I asked in Bible discussion but thought I would ask here also

[seoulsearch]

@Ava2010, it sounds like people have given you some great advice here -- I too don't believe you have to confess everything to another person, but if I do feel I need to confess, I, being female, will talk to trusted a female friend.

I also wanted to second Max's advice to be careful about communication between genders, especially with minor/adult age differences.

Occasionally here on CC, we have new "members" who post avatars of exceptionally striking young girls (often claiming to be 13-15) who use pictures off the internet of child models. They almost always predictably fill their "Following" (formerly "Friendship") lists with mostly or all older male members.

Several years ago, an older male member of the site (I think he was around 60) said that he started PM'ing with one particular young girl (supposedly around 13,) also on this site. I don't know who messaged who first -- all I remember is that he said that after some time, she eventually started saying things like, "I don't know anything about (the birds and the bees,) but I'm very curious. Could you answer a few questions I have?"

She might also say she can't go to anyone else and so she would like/needs a safe male role model to talk to.

The next thing he knew, he was "discussing" things with this "girl" about subjects in private messages that would surely ruin his life if "she" went to someone about it. And that's exactly where it went -- she started telling him that if he didn't send her money, she would take his messages to the police and say he was soliciting a minor.

When everyone asked, "Why did you even start a conversation with her?" he said, "Because I'm a Christian man, and Christians are supposed to help." He also cited that as a Christian man, he was trying to be the "leader" Christian men are called to be and act as "someone safe" for her to go to with her questions.

I don't know what happened after that, as both he and the supposed girl he was talking to stopped posting on this site.

Obviously, whoever he was talking to, it was most assuredly not a teenage girl. Whoever it was knew exactly what they were doing and how to prey on a man who claimed he was trying to act as a "Christian brother/father" figure.

Predators specifically target sites like this for that reason -- they see it as an easy loophole to exploit -- and it's something everyone has to keep in mind, no matter who they think they're talking to.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

@maxwel

There is definitely a lot of wisdom in what you said, but I need to disagree with you on one point...with a stipulation.

There are times in scripture when Jesus ministered to minors, BUT (the stipulation) at least one parent was present.

I have been on several different forums in the past, and there has only been one time when I engaged in private conversations with a minor. It was a young girl who had suffered horrific sexual abuse, and I was able to minister the gospel to her through a series of pm's. However (the stipulation), I made sure that at least one of her parents was monitoring our conversations, and I did, in fact, communicate directly with the minor's mother on at least two different occasions.

Anyhow, Ava, and all women here, regardless of their ages, should be very cautious when speaking to men here, whether publicly or privately.

 

[maxwel]

@maxwel

There is definitely a lot of wisdom in what you said, but I need to disagree with you on one point...with a stipulation.

There are times in scripture when Jesus ministered to minors, BUT (the stipulation) at least one parent was present.

I have been on several different forums in the past, and there has only been one time when I engaged in private conversations with a minor. It was a young girl who had suffered horrific sexual abuse, and I was able to minister the gospel to her through a series of pm's. However (the stipulation), I made sure that at least one of her parents was monitoring our conversations, and I did, in fact, communicate directly with the minor's mother on at least two different occasions.

Anyhow, Ava, and all women here, regardless of their ages, should be very cautious when speaking to men here, whether publicly or privately.

When you have a parent present, it's no longer really "private", and this constitutes an entirely different situation.

What you explained here sounds perfectly fine, and very wise. I have no problem with this at all.

God Bless.

.

 

[Magenta]

confess sins only to Jesus.

That is not what the Bible says.

 

[seoulsearch]

@Ava2010, it sounds like people have given you some great advice here -- I too don't believe you have to confess everything to another person, but if I do feel I need to confess, I, being female, will talk to trusted a female friend.

I also wanted to second Max's advice to be careful about communication between genders, especially with minor/adult age differences.

Occasionally here on CC, we have new "members" who post avatars of exceptionally striking young girls (often claiming to be 13-15) who use pictures off the internet of child models. They almost always predictably fill their "Following" (formerly "Friendship") lists with mostly or all older male members.

Several years ago, an older male member of the site (I think he was around 60) said that he started PM'ing with one particular young girl (supposedly around 13,) also on this site. I don't know who messaged who first -- all I remember is that he said that after some time, she eventually started saying things like, "I don't know anything about (the birds and the bees,) but I'm very curious. Could you answer a few questions I have?"

She might also say she can't go to anyone else and so she would like/needs a safe male role model to talk to.

The next thing he knew, he was "discussing" things with this "girl" about subjects in private messages that would surely ruin his life if "she" went to someone about it. And that's exactly where it went -- she started telling him that if he didn't send her money, she would take his messages to the police and say he was soliciting a minor.

When everyone asked, "Why did you even start a conversation with her?" he said, "Because I'm a Christian man, and Christians are supposed to help." He also cited that as a Christian man, he was trying to be the "leader" Christian men are called to be and act as "someone safe" for her to go to with her questions.

I don't know what happened after that, as both he and the supposed girl he was talking to stopped posting on this site.

Obviously, whoever he was talking to, it was most assuredly not a teenage girl. Whoever it was knew exactly what they were doing and how to prey on a man who claimed he was trying to act as a "Christian brother/father" figure.

Predators specifically target sites like this for that reason -- they see it as an easy loophole to exploit -- and it's something everyone has to keep in mind, no matter who they think they're talking to.

I should also add that people should be aware that it's very likely the same kinds of scams are being run here today (or at least, they're trying.) It is by no means this site's fault -- it's just because it's the internet and scammers are always going to try to take advantage of kind-hearted people.

Many months ago, some CC friends and I noticed a particular profile:

* Avatar picture that could give Jon Benet Ramsey's a run for the money? (As in, a young girl that makes all the guys say, "Man, she's going to be a real looker when she grows up!")

Check.

* A list of people's she's "Following" that's almost all men two, three, and four times plus her age?

Check.

* Interactions on the forum that would be prime bait for those wanting to "help?"

Check.

I'm obviously not going to give names because I could very well be wrong, and I certainly don't know everything that goes on throughout the forum.

There could be perfectly lovely people here who set off these types of red flags but still be genuine, lovely people. I certainly don't want to falsely accuse anyone.

But I do know that when the guys in my small keep-in-touch group noticed it, they all told each other that if this person, or someone like "her" tried to contact them, they should block them immediately and never have personal contact with someone like this.

A long time ago, a woman here was talking about having a rough time going through a divorce, and venting about it to a guy I'd known for a while on this site. I don't know who contacted who first, but he contacted me and asked if I'd talk to her instead, which I think was a very wise move.

I did contact her and she sent me a very short but friendly answer, but I didn't see her after that.

I don't know if she didn't want to talk to me specifically, or if she just decided this site wasn't for her, or if she just wanted to talk to a man and not a woman.

But whatever the reason, I think my guy friend was very smart to protect himself, even when it involved all grown adults.

It would be all the more important to protect oneself when talking to a minor.

 

[Magenta]

Obviously, whoever he was talking to, it was most assuredly not a teenage girl. Whoever it was knew exactly what they were doing and how to prey on a man who claimed he was trying to act as a "Christian brother/father" figure.
Predators specifically target sites like this for that reason -- they see it as an easy loophole to exploit --
and it's something everyone has to keep in mind, no matter who they think they're talking to.

I agree! I remember also the time/case someone joined saying she was a woman, and asked for men only to write to her to discuss her sexual issues. Like that does not send up red flags in itself, there were still guys who fought tooth and nail against any woman cautioning them against getting involved for obvious reasons, and a couple of them came after me for many many months after that, because I was one of two whom I recall that did. It was quite odd actually, because it went on for quite a while, but they did both eventually get banned for whatever unrelated reasons...

 

[Karlon]

Chris

If a person sins do they have to confess to someone in person or just to God, just asking because I know Catholics and maybe some other religions may have the same thing. I know if we sin against someone, we should confess to that person but if there wasn't anybody else involved do we. just wondering

Christians confess their sins to Jesus. all things have been given to Jesus: Ephesians 1:21,22 Colossians 1:19 & 3:17, 1st Corinthians 10:31, John 14:6, to name a few verses. never confess any sin to a person. catholics confess their sins to a priest in a confessional: NEVER ONCE WORKED, DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. no where in the Bible does Jesus teach to confess sins to a person. that's catholic made up gibbersish! admit your sin & apologize to a person you sinned against. & if you confess your sins to a priest, stop doing that, confess to Jesus ONLY! lastly, if you are catholic, remove yourself from that cult NOW. blessings to you.

 

[Ava2010]

Chris

Christians confess their sins to Jesus. all things have been given to Jesus: Ephesians 1:21,22 Colossians 1:19 & 3:17, 1st Corinthians 10:31, John 14:6, to name a few verses. never confess any sin to a person. catholics confess their sins to a priest in a confessional: NEVER ONCE WORKED, DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. no where in the Bible does Jesus teach to confess sins to a person. that's catholic made up gibbersish! admit your sin & apologize to a person you sinned against. & if you confess your sins to a priest, stop doing that, confess to Jesus ONLY! lastly, if you are catholic, remove yourself from that cult NOW. blessings to you.

