Deal Breakers, Red Flags, Must Haves and the Wish List.

[Liamson]

Deal Breakers: Pagan, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Too short, Too Fat, Cutter, Drug addict, pot smoker, Alcoholic, Bi-polar, Borderline Personality Disorder, Rage-aholic, Militant Feminist, Schizotypal, Jealous, Disloyal, (real) OCD, germaphobe, Vegan, Stripper, Drug Dealer, Abusive to Animals.

Red Flags: MBTI-"S" type, Horse Lover, Homeopath Enthusiast, Liberal, Smoker, Lots of Tattoos, Lives with Ex-boyfriend, Mountains of Debt, Charismatic, Daddy Issues, Poor Hygiene, Wants truckloads of Kids, Can't Swim, no Diploma, Convicted Felon, Convicted Sex Offender, Voluptuous, Smarmy, Blonde, Hello Kitty, Controlling, Manipulative, Unreasonable, Violent, Afraid of Everything, Crunchy, Obnoxious, Sexually aggressive, Passive aggressive, Lies consistently, Lacks Passion for anything, More than 2 Cats, PTSD, Anxiety, Vegetarian, Masseuse, Cold, Truther.

Must Haves: Christian, Literate, Objective, Honest, Loyal, Trustworthy, Patient, Gracious, Curious, Adventurous, Unselfish, Open, Empathic, Forgiving.

Wish List: Athletic, Tall, Quick Witted, Bi-lingual, Spontaneous, Romantic, Deep, Expressive, Creative, Singer, Poet, Professional, Generous, Well Read, Can Pee Outdoors, Unafraid, Prayer Warrior, Intuitive, Understanding, Well traveled, Competitive, Silly, Cries during sad movies, Prefers a Manual Transmission, Her Father's Favorite, Fisher(wo)man(?), Hiker, Skier, Conversational, Enjoys Running with others, Negotiator, Emotionally Stable, Loves to Laugh, Foodie, Optimist, Musician.



I tend to overlook Red Flags, when the wish list gets long, but eventually this too will pass.



I haven't been around much. I've been busy working and having fun again.

I admit this list isn't fair. But I know that when I don't make lists, I tend to compromise or ignore things about people, because I want to believe the best about people. I can hope in one hand and count the red flags in the other, just to see which one fills up faster.

 

[DarlinNadia]

It's good to lean on your own understanding?

 

[Desdichado]

It's good to lean on your own understanding?

The fact you decry his list by pulling a line out of Proverbs is most ironic.

 

[Liamson]

It's good to lean on your own understanding?

What is knowledge without understanding?

Wisdom the practical application of knowledge and understanding.

Would you have prefered it to simply be a list of names?

Deal Breakers: Cindy, Jasmine, Leanna and Betsi

Red Flags: Lorraine, Samantha, Jean and Bonnie

Must Haves: Eve, Meredith, Jennifer, Ginger, Natalie

Wish List: Lizzy, Katie, Veronica, Gabriele


There are 3 billion fish in the sea, please do not be offended if my lure is not intended to attract you.

 

[DarlinNadia]

The fact you decry his list by pulling a line out of Proverbs is most ironic.

Leaning on your own understanding would be a deal breaker for me.

 

[Rachel20]

Deal Breakers: Pagan, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Too short, Too Fat, Cutter, Drug addict, pot smoker, Alcoholic, Bi-polar, Borderline Personality Disorder, Rage-aholic, Militant Feminist, Schizotypal, Jealous, Disloyal, (real) OCD, germaphobe, Vegan, Stripper, Drug Dealer, Abusive to Animals.

Red Flags: MBTI-"S" type, Horse Lover, Homeopath Enthusiast, Liberal, Smoker, Lots of Tattoos, Lives with Ex-boyfriend, Mountains of Debt, Charismatic, Daddy Issues, Poor Hygiene, Wants truckloads of Kids, Can't Swim, no Diploma, Convicted Felon, Convicted Sex Offender, Voluptuous, Smarmy, Blonde, Hello Kitty, Controlling, Manipulative, Unreasonable, Violent, Afraid of Everything, Crunchy, Obnoxious, Sexually aggressive, Passive aggressive, Lies consistently, Lacks Passion for anything, More than 2 Cats, PTSD, Anxiety, Vegetarian, Masseuse, Cold, Truther.

