"You've Got Reality"

[laughingheart]

The title of this thread is a play on the movie "You've Got Mail".

I've always liked that movie. From the first time I saw it I liked it. But this morning I was thinking about it. And I'm not so sure I like it so much now. There is an old version of it...that might be a better version. I only saw it once.

Anyway, I was thinking about the storyline of it and it's actually kind of sad, but that is something that is kind of ignored in the movie.

Both Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks are in a relationship, not with each other. They each have a partner. (living together type of relationship) But both of them meet in a chatroom. (why are they there?) Then they start to email one another. They talk to each other more and more. They have lost or are losing interest in their current partner and looking for something new. It is sad. They can't wait till that person leaves home so they can check their email.

So eventually they both leave their partners to free themselves for each other. Now here they are walking this path of finding someone new and it is exciting and fun with a few wrinkles to iron out till they finally meet. This is the part that gets the spotlight.

In the shadows...What happened to the current boyfriend or girlfriend? Why do they think that ending that and getting into the next thing will be better? Is it just a high of emotions that will surely wear off? Do they not think that this next venture will last any longer?

Now I know this was made to sell and all those things are underplayed and you're not supposed to think about that but it's there just the same. They even make the current boyfriend and girlfriend with annoying traits so it's easier to dismiss them and get them off the screen.

At the end Meg and Tom meet up while "Somewhere over the Rainbow" is playing. And they walk off together...into reality...

This is where they should begin the sequel. "You've Got Reality". How long till they get bored with each other and head to the chat room again and start over. How will they deal with one of them being a person that doesn't clean up after themselves, or the opposite and is a hyper clean freak, or is lousy with finances, or has a temper, or puts the toilet paper roll on the wrong way, or wants to sit and watch tv instead of with you, or ___________(fill in the blank)?

How should a sequel go? Would it be another bird of the same flock? Or should it show some commitment and pushing through those things that annoy and can be bad for a relationship to do what is good for the other even though it might not bring any "nice" feelings, at least not at the moment?

What does anyone else think?

And as of today, my liking of that movie has decreased signifigantly.

Very insightful and true. One of my favourite movies is called "Enchanted April". I won't give it away but it has some twists that have you stop and then celebrate. It has a slower pace but I like it for the sort reason that "You've Got Mail" leaves me sad. I also saw "Cairo Time" and the ending was one that will have you comparing it with how other films would have ended the situation. I am being rather cryptic but I don't want to ruin any surprises.
When I traveled it was sad that the world assumes that all North American women sleep around. I realized that the movie industry has portrayed even the sweet girls, as being willing to jump into bed with whoever they fancy. The values of loyalty, faithfulness and familiarity are scorned in TV and movie land.
I agree that a sequel could use some reality. Both of these people, while we see them as hollywood icons of sweetness, displayed a lack of values needed for a long term, stable relationship. Those struggles and the reality of no longer being on an emotional vacation, would be a great topic. They now have to confront the things they didn't deal with in their own lives, the things they were escaping while they were online.
Great thread.

 

[Lanolin]

Amy Grant was vilified for leaving her husband. I dont really know what the whole story was with that.
But stuff like that happens even with christians (and professed christians)

I think to get the full picture youd need to ask her children what they thought of the split and how it affected them.

Just because some people find each other and stay together, doesnt mean their finding each other didnt impact other people. In that sense some couples are quite selfish in that by being together they have to break up with their own families. In any case, if any party is married its adultery, and if unmarried its fornication, unless they end up marrying and stay faithful to each other.

 

[Krumbeard]

The notion of every RomCom is meeting "the one". That person that stands out among others. To take such a literal interpretation defeats the notion of "fiction" that is at its basis. It's fiction.

If we are going to insist on taking this fictional story to the level of reality...
"They made the ex's have annoying traits to it's easier to dismiss them". Sometimes that happens in real life too.
Sometimes the grass IS greener on the other side.

People do get bored or unhappy in their relationships. And this causes them to wander. It doesn't automatically mean that the person or people are just always bored and dissatisfied. In fact similar situations have actually worked out. Look at Amy Grant. She was married to a good man and had kids, yet gave it all up for another man. And last I heard that relationship lasted.

The problem with all your points is that they are framed to be interpreted in this limited view. And to lump all motives and reasons into one purely negative, as if that is the only option.

A person unhappy in a relationship should leave it. Or take steps to improve it, not stay with it till they find someone else.
But to fill in the blanks of peoples motives, presuming all negative motives, is not exactly a sign of a reasonable outlook, either.

My point in writing this thread, and I should have clarified it better, was how we watch these movies and things and it is influencing us. I haven't seen "You've got mail" in years. I just started thinking about it yesterday and wrote this.
These types of things are in these movies, shows etc. Often in subtle ways, but slowly weakening foundations about different topics. It does affect our thought processes. I would say it's the power of suggestion but done in a downplayed way.

In a marriage, it doesn't matter if the grass is greener somewhere else. It's not their grass. But you have proven exactly what happens. Citing an example of someone who did what they should not have and it worked out doesn't make it okay. There are valid reasons for divorce.

There is a guy at work and Christian who is on his third marriage. The other day he was complaining about having to work and wanting to do more fishing or other things. He made a joke about getting a divorce and finding someone who makes more money so he could be able to do those things without working. That's the stuff that really irritates me. If people are saying it, they are thinking it.

The things we watch really do our affect our culture.

And I do agree that if you are in a relationship and are unhappy, they can leave. As long as they are not married. If in a marriage it's a matter of they are annoying, health issues or whatever that doesn't count towards a biblical reason for divorce, then you better learn to deal with those things and love the person. I know I don't want to be on the receiving end of someone getting bored with me and leaving for greener grass. And I hope I never do that to someone if I have opportunity to marry again.

I will tell you that I did have my thoughts about divorce. And some would have probably told me it's okay to do so. I did not and am glad I did not.

I could keep going....

 

[tourist]

What happened to the current boyfriend or girlfriend?

They get deleted, expeditious and painless.

 

[Lynx]

A person unhappy in a relationship should leave it. Or take steps to improve it, not stay with it till they find someone else.
But to fill in the blanks of peoples motives, presuming all negative motives, is not exactly a sign of a reasonable outlook, either.

Wow. I didn't know it was that easy. That takes a lot of stress out of commitment... If I'm unhappy I can just punch out. Wait, what does "commitment" mean again? Where's my dictionary?

I know a lot of people who do just that. A manager at work has been married three times, and she's always complaining about her current boