Why must it be a Virgin?

[Witness45]

I haven't been a member here for all that long, yet for some reason I've seen far too many threads concerning the topic of virginity. Too many have posted threads about how much they wish to marry a virgin one day, or how they don't believe there are any pure and untainted virgins out there for them to marry, and whatnot...

Why must it be a virgin? I think they should substitute the word 'virgin' with 'Christian'. I personally just don't think the people always on here yearning so deeply for a virgin have the right intentions in mind. I'm pretty sure that the real reason many people want virgins are for their sick sexual fantasies, not for purity or a loving relationship.

God usually addresses his church as being his virgin bride, yet we are not truly pure. Instead we are made pure by his forgiveness. Think about it from God's perspective for a moment: if he's the virgin groom and we are the bride, then when we accept his hand in marriage we have all already fornicated multiple times with multiple different people. He's the virgin groom, and we are the sexually deviant and all-around outright perverted bride. Yet God doesn't care, and he accepts us anyway. We are made pure in his sight by our repentance and his forgiveness. That's true love...

So if God is willing to accept you despite your fornication, why are so many of you unwilling to marry someone that isn't a virgin? If you truly love someone, virginity isn't even an issue. It's simply a great gift to give and a great gift to receive, but no gifts are necessary in true love...

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On a side note I do unfortunately feel rather hypocritical in typing this, so for those who are interested I feel I need to get this off my chest... I was sexually abused by my father at a young age, and have been bullied and made fun of my whole life because of my looks. I was lucky to have had one girlfriend, but she cheated on me multiple times. I'm rather sensitive when concerning the topic of sex because of these past issues. I feel rather hypocritical in my typing the above because many times I just personally don't feel that could be with someone that isn't a virgin. Not because of some sick sexual fantasy, but because of my incredibly low self esteem. If I was with someone who wasn't a virgin I'd always doubt myself and have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Questioning whether I was the underdog, whether I was the lesser man... Idk... I just have deep personal issues concerning this topic, but the unwillingness for acceptance of non-virgins does irritate me, and I hope I myself could one day build up the confidence to have a meaningful relationship with someone again. Virgin or not...

 

[JimJimmers]

My thoughts on fornication is that a thousand sins isn't too many if they are repentant. One is too many if they are not. I would marry a repentant non-virgin in a heartbeat.

 

[KJV15John11]

Witness45, I think that you answered your own question. As Christians, we are quick to point out how sex obsessed society is, and yet, you can't help notice how obsessed Christians are with the topic of sex. I agree with you that it is a sin, but not any greater or less than any other. So why is sexual morality such a focus from the pulpit? Compared to most sins, the others usually only hurt the individual and can be remedied with effort. Promiscuity, however, hurts more than just the sinner, innocent children brought into rocky relationships, diseases that can kill shared with spouses, breaking up of families, etc.

One's sexual identity is formed early on in childhood, and you, like many, were dealt a crappy hand. In fact, it has been found that most homosexuals experienced some kind of abuse at a young age, which led to a screwed up sexual identity. PLEASE don't take this lightly. I'm not saying that you are bound for sexual dysfunction, but it will haunt you in your future sexual life and will keep you from being able to maintain an healthy sexual relationship with your wife. You need to address this with a counselor who specializes in this area and has a Christ-centered focus.

What's the preoccupation with virgins? Well, thanks to the high standards that have been put out into the media on the incredible acrobatics, multiple peaks, and outrageous endurance, how can any of us NOT feel inadequate in this area. If most of us already feel that we can't live up to par of these unrealistic standards, why would we put ourselves into relationships were the other person has experience, thus we fear we won't measure up?

You are right though, we are all sinners and need to accept that none of us are perfect, and need to accept others regardless of their past. We want God to forgive us, but are slow to forgive others. We easily see the splinter in others' eyes, but fail to see the log in ours. That, unfortunately, is a human failing, and Christians can be more human than they want to admit.

