A Confusing Situation

[DancingForJesus]

Hello everyone! I am new here

This is a bit of an embarrassing topic for me. I'll be 18 this month and have never dated (not that I think that's a bad thing). I was never interested in relationships and normally you would find me running the opposite direction from any guy that showed interest. I am posting this because it has been on my mind for so many months and I would like an outsider's view here.

I have been pursuing God's call for me to music the past year. Since I was overcoming mild stage fright, I started going to a Christian open mic. I met a guy there, who's 25 and about 8 years older than me. He was the first to get up and greet me, and I have to say the first time I met him I got that shock of "oh my gosh I really like this guy" but I kept it inside as always. We have become fairly good friends over the past several months, and many things have happened but I'll give the main points here.

I think it was the 2nd time I met him, at the same open mic. I was still learning how to control the power of my vocals and may have (I couldn't really hear the full band) drowned out the guy I was singing with (the same one I like. Because I am shy and want to remain as anonymous as possible, let's call him John). So after the song was over the pastor came up and told me "don't drown him out. Remember you're just backup". Well, that really hurt my feelings, for various reasons. I was emotional and still coming to terms with the calling I had been given, and that my voice is not bad (it never was... but there is a whole childhood story behind that that we won't get into). Also, this song was the one I had sung at my grandmother's funeral a few months back, so it was very emotional for me. On top of that, this was an open mic, we had agreed to sing the song together and it was never said beforehand that I was to be backup.

After this happened, I barely made it through singing the next song, and then immediately sat down, trying desperately not to cry because I hate crying, especially in front of other people. It was pouring rain outside and I thought I would look ridiculous going out there so I tried to stay and sit through the next few songs. John asked me if I wanted to come up and sing again, seeming to express concern. I shook my head, not trusting my voice. Well with the worship going on and the Holy Spirit coming through, that just made me more emotional and I finally couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I walked out quickly before I started balling, but I made sure to leave my stuff behind so they knew I wasn't randomly leaving. I stood out in the rain for a few minutes, trying to get control of myself. Then John came out and asked me if I was OK. I said "I'm fine", not facing him though. He said "You're not fine you're standing in the rain." I continued insisting that I was fine trying to get him to leave. He then went on to say some very uplifting things to me, mostly about singing. Afterwards, I very impulsively hugged him (I still feel embarrassed about that. Ugh just typing that made me want to delete the whole thing). He later gave me his first acoustic guitar (a very nice brand) saying that the Lord had told him to, which I believe.

Things progressed and we ended up working on the songs that the Lord had given me, which we are still doing now. A few months ago I brought him to the church I go to because I had wanted to do one of my songs there, and he was playing the guitar for me since I am very amateur at it. He ended up liking it there and staying. At first I was asked a lot if we were "together", and I was a little flabbergasted, saying no he wasn't and he is too old for me. Then the people confused me further by basically saying "he isn't too old for you". We often sit together at church, along with the rest of my family, but just as friends. At music practice he jokes around and it is a very light atmosphere. We practice at my house but always with another member of my family there, never alone. He really insists on this, and I agree because it is not, I guess you could say "proper" for us to be alone.

He brought this girl to the open mic a while back. He had met her on a Christian dating website. I did my best to feel nothing, again continually telling myself that he is too old for me. He once brought her to the same church that we go to together but I haven't seen her at that church since, which I find odd if they are serious. She was always a little awkward around me. He also never talks about her, to me or really anyone at church.

I feel it is so inappropriate for me to feel this way, but then sometimes it seems like he feels the same way about me. I have a very close relationship with the Lord, and regularly pray about it but I never feel like I'm being pushed away, but rather closer together. And then it seems like we would "click" really well. He likes cooking; I hate it. He's not too keen on children; I'm not either. I'm an animal lover and own several animals including horses; he always seems interested in the animals and horses. He truly seeks after the Lord and seems to have the same heart for God that I do, and we both adore praising the Lord and giving our all to Him. Most of the time I just tell myself that I am making something out of nothing and that there is no way that he sees me as anything more than a friend.

Of course, I am seeking the Lord's will in this as always. I'm trying not to get ahead of God's plan and think about the future too much. I just wanted some other people's take on this situation. Ultimately, it is up to God but, I'm so confused. There's nothing there right?

