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Tonight I tried cooking my brothers absolute favorite Filipino dish for the first time ever. I cook a lot but I've never tried this one dish because usually my mom makes it. (For anyone who's curious, it's Ginisang Munggo, a Mung bean soup)
He sampled it...I waited in nervous anticipation...and I got full approval from the pickiest eater in the house. WIN.
He sampled it...I waited in nervous anticipation...and I got full approval from the pickiest eater in the house. WIN.
I
Have you ever felt in your life,sometimes even more so as a Christian that you find yourself feeling like you always have to apologize to someone for "something" you may or may not have said or done? That you may have inadvertently stepped on someones toes & not even known until it becomes glaringly obvious that they really dislike you or that you've upset them?
I feel like that. More times than I care to. I ask myself & God..."is it me?"..."do I do this?"..."am I this horrible monster that some feel as though I am?"
I am not perfect. Not by a long shot. I do try to live in peace with others and I really do try to take into consideration other people's feelings,even if I don't fully understand what or why they feel the way they do.
I suppose I should trust God more. Pray for those people. Even more so..pray for myself.
What do you do when you know someone can't stand you,but they themselves even admittedly have told you that why they dislike you has no foundation in anything other than their own insecurities or personal demons? What then?
I find my self apologizing for thing's I never did or said just to keep the peace. I used to do this near the end of my marriage.
I thought it must be "me"... "I am this horrible person & I make this woman feel horrible."
I know now that that was a lie that I bought into..even she,herself told me that I did nothing wrong,that she still loved me & felt 100% responsible for the ruin of our marriage.
I don't hold her responsible. I do however believe that I accepted way too much self inflicted self loathing & critical self-evaluation from myself.
I realize in my heart that the only person that I need to have acceptance & good standing with is God.
I know that because of the sort of person I am...I put myself out there. People look at me and see one thing,but only those who I have truly let into my heart know the real me..they love me despite my flaws and glaring imperfections. They don't mind if I'm having a bad or a good day...if I am super spiritual God squad dude one minute & then banging my head singing Reign In Blood by Slayer!
I can barely count on one hand those people currently in my life. I'm actually more than ok with that.
I suppose my human "why can't everyone just like me & we all get along" side rears it's head once & awhile.
I start to question my validity. I start to question my place.
Worst of all,I start to question if I am worth even being known by anyone...yanno...just wanting to disappear.
So on this arctic 3 degree morning here I am thinking about one of a million things...just venting,rambling...having a "Jim moment",and sipping my coffee. Just was wondering if anyone else feels the same way? I can't really be alone in how I feel at times,can I?
I feel like that. More times than I care to. I ask myself & God..."is it me?"..."do I do this?"..."am I this horrible monster that some feel as though I am?"
I am not perfect. Not by a long shot. I do try to live in peace with others and I really do try to take into consideration other people's feelings,even if I don't fully understand what or why they feel the way they do.
I suppose I should trust God more. Pray for those people. Even more so..pray for myself.
What do you do when you know someone can't stand you,but they themselves even admittedly have told you that why they dislike you has no foundation in anything other than their own insecurities or personal demons? What then?
I find my self apologizing for thing's I never did or said just to keep the peace. I used to do this near the end of my marriage.
I thought it must be "me"... "I am this horrible person & I make this woman feel horrible."
I know now that that was a lie that I bought into..even she,herself told me that I did nothing wrong,that she still loved me & felt 100% responsible for the ruin of our marriage.
I don't hold her responsible. I do however believe that I accepted way too much self inflicted self loathing & critical self-evaluation from myself.
I realize in my heart that the only person that I need to have acceptance & good standing with is God.
I know that because of the sort of person I am...I put myself out there. People look at me and see one thing,but only those who I have truly let into my heart know the real me..they love me despite my flaws and glaring imperfections. They don't mind if I'm having a bad or a good day...if I am super spiritual God squad dude one minute & then banging my head singing Reign In Blood by Slayer!
I can barely count on one hand those people currently in my life. I'm actually more than ok with that.
I suppose my human "why can't everyone just like me & we all get along" side rears it's head once & awhile.
I start to question my validity. I start to question my place.
Worst of all,I start to question if I am worth even being known by anyone...yanno...just wanting to disappear.
So on this arctic 3 degree morning here I am thinking about one of a million things...just venting,rambling...having a "Jim moment",and sipping my coffee. Just was wondering if anyone else feels the same way? I can't really be alone in how I feel at times,can I?
M
I dunno about this whole "life" business.
I can see where I need to go, I know what I need to do to get there, I'll even have help doing those things and someone pushing me to get them done when I pull one or more of my many procrastination techniques.
