Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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I have this desire yet complete aversion to dating. I mentioned this lastnight on chat, fearful that it sounds shallow but, I am being truthful. When I see a guy, not just picture, but personality, character- the whole person- I ask myself 'but is he me?' Is he what I feel compliments me- who I am, looks, etc. Now before people assume that I am looking for a jock-type, or someone with a lot of cash, I am not. Attraction is different for everyone. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My point is it is hard for me to date someone who is outside my image. I feel an aversion to it. I can't explain it more than that. It doesn't feel right.

i think we should discuss this in chat one of these nights. i have a couple theories on this. ; p
 
Decided against buying it but thought it was a funny shirt:
 

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WE LOVE YOU HERE! (Sorry Ronnie, you're kind of like a victim to my random spurts of love)

Ronnie, you're like the sister I never had. Except you exist. :P :) :D

Awe, Arlene, I'm far from a victim!! Its such a privilege :)

And that's awesome, Tintin. You kind of remind me of a brother of mine that I actually have, except you're actually cool. Lol.

I'm very blessed to be around both of you :) Love you guys :)
 
Hi Arlene.

No the growling and all that jazz was for Ugly for two reasons.


  1. To cheer him up and laugh (It worked hopefully)
  2. He said he didn't like country music. -__-
    So I wanted to get back at him :P


I had a very wonderful time talking to both of you. You know what is amazing? God answered our prayers with regards to both of you.

I remember we prayed for something more beautiful and wonderful to come along your way, and I can see it's happening with your new found love.
I pray you are blessed and cared for, in matters of the heart and soul. <3


Much love and warm regards.

I only understand the last third of this post, but I love what I hear. :)
 
i think we should discuss this in chat one of these nights. i have a couple theories on this. ; p

I am available late Saturday night. Probably best. Maybe Friday. Aside from personality flaw/ importance to stick to who I am and thus transfers to the type of person I will only allow myself to date is dependent on what I tell myself what my identity is. Aside from that, I look forward to be enlightened.
 
Ever so often, I go thru a identity crisis. Throw everything up in the air.
Question everything. If I am just a poser. I've even questioned if I am actually Christian or trying too hard to be.
I stop wearing certain clothes, I don't read books, I stay in my room because I hear the person in the back of my mind telling me that I am trying too hard, I am fake, not be authentic, true to myself. But I don't know who myself is. I don't have that foundation in which I could say 'yes this is me, no that is not me'. So I don't really move.

Even hobbies. Writing. Voice in the back of my mind is like, 'you're not good enough, you just think you should because INFPs tend to be writers, but even though you're an INFP, you don't really have much of the creative qualities of the personality. Don't try too hard to be someone you are not.'
 
Ever so often, I go thru a identity crisis. Throw everything up in the air.
Question everything. If I am just a poser. I've even questioned if I am actually Christian or trying too hard to be.
I stop wearing certain clothes, I don't read books, I stay in my room because I hear the person in the back of my mind telling me that I am trying too hard, I am fake, not be authentic, true to myself. But I don't know who myself is. I don't have that foundation in which I could say 'yes this is me, no that is not me'. So I don't really move.

Even hobbies. Writing. Voice in the back of my mind is like, 'you're not good enough, you just think you should because INFPs tend to be writers, but even though you're an INFP, you don't really have much of the creative qualities of the personality. Don't try too hard to be someone you are not.'


One thing I realize is that there's no way I will know everything about me, 100% of me, or who I am completely.

Let's say you just finished writing a book in which you put all of wisdom and talent, and even your personal affection since it's your first story. Don't you think you are the one who is most fitting to give the title to the book? Isn't it obvious because you are the one wrote the book, you are the one who came up with the plot that will suck readers in, and you are the one who created all characters that are interesting, unique, and approachable? Just like that, because God is one who created you, He is the ONLY one who can not only label you, define you, but also explain to what and who you are in His kind voice.

The Torah of HASHEM is perfect, restoring the soul; (Psalms 19:8a)

I know there's a soul in my body (I think or may be it's like halo) but I don't know where it is exactly located; my brain? my left kidney? or my heart? I don't know. Although it's my body and it's in my body somewhere,, I don't even know where it is. If you are having little trouble trying to figure out who you are (like I am), then I think the best way to do that is by reading, meditating on God's word and letting, allowing God's perfect word to restore our soul. I think it's a great start. A great start. Whether you are INFP or IJFE or whatever, let God define you one letter at a time - MINE.
 
My friend- Allin will try to contact some of you. I can't explain it all right now. I feel anxious and sick.. just letting you guys know he is indeed a friend of mine and has been looking out for me since I met him.
 
So... that guy I told you about(lil, grace, gypsy) tried to hug me at work today. I'm filled with anger towards him.

two things you must do: 1. complain ...... 2. DOCUMENT ALL COMPLAINTS AND INCIDENTS.
 
One of the best pieces of wisdom I have ever heard, was a story similar to one that we all experience.

