Would you hit (or spank) your children?

[JesusmyLord]

There was a post earlier asking if it was ever ok to hit a spouse, and there was a consensus that it was never ok. However, I seemed to open up a can of worms when I added that I wouldn't hit (or spank) children. Whatever the Old Testament says about whether its ok or not, I would choose not to. For me personally, I feel it is a backwards way of thinking, unnecessary, and lazy. There are so many ways to discipline a child without having to resort to old fashioned spanking. For example, your child is playing with his food, rather than slapping his hand, just take his food away. I also think it is easier to not get emotions involved when you discipline in this way, so they know its not that you don't love them or are angry, but that this action results in this consequence. I think parents, when they become parents, have the absolute responsibility to give their children the best upbringing and to be the best and most knowledgeable parents they can be, making sacrifices on their child's behalf, and so parents should know all about child psychology and prepare themselves as parents instead of taking the easy way out with a wooden spoon. When someone becomes a parent, their children deserve the best from them; loving and understanding parents. If I ever lifted my hand against a child, I would no longer feel like a man, especially since I know there are so many better ways to discipline a child. That's my opinion on the matter.

 

[Jezreel]

It is not very wise for an unmarried man who is not a father to be giving any advice on raising children if that is your status. I have come across those kinds of persons who offer advice on how to raise children and when they become parents it is hilarious watching them use "philosophy" on a wild eyed temper tantrumed child that speaks back to adults and disrupts the classroom and turns out to be a lawbreaker.

 

[Matthew]

If I ever lifted my hand against a child, I would no longer feel like a man, especially since I know there are so many better ways to discipline a child. That's my opinion on the matter.

You and I would disagree on the idea that there are many 'better ways' to discipline a child, I don't think spanking is any better or worse a way to discipline than any other method such as taking away food etc.

Many forms of discipline are valid and physical pain is as valid as any in my opinion, the only responsibility a parent has in this area is to ensure they apply the right punishment in the right situation and NEVER act with anger.

I understand why it feels wrong to strike a child, or anyone, inflicting physical pain is not a pleasant thing but it is not black and white, there are times when physical punishment is the best option and it was used to very good effect in my childhood and my brothers and sisters, and as a child who was punished in that manner I can say it has no negative affect on my feelings toward my parents, when a child is old enough to understand they will realise how they benefitted.

 

[carpetmanswife]

well yes use other alternatives if possible but when necessary....i tag that booday!

 

[grace]

Bottom line.......when diciplining, your goal should to be to break their will ( to do bad things) and NOT thier spirit.

Howver you choose to do that...do it prayerfully and never out of anger.

 

[carpetmanswife]

totally agree Grace

 

[loveschild]

If you love your children you spank them. Spanking only come after they have ignored you trying to be nice over and over. No, no don't do that. The world has gone crazy because all the people who won't teach their kids. Jesus lets people keep doing something wrong over and over them boom something bad happens to make you pay attention and learn stop it. Children are running the houses and thats crazy. Be the parent.

 

[_Elizabeth_]