Im not catholic was just stating that I knew they had a confession that they would tell, a Preast their sins although I was baptized as a Lutheran when I was a baby, I go to a nondomination church now and just got baptized in it, because I felt it was my decision now not my parents and very happy I made it

 

[Ballaurena]

If a person sins do they have to confess to someone in person or just to God, just asking because I know Catholics and maybe some other religions may have the same thing. I know if we sin against someone, we should confess to that person but if there wasn't anybody else involved do we. just wondering

1 Corinthians 10:23
"All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify."

In Christ we have freedom to determine what is best rather than rules that have to be followed. Therefore, if it is helpful to confess to a person, feel free, but there is no obligation. This actually applies to when you have sinned against a person as well since while it is probably generally best to confess to the one you have sinned against, life is messy and it sometimes it isn't possible or isn't helpful to the person you would be confessing to.

 

[Lynx]

@maxwel

There is definitely a lot of wisdom in what you said, but I need to disagree with you on one point...with a stipulation.

There are times in scripture when Jesus ministered to minors, BUT (the stipulation) at least one parent was present.

I have been on several different forums in the past, and there has only been one time when I engaged in private conversations with a minor. It was a young girl who had suffered horrific sexual abuse, and I was able to minister the gospel to her through a series of pm's. However (the stipulation), I made sure that at least one of her parents was monitoring our conversations, and I did, in fact, communicate directly with the minor's mother on at least two different occasions.

Anyhow, Ava, and all women here, regardless of their ages, should be very cautious when speaking to men here, whether publicly or privately.

That is just so incredibly creepy...

 

[seoulsearch]

Pray only to Jesus, and confess sins only to Jesus. Hosea chapter 5. Some churches have confession booths set up, and priests practice absolution. Some churches are business, and your lucky to get two verses out of them. There are few decent churches left. As fat as forgiveness goes, it applys to Body of Christ, if they ask for forgiveness, we must forgive. Not to non believers or false brethren. There are some good shepherds here. Watch out for false brethren on this forum. They might try to lure you into there circle. No, you don't pay anyone to hear God's word. Jesus, and the apostle s always taught God's word free. Watch out for false teachers.

Christians confess their sins to Jesus. all things have been given to Jesus: Ephesians 1:21,22 Colossians 1:19 & 3:17, 1st Corinthians 10:31, John 14:6, to name a few verses. never confess any sin to a person. catholics confess their sins to a priest in a confessional: NEVER ONCE WORKED, DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. no where in the Bible does Jesus teach to confess sins to a person. that's catholic made up gibbersish! admit your sin & apologize to a person you sinned against. & if you confess your sins to a priest, stop doing that, confess to Jesus ONLY! lastly, if you are catholic, remove yourself from that cult NOW. blessings to you.

While I am not Catholic and certainly don't subscribe to the idea of being forced to confess one's sins to a priest, the Bible clearly says:

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerfully effective." -- James 5:16

There are definitely times when people need to confess their sins to one another. I personally would not be close friends with or have close spiritual ties to anyone who believes that they should only "confess their sins to Jesus."

Why?

How many people caught up in alcohol, drug, porn, abusive actions and sexual addictions successfully break free by "only confessing their sins to Jesus"? There's a reason why most successful interventions involve confessing to other human beings (along with Jesus.)

Confessing some sins only to Jesus means a lot of people able to hide their sins, and when things are done in secret, there is often little to no incentive to change. We've had many, many men (and some women) confess openly on this site that one of the reasons their porn addiction raged out of control is because they had no (human) accountability partners.

I had a beloved mentor when I was younger who told me about a pastor who started out dabbling in sexual sin, but he kept it to himself, "confessing" only to Jesus. Eventually it grew to the point where he was cheating on his wife with any woman he fancied. But because he confessed only to the Lord and saw that "people were still getting saved" at his church, he felt that "God was still working through him" and either "overlooking" his sin or "extending grace to him" -- therefore, he did even nothing to change. If anything, he took on even more extra-marital affairs.

My mentor didn't explain how it happened, but she said that one day, "God pulled the curtain back," made the spectrum of his sin public, and he lost everything -- his reputation, his church and good standing, and wife and family.

It's possible it might not have gotten this far if he had confessed to the elders at his church and submitted to proper discipline and accountability.

Some people will need others to hold them accountable the rest of their lives if they are stay in control.

So yes, while I think some things are ok to confess "only to Jesus," there are definitely times when we need to tell a trusted spiritual friend, mentor, or leader (preferably of the same gender,) or it could very lead to personal ruin.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

@Ava2010, it sounds like people have given you some great advice here -- I too don't believe you have to confess everything to another person, but if I do feel I need to confess, I, being female, will talk to trusted a female friend.