But it all looks so...so overwhelming...from where I'm at right now. So impossible, even.
But I can't keep doing what I do; putting things off until the last minute, waiting around to see if someone else will get it done for me, staying in this place I'm at.
I can't keep staying still when I need to move, and expecting anything to get better.
I can see where I need to go, I know what I need to do to get there, I'll even have help doing those things and someone pushing me to get them done when I pull one or more of my many procrastination techniques.
But it all looks so...so overwhelming...from where I'm at right now. So impossible, even.
But I can't keep doing what I do; putting things off until the last minute, waiting around to see if someone else will get it done for me, staying in this place I'm at.
I can't keep staying still when I need to move, and expecting anything to get better.
P
Well.... success. I know how to set a Roman numeral clock! That's going on the resumè 
I slept a lot yesterday from 5pm to 10:30pm, then again from 1am to 7am. I often need a nap after work mainly due to side effects of my medication. Each day, I look forward to it. If I could, I would probably sleep 12 hours straight if I given the chance. Weekends are full of sleep.
A part of me is concerned that I am addicted to sleep. Or maybe addicted to dreaming, going on adventures. That would make a good movie or book- addiction to sleep that a person no longer lives in the consciousness but while a sleep. A self-induced coma of sorts. The person chooses to remain in a dreaming world.
I slept a lot yesterday from 5pm to 10:30pm, then again from 1am to 7am. I often need a nap after work mainly due to side effects of my medication. Each day, I look forward to it. If I could, I would probably sleep 12 hours straight if I given the chance. Weekends are full of sleep.
A part of me is concerned that I am addicted to sleep. Or maybe addicted to dreaming, going on adventures. That would make a good movie or book- addiction to sleep that a person no longer lives in the consciousness but while a sleep. A self-induced coma of sorts. The person chooses to remain in a dreaming world.
J
Might not be you at all, you know? Some people like drama. Some people like being upset. Some people look for reasons to have their feelers hurt.
We're all trying to get through life the best we can. Sometimes we make mistakes. I can't imagine you ever getting up in the morning and deciding over coffee that you are going to intentionally upset someone on any given day. Cut yourself some slack.
We're all trying to get through life the best we can. Sometimes we make mistakes. I can't imagine you ever getting up in the morning and deciding over coffee that you are going to intentionally upset someone on any given day.
Cut yourself some slack. 
You are definitely not alone here in this world, in the learning the differences of flesh reactions and Spiritual ones from God to you personally
Remembering the cat hanging on the tree branch about to let go and saying oh Lord if I can learn from all things what a wonderful future outlook I will have, always seeking to learn cutting out frustration in the midst skipping right to teach me, and one bypasses the anger eventually.
Remembering the cat hanging on the tree branch about to let go and saying oh Lord if I can learn from all things what a wonderful future outlook I will have, always seeking to learn cutting out frustration in the midst skipping right to teach me, and one bypasses the anger eventually.
I
Might not be you at all, you know? Some people like drama. Some people like being upset. Some people look for reasons to have their feelers hurt.
We're all trying to get through life the best we can. Sometimes we make mistakes. I can't imagine you ever getting up in the morning and deciding over coffee that you are going to intentionally upset someone on any given day. Cut yourself some slack.
We're all trying to get through life the best we can. Sometimes we make mistakes. I can't imagine you ever getting up in the morning and deciding over coffee that you are going to intentionally upset someone on any given day.
Cut yourself some slack.
I hope I would never allow myself to become that type of person.
I've gone for a good month without going any biking....I think it's time to get movin' again. >.< It was helping me sleep at night, actually. Last night I had a pretty terrible time trying to sleep. But then again, I have been trying to get to sleep earlier so I could get up earlier. At the beginning of this school year I agreed to getting up at 8 am. It's been SUUUCH a fight because I'm ending up staying up at like, midnight. And my sleep schedule is probably gonna get thrown off this weekend because I'm gonna go to a camp in at my home church (I'm nervous about it, but I'm also hoping some people I like to talk to go.)
I've never been so busy in my life.
Good thing is, next week I think is when I'm gonna get my hair done. I'm aiming for Tuesday. Color and all. And hopefully, I'll have the motivation to do the maintenance and upkeep. I've been horrible with that my whole life. But I WILL get it!!
I've never been so busy in my life.
Good thing is, next week I think is when I'm gonna get my hair done. I'm aiming for Tuesday. Color and all.
And hopefully, I'll have the motivation to do the maintenance and upkeep. I've been horrible with that my whole life. But I WILL get it!!