A person goes on a journey, whether physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally, to find one's self. To really find what they were all about. Just who are they, really??

And at the end of this big long journey, they were only more confused than they were when they had started. Things would only get more complicated as time went on, and they realized,.....In the end, who we are, is irrelevant. Finding their own self, in the deepest, truest sense, would be the scariest thing they could ever do. Because at the end of the day, the heart of man is evil. Nothing is good without God.

I can honestly say, for myself, that I am not worth knowing. I think we as human beings were created to love God, and serve him. Seek Him. Pursue him in all things. He is a God worth loving and knowing. He is perfection beyond comprehension, but a perfection we could never get tired of trying to comprehend.

If you try to find yourself, you might never get there, and if you do, you might not be happy with what you find.

What I can tell you, is that we are Children of God. Redeemed. Loved beyond what is physically possible. That is where I look for my identity, and its the only answer that I can find that seems to satisfy.

Hope my ramblings and tired thoughts made sense to someone,...I often think I should keep these things to myself,...But, I feel like I have to share sometimes. Love you all. :)
 
Is such a small amount of milk troublesome for you? What effect has it had on you? I am lactose intolerant - can't drink even a few ounces of milk without feeling nauseous, but the tiny amount that is in chocolate or baked goods doesn't bother me at all.

Well, milk itself can be. It was like the 4th or 5th ingredient on the list. When it's up that high I shouldn't do it. Now if it's something trivial like pretty low down on the ingredients list, like one of the last few, then depending on what the product is, I could be able to have it. Other than that, I try not to have any dairy beyond butter. Unfortunately I've been terrible lately with that, and I've felt miserable. I need to go to much simpler but nutritious foods these next few days. Like fruits, veggies, and chicken. Which I could do that. Not too hard. I could live off of a chicken, broccoli, and rice casserole type dish that I make (it's just chicken, chicken broth, brown rice, and frozen broccoli in an oven at like 375 for a few hours).
 
One of the best pieces of wisdom I have ever heard, was a story similar to one that we all experience.

A person goes on a journey, whether physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally, to find one's self. To really find what they were all about. Just who are they, really??

And at the end of this big long journey, they were only more confused than they were when they had started. Things would only get more complicated as time went on, and they realized,.....In the end, who we are, is irrelevant. Finding their own self, in the deepest, truest sense, would be the scariest thing they could ever do. Because at the end of the day, the heart of man is evil. Nothing is good without God.

I can honestly say, for myself, that I am not worth knowing. I think we as human beings were created to love God, and serve him. Seek Him. Pursue him in all things. He is a God worth loving and knowing. He is perfection beyond comprehension, but a perfection we could never get tired of trying to comprehend.

If you try to find yourself, you might never get there, and if you do, you might not be happy with what you find.

What I can tell you, is that we are Children of God. Redeemed. Loved beyond what is physically possible. That is where I look for my identity, and its the only answer that I can find that seems to satisfy.

Hope my ramblings and tired thoughts made sense to someone,...I often think I should keep these things to myself,...But, I feel like I have to share sometimes. Love you all. :)
The only thing I disagree with is where you say you're not worth knowing. You're certainly worth knowing. :) (but I think I know what you meant by that)
 
The only thing I disagree with is where you say you're not worth knowing. You're certainly worth knowing. :) (but I think I know what you meant by that)

Well,...Hopefully I am to other people Lol,...but I don't want to know myself on that deep of a level Lol.

But thank you :)
 
I posted this picture on Facebook many of you may have already seen this, but I wanted to put it here to show how my curls today looked like DNA. I was amused.

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I posted this picture on Facebook many of you may have already seen this, but I wanted to put it here to show how my curls today looked like DNA. I was amused.

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Looking lovely, Rachel! Your earrings are very nice and your DNA-hair wisps are great but in the photo, my eyes were drawn to your eye.
Um... sorry, Arlene. I didn't mean it like that. :P
 
The Lord has really been touching my soul recently with trues so deep and rich. His acceptance of me, no matter if I fail or succeed, if I'm the most popular or have no friends. I've really come appreciate Grace; it's always been my vocabulary, just never been deep in my heart. I'm learning more and more what this means to me. All I need is Grace, amazing Grace. I'm letting it sink in that it's Grace, not anything to do with me, just Grace.


Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound!
 
The Lord has really been touching my soul recently with trues so deep and rich. His acceptance of me, no matter if I fail or succeed, if I'm the most popular or have no friends. I've really come appreciate Grace; it's always been my vocabulary, just never been deep in my heart. I'm learning more and more what this means to me. All I need is Grace, amazing Grace. I'm letting it sink in that it's Grace, not anything to do with me, just Grace.


Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound!

Grace seems to be something I really struggle with. Like, it's for everyone else but myself. I believe in it but I don't accept it for myself. Part of it is the strive to be a perfectionist in my life. Do it right the first time. In life there are no do-overs. But I do need too accept that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes (not really talking about sin). That we all fall down. Jesus has accepted people into the Kingdom that have done far worse than what I've done.