Must Haves: Christian, Literate, Objective, Honest, Loyal, Trustworthy, Patient, Gracious, Curious, Adventurous, Unselfish, Open, Empathic, Forgiving.

Wish List: Athletic, Tall, Quick Witted, Bi-lingual, Spontaneous, Romantic, Deep, Expressive, Creative, Singer, Poet, Professional, Generous, Well Read, Can Pee Outdoors, Unafraid, Prayer Warrior, Intuitive, Understanding, Well traveled, Competitive, Silly, Cries during sad movies, Prefers a Manual Transmission, Her Father's Favorite, Fisher(wo)man(?), Hiker, Skier, Conversational, Enjoys Running with others, Negotiator, Emotionally Stable, Loves to Laugh, Foodie, Optimist, Musician.
.

Thanks. Great list.

I never made lists prior because I have never actively searched for someone. If I ever do though, I know I would want to be wise about it.


So I am borrowing your list


I would add a SWOT analysis of my partner + a list of his expectations - what he wants from the relationship and where does he see it going. (his health records, family background etc. etc)

Other things I would add -

Must Haves: ​Super serious Christian, Literate, Objective, Honest, Loyal, Trustworthy, Patient, Gracious, Curious, Adventurous, Unselfish, Open, Empathic, Forgiving. Should organize, Can cook, can clean, Should read to me.



EDIT- PS- Of course I am going to pray about it, and only God's will be done

 

[cinder]

It's good to lean on your own understanding?

Why would you post this? You of all people who are so open about the previous relational crap you have gone through. Why do you criticize your brother for trying to apply wisdom to his relationships? The attitude that comes across here is that you think any sort of planning or criteria, heck any use of his common sense, is unspiritual and ungodly. Since God gave us our brains, that is an attitude i cannot fathom or justify.

And the answer to your question is yes it is good to use every ability and tool God gives us, including intellect, experience, biblical principles, wise counsel, and prayer, to make a decision as important as who we are going to date and potentially marry.

 

[Rachel20]

Yes, I don't think we should berate others for having a list and being particular about their future spouse.
At least they're being wise and guarding their hearts.

Anyway at the end of the day, it's God's will. Life is sometimes too short for lists, but it's good to know what one wants , it's good to have boundaries, and to not be deceived. No one on this earth is perfect.


Proverbs 16:9
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Leaning on your own understanding would be a deal breaker for me.

Someone who spends more time on CC than at a part time job would be a deal breaker to me.

 

[ww_21]

Deal Breakers: Massive flirt, Smoker, Compulsive Liar, Abusive, Cheating.

Red Flags: Constant attention seeking, Always surrounded by women, Still in love with an ex.

Must Haves: Passionate, loyal, faithful, kind, graceful, witty, patient.

Wishlist: Honestly... it's currently the person I am interested in. He has everything I can ever wish for and more. I pray that the Lord continues to watch over this and grant us grace and mercy.

 

[Arlene89]

Deal breakers: Not breathing.

Red flags: Has trouble breathing.

Must haves: Breathing.

Wish list: Has all their teeth.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Deal breakers: Not breathing.

Red flags: Has trouble breathing.

Must haves: Breathing.

Wish list: Has all their teeth.

lolz...has all their teeth! Awesomeness!

 

[SabbieWabbie]

Yeah I have a list too but people make plans and God laughs.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Deal breakers: Not breathing.

Red flags: Has trouble breathing.

Must haves: Breathing.

Wish list: Has all their teeth.

Dang it, here I thought I fit the bill perfectly. I have a pulse and there is air in my lungs, too bad I had to get that pesky wisdom tooth pulled though

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Yes, I don't think we should berate others for having a list and being particular about their future spouse.
At least they're being wise and guarding their hearts.