Your childhood experience has made you humble in this area. We all have had some experience that has forced us to be humble about something we once had pride in. What is important to remember is, to apply this humbleness to all parts of our lives, regardless if we have failed in that area or not. Be thankful that we have not had to experience some of life's hard lessons, and loving accept all with the same forgiveness that God shows us and Jesus died for.

 

[Nautilus]

I'm not concerned with finding a virgin, but I also don't want a woman that's on the other end of the spectrum either. This awkward quest for the mythical perfect christian virgin girlfriend is ridiculous. I honestly can't think of a single girl I know who is still a virgin.

 

[T_Laurich]

I personally could careless if my future wife is a virgin or not (If I ever do get married).
See the way I look at it, all sin is sin... It doesn't matter if you killed a man, or lied to a stranger. God looks at both as sin... Why should I judge my future wife off of a sin... Why should I pick the one with the least worse sin... I would rather have the one with the most sin to be honest... Because that one has the most to be thankful for from God... And the purpose for marriage for me would not be; to find the best sexual partner... Sex is a gift but not the prize in marriage, I want someone who could bring me closer to God and i could do likewise... Someone who could make sure that my heart would remain teachable and loving, and anytime I fall in my faith she is there to pick me up... That is the main goal for marriage for me...

I think our cultures outlook on what sex is in marriage is why there are so many divorces...

P.s. I do know a few virgins... The world is not as lost as people like to think...

 

[Shouryu]

I'm 'meh' on the whole topic altogether. As someone who is no longer untouched, I think it's silly to have an expectation that (should I be blessed with) a future bride to have met a standard that I couldn't meet.

We're all the same to Yahweh once we've been covered by the blood of Christ. Why should I see a potential mate any differently than He does, then?

 

[T_Laurich]

Just feel like I should say this, If anyone who is still a virgin and reading this thread... Do not use this as a reason to throw away God's gift! Virginity can show your love for God is above the world, hence why many men want a virgin wife or girlfriend so badly... God has blessed you with an amazing gift... Or if you are in the boat I am in, and tried to loose your virginity but never really did... God has saved you from terrible heart ache and pain... God has blessed you where ever you stand... Never forget that God has a plan for each one of us...

All this thread is talking about, is the flawed seeking perfection in man... And they look to someone who was able to do something they could not... They are looking for Jesus in the wrong places...

And don't feel burdened because of your virginity, people who put such a weight on sexual acts need to learn what true love is...

And one last thing, if you are a virgin, don't think you must marry a virgin likewise. Yes, God might have that planned for you to marry a virgin. But if you look at it, virginity only lasts for 1 night in marriage, whats the point of marrying someone for 1 night?
But the gift of giving that 1 night is beyond special, it might sound like I am talking in circles but its hard to convey my thoughts on paper and without facial expressions and what not...

 

[Tintin]

I think the other end of the scale is ridiculous too. That seeking a virgin is some how sinful. I'm a virgin and I would prefer a Christian virgin as a wife but it's more important that she's a committed Christian.

 

[Shouryu]

I think the other end of the scale is ridiculous too. That seeking a virgin is some how sinful. I'm a virgin and I would prefer a Christian virgin as a wife but it's more important that she's a committed Christian.

I never thought of it that way, but it does seem rather...self-righteous and entitled, doesn't it? Not to say that to desire a virgin is inherently wrong, but to say that only a virgin is acceptable because somehow you deserved it or earned it sounds to me more like you're dictating your own terms to God. *smirk*

 

[colalella2891]

When two people have sex, their spirits are joined together and they become one. They're bound together. So when someone has sex with multiple people, they're bound spiritually with all of the people they slept with. That's why I would prefer to marry a virgin, because our spirits will be bound to one another, and one another alone. I also like to think that my future wife is saving herself for me, like i'm saving myself for her.

However if I happen to fall in love with a spiritual girl before I find out that she's not a virgin, i'm not going to end things with her.

 

[Tintin]

Ah, well, yes. The self-seeking attitude isn't my point. It's almost as if some people are saying that seeking a virgin for marriage is sinful. I'm not sure how I could make it more plain.

