Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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Unlike Miss Cris, my goal has been to do ZERO productive things today.

I blew it by making a chiropractic appointment for my son and finding an awesome hydration pack for his birthday gift.

If i try hard enough, maybe I can resist the urge to scrub the bathtub and start the post-camping laundry.
 
Why am I feeling insecure?
Yes, I've been struggling to find much relief teaching of late but my identity isn't founded in my job but in Christ.
I've been so blessed recently, you guys know how, but in all this, I feel like a complete idiot, stumbling around and making mistakes.
It's all new to me but because of that my self-worth is really taking a beating.
I have no right. I should just enjoy what I've been blessed with.
God, help me to see myself as you do. Help me to trust you.
 
Tintin said:
Why am I feeling insecure?
Yes, I've been struggling to find much relief teaching of late but my identity isn't founded in my job but in Christ.
I've been so blessed recently, you guys know how, but in all this, I feel like a complete idiot, stumbling around and making mistakes.
It's all new to me but because of that my self-worth is really taking a beating.
I have no right. I should just enjoy what I've been blessed with.
God, help me to see myself as you do. Help me to trust you.
Click to expand...

My self-worth has taking a beating this year but I have a wonderful friend who talks to me with the words of God. I loved your prayer. For myself, I am taking one positive baby step each day to remove the negativity in my life. May your life bear fruit as well. God is always with us, we are never alone in the struggle.
 
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Mission One accomplished. My mom is totally on board with my idea and made a lot of helpful suggestions and listed off some other local organizations to get in touch with to see if they can help in any way.

My sister is very absorbed in her post-marriage wedding plans and thinks I'm acting really weird and recommended I relax and have a beer or something (no thanks).

Mission Two in progress- awaiting responses from various single-parent friends from high school.

Mission Three can't be accomplished after business hours.

Meanwhile, back at the farm...I have a ton of restless energy and my hands are too screwed up right now to be able to paint. Which means here I am, talking to myself, my brain bouncing off of the imaginary walls.

I don't know that I'm really entirely fine yet, but I'm making good progress. Things are looking way, way up. It always helps to get a different perspective on things.
 
Cristene, I'm so proud of you, sister! You've found a need and you're passionate about helping to fulfill that need. God is doing a great work in you!
 
Yep..what Tintin said. Awesome to see you doing this Cristen. I'm beyond all words type of happy for you. You Rock! :cool:
 
Listening to Debussy. Scarfing down ice cream (that's not quite true; I have to eat it slowly or my head explodes (that's also not quite true, my head actually doesn't explode, but I have sensitive teeth which makes me wish my head would explode sometimes) (another thing that's not true! Of course I don't want my head to explode, that's morbid and freaky))). Letting moths and gnats in because I insist on having the window open because the night is beautiful and I can't go out in it so I'm inviting it to come in and I never got my screen back.

My hands are itching to paint, but they're both half numb and shaky.

I'm trying to imagine a world where nobody lies, where words mean something without action, and where gnats don't swim in my coffee. It's mind boggling. I should stop and just be content in the moment.


...success! :)
 
With al the craziness going on with my brother, my boyfriend and I have decided to try to build a relationship with him and his girlfriend as a couple. Who knows, maybe eventually theyll feel more comfortable talking with us about serious matters and maybe we can be in a better position to influence them. My boyfriend is actually supporting this 100% and wants to make a bigger effort in mentoring my brother, which is something I really appreciate.

Tomorrow, we're going on a double date, and my brother and his girlfriend actually seem to be pretty excited about it. We'll see how this goes.
 
Loveneverfails said:
With al the craziness going on with my brother, my boyfriend and I have decided to try to build a relationship with him and his girlfriend as a couple. Who knows, maybe eventually theyll feel more comfortable talking with us about serious matters and maybe we can be in a better position to influence them. My boyfriend is actually supporting this 100% and wants to make a bigger effort in mentoring my brother, which is something I really appreciate.

Tomorrow, we're going on a double date, and my brother and his girlfriend actually seem to be pretty excited about it. We'll see how this goes.
Click to expand...