I also wanted to second Max's advice to be careful about communication between genders, especially with minor/adult age differences.

Occasionally here on CC, we have new "members" who post avatars of exceptionally striking young girls (often claiming to be 13-15) who use pictures off the internet of child models. They almost always predictably fill their "Following" (formerly "Friendship") lists with mostly or all older male members.

Several years ago, an older male member of the site (I think he was around 60) said that he started PM'ing with one particular young girl (supposedly around 13,) also on this site. I don't know who messaged who first -- all I remember is that he said that after some time, she eventually started saying things like, "I don't know anything about (the birds and the bees,) but I'm very curious. Could you answer a few questions I have?"

She might also say she can't go to anyone else and so she would like/needs a safe male role model to talk to.

The next thing he knew, he was "discussing" things with this "girl" about subjects in private messages that would surely ruin his life if "she" went to someone about it. And that's exactly where it went -- she started telling him that if he didn't send her money, she would take his messages to the police and say he was soliciting a minor.

When everyone asked, "Why did you even start a conversation with her?" he said, "Because I'm a Christian man, and Christians are supposed to help." He also cited that as a Christian man, he was trying to be the "leader" Christian men are called to be and act as "someone safe" for her to go to with her questions.

I don't know what happened after that, as both he and the supposed girl he was talking to stopped posting on this site.

Obviously, whoever he was talking to, it was most assuredly not a teenage girl. Whoever it was knew exactly what they were doing and how to prey on a man who claimed he was trying to act as a "Christian brother/father" figure.

Predators specifically target sites like this for that reason -- they see it as an easy loophole to exploit -- and it's something everyone has to keep in mind, no matter who they think they're talking to.

I was going to post the same story, glad I read this. That same man confessed the same to me. At least I believe it was the same person. He is no longer here. I believe he was a sincere person, but she/ he misled him. I have only a couple men I trust to speak to here. And even at that I wouldn't talk about anything between my husband and I, I only mention him in passing in a positive light. The devil sees a weakness and the next thing you know you're emotionally involved with a stranger. Very dangerous. I would advise the OP to talk only to women privately and even then, use caution. I know you'd be a wonderful sister for her to talk to if she had the need to.

 

[seoulsearch]

Im not catholic was just stating that I knew they had a confession that they would tell, a Preast their sins although I was baptized as a Lutheran when I was a baby, I go to a nondomination church now and just got baptized in it, because I felt it was my decision now not my parents and very happy I made it

Congratulations on your recent baptism!

I too was baptized and raised Lutheran; and I also chose to be baptized as an adult in a different church.

As stated in an earlier post, I do think that some sins are fine just confessing to Jesus -- but it can depend on what it is, how it affects us, and where it will lead us.

I know some people might steal something, confess to Jesus, and then try to never do so again. But for others, that's not enough, and the thought of "getting away with it" might become too great of a temptation. They might continue to steal, taking bigger risks as time goes on, and head down a very destructive path because of it.

I also know very few people (including myself) who can maintain 100% integrity in a dating situation without the help of trusted accountability partners. I know if I got into a dating situation, I'd need to have trusted female friends I can talk to and who hold me accountable -- or I'm going to be tempted to jump off the deep end (like rushing into marriage, choosing the wrong guy, or thinking I can do things my own way.)

Maybe there are some people who manage to date, "only confess to Jesus" and stay 100% pure in thought, word, and deed completely on their own -- but I'm honest enough to say that I'm not one of them, and I'm thankful for my friends who are strong enough to cattle-prod me back onto following the narrow path.

Personally, I would be very... cautious... about anyone who claimed they can actively date but not have outward human accountability for what they're doing, because in some situations, they're really trusting in their own strength, no matter how many times they "confess it to Jesus" -- such as with the people who fall victim to pornography several times each day.

 

[seoulsearch]

I have been on several different forums in the past, and there has only been one time when I engaged in private conversations with a minor. It was a young girl who had suffered horrific sexual abuse, and I was able to minister the gospel to her through a series of pm's. However (the stipulation), I made sure that at least one of her parents was monitoring our conversations, and I did, in fact, communicate directly with the minor's mother on at least two different occasions.

Anyhow, Ava, and all women here, regardless of their ages, should be very cautious when speaking to men here, whether publicly or privately.

I'd like to ask a few questions about this just as clarification, not as criticism.

I'm just wondering what the circumstance would be for a mother or father to allow and sit in on a conversation in which their underage daughter is talking to a man regarding her "horrific sexual abuse."

