Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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There are experiments showing that trying to suppress thoughts has the opposite effect. Try not to think of a white bear for the next five minutes.
 
I'm going to be pessimistic and depressing and complaining for just a minute...:o

A few weeks ago, I made a post on this very thread about how people I was getting to know would be leaving in a couple of months, and that at first I was bitter but then I would look at it that I'm thankful that God brought them into my life for whatever amount of time it was.

But, last night at Bible study, when we talked about just how many people were leaving, it really got me down, and I know it's going to get even harder as I get to know them more (especially since one of them is a guy a like, ha). And I realized last night that concept of marriage seems so foreign to me because people just come and go in my life all the time that I can't imagine someone being there all the time. That makes me sound like I've been abandoned a lot in my life; not really. It's just that through different phases of life, I know different people, people have come in gone, and while I've kept in contact with most of them even after they're away, it's just not the same.

I dunno. I just have to really make sure it doesn't make me hold people even further away, the ones who are leaving.

Christ really is the only constant One. Perhaps He's teaching me to really rely on Him instead of others. It's kind of a sucky lesson though. :P
 
I am finding when I get involved with alot of conversation , I feel like a flood of water has approached .. The endless chatter rocking the water into tidal waves.. seeing one approach ..
.. I get quiet , preparing to dive beneath the approaching wave.. holding my breath while swimming as it passes by. coming up for air, i watch as the wave keeps going... Realizing I'm in calmer waters ..
 
Today I applied to be a volunteer crisis intervention counsellor for a suicide help line. I'm on a waiting list so who knows when I would be called, I still have to take the intervention course. Little nervous for two reasons- I look young so my employers may not take me serious, and I think I'll be pretty hard on myself if the person still chose to kill themselves, like I could of said something more. But I dunno, ultimately it's a personal decision. A really stupid decision but a decision.
 
In the mood for some Jim Carry tonight. Hmm..Liar Liar, Yes Man or the darker The Number 23....
 
Oh man..I saw Liar,Liar in the theater when it first came out & I thought I was gonna die..I laughed sooooooooooooooooooo hard at the scene where he goes into the boardroom meeting & goes around the table calling out all their "hidden sins",when he rips the toupee off that dude & slams it against the wall while making Indian noises was everything!!!
 
Saw the movie "oblivion" yesterday .. Reminded me of revelations

40 year old virgin .. Good for a laugh as well
 
I want to find a FAR AWAY field and scream from the bottom of my lungs all the way to the very top...
 
Powemm said:
Saw the movie "oblivion" yesterday .. Reminded me of revelations

40 year old virgin .. Good for a laugh as well
Click to expand...
KELLY CLARKSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and that's about all I can repeat from that scene) lol
 
When raised by women who are (somewhat/constantly) disappointed in other men, it's kinda hard to seek out that unattainable "perfect" form of manhood. One can pick up a certain "feminine" dialect within the female species after prolonged exposure. Thus the inner conflict between the masculine and feminine begins.

I see and hear wants and needs of the perfect man for a certain group of flawed but beautifully talented women. Someone who can *insert skill* to someone who will *insert willingness to do whatever impossible juggling and spinning plate act* to someone to be *insert idealistic characteristics* to someone who can *insert reasonable objective* to someone who- etc etc etc...

But when I observe male species, I see something completely different. Something my XY chromosome can relate to.

*sigh*

I think I'm just going to continue to keep my heart closed for the time being. It seems a little more logical to guard my feelings from the pains of heart break.
 
Bucket List for next 5 years:

1. Get a good job
2. Move to China
3. Move to Israel
4. Get a pet squirrel
5. Make a squirrelapult
6. Get a girlfriend
7. Get a scottish fold
8. Drink more tea
9. Eat more nachos
10. Write more stories
11. Get dumped
12. Become crazy, old squirrel man
 
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