 

[Yahshua]

I completely agree with the points made about "forgiveness" and "being new Creature in Christ", but I say if one wants a virgin that's perfectly fine...and if one doesn't care whether or not they get a virgin, that's fine too.

I don't think desiring a virgin is about fulfilling a sexual fantasy for a significant majority of Christians, because that suggests one seeks a virgin to *sexually corrupt* said virgin (which can't be the case if two people marry because scripture says their bed is holy at that point) No...

For the most part I think the general sentiment is that virgins want to marry other virgins (for reasons including what KJV alludes to).

For a better perspective, let's switch the POV (because often times the perspective is "Men seeking virgin women". Let's say it's "women seeking virgin men". The woman - for a significant part of her life - has struggled and sacrificed to remain pure in a world that encourages promiscuity at every turn (especially from her). She's clearly one of the stronger ones in this area who's kept her virtue as a gift for her husband. Now, should she lower her standards? Should she expect any less from her future husband? I don't think so.

Now some may disagree with this next part but...

Marriage is not simply a piece a paper recognized by one's government. Marriage is the *act* of uniting body & spirit with another person in the eyes of God. This is why Christ spiritually marries his church; he enters into us. "Marriage" comes from the same root word as the word "marrow" (like from within a bone); it's the "mixture".

When two people have sex they "mix" together; they "marry", as it is written "two shall become one flesh". This has very little to do with a piece of paper established by an earthly government. These two persons have bonded and become one new person, which is why fornication is such a sin...because the separation of this bond is akin to death of that new person (and "thou shall not murder"). This is also why Christ said "apart from marital infidelity or death" divorcing a woman forces her to commit adultery (because they've already "mixed" together and can't "un-mix").

In addition, future subsequent bonding becomes weaker and weaker the more people engage in fornication, and people 'tend' to be less faithful/devoted if they do find a spouse (though not in every case).

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So a virgin woman who's resisted temptation and has been obedient (i.e. overcome the world) *should* be rewarded by God with someone who's equally resisted that same temptation (and God IS a rewarder of obedience). Likewise, a man who has resisted sexual temptation should be rewarded with a woman who's done the same. Of course this doesn't mean those who aren't virgins are somehow less valuable, that they're not forgive or that they shouldn't find spouses too. I'm just arguing like Christ would; some are virgins for the kingdom of God, some seek virgins, and some are not virgins. "He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

 

[mystdancer50]

Well, I'm saving myself for marriage and I would like my husband to have done the same. It's a respect and value issue.

In regards to sexual abuse, seriously, for me, that is absolutely not the same as those that willingly give it away, for whatever reason.

Not all sin is the same. The Bible specifically says that sexual sin is worse because all other sins occur outside the body but sexual sin is done within one's own body.

Just a couple of thoughts...

 

[Tintin]

I don't think desiring a virgin is about fulfilling a sexual fantasy for a significant majority of Christians, because that suggests one seeks a virgin to *sexually corrupt* said virgin (which can't be the case if two people marry because scripture says their bed is holy at that point) No...

Excellent point. You, sir, receive a gold star! While everyone struggles with lust, not everyone sees men or women as conquests.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I completely agree with the points made about "forgiveness" and "being new Creature in Christ", but I say if one wants a virgin that's perfectly fine...and if one doesn't care whether or not they get a virgin, that's fine too.

I don't think desiring a virgin is about fulfilling a sexual fantasy for a significant majority of Christians, because that suggests one seeks a virgin to *sexually corrupt* said virgin (which can't be the case if two people marry because scripture says their bed is holy at that point) No...

For the most part I think the general sentiment is that virgins want to marry other virgins (for reasons including what KJV alludes to).

For a better perspective, let's switch the POV (because often times the perspective is "Men seeking virgin women". Let's say it's "women seeking virgin men". The woman - for a significant part of her life - has struggled and sacrificed to remain pure in a world that encourages promiscuity at every turn (especially from her). She's clearly one of the stronger ones in this area who's kept her virtue as a gift for her husband. Now, should she lower her standards? Should she expect any less from her future husband? I don't think so.

Now some may disagree with this next part but...