I spank my boys! SWAAAAAAACK! and they LOVE IT. In fact, they laugh at me if I am angry. Sooooo for me spanking is not very effective. Although, sometimes I can see a parent using a spanking as an awakening. I'd rather put my kid in tears with a spanking than let them learn what it feels to have someone's front suv bumper embedded in their chin. Yeah natural consequences are good... such as--> I tell my son "don't throw rocks, they can hurt someone or break something." Well at 3 when my son shattered my sliding glass window, costing me about 400.00 to replace. You can bet he got a swat on his butt out of anger and sent to his room and a long lecture and watched everyone clean the mess and gripe over it. Had he not seen or experienced the consequence I'm sure he would have done it again...since I see him running into it now and again. Though he remembers the experience of what it was like after he shattered the window into over 10,000 little fragments. OR Like yesterday...when my six year old son took a huge rock and hurled it in the air and it came down and cracked him SMACK above his eyebrow. With-in seconds he had a huge lump on his head. He just stood there like ohhh no what did I just do. It hurt him so bad and he was in shock but no cry. So of course I looked at him and said "What did I tell you about throwing rocks?" Then got him an ice pack...and said "Did you not think that was going to come back down?" He said he knew it would come back. I said "Are you going to do that again?" he said "NO!"...so natural consequences work.
ANYWAY...The best thing (rubs hands he he he) I have learned is take away something very precious to them... Such as access to my room. OR Access to the TV....or outside. I think the hardest discipline I had given my son this week (day before the rock in the head accident) was to lock my bedroom door so he could not come in that night-because of a nice little cafeteria food fight. The rest of the week...no problems at school. I think if you know your kids, you can see the simple things that they take for granted. When they disrespect you or others, you remove something from them.
It is also no use arguing with a kid...yeah you can just out smart them most of the time. But! once you start the game they develop more skills, ammunition, and endurance. And! I don't know anyone more persistent, with more energy, and more charming than kids....sooo to regain control you limit their soaring mind for future buckets of manipulative ammunition in waiting for you to- "you have a choice"-> either you sit there and do your homework, or you go outside and pick up the dog poop. And...when they are done picking up the dog poop... you say OK now you can get back to your homework or clean the house. And if all else fails...you can bake a bunch of chocolate cookies and tell them that they can not touch them until all their work is done and the house is immaculate!
Trust me the last one works! Especially if you have more that one kid. Because when one of them gets all their work done and is sitting their eating their cookies sticking their tongue out at the other one... the other is working twice as fast as you ever imagined they could.

Oh and hitting your spouse...never OK.... I think it would be better if you wait till morning and you turn off the water heater before they wake up and hide their keys under the mat. Don't forget to tell them how much you love them before you leave and tell them you forgot to charge your cell phone but you have to run.

 

[Snoopy]

Probably just put them on time out? ahah

 

[Sharp]

I think it would be better if you wait till morning and you turn off the water heater before they wake up and hide their keys under the mat. Don't forget to tell them how much you love them before you leave and tell them you forgot to charge your cell phone but you have to run.

hahahahahahahahaha classic!!!

 

[Jezreel]

Ever since Dr. Spock arrived on the scene with child psychology and parents who raised their children on this nonscence, it turned our a wicked and perverse generation. My generation is responsible for a terrible great amount of wicked inventions and abominations of the earth as well as being the generation that legalised abortion. We have a horrible legacy coming our way for that. It is a shame how parents cannot even disipline their children in public because of brainwashed idioctic liberals jumping in their faces. I have publically stepped up and defended a parent in public who was only tryiing to do the right thing that come under verbal bashing. The way today that children behave in public is detestable and shameful and to think that these kids will be someday in government over us! Yikes! Also, the young who are the psychology majors seem to think that they know it all and that makes them fools. God has brough to nothing the wisdom of this world and it is foolishness with God. We don't have to defend the way we practice disiplining our children to a pagan psychology major anyhow. If a person believes a book more than the word of God, they are not saved yet. I agree with you gals on there are other methods. I never had to resort to spanking hardly at all after the first couple years of their lives that my kids were "trained" to be obedient. We do have a family member that has three boys that I cannot have over to visit because they are so bad and horribly behaved that I dread their visits so I told them that when their children overcome the bad behavior, then I can have them over.

 

[carpetmanswife]

Oh and hitting your spouse...never OK.... I think it would be better if you wait till morning and you turn off the water heater before they wake up and hide their keys under the mat. Don't forget to tell them how much you love them before you leave and tell them you forgot to charge your cell phone but you have to run.
I like the way you think

 

[ChristopherMichael]

