in the recent thread, "too many divorces" people were quick to point out how we ought not to judge people for being a divorcee, because the circumstances can be complicated. i saw a lot of support for those whose lives have been touched by divorce, which i think is great.
however, i couldn't help but think about the fact that in some ways, we as a community, and in some cases the world, don't just judge the divorced.
often, we judge the single people too.
i've had to learn to be quite comfortable with people speculating on my reasons for being unmarried at my age.
if you're a woman, at some point in your thirties you start getting lots of responses that are, well... quite interesting. often, quite unexpected. i would naturally assume at some point, guys get similar responses, though there seems to be a lot more acceptance and understanding for men who don't marry at "the expected age".
moreover, unless you've been in a similar situation, i can assure you: you'd be SHOCKED what people will say to you, right to your face (which always makes me curious what others think, but dare not say to me).
here's a small sampling of what i've heard before:
from the unsaved:
*wink wink* you're so lucky to have escaped such craziness! besides, single girls have more fun. ...so, tell me, just how much fun do you have?
you're smart! your career will be more loyal than a man.
i envy you. you don't have to share your closet, and get to do what you want. (christians say that one too)
living together is better. the courts will screw you out of everything you have and worked hard for anyway.
oh, my sister recently married her girlfriend in california. it was a beautiful ceremony.
from the christians:
you poor thing! someday God will provide a spouse for (even) you.
aren't you worried about not having children?
(nervously spoken) well, not everyone is called to be married, right?
weren't you a missionary?
i think so-and-so's brother isn't married yet. you too should get together!
you'd be surprised by some of the others stuff that didn't make the list. : ) naturally, i'm curious about your experiences and perceptions of such things, both from those of you who can relate to this (even if you've been divorced for awhile and have started to be on the receiving end of this) as well as those who meet men or women who've never married, in the context of considering them as potential "date" material, or otherwise.
1. what are your perceptions of someone who remains single beyond the age most people choose to marry?
2. would you be less or more likely to date someone who hasn't been married?
3. if you're single, and have experienced this firsthand, what have been your experiences?
however, i couldn't help but think about the fact that in some ways, we as a community, and in some cases the world, don't just judge the divorced.
often, we judge the single people too.
i've had to learn to be quite comfortable with people speculating on my reasons for being unmarried at my age.
if you're a woman, at some point in your thirties you start getting lots of responses that are, well... quite interesting. often, quite unexpected. i would naturally assume at some point, guys get similar responses, though there seems to be a lot more acceptance and understanding for men who don't marry at "the expected age".
moreover, unless you've been in a similar situation, i can assure you: you'd be SHOCKED what people will say to you, right to your face (which always makes me curious what others think, but dare not say to me).
here's a small sampling of what i've heard before:
from the unsaved:
*wink wink* you're so lucky to have escaped such craziness! besides, single girls have more fun. ...so, tell me, just how much fun do you have?
you're smart! your career will be more loyal than a man.
i envy you. you don't have to share your closet, and get to do what you want. (christians say that one too)
living together is better. the courts will screw you out of everything you have and worked hard for anyway.
oh, my sister recently married her girlfriend in california. it was a beautiful ceremony.
from the christians:
you poor thing! someday God will provide a spouse for (even) you.
aren't you worried about not having children?
(nervously spoken) well, not everyone is called to be married, right?
weren't you a missionary?
i think so-and-so's brother isn't married yet. you too should get together!
you'd be surprised by some of the others stuff that didn't make the list. : ) naturally, i'm curious about your experiences and perceptions of such things, both from those of you who can relate to this (even if you've been divorced for awhile and have started to be on the receiving end of this) as well as those who meet men or women who've never married, in the context of considering them as potential "date" material, or otherwise.
1. what are your perceptions of someone who remains single beyond the age most people choose to marry?
2. would you be less or more likely to date someone who hasn't been married?
3. if you're single, and have experienced this firsthand, what have been your experiences?
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