Marriage is not simply a piece a paper recognized by one's government. Marriage is the *act* of uniting body & spirit with another person in the eyes of God. This is why Christ spiritually marries his church; he enters into us. "Marriage" comes from the same root word as the word "marrow" (like from within a bone); it's the "mixture".

When two people have sex they "mix" together; they "marry", as it is written "two shall become one flesh". This has very little to do with a piece of paper established by an earthly government. These two persons have bonded and become one new person, which is why fornication is such a sin...because the separation of this bond is akin to death of that new person (and "thou shall not murder"). This is also why Christ said "apart from marital infidelity or death" divorcing a woman forces her to commit adultery (because they've already "mixed" together and can't "un-mix").

In addition, future subsequent bonding becomes weaker and weaker the more people engage in fornication, and people 'tend' to be less faithful/devoted if they do find a spouse (though not in every case).

---

So a virgin woman who's resisted temptation and has been obedient (i.e. overcome the world) *should* be rewarded by God with someone who's equally resisted that same temptation (and God IS a rewarder of obedience). Likewise, a man who has resisted sexual temptation should be rewarded with a woman who's done the same. Of course this doesn't mean those who aren't virgins are somehow less valuable, that they're not forgive or that they shouldn't find spouses too. I'm just arguing like Christ would; some are virgins for the kingdom of God, some seek virgins, and some are not virgins. "He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

I'd love to be in the room when someone is telling God, "You know you really should give me this since i have done this or that!" I could only imagine the holy smack down that would happen right upside your head.

I for one hope God never gives me what i should deserve, virgin and non virgin alike i don't think any of us would be to happy about getting what we SHOULD deserve.

 

[Tintin]

All I have to say is nod my head, like, 'yeah'.

 

[T_Laurich]

I'd love to be in the room when someone is telling God, "You know you really should give me this since i have done this or that!" I could only imagine the holy smack down that would happen right upside your head.

I for one hope God never gives me what i should deserve, virgin and non virgin alike i don't think any of us would be to happy about getting what we SHOULD deserve.

Amen, I deserve hell... God's Grace is more wonderful than we will ever know...

 

[JessicaMae]

Personally I'm a virgin but I don't think it is a necessity for my future husband. A lot of people don't fully commit themselves to Christ until they are out of high school or college, because it's the norm of society and makes you "cool" to have sex before marriage. Sad to say but being a virgin makes you different than most people, and people don't want to be different so they follow the crowd.
No one is perfect, so I would never hold someone's past against them. They probably had sex before the fully understood what the affect actually was. I'm not gonna require virginity for my future husband, if they are cool, if not ah well.
God doesn't hold it against them, why should I?

I completely agree with mystdancer50 sexual abuse is different than choosing to have sex. No one should ever hold it against someone because they had no control of the situation.

 

[Yahshua]

I'd love to be in the room when someone is telling God, "You know you really should give me this since i have done this or that!" I could only imagine the holy smack down that would happen right upside your head.

I for one hope God never gives me what i should deserve, virgin and non virgin alike i don't think any of us would be to happy about getting what we SHOULD deserve.

Oh I mean no misconstrue. We're talking about "overcomers"; those who already are standing on the foundation. I should have said "those who overcome the world (like those who remain virgins) *WILL* be rewarded by God.

Hebrews 11:6

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

A woman or man remaining pure until marriage IS faithful first to God's commands and will be rewarded.

1 Corinthians 3:12-16

Now if any [person] build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble;

13 Every [person's] work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is.

14 If any man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, [they] shall receive a reward.

15 If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.

On the foundation of Christ, a person who works to honor the sanctity of marriage and maintains their virginity is obedient to God.

John 14:13-14

And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

All you gotta do is ask.

Hebrews 4:16

Let us therefore come BOLDLY to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

 

[kayem77]

If I met a great Christian who serves the Lord with his life and is loving,fun and smart , believe me ...the last thing I'm gonna think about is his virginity. As long as he lives a repentant life NOW, his past sexual life doesn't matter. Yes, it would be great to share that special moment for the first time together , but there are more important things in life.