Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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MissCris said:
Totally. Freaking. Out. Right now.

So...the apartment complex that I live in has had a cockroach problem for yeeears (my sister used to live in a different building out here, and she had them BAD). When I was signing the lease, the manager warned me about it; she said it makes no difference whether a person's apartment is spotless or a pigsty, the cockroaches will come in. Supposedly the building I live in hadn't ever reported a problem with them- so she told me not to worry about it.

I keep this place pretty stinkin' clean- floors and surfaces are always clean, dishes are done (nearly) every night, trash goes out quick (if it doesn't for some reason, I triple bag it because...diapers...gag).

A little while ago, I went in the kitchen to wash the dinner dishes, and TA-DA!!! Big black beetley bug crawls out from under a pan. I blasted it with scalding water and sent it down the garbage disposal with a large dose of bleach that was unnecessary but made me feel better before I could determine if it was actually a cockroach or just a nasty beetle that came in through the improperly screened window. I've seen cockroaches before; they don't get huge here...but I can't remember exactly what they look like.

I went on a cleaning rampage- threw out barely expired food in the fridge, took out the trash, washed dishes, bleached the whole kitchen and the bathroom, vacuumed even though I just vacuumed this evening...I went crazy. A lot crazy. Didn't come across any other bugs except a moth who's been keeping me company while I watched music videos.

And when I ran out of things to clean, I started bawling. I still can't get it under control. I was already feeling all sad and pathetic, and then this...what kind of mother moves her kids into a place with a cockroach infestation? I just feel...really helpless. I know, it was just a stupid bug, but...what if there are more? I remember what it was like for my sister, it was a constant battle to keep the dang things out, it was horrible for her and she felt like a terrible mom and there wasn't anything much she could DO. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to live HERE.

And I'm angry, LIVID, that it's come to this at all. I had a HOME. I had...a husband, and my babies, and cats, and a vegetable garden and pretty flowers...and now I have...a two bedroom, south-facing, third-floor apartment that smells like the people that used to live here no matter what I do and gets too hot and will probably be crawling with cockroaches soon. It shouldn't BE this way! Why, WHY, could I not just ignore the problems, let words bounce off of me? Why couldn't he have just been...a MAN, and cared for us the way he should have? Why couldn't I just shut my stupid mouth and keep a smile plastered on my face and dealt with it?

I feel...cheated. Like I had found a beautiful, perfect piece of fruit, only to cut it open and find it was full of worms.

Every time I start feeling a little better, a little stronger, I get set back. I get angry or lonely or scared and...it's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I can't...I can't keep fighting so much at once. The anger. The fear. The temptation to just accept someone's offer of company, just to not be so damn alone.

Ugh, I got tears on the inside of my glasses. Bah. BAH!!
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Yes to what gypsigirl said,
And for cockroaches to not ever have, I have the remedy,
If you want to know it ask, I will relay it to you and all. It works, proven I had a apartment complex was maintenance manager and had an apartment come vacant, that was full of them, bad it was. They did not even run when you turned on the lights.
So I got the Apartment ready and took care of the roaches, and called for the carpet to be replaced, and the carpet man when came went and came back to me and said he was not touching that apartment with all those roaches. I said come back in three weeks and if you find a live cockroach in there then, We will pay double to have the carpet replaced

And yeap no more roaches. Gone, everyone else may have had them, but not this apartment and the next and the next on and on, and it takes up to three weeks for not to have anymore ever again.
 
ChandlerFan said:
No actually. Hopefully I don't lose friends over this, but I've actually never watched even a single episode of Friends. Not for any particular reason other than that I just haven't. I knew as soon as I created this account that I would get that question though haha.

Actually, it's in reference to a pastor who I enjoy listening to named Matt Chandler. I've gained a lot of biblical wisdom and understanding from listening to his sermons over the past couple of years.

Here's one of his more well-known clips. Gives me chills ever time I watch it...

[video=youtube;bLgIecL1IdY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLgIecL1IdY[/video]
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Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and we as people have disregarded the rose, Christ, taken this on and destroyed the Love by not loving others regardless. We tear off the pedals, rip off the thorns and become the thorns that were there to protect the rose, seeing my depravity again, Thank you, so that I might see the resurrected Christ that God installs into the beleiver in Spirit and truth to live by
Thank you saved by the life not the death, yet death was needed first before new life for us could be, you think?
 
homwardbound said:
Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and we as people have disregarded the rose, Christ, taken this on and destroyed the Love by not loving others regardless. We tear off the pedals, rip off the thorns and become the thorns that were there to protect the rose, seeing my depravity again, Thank you, so that I might see the resurrected Christ that God installs into the beleiver in Spirit and truth to live by
Thank you saved by the life not the death, yet death was needed first before new life for us could be, you think?
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'You always hurt the one you love
The one you shouldn't hurt at all
You always take the sweetest rose
And crush it till the petals fall
You always break the kindest heart
With a hasty word you can't recall...'

[video=youtube;mS9U75YC-jA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS9U75YC-jA[/video]


.........
 
didymos said:
'You always hurt the one you love
The one you shouldn't hurt at all
You always take the sweetest rose
And crush it till the petals fall
You always break the kindest heart
With a hasty word you can't recall...'

[video=youtube;mS9U75YC-jA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS9U75YC-jA[/video]


.........
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Yes sir been there done that and am capable to do it again, and I pray not. Not by my strength for I have none being in unredeemed flesh, so by God's strength alone can I and will learn from any and all mistakes as God is the one to grow us up. Is what I see now and not used to, it took going through tragedies, he who has suffered in the flesh has quit from sin, trusting in self top be able to do what is needed to be done and trusts God to do it in and through them, as we all do get self in the way along the way, and God straightens us out
[h=1]Romans 4:14Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)[/h][SUP]14 [/SUP]For if they which are of the law be heirs, faith is made void, and the promise made of none effect:

Thank you Didymos. It does not have to be that way, if we are willing to learn to not be by God
 
Well, since my body decided that 4 hours of sleep was enough, I decided I might as well make myself useful in preparation for my friend's bridal shower today. I got out of bed and started cooking up a storm. It's 9:00am here and I've already made 36 mini quiches.
 
Loveneverfails said:
Well, since my body decided that 4 hours of sleep was enough, I decided I might as well make myself useful in preparation for my friend's bridal shower today. I got out of bed and started cooking up a storm. It's 9:00am here and I've already made 36 mini quiches.
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Yummm, mini quiche. :D
 
MissCris said:
-Yay...heat sick. Anyone else get that? Bleh.
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I got that before when I used to have to work outside for hours in 90+ degree weather. My best advice is to drink LOTS of water when you're out in the sun (or if its hot indoors).. not just when you are thirsty. If you're thirsty it means you're already dehydrated.
 
Front axel and valve cover gasket replaced :) $580.00 later. Treating myself to some sushi to celebrate spending money! Makes sense right? Right?
 
Making preparations to make a hangout area in the basement. :) I love having a well-lit, non-creepy looking basement that looks like it could have had 3 different horror flicks filmed in it, or looks like it could have bodies hiding in it.
 
AS IF IN PASSSSSSSSSSSSING!

Where the heck have you been? I was just thinking about that crazy half-duet we did in the yousing room once... wow, it was so long ago, I bet you don't even remember it. :p
 
Zero, I think you can be one M and I'll be the other. Except, make my plain... or mint... or cherry... or coconut... or peanut butter... (Have you tried the birthday cake M&M's?)

Oh heck. We'll just have to have a party and try them all.
 
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