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hello everyone! I am new here

This is a bit of an embarrassing topic for me. I'll be 18 this month and have never dated (not that I think that's a bad thing). I was never interested in relationships and normally you would find me running the opposite direction from any guy that showed interest. I am posting this because it has been on my mind for so many months and I would like an outsider's view here.

I have been pursuing God's call for me to music the past year. Since I was overcoming mild stage fright, I started going to a Christian open mic. I met a guy there, who's 25 and about 8 years older than me. He was the first to get up and greet me, and I have to say the first time I met him I got that shock of "oh my gosh I really like this guy" but I kept it inside as always. We have become fairly good friends over the past several months, and many things have happened but I'll give the main points here.

I think it was the 2nd time I met him, at the same open mic. I was still learning how to control the power of my vocals and may have (I couldn't really hear the full band) drowned out the guy I was singing with (the same one I like. Because I am shy and want to remain as anonymous as possible, let's call him John). So after the song was over the pastor came up and told me "don't drown him out. Remember you're just backup". Well, that really hurt my feelings, for various reasons. I was emotional and still coming to terms with the calling I had been given, and that my voice is not bad (it never was... but there is a whole childhood story behind that that we won't get into). Also, this song was the one I had sung at my grandmother's funeral a few months back, so it was very emotional for me. On top of that, this was an open mic, we had agreed to sing the song together and it was never said beforehand that I was to be backup.

After this happened, I barely made it through singing the next song, and then immediately sat down, trying desperately not to cry because I hate crying, especially in front of other people. It was pouring rain outside and I thought I would look ridiculous going out there so I tried to stay and sit through the next few songs. John asked me if I wanted to come up and sing again, seeming to express concern. I shook my head, not trusting my voice. Well with the worship going on and the Holy Spirit coming through, that just made me more emotional and I finally couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I walked out quickly before I started balling, but I made sure to leave my stuff behind so they knew I wasn't randomly leaving. I stood out in the rain for a few minutes, trying to get control of myself. Then John came out and asked me if I was OK. I said "I'm fine", not facing him though. He said "You're not fine you're standing in the rain." I continued insisting that I was fine trying to get him to leave. He then went on to say some very uplifting things to me, mostly about singing. Afterwards, I very impulsively hugged him (I still feel embarrassed about that. Ugh just typing that made me want to delete the whole thing). He later gave me his first acoustic guitar (a very nice brand) saying that the Lord had told him to, which I believe.

Things progressed and we ended up working on the songs that the Lord had given me, which we are still doing now. A few months ago I brought him to the church I go to because I had wanted to do one of my songs there, and he was playing the guitar for me since I am very amateur at it. He ended up liking it there and staying. At first I was asked a lot if we were "together", and I was a little flabbergasted, saying no he wasn't and he is too old for me. Then the people confused me further by basically saying "he isn't too old for you". We often sit together at church, along with the rest of my family, but just as friends. At music practice he jokes around and it is a very light atmosphere. We practice at my house but always with another member of my family there, never alone. He really insists on this, and I agree because it is not, I guess you could say "proper" for us to be alone.

He brought this girl to the open mic a while back. He had met her on a Christian dating website. I did my best to feel nothing, again continually telling myself that he is too old for me. He once brought her to the same church that we go to together but I haven't seen her at that church since, which I find odd if they are serious. She was always a little awkward around me. He also never talks about her, to me or really anyone at church.

I feel it is so inappropriate for me to feel this way, but then sometimes it seems like he feels the same way about me. I have a very close relationship with the Lord, and regularly pray about it but I never feel like I'm being pushed away, but rather closer together. And then it seems like we would "click" really well. He likes cooking; I hate it. He's not too keen on children; I'm not either. I'm an animal lover and own several animals including horses; he always seems interested in the animals and horses. He truly seeks after the Lord and seems to have the same heart for God that I do, and we both adore praising the Lord and giving our all to Him. Most of the time I just tell myself that I am making something out of nothing and that there is no way that he sees me as anything more than a friend.

Of course, I am seeking the Lord's will in this as always. I'm trying not to get ahead of God's plan and think about the future too much. I just wanted some other people's take on this situation. Ultimately, it is up to God but, I'm so confused. There's nothing there right?

