These kinds of situations can get so complicated -
One woman at the office can call everyone "Darlin'" and it is charming. Another can call everyone "Darlin'" and it is pretentious and/or condescending. A man calls people "Darlin'" and he is smarmy.
An outfit on one woman may look classy on one woman, and immodest on another. There are modest ways of dressing that will make me look twice at a woman - please note that this is different than undressing a woman with my eyes. These styles of dress mostly include a skirt with boots for business casual, or a ponytail through a baseball cap for a "thrown-together" look while errand running.
A man I know just the other day mentioned that he said "good morning" to one of his professors while with her in an elevator. She responded with "what's that supposed to mean?" Yes, there could have been some history there that he wasn't sharing with me, but as an isolated incident, I don't think we should excuse such behavior as "she's having a bad day" or "hormones" any more than we should excuse a man's bad behavior with "boys will be boys."
So overall, these things should be taken case-by-case. I don't think we can have a universal code of behavior. With my office mates, I speak more familiarly and flirty with some, and with others, I am more serious, but again, it depends on the context of the exchange. This also changes over time as the relationship changes.
OK, onward to the OP, which thankfully, was rather specific:
Yes, I do believe that Jim is sexually harassing Carrie. It is not overt, as she is not (yet) getting the message that her promotion or other company perks are on the line, but there is some intimidation going on. Jim knows exactly what he is doing. That is why he is not doing anything over the top.
As Carrie's boyfriend, would I intervene?
At the level presented in the scenario, no, I would not. If it escalated? Of course! But at this level, Jim is merely a pervy nuisance. Carrie needs to show Jim, others and herself that she is capable of taking care of herself in these situations. She could do a number of things when Jim mentions her hair and calls her "Secretary." She could just say "Jim, I've asked you not to call me that. Please be more professional with me in the future" as she walks away from him - thereby "dismissing" him. The language and body language of her response here will give Jim the message that she is in control, not him. After all, control and intimidation is at the core of sexual harassment. She could also raise her voice a little so that she is within the earshot of her office mates "I've asked you to call me by my name. Your behavior is bordering on the unprofessional." A little stronger would be to threaten him "Do I need to contact HR? You refuse to call me by my name, but rather by "Secretary," which is objectifying by turning me into a common porn fantasy. I don't appreciate that, and I expected a more professional behavior from you."
I would role-play Jim and have Carrie practice her response. So I guess I am supporting her in some way, but I think it best that she be perceived as someone who can handle her career. Still, I might sneak his car keys and stick some three day old salmon under his car seats on a hot June day...
One woman at the office can call everyone "Darlin'" and it is charming. Another can call everyone "Darlin'" and it is pretentious and/or condescending. A man calls people "Darlin'" and he is smarmy.
An outfit on one woman may look classy on one woman, and immodest on another. There are modest ways of dressing that will make me look twice at a woman - please note that this is different than undressing a woman with my eyes. These styles of dress mostly include a skirt with boots for business casual, or a ponytail through a baseball cap for a "thrown-together" look while errand running.
A man I know just the other day mentioned that he said "good morning" to one of his professors while with her in an elevator. She responded with "what's that supposed to mean?" Yes, there could have been some history there that he wasn't sharing with me, but as an isolated incident, I don't think we should excuse such behavior as "she's having a bad day" or "hormones" any more than we should excuse a man's bad behavior with "boys will be boys."
So overall, these things should be taken case-by-case. I don't think we can have a universal code of behavior. With my office mates, I speak more familiarly and flirty with some, and with others, I am more serious, but again, it depends on the context of the exchange. This also changes over time as the relationship changes.
OK, onward to the OP, which thankfully, was rather specific:
Yes, I do believe that Jim is sexually harassing Carrie. It is not overt, as she is not (yet) getting the message that her promotion or other company perks are on the line, but there is some intimidation going on. Jim knows exactly what he is doing. That is why he is not doing anything over the top.
As Carrie's boyfriend, would I intervene?
At the level presented in the scenario, no, I would not. If it escalated? Of course! But at this level, Jim is merely a pervy nuisance. Carrie needs to show Jim, others and herself that she is capable of taking care of herself in these situations. She could do a number of things when Jim mentions her hair and calls her "Secretary." She could just say "Jim, I've asked you not to call me that. Please be more professional with me in the future" as she walks away from him - thereby "dismissing" him. The language and body language of her response here will give Jim the message that she is in control, not him. After all, control and intimidation is at the core of sexual harassment. She could also raise her voice a little so that she is within the earshot of her office mates "I've asked you to call me by my name. Your behavior is bordering on the unprofessional." A little stronger would be to threaten him "Do I need to contact HR? You refuse to call me by my name, but rather by "Secretary," which is objectifying by turning me into a common porn fantasy. I don't appreciate that, and I expected a more professional behavior from you."
I would role-play Jim and have Carrie practice her response. So I guess I am supporting her in some way, but I think it best that she be perceived as someone who can handle her career. Still, I might sneak his car keys and stick some three day old salmon under his car seats on a hot June day...