I pray God will really work through you two. You never cease to amaze me with your maturity and love . :) Thank you for being an example to me :)
 
Pipp said:
I pray God will really work through you two. You never cease to amaze me with your maturity and love . :) Thank you for being an example to me :)
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I think I still have a long way to go, but that means a lot coming from you. thank YOU for being such an encouragement to me. *hugs*
 
Love, Pipp's not the only one who's impressed by your maturity and godly integrity. I'm cheering you and your boyfriend on and I pray that with the help of the Holy Spirit, you can both make a real difference in the lives of your brother and his fiance. Go get 'em! :D
 
You know what, Love, I'm in a similar situation. My older brother who I dearly, dearly love is going down a really bad path. At one point, about a year ago, I watched as he went through one of the most heartbreaking moments of his life which in turn rocked our family, too. But in those moments, he turned to me and I told him all the wonderful things about the Lord and hunger and yearning sparked in his eyes. Soon enough, he turned to his own ways to fix his wounds and for this year I have watched him make one mistake after another, seen him reap what he has sown, and have felt the gap between us grow furter and further apart.

But then I remember I was the least likely of my family to be saved. One of the youngest, the most determined to shut God out, and yet the persistent prayers of my Dutch grandma came to pass and I turned to the Lord with everything I am. My grandma still has a thick accent, and her prayers are anything but elloquent, but the Lord hears and He moves and He is alive in power and glory. Now, I hope my brother braces himself and has a fresh pair of underwear on when the Lord moves in on his life. Because now he has both my grandma and myself praying for him. And even though things may not look good, I am learning in the process, I am building character and coming to understand this thing called persevering faith.

So take courage, LoveNeverFails. Our God is wonderful, He is desirable and He finds spectacular ways to draw people to Him. I will pray for your brother, too. :)
 
Tintin said:
Why am I feeling insecure?
Yes, I've been struggling to find much relief teaching of late but my identity isn't founded in my job but in Christ.
I've been so blessed recently, you guys know how, but in all this, I feel like a complete idiot, stumbling around and making mistakes.
It's all new to me but because of that my self-worth is really taking a beating.
I have no right. I should just enjoy what I've been blessed with.
God, help me to see myself as you do. Help me to trust you.
Click to expand...

You know, sometimes relationships are the best way to find out what's still in your heart. To be honest Christian, in the midst of our quirky (but completely adorable) adventure, I have had fears surface that I never would have known about unless I let you in. And this whole time I'm taking note and being aware of them, yet when I am talking to you, I cover them with a rug.

Why don't we talk and figure this out, together? I don't really know what it's like to grow and/or conquer in an area with someone else holding my hand. Usually it's just me and God, so bringing someone else in to that process is new territory for me. I guess this could be a really interesting learning curve? Whaddya say? Let's taco 'bout it. (OH YEAH, I WENT THERE. SO GLAD I COULD USE THAT ONE TONIGHT)
 
Arlene89 said:
You know, sometimes relationships are the best way to find out what's still in your heart. To be honest Christian, in the midst of our quirky (but completely adorable) adventure, I have had fears surface that I never would have known about unless I let you in. And this whole time I'm taking note and being aware of them, yet when I am talking to you, I cover them with a rug.

Why don't we talk and figure this out, together? I don't really know what it's like to grow and/or conquer in an area with someone else holding my hand. Usually it's just me and God, so bringing someone else in to that process is new territory for me. I guess this could be a really interesting learning curve? Whaddya say? Let's taco 'bout it. (OH YEAH, I WENT THERE. SO GLAD I COULD USE THAT ONE TONIGHT)
Click to expand...


Wow! Arlene,your honesty in what you posted made me nearly cry just now. Beautiful. I was talking with Christian last night until nearly 3 am my time,and I was telling him a bit about how I felt about you both,and the amazing balance & beauty I see God using to have brought you both together. I am deeply humbled & blessed to know you both & I can't wait to see what God has planned upon bringing you both closer. There's so much I want to share with you both,I'm just not even sure how or when to do so,but I really believe God knows what you both need in a friend,a partner...in life. Perfect love casts out all fear,and I see that as something you both will cling to as you trust in the Lord to peel the layers of your hearts back to lovingly expose to one another the beauty God's placed in you both for His glory,as well as to bless one another. I love you both so much...thank you for sharing so much of your lives with us. ♥
 
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