Hi there; good to see you; God bless His Word to you.

Here is the key (it's in 2 parts):

1) Revelation 3.7 speaks of the Lord Jesus as 'He that has the key of David; He that opens, and no one shuts, and shuts, and no one opens'.

2) By praying and reading the Word of God day by day, you learn to trust Him Who has the key to our lives.

Blessings.

 

[tourist]

Hello everyone! I am new here

This is a bit of an embarrassing topic for me. I'll be 18 this month and have never dated (not that I think that's a bad thing). I was never interested in relationships and normally you would find me running the opposite direction from any guy that showed interest. I am posting this because it has been on my mind for so many months and I would like an outsider's view here.

I have been pursuing God's call for me to music the past year. Since I was overcoming mild stage fright, I started going to a Christian open mic. I met a guy there, who's 25 and about 8 years older than me. He was the first to get up and greet me, and I have to say the first time I met him I got that shock of "oh my gosh I really like this guy" but I kept it inside as always. We have become fairly good friends over the past several months, and many things have happened but I'll give the main points here.

I think it was the 2nd time I met him, at the same open mic. I was still learning how to control the power of my vocals and may have (I couldn't really hear the full band) drowned out the guy I was singing with (the same one I like. Because I am shy and want to remain as anonymous as possible, let's call him John). So after the song was over the pastor came up and told me "don't drown him out. Remember you're just backup". Well, that really hurt my feelings, for various reasons. I was emotional and still coming to terms with the calling I had been given, and that my voice is not bad (it never was... but there is a whole childhood story behind that that we won't get into). Also, this song was the one I had sung at my grandmother's funeral a few months back, so it was very emotional for me. On top of that, this was an open mic, we had agreed to sing the song together and it was never said beforehand that I was to be backup.

After this happened, I barely made it through singing the next song, and then immediately sat down, trying desperately not to cry because I hate crying, especially in front of other people. It was pouring rain outside and I thought I would look ridiculous going out there so I tried to stay and sit through the next few songs. John asked me if I wanted to come up and sing again, seeming to express concern. I shook my head, not trusting my voice. Well with the worship going on and the Holy Spirit coming through, that just made me more emotional and I finally couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I walked out quickly before I started balling, but I made sure to leave my stuff behind so they knew I wasn't randomly leaving. I stood out in the rain for a few minutes, trying to get control of myself. Then John came out and asked me if I was OK. I said "I'm fine", not facing him though. He said "You're not fine you're standing in the rain." I continued insisting that I was fine trying to get him to leave. He then went on to say some very uplifting things to me, mostly about singing. Afterwards, I very impulsively hugged him (I still feel embarrassed about that. Ugh just typing that made me want to delete the whole thing). He later gave me his first acoustic guitar (a very nice brand) saying that the Lord had told him to, which I believe.

Things progressed and we ended up working on the songs that the Lord had given me, which we are still doing now. A few months ago I brought him to the church I go to because I had wanted to do one of my songs there, and he was playing the guitar for me since I am very amateur at it. He ended up liking it there and staying. At first I was asked a lot if we were "together", and I was a little flabbergasted, saying no he wasn't and he is too old for me. Then the people confused me further by basically saying "he isn't too old for you". We often sit together at church, along with the rest of my family, but just as friends. At music practice he jokes around and it is a very light atmosphere. We practice at my house but always with another member of my family there, never alone. He really insists on this, and I agree because it is not, I guess you could say "proper" for us to be alone.

He brought this girl to the open mic a while back. He had met her on a Christian dating website. I did my best to feel nothing, again continually telling myself that he is too old for me. He once brought her to the same church that we go to together but I haven't seen her at that church since, which I find odd if they are serious. She was always a little awkward around me. He also never talks about her, to me or really anyone at church.

I feel it is so inappropriate for me to feel this way, but then sometimes it seems like he feels the same way about me. I have a very close relationship with the Lord, and regularly pray about it but I never feel like I'm being pushed away, but rather closer together. And then it seems like we would "click" really well. He likes cooking; I hate it. He's not too keen on children; I'm not either. I'm an animal lover and own several animals including horses; he always seems interested in the animals and horses. He truly seeks after the Lord and seems to have the same heart for God that I do, and we both adore praising the Lord and giving our all to Him. Most of the time I just tell myself that I am making something out of nothing and that there is no way that he sees me as anything more than a friend.