Def, actually I'm glad I know Liamson's list now. If he and I are ever out together for coffee and run across a voluptuous blonde Masseuse who is a vegan wearing a Hello Kitty t-shirt.....I know that she's all mine

 

[seoulsearch]

I think it's really interesting to read other people's lists because I'll see a characteristic and think, "Ooohhh, good one, I have to add that to my (whichever classification it fits under) pile!!" I admire clear, concise lists that obviously taken a lot of thought (and experience.)

For myself, as time has gone by, I find that when I personally try to sit down to make such lists, I either wind up with something so general that it could include most anyone (with a pulse, as another user stated), or, I start to be become so particular that it would exclude pretty much everyone (which is probably why I'm still single.)

I've also found that I'll think I know what I want and then meet people with some sort of special quirk, characteristic, or personality trait and I'll think, "Wow, it would be really cool to be with someone who was like that," and I'll wind up having to constantly edit my list all over again.

Just for my own personal self, I like to think that because God so often surprises me and knows me better than I know myself... I wouldn't be surprised if I met someone who blew a big corner of my list right out of the water.

 

[kenthomas27]

Deal breakers: Not breathing.

Red flags: Has trouble breathing.

Must haves: Breathing.

Wish list: Has all their teeth.

don't know if you've ever theen my teef in all their glory....

 

[Animus]

Deal Breakers: Pagan, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Too short, Too Fat, Cutter, Drug addict, pot smoker, Alcoholic, Bi-polar, Borderline Personality Disorder, Rage-aholic, Militant Feminist, Schizotypal, Jealous, Disloyal, (real) OCD, germaphobe, Vegan, Stripper, Drug Dealer, Abusive to Animals.

Red Flags: MBTI-"S" type, Horse Lover, Homeopath Enthusiast, Liberal, Smoker, Lots of Tattoos, Lives with Ex-boyfriend, Mountains of Debt, Charismatic, Daddy Issues, Poor Hygiene, Wants truckloads of Kids, Can't Swim, no Diploma, Convicted Felon, Convicted Sex Offender, Voluptuous, Smarmy, Blonde, Hello Kitty, Controlling, Manipulative, Unreasonable, Violent, Afraid of Everything, Crunchy, Obnoxious, Sexually aggressive, Passive aggressive, Lies consistently, Lacks Passion for anything, More than 2 Cats, PTSD, Anxiety, Vegetarian, Masseuse, Cold, Truther.

Must Haves: Christian, Literate, Objective, Honest, Loyal, Trustworthy, Patient, Gracious, Curious, Adventurous, Unselfish, Open, Empathic, Forgiving.

Wish List: Athletic, Tall, Quick Witted, Bi-lingual, Spontaneous, Romantic, Deep, Expressive, Creative, Singer, Poet, Professional, Generous, Well Read, Can Pee Outdoors, Unafraid, Prayer Warrior, Intuitive, Understanding, Well traveled, Competitive, Silly, Cries during sad movies, Prefers a Manual Transmission, Her Father's Favorite, Fisher(wo)man(?), Hiker, Skier, Conversational, Enjoys Running with others, Negotiator, Emotionally Stable, Loves to Laugh, Foodie, Optimist, Musician.

I'm all for making lists, but how on Earth do you remember all of this!? Also, why Crunchy in the Red Flags? I think you might have mixed up the "Red Flags" for a girlfriend list and the "Must Haves" for a chocolate bar list. And again, Hello Kitty is on the Red Flags, that's not even an adjective! I think some other lists are seeping into this one!

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

What is "crunchy"...??

(I am amused.)

 

[lil_christian]

I gotta wonder why being a Homeopath Enthusiast is a red flag...I mean, to each their own, but doing natural medicine and going to a homeopathic doctor typically does not indicate anything (well it might indicate financial status because it can get pricy).

Charismatic as in church denomination or charismatic as in the kind of personality that attracts a lot of people?

I don't think your list is terribly unfair overall. Sometimes it's better to be completely happy with the decision you've made for who you want to spend the rest of your life with than to ignore most of your standards then 5 years be miserable because you ended up "settling."

I don't think my list is even complete right now. A lot of standards I had for a guy when I was younger were just plain old selfish. So yup, when I think about it I'll cross out some things and add other more important things. I haven't even given much thought to relationships these past few months since I've been a bit busy to think about such things.