Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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I have no idea how single parents survive their days. Honestly, I'm not even sure how I've made it through the last couple of months.

I spend a lot of my days feeling like I'm completely losing it. I'm with my kids all. The. Time. At this point, even when Somebody wants to see them, I have to be there because...why? The amount of reasons I've been given for it are getting to sound like poor excuses. He took them over night 3 times right at the beginning, and not since. I don't understand it. I can't do anything about it, and I certainly can't admit that these kids and I are driving each other completely insane.

I dont sleep normal hours because night time is my only real chance to...just breathe, recharge a little.

I knew this whole thing would be hard. I didn't realize how totally alone I would be through it. I feel kind of stupid, naive, for not realizing...but how could I even imagine feeling as lost and scared and frustrated as I do? When I think about the future, I try to be positive...realistic, but positive.

I was way, way off on this one.

I love my babies. And I think that at least one of them loves me back, at least most of the time...

We just can't keep living this way, cooped up here together day in and day out. Something's got to give, or I'm going to break.
(Please, no advice or...pity posts...I'm just getting it out)
 
MissCris said:
I have no idea how single parents survive their days. Honestly, I'm not even sure how I've made it through the last couple of months.

I spend a lot of my days feeling like I'm completely losing it. I'm with my kids all. The. Time. At this point, even when Somebody wants to see them, I have to be there because...why? The amount of reasons I've been given for it are getting to sound like poor excuses. He took them over night 3 times right at the beginning, and not since. I don't understand it. I can't do anything about it, and I certainly can't admit that these kids and I are driving each other completely insane.

I dont sleep normal hours because night time is my only real chance to...just breathe, recharge a little.

I knew this whole thing would be hard. I didn't realize how totally alone I would be through it. I feel kind of stupid, naive, for not realizing...but how could I even imagine feeling as lost and scared and frustrated as I do? When I think about the future, I try to be positive...realistic, but positive.

I was way, way off on this one.

I love my babies. And I think that at least one of them loves me back, at least most of the time...

We just can't keep living this way, cooped up here together day in and day out. Something's got to give, or I'm going to break.
(Please, no advice or...pity posts...I'm just getting it out)
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Com visit Star, OnThisRock, and Me.I live only about 4 hours from them. And bring Alanya. And I promise, there will be no pity. Just pure old-fashion laughter.
 
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MissCris said:
I kinda think my head is going to explode this morning.

My ex husband-soon to be ex-? Anyway, him- he's going on another rafting/camping trip next week, and because he has a bunch of smelly cats, he needs someone to check on them while he's gone. He can't ask his dad, who lives next door, because he's going on this trip too. He can't ask his mom, because she's discovered that she can have a life outside of her family and May or may not be leaving the state to meet a man. And he hasn't got any friends.

So he asked me.

Trouble is, I don't have a vehicle anymore (the jeep my mom gave me kicked the bucket a couple months ago), and his house is 30 miles away. So for me to do this, it would make the most sense to just pack up the kids and go stay there while he's gone.

I don't know how I feel about that. I mean...without him there, it's just a house. No big deal, right?

I dunno. The kids have their own room there, we would have everything we need (except a way to leave if we needed to), and there'd be tv and Internet like we don't have here...I just...

I guess I don't really know what my issue with it is. That's the part that's doing my head in- I don't have a problem doing it, but I have a problem doing it.
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While others are suggesting the issue is internal against him, and that's why you're reluctant, i don't see that as what you're saying. I think you're saying the issue is going to stay at the house to do it. And it makes total sense you would feel awkward about going there again. Years of bad memories are stored up inside that house, and going back there will likely dredged up lots of those memories and cause you to remember and relive things that you went through while there. Things you want to forget.
I would suggest not doing it. Not because you don't owe it to him, even though you don't. But because this is not a simple issue of being asked to do a simple task, but it's requesting you to put yourself into something you fought to escape and pushing bad things to the forefront of your mind, that you've been fighting to heal from. Its likely too soon for that for you. So, on that basis, i'd suggest don't do it. He won't understand, but that's not your problem, and it's not your responsibility to make him understand.
 
Anybody else have moments where you truly believe that putting on pants will reduce your quality of life?
 
Misty77 said:
Anybody else have moments where you truly believe that putting on pants will reduce your quality of life?
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I can't really identify with this...however, I do believe that I die a little inside every time I have to put on a pair of shoes.
Hey, wait, did you just announce to the general public that you're not wearing pants? For shame :p
 
MissCris said:
I can't really identify with this...however, I do believe that I die a little inside every time I have to put on a pair of shoes.
Hey, wait, did you just announce to the general public that you're not wearing pants? For shame :p
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I can assure you that I am appropriately attired for the occasion. Otherwise, no comment. =)
 
Waking up at 5 a.m. for no apparent reason...not my idea of a good time. Although, the view out my window is pretty this morning- very green, kind of foggy.

In other news...I had a dream that I was at my class reunion, and that I threw a drink full of ice in someone's face. I have no idea why, but I do know my aim is nowhere near that good when I'm awake.
 
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