Of course, I am seeking the Lord's will in this as always. I'm trying not to get ahead of God's plan and think about the future too much. I just wanted some other people's take on this situation. Ultimately, it is up to God but, I'm so confused. There's nothing there right?

My advice to you is to go with the flow on God's river of life. He will provide a paddle and navigational aides. Listen, there is no need to feel awkward about this. It is obvious that you have a serious crush on this young man. God provides the opportunities but will not force you to take action. That pastor was a jerk for hurting your feelings. If I were there I would give him a piece of my mind. Don't overly complicate things. You are obviously a spiritual woman and that is a very good thing. Just go for it honey! There is absolutely nothing confusing in this situation. Boy meets girl. Girl likes boy...sing him a song!

 

[cinder]

Sounds like you've met a good, godly guy. Those situations can be difficult. I would say it sounds like this guy definitely cares about you, but not necessarily in a romantic way. He may just be looking out for and trying to encourage a little sister in the Lord.

Now as to the more practical things: 17 and 25 is a significant age difference. 27 and 35 is less so and 37 and 45 is hardly noticeable. So I would agree with both you and the people in your church, at this point in your life the age difference is significant but it will become less significant over time.

I have had the difficulty ( still do sometimes) that when I start to develop feelings for a guy who is a friend I feel terrible about it. It feels like a betrayal of God because I spend more time thinking about that guy than I do God; and it feels like a betrayal of my friend because now I want more and more of his time and attention and it feels like I'm being dishonest if I act like his friend when really I've started to want to be more than friends. In such situations God has had to remind me that it is not an evil thing to be attracted to a godly man (see this post I wrote about the mixed messages church sends singles regarding relationships) ; it is a good thing and part of the attraction is that he displays the character of God. God has also given me the principle of loving well, which means seeking God's best for the guy regardless of what I want. That's not easy (it led to me having to graciously bow out when the best guy I've ever known met his future wife), but if you will walk this out in a godly way your character will grow immensely. It won't be painless, but you will spare yourself the bitterness of regret for doing wrong or getting your own ideas in the way and messing things up. And there is no shame in knowing when you can't handle something emotionally (like him dating another girl) and keeping yourself away from the situation.

The other two bits of advice I can give are
1) read this article Pure Intimacy - Not Your Buddy . If you feel like this friendship is developing into a pseudo-relationship where he can get the benefits of relationship without the responsibilities, do confront him with it and tell him he's sending you mixed messages.

2) Get the input of your parents and other people who are older and wiser and outside of the situation. It's very difficult to see such an emotional situation clearly on your own so find some people whose judgement you trust to help you maintain a clear perspective on this.

All the best to you and may you both continue to live lives worthy of the Lord and pleasing to him.

 

[violakat]

Dancing, no, I would not say there is nothing there, but then again, I will not say there is any feelings on his part. Right now, you are technically a minor and not knowing the laws, he probably would not be allowed to date you until you were 18. However, I think right now, what you might be feeling is a first crush. He was there for you when you were really hurt, and has been a really good friend. On top of that, he's been an encourager, both mentally and musically. For most women, that would make the hearts tug just a little, if not a lot.

As for determining if this man is in God's will for your life or not, well, that is a possibility, but it's also a possibility it's not. Don't try to rush things, don't try to decide right now if he's right for you or not. Wait and pray on the situation. And don't let others make you feel like you have to be in a relationship with him.

 

[DancingForJesus]

Thanks everyone for your advice! Mostly what I am finding hard is having feelings that are more than a "schoolgirl crush". Sure, I went through puberty and have hormones just like everyone else. I had little crushes all the way through school, but I never acted on them. It was an "admire and like" from a distance, but I never spent time dwelling in thought on the person. I am seriously, totally, and completely in love with the Lord. Over the past year as I have really started to seek Him in every aspect of my life, my relationship with Him has grown so much. I love to dance for the Lord, and He has taught me how to dance through praise. I've had people ask me before if I've had dance training. I always say "no, just the Holy Spirit" I really have fallen in love with Jesus.

