For what matter winning, when naught is gained, and all is lost, a victory so fleeting as to last as little as mere seconds? Nay, in such contest as this be, to win is to invite defeat. Indeed, the twain are such that they may as well be one and the same!
Therefore, I concede the matter prior to mine victory, and claim defeat. As defeat possesses naught that is different from victory, save a reversal of name, I claim my defeat, and upon further contest, my result shall be turned to its reverse, to its fairer face, and I shall have, in losing, achieved the goal and claimed my prize.
In short, I win.