged/evaluated, I don't see how being intimate/cohabitation before marriage is anywhere near as severe as breaking a vow before witnesses, your beloved, and God Himself, because you assumed it would just work, or weren't honest with each other, etc. Jesus says to make NO vows, for the mere possibility of breaking them - I think marriage is in a somewhat different category than He meant, but it stands as caution to be careful what you swear to God.
My husband and I didn't live together in way of one of us pulling up steaks, but there were extended visits on both ends. I would say that this depends on the couple. Waiting for marriage is great, but do it for the right reasons. And if you do wait, understand the first time is likely not to be explosive or even pleasurable. Making love is something you adapt to, and learn, and requires communication, like anything else.
Neither of us were virgins when we met, but you know something? Because we weren't, we feel a deeper connection in our marriage, because again, making love is not solely plumbing, but about the intensity of the mental/emotional connection as well. You don't marry each other just because you have the same convictions and think you could live together.
But that's us. Everyone's different. Spending time in the same space worked for us, as you suggested. But for some, that might not lend well.