So you can probably understand why I am struggling with these feelings. I've never felt this way before, about a human. I have felt this way for Jesus though (not exactly the same, but you know what I mean). And then when God, in the simplest term I can put it, seems to be giving me a "green light", I don't know what to think anymore. I forgot to mention, I had only known John for a month before he introduced me to his mother at church one morning. I did not walk up and ask who she was or anything like that. I had just walked in, said hi, and next thing I know I'm meeting his mother. It just feels like such mixed signals, and I have to wonder if he is struggling too. If he does like me, the age difference probably isn't any easier for him than it is for me.

And I'm not expecting anything right now. I know I'm a minor (I turn 18 on the 17th though), and I'm following the Lord's path so if it is meant to happen, then God will make it known at the right time. I just struggle so much with this. I am not a typical teen, or woman for that matter. In many ways I'm more like a guy. I keep a cool head in difficult situations, have learned how to put my emotions aside, and teach myself to build and do things on my own (I also hate housework, cooking, and other activities like that. Yes, I'm a tomboy lol). I'm very independent, and I never planned on being romantically involved with anyone, or getting married. So to have this guy come into my life, sometimes I find myself asking "God, why the curveball? Why are you torturing me?" I know He's not really torturing me of course. And I'm not mad at God. Just very, very, very confused.

 

[cinder]

Thanks everyone for your advice! Mostly what I am finding hard is having feelings that are more than a "schoolgirl crush". Sure, I went through puberty and have hormones just like everyone else. I had little crushes all the way through school, but I never acted on them. It was an "admire and like" from a distance, but I never spent time dwelling in thought on the person. I am seriously, totally, and completely in love with the Lord. Over the past year as I have really started to seek Him in every aspect of my life, my relationship with Him has grown so much. I love to dance for the Lord, and He has taught me how to dance through praise. I've had people ask me before if I've had dance training. I always say "no, just the Holy Spirit" I really have fallen in love with Jesus.

So you can probably understand why I am struggling with these feelings. I've never felt this way before, about a human. I have felt this way for Jesus though (not exactly the same, but you know what I mean). And then when God, in the simplest term I can put it, seems to be giving me a "green light", I don't know what to think anymore. I forgot to mention, I had only known John for a month before he introduced me to his mother at church one morning. I did not walk up and ask who she was or anything like that. I had just walked in, said hi, and next thing I know I'm meeting his mother. It just feels like such mixed signals, and I have to wonder if he is struggling too. If he does like me, the age difference probably isn't any easier for him than it is for me.

And I'm not expecting anything right now. I know I'm a minor (I turn 18 on the 17th though), and I'm following the Lord's path so if it is meant to happen, then God will make it known at the right time. I just struggle so much with this. I am not a typical teen, or woman for that matter. In many ways I'm more like a guy. I keep a cool head in difficult situations, have learned how to put my emotions aside, and teach myself to build and do things on my own (I also hate housework, cooking, and other activities like that. Yes, I'm a tomboy lol). I'm very independent, and I never planned on being romantically involved with anyone, or getting married. So to have this guy come into my life, sometimes I find myself asking "God, why the curveball? Why are you torturing me?" I know He's not really torturing me of course. And I'm not mad at God. Just very, very, very confused.

I'm starting to feel like I'm in a time warp. You aren't my younger self are you?

 

[Searching4Truth]

Hello everyone! I am new here

This is a bit of an embarrassing topic for me. I'll be 18 this month and have never dated (not that I think that's a bad thing). I was never interested in relationships and normally you would find me running the opposite direction from any guy that showed interest. I am posting this because it has been on my mind for so many months and I would like an outsider's view here.

I have been pursuing God's call for me to music the past year. Since I was overcoming mild stage fright, I started going to a Christian open mic. I met a guy there, who's 25 and about 8 years older than me. He was the first to get up and greet me, and I have to say the first time I met him I got that shock of "oh my gosh I really like this guy" but I kept it inside as always. We have become fairly good friends over the past several months, and many things have happened but I'll give the main points here.

