Midnight Confessions
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OH MAN. I HAVE TO CONFESS.
I was laying in bed and felt something crawling on my leg. I freaked out and swatted it naturally, because I'm a girl and bugs are bleck.
Welp, in the midst of my panic, I discovered nothing other than a ladybug on my sheet.
A LADYBUG. I might as well have torn the wings off of a butterfly.
I literally killed my luck.
I was laying in bed and felt something crawling on my leg. I freaked out and swatted it naturally, because I'm a girl and bugs are bleck.
Welp, in the midst of my panic, I discovered nothing other than a ladybug on my sheet.
A LADYBUG. I might as well have torn the wings off of a butterfly.
I literally killed my luck.
Oh, well, gee, if that's something to confess... I kill ladybugs every winter. They invade my bedroom for some reason. Why my bedroom specifically, I have no idea. Then they buzz around and get in EVERYTHING. It's like the plague of frogs in Egypt, they get in everything in the room.
And they bite. This isn't our native ladybugs, it's the asian "painted lady" beetles the government brought in to hopefully combat aphids. They bite, and when I'm asleep they crawl in and bite my underarms for some reason. Maybe they have a thing for my deoderant.
But yeah, I confess I kill (censored) ladybugs all (deleted) winter.
And they bite. This isn't our native ladybugs, it's the asian "painted lady" beetles the government brought in to hopefully combat aphids. They bite, and when I'm asleep they crawl in and bite my underarms for some reason. Maybe they have a thing for my deoderant.
But yeah, I confess I kill (censored) ladybugs all (deleted) winter.
I came to confess, I really like that song "Fancy" by Iggy Azalea. I'm too tired to google the spelling of her last name, so. Meh.
I'm ashamed of my current taste in music but, I do feel really fancy most days.
I'm ashamed of my current taste in music but, I do feel really fancy most days.
Confession - I am far from perfect and I realize that as last night while reading through a thread I wanted to be mean in posting. Someone has rubbed me the wrong way and I wanted to lash back.... instead I talked to the computer screen and said the mean things I wanted to type on the screen and talked to God at the same time.
I was tired because the night before I didn't get to bed until 4:30ish AM and I rationalized that this person had been stuffy and kind of grumpy in posting toward me and I wanted to get back at them.....but I just couldn't type what I wanted to be mean about toward them...... and I fought with God about this...... I want to be mean I said to Him.....but my fingers would not type.....silence and arguing with God about wanting to be mean and lash out.......
Instead I heard.....maybe you should pray for that person.....maybe they are not happy with their life right now and that is why they seem to be lashing out and grumpy..... I think and say Why do You always have to be right, kind, loving, perfect towards all of us? Why can't I be more like You Dad? At least You keep me from typing these mean thoughts and hurting more than my sarcastic like that I gave..... O.K. I will get some sleep and then when I wake up now which is still Oh Dark 30 at 3:29ish AM I will offer up a prayer for this person that I was wanting to attack last night.
Dear Father in Heaven
Forgive me for wanting to be mean and type nasty thoughts toward this person. I am not any better than they are and maybe a little worse as I am older and should be wiser. Maybe they aren't happy with their life right now and that is the cause of their unhappiness. Maybe they aren't as closely connected to You as they should be and that is the problem of dissatisfaction in their life. I don't know but You do. Please let me to continue to hear Your voice telling me that changes are also needed in my heart toward these people who are hurting and help me to not type the mean remarks that are on the tip of my tongue and the tip of my typing fingers. Thanks for keeping me silent and out of typing on that thread. Please help us all to lean on You more and listen to Your prompts to keep us from being mean and nasty people toward one another and to learn to give and display the love toward You and our fellow man as You have instructed us.
Dad You know how far from perfect I am and we duked it out last night about my wanting to lash out in revenge, I need to have Your humble loving Spirit enter my life and look at others the way You see them with love and compassion. Thanks for keeping me from typing mean words just to get back. Forgive me for wanting to hurt a fellow human. Help this one to have a closer walk with You and help them to be happy in their life and in You. I give You my feelings of resentment and hate toward my fellow human and trust You will help us both draw closer to You in our walk toward You. Thanks Dad...... Darlene/JesusLives
I was tired because the night before I didn't get to bed until 4:30ish AM and I rationalized that this person had been stuffy and kind of grumpy in posting toward me and I wanted to get back at them.....but I just couldn't type what I wanted to be mean about toward them...... and I fought with God about this...... I want to be mean I said to Him.....but my fingers would not type.....silence and arguing with God about wanting to be mean and lash out.......
Instead I heard.....maybe you should pray for that person.....maybe they are not happy with their life right now and that is why they seem to be lashing out and grumpy..... I think and say Why do You always have to be right, kind, loving, perfect towards all of us? Why can't I be more like You Dad? At least You keep me from typing these mean thoughts and hurting more than my sarcastic like that I gave..... O.K. I will get some sleep and then when I wake up now which is still Oh Dark 30 at 3:29ish AM I will offer up a prayer for this person that I was wanting to attack last night.
Dear Father in Heaven
Forgive me for wanting to be mean and type nasty thoughts toward this person. I am not any better than they are and maybe a little worse as I am older and should be wiser. Maybe they aren't happy with their life right now and that is the cause of their unhappiness. Maybe they aren't as closely connected to You as they should be and that is the problem of dissatisfaction in their life. I don't know but You do. Please let me to continue to hear Your voice telling me that changes are also needed in my heart toward these people who are hurting and help me to not type the mean remarks that are on the tip of my tongue and the tip of my typing fingers. Thanks for keeping me silent and out of typing on that thread. Please help us all to lean on You more and listen to Your prompts to keep us from being mean and nasty people toward one another and to learn to give and display the love toward You and our fellow man as You have instructed us.
Dad You know how far from perfect I am and we duked it out last night about my wanting to lash out in revenge, I need to have Your humble loving Spirit enter my life and look at others the way You see them with love and compassion. Thanks for keeping me from typing mean words just to get back. Forgive me for wanting to hurt a fellow human. Help this one to have a closer walk with You and help them to be happy in their life and in You. I give You my feelings of resentment and hate toward my fellow human and trust You will help us both draw closer to You in our walk toward You. Thanks Dad...... Darlene/JesusLives
I can tell you that when you start listening to His voice you will still do things for Him I have learned this first hand by Him asking me to sing in a church I don't regularly attend. Offer to preach at two different churches of which I did preach a sermon Do You Understand Salvation at one of those two, send a Bible to someone who didn't have one and end up with a husband that I wasn't searching for. It is good to follow that still small voice it is an adventure.
T
Yes, that's true. I haven't felt God's tangible presence in many, many years but I'm diving deeper with Him. It's more by faith than anything else. It's a long, frustrating process where nothing seems to happen. But I've been encouraged by others that this is a long process of saturation for me, that God's preparing me for a greater, more intimate adventure with Him.