I could see it if you were her youth pastor in real life and the parents agreed to your counsel, but none of my friends who are parents would permit or monitor an online conversation between their minor child and an online adult stranger (especially opposite gender) that included any mention of sexual history.

Again, I'm not saying this to criticize and I think it's wonderful if you were able to minister to this family.

But seeing as there are so many bizarre online situations out there, I was just hoping you could explain the story behind one in which the parents are comfortable with this kind for their child.

Since I'm not a parent myself, I wanted to be able to understand this better from a parent's point of view, and when they might allow for it.

 

[seoulsearch]

I was going to post the same story, glad I read this. That same man confessed the same to me. At least I believe it was the same person. He is no longer here. I believe he was a sincere person, but she/ he misled him. I have only a couple men I trust to speak to here. And even at that I wouldn't talk about anything between my husband and I, I only mention him in passing in a positive light. The devil sees a weakness and the next thing you know you're emotionally involved with a stranger. Very dangerous. I would advise the OP to talk only to women privately and even then, use caution. I know you'd be a wonderful sister for her to talk to if she had the need to.

Rose,

Can I ask, how was he able to get out of it, or did the scammer just eventually leave him alone? Feel free to PM me if it's too personal. I have often thought of this story and I hope he was able to get through it unscathed.

It's a sad state of the world that many people out there are going to take advantage of a Christian's core principle to help others. They will gladly use this against you, and no means of doing so is off-limits -- including the stolen/copied pictures of those who look innocent, young, and especially attractive in all the ways our flesh will notice.

Many Christian men are longing to feel needed or as if they are fulfilling the role of leading/helping the "fairer" sex, and these scammers know exactly what to say to prey upon that.

Many Christian women are longing for a Christian man to pay attention to them -- and lonely hearts seem to be the easiest victims of all.

As a single person on this forum, it's important to me to not only keep others company in what can be a very lonely existence for many, but to also try to help safeguard people from the ever-growing multitude of online scams.

In a day and age where just a few messages can thoroughly ruin a person's life, I think it's very important for people to be aware of these tactics -- and to stay on high alert when there are obvious warning signs.

 

[seoulsearch]

I was going to post the same story, glad I read this. That same man confessed the same to me. At least I believe it was the same person. He is no longer here. I believe he was a sincere person, but she/ he misled him. I have only a couple men I trust to speak to here. And even at that I wouldn't talk about anything between my husband and I, I only mention him in passing in a positive light. The devil sees a weakness and the next thing you know you're emotionally involved with a stranger. Very dangerous. I would advise the OP to talk only to women privately and even then, use caution. I know you'd be a wonderful sister for her to talk to if she had the need to.

Thanks for also speaking up.

We've seen a lot on this site over the years, haven't we?!!

If it's the same man, I never had any personal contact with him but only mention this story because he had posted about it in one of the public threads.

I agree with you in that I think he genuinely wanted to help, but trying to talk to "a young girl" wound up getting him caught in a very nasty spider's web.

 

[seoulsearch]

I agree! I remember also the time/case someone joined saying she was a woman, and asked for men only to write to her to discuss her sexual issues. Like that does not send up red flags in itself, there were still guys who fought tooth and nail against any woman cautioning them against getting involved for obvious reasons, and a couple of them came after me for many many months after that, because I was one of two whom I recall that did. It was quite odd actually, because it went on for quite a while, but they did both eventually get banned for whatever unrelated reasons...

I remember this too, and I don't know if it was before they had to approve threads before they went up, but I remember being surprised that the thread was even allowed to stay up.

I'm glad you stood your ground.

I mean, anyone saying they only want to talk to the opposite gender about sexual subjects, let alone personal history, sounds more like some kind of disturbed dating profile rather than something what would be posted on a Christian site.

 

[Lynx]

I'd like to ask a few questions about this just as clarification, not as criticism.

I'm just wondering what the circumstance would be for a mother or father to allow and sit in on a conversation in which their underage daughter is talking to a man regarding her "horrific sexual abuse."

I could see it if you were her youth pastor in real life and the parents agreed to your counsel, but none of my friends who are parents would permit or monitor an online conversation between their minor child and an online adult stranger (especially opposite gender) that included any mention of sexual history.

Again, I'm not saying this to criticize and I think it's wonderful if you were able to minister to this family.

But seeing as there are so many bizarre online situations out there, I was just hoping you could explain the story behind one in which the parents are comfortable with this kind for their child.

Since I'm not a parent myself, I wanted to be able to understand this better from a parent's point of view, and when they might allow for it.

Yeah, that.

If I had a daughter and she was talking to some guy online about sexual abuse, that would set off about 17 different alarms in my head.