I think it was the 2nd time I met him, at the same open mic. I was still learning how to control the power of my vocals and may have (I couldn't really hear the full band) drowned out the guy I was singing with (the same one I like. Because I am shy and want to remain as anonymous as possible, let's call him John). So after the song was over the pastor came up and told me "don't drown him out. Remember you're just backup". Well, that really hurt my feelings, for various reasons. I was emotional and still coming to terms with the calling I had been given, and that my voice is not bad (it never was... but there is a whole childhood story behind that that we won't get into). Also, this song was the one I had sung at my grandmother's funeral a few months back, so it was very emotional for me. On top of that, this was an open mic, we had agreed to sing the song together and it was never said beforehand that I was to be backup.

After this happened, I barely made it through singing the next song, and then immediately sat down, trying desperately not to cry because I hate crying, especially in front of other people. It was pouring rain outside and I thought I would look ridiculous going out there so I tried to stay and sit through the next few songs. John asked me if I wanted to come up and sing again, seeming to express concern. I shook my head, not trusting my voice. Well with the worship going on and the Holy Spirit coming through, that just made me more emotional and I finally couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I walked out quickly before I started balling, but I made sure to leave my stuff behind so they knew I wasn't randomly leaving. I stood out in the rain for a few minutes, trying to get control of myself. Then John came out and asked me if I was OK. I said "I'm fine", not facing him though. He said "You're not fine you're standing in the rain." I continued insisting that I was fine trying to get him to leave. He then went on to say some very uplifting things to me, mostly about singing. Afterwards, I very impulsively hugged him (I still feel embarrassed about that. Ugh just typing that made me want to delete the whole thing). He later gave me his first acoustic guitar (a very nice brand) saying that the Lord had told him to, which I believe.

Things progressed and we ended up working on the songs that the Lord had given me, which we are still doing now. A few months ago I brought him to the church I go to because I had wanted to do one of my songs there, and he was playing the guitar for me since I am very amateur at it. He ended up liking it there and staying. At first I was asked a lot if we were "together", and I was a little flabbergasted, saying no he wasn't and he is too old for me. Then the people confused me further by basically saying "he isn't too old for you". We often sit together at church, along with the rest of my family, but just as friends. At music practice he jokes around and it is a very light atmosphere. We practice at my house but always with another member of my family there, never alone. He really insists on this, and I agree because it is not, I guess you could say "proper" for us to be alone.

He brought this girl to the open mic a while back. He had met her on a Christian dating website. I did my best to feel nothing, again continually telling myself that he is too old for me. He once brought her to the same church that we go to together but I haven't seen her at that church since, which I find odd if they are serious. She was always a little awkward around me. He also never talks about her, to me or really anyone at church.

I feel it is so inappropriate for me to feel this way, but then sometimes it seems like he feels the same way about me. I have a very close relationship with the Lord, and regularly pray about it but I never feel like I'm being pushed away, but rather closer together. And then it seems like we would "click" really well. He likes cooking; I hate it. He's not too keen on children; I'm not either. I'm an animal lover and own several animals including horses; he always seems interested in the animals and horses. He truly seeks after the Lord and seems to have the same heart for God that I do, and we both adore praising the Lord and giving our all to Him. Most of the time I just tell myself that I am making something out of nothing and that there is no way that he sees me as anything more than a friend.

Of course, I am seeking the Lord's will in this as always. I'm trying not to get ahead of God's plan and think about the future too much. I just wanted some other people's take on this situation. Ultimately, it is up to God but, I'm so confused. There's nothing there right?

Make things really awkward and ask if he likes you.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Hello everyone! I am new here

This is a bit of an embarrassing topic for me. I'll be 18 this month and have never dated (not that I think that's a bad thing). I was never interested in relationships and normally you would find me running the opposite direction from any guy that showed interest. I am posting this because it has been on my mind for so many months and I would like an outsider's view here.

I have been pursuing God's call for me to music the past year. Since I was overcoming mild stage fright, I started going to a Christian open mic. I met a guy there, who's 25 and about 8 years older than me. He was the first to get up and greet me, and I have to say the first time I met him I got that shock of "oh my gosh I really like this guy" but I kept it inside as always. We have become fairly good friends over the past several months, and many things have happened but I'll give the main points here.