There was a post earlier asking if it was ever ok to hit a spouse, and there was a consensus that it was never ok. However, I seemed to open up a can of worms when I added that I wouldn't hit (or spank) children. Whatever the Old Testament says about whether its ok or not, I would choose not to. For me personally, I feel it is a backwards way of thinking, unnecessary, and lazy. There are so many ways to discipline a child without having to resort to old fashioned spanking. For example, your child is playing with his food, rather than slapping his hand, just take his food away. I also think it is easier to not get emotions involved when you discipline in this way, so they know its not that you don't love them or are angry, but that this action results in this consequence. I think parents, when they become parents, have the absolute responsibility to give their children the best upbringing and to be the best and most knowledgeable parents they can be, making sacrifices on their child's behalf, and so parents should know all about child psychology and prepare themselves as parents instead of taking the easy way out with a wooden spoon. When someone becomes a parent, their children deserve the best from them; loving and understanding parents. If I ever lifted my hand against a child, I would no longer feel like a man, especially since I know there are so many better ways to discipline a child. That's my opinion on the matter.

I was a smart and crafty kid. Punishments that were non-physical were a joke! It's only through proper force of calm physical punishments that I developed into a somewhat decent man. The same's turning out to be true for my little brother. I think it just depends on the kid, their temperament, and their intelligence.

- Topher

 

[ChristopherMichael]

It is not very wise for an unmarried man who is not a father to be giving any advice on raising children if that is your status. I have come across those kinds of persons who offer advice on how to raise children and when they become parents it is hilarious watching them use "philosophy" on a wild eyed temper tantrumed child that speaks back to adults and disrupts the classroom and turns out to be a lawbreaker.

AMEN Jezreel! You rock!

I saw a 40-something adult on a plane trying to use similar reason with a four year old. He was saying things like "You know there's no ice-cream on this plane, so you need to stop asking me. You're just trying to provoke me and test your limits. It's not going to work, so you need to just sit there and be quiet now." The kid then started screaming and punching and kicking the chair in front of him and kept it up for a good 30 minutes.

- Topher

 

[1Covenant]

Spank but spank (as with all discipline) with instruction and restoration as the goal, not simply punishment.

Oh and if you are angry when you discipline I find that 90% of the time that its not the child but its you because you waited (procrastinated) too long to deal with a problem.


Elizabeth - "I'd rather put my kid in tears with a spanking than let them learn what it feels to have someone's front suv bumper embedded in their chin."
LOL, I also subscribe to this philosophy as well...My father said it differently, he said "I only want to say stop once when they are running into the road."

 

[J0Y]

Well, if u all lived here you would find a law which makes it illegal to spank children. Physical punishment of any kind here is a criminal offense and people have been convicted of such crimes! Its called political intervention gone mad....
Anyway, I dont have an opinion as Im not married and dont have kids, but yeah, thought u might find it interesting to know it is illegal here!
Sadly some kids take advantage of this.....dob in their parents when its not really as bad as they make out....

 

[Soldier_Of_Christ]

I know you said you don't believe in spanking but I can't help but think how my opinion means nothing and we do have an owner's manual with everything from basic to extremely advanced instructions from the manufacturer when it comes to human beings, all things that pertain to life and godliness to be exact (2Pe 1:3). The best thing to do is always to check the manual (the Bible, from Almighty God our Creator) and see what it has to say about a situation. If what we read in God's word doesn't line up with our personal beliefs or opinions about a certain practice then we are at a cross roads between the way that seems right to man (Pro 16:25) and humble obedience to God’s superior knowledge and wisdom as revealed in his eternal Word.

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 22:15

It’s not merely dealing with a child acting out but a child acting out the sin nature that he was born with as we all were. According to God this foolishness is bound up in the child’s heart, not merely something it turns to on a whim but something veritably chained there. God is very specific on what will break this bondage and drive it out of a child and it seems even among Christians it is increasingly unpopular to do things God’s way. It should be considered that God seems to be saying here that if you use the rod of discipline at a young age it will be much easier and far more likely that this child will get saved when they are old enough to make that decision. Especially in light of all the teens leaving church at the earliest age they can get away with it, could it be a result of the modern Christian family not breaking the bondage and driving out that foolish sinful nature into submission through scriptural discipline at a young age. Someone who has learned discipline and understands authority as something they were raised in from infancy certainly should have a far less difficult time submitting to God and receiving divine chastisement when necessary.

Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge. Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine.
Proverbs 23:12-15

According to God these verses are words of instruction that we should hear and apply our heart to their knowledge. Spanking a child will not kill him. On the contrary, spanking a child could be the very thing that keeps that child from ending up in hell someday. God said if you will listen to his instruction and gain wisdom you will make his heart rejoice. It’s generally a good idea to look at the negative of something when God said “if” before a statement. If obedience to God’s instruction for disciplining children makes us wise and his heart to rejoice, then what does that say about when we decide we have a better way than God? Can we still be considered wise in the eyes of God when we choose the way that seems right to us or the modern world in which we live instead of submitting to God’s wisdom and patterning our lives accordingly? If biblical discipline makes God rejoice over us, how does he feel when we choose another way?

The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Proverbs 29:15

What appears sociable and easy on the conscience in not spanking a child and maybe even gains the approval of the world in general could have grave consequences down the road. As is says in Galatians 6:7, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” If you can raise a child contrary to scripture and be successful then that would mean God was wrong on this matter. He clearly said that foolishness is driven out by the rod of reproof and here states that it gives wisdom to the child. God said if you act contrary to his ordained path in these matters will result in a child that brings shame to its mother. I was just in Wal Mart today and a child was screaming for no reason in while riding in the cart. You could hear it from well across the store and the mother was doing nothing about it. Truth be told there was likely nothing she could do about it. More often than not if a child is properly taught to mind at home they would never have the guts to act out in such a manner in public and the slightest inclination to do so shouldn’t take more than a look or a word to stop such a tantrum before it started. I’m from a family of 12 and I can remember it seemed like nearly every time Mom took us to the store she was complimented on how well behaved we were. Because she had properly used the rod of reproof her children brought her honor. Even now that I’ve been on my own for a long time there are still employees in both Kroger and Wal Mart that have stopped and asked me how my mother is and commented how they are still amazed at how well behaved us children were when she came into the store. We are talking about honorable memories of my mother that have stuck in their minds for over a decade if not two.

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Proverbs 13:24

Last but not least God makes this very sobering statement that every parent should read and take to heart. Those that spare the God ordained rod in discipline, hates their child. How serious is that? No matter how good we might feel about ourselves or our enlightened modern age because we don’t spank our child. No matter how much the world praises us for being sophisticated and keeping with the times. Even if someone says they love their child too much to ever use a paddle. God calls it hatred of your child. That’s why they call it tough love. Sometimes true love is doing something that will seem unpleasant to the other person but is also often doing something that is unpleasant to both individuals but is the best thing for them.

Who among us can claim to be wiser than God? Do we pick up God’s word with a pen to mark out the verses we deem antiquated or inapplicable or makes us too uncomfortable? Or do we pick up the Bible with a pen to underline, a highlighter to mark, a prayerfully open heart, and a notebook to record what God teaches us for the purpose of changing our lives into the pattern he has revealed?

 

[Kyra]

well yes use other alternatives if possible but when necessary....i tag that booday!

HAHAHAHA! ROFL!

 

[Kyra]

Well said CMW.

 

[dovey]

My neices have never really been spanked, there was never a need. Just the threat scares them straight. But I think it greatly depends on the child, and explenation seems to be highly effective. They are the sweetest girls in the world! they have never been around screaming or mean language, so they rarely speak unkindly. The trick seems to be the patience that they are being raised with, they dont act out for attention, they absolutly love and respect their mother and father and if asked to stop acting a certain way do so immediatly...and then ask why and have the most curios minds as to why they are supposed to act this way or that! Explanations are wonderful!! children love to learn! I think it is a great testiment to their parents peace and stability, they know how loved they are and are extremely stable and consistant people, and their children have benifited tremendously!! everything seems to work in harmony....the boundaries are strictly enforced and the love is constant! hearts always being checked! that is one of my favorite things she says..."Maggi..are we having a kind heart?"