I think it was the 2nd time I met him, at the same open mic. I was still learning how to control the power of my vocals and may have (I couldn't really hear the full band) drowned out the guy I was singing with (the same one I like. Because I am shy and want to remain as anonymous as possible, let's call him John). So after the song was over the pastor came up and told me "don't drown him out. Remember you're just backup". Well, that really hurt my feelings, for various reasons. I was emotional and still coming to terms with the calling I had been given, and that my voice is not bad (it never was... but there is a whole childhood story behind that that we won't get into). Also, this song was the one I had sung at my grandmother's funeral a few months back, so it was very emotional for me. On top of that, this was an open mic, we had agreed to sing the song together and it was never said beforehand that I was to be backup.

After this happened, I barely made it through singing the next song, and then immediately sat down, trying desperately not to cry because I hate crying, especially in front of other people. It was pouring rain outside and I thought I would look ridiculous going out there so I tried to stay and sit through the next few songs. John asked me if I wanted to come up and sing again, seeming to express concern. I shook my head, not trusting my voice. Well with the worship going on and the Holy Spirit coming through, that just made me more emotional and I finally couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I walked out quickly before I started balling, but I made sure to leave my stuff behind so they knew I wasn't randomly leaving. I stood out in the rain for a few minutes, trying to get control of myself. Then John came out and asked me if I was OK. I said "I'm fine", not facing him though. He said "You're not fine you're standing in the rain." I continued insisting that I was fine trying to get him to leave. He then went on to say some very uplifting things to me, mostly about singing. Afterwards, I very impulsively hugged him (I still feel embarrassed about that. Ugh just typing that made me want to delete the whole thing). He later gave me his first acoustic guitar (a very nice brand) saying that the Lord had told him to, which I believe.

Things progressed and we ended up working on the songs that the Lord had given me, which we are still doing now. A few months ago I brought him to the church I go to because I had wanted to do one of my songs there, and he was playing the guitar for me since I am very amateur at it. He ended up liking it there and staying. At first I was asked a lot if we were "together", and I was a little flabbergasted, saying no he wasn't and he is too old for me. Then the people confused me further by basically saying "he isn't too old for you". We often sit together at church, along with the rest of my family, but just as friends. At music practice he jokes around and it is a very light atmosphere. We practice at my house but always with another member of my family there, never alone. He really insists on this, and I agree because it is not, I guess you could say "proper" for us to be alone.

He brought this girl to the open mic a while back. He had met her on a Christian dating website. I did my best to feel nothing, again continually telling myself that he is too old for me. He once brought her to the same church that we go to together but I haven't seen her at that church since, which I find odd if they are serious. She was always a little awkward around me. He also never talks about her, to me or really anyone at church.

I feel it is so inappropriate for me to feel this way, but then sometimes it seems like he feels the same way about me. I have a very close relationship with the Lord, and regularly pray about it but I never feel like I'm being pushed away, but rather closer together. And then it seems like we would "click" really well. He likes cooking; I hate it. He's not too keen on children; I'm not either. I'm an animal lover and own several animals including horses; he always seems interested in the animals and horses. He truly seeks after the Lord and seems to have the same heart for God that I do, and we both adore praising the Lord and giving our all to Him. Most of the time I just tell myself that I am making something out of nothing and that there is no way that he sees me as anything more than a friend.

Of course, I am seeking the Lord's will in this as always. I'm trying not to get ahead of God's plan and think about the future too much. I just wanted some other people's take on this situation. Ultimately, it is up to God but, I'm so confused. There's nothing there right?

It's hard to tell from this whether he likes you likes you, or is just treating you kindly in a sisterly way. Due to your age, I'd say that it's safer to assume that he sees you as a sister. I would wait it out... let him make the first move if he is interested. And talking to your family isn't a bad idea, since they know you well, and they know HIM well, and can see how your maturity levels relate to one another. I admit that 25 is quite a lot older than 17. Not just in years but in life experiences. So, even if you are mature for your age, which you definitely seem to be, it's a stretch...

Having said that, I do know a couple who started out in a similar situation. The man was a youth pastor, and he became attached to a girl who was in his youth group. She was about 17 and he in his 20s. He hid his attachment, kept everything very proper, and when she was older (19 and in college) they began seeing one another. They are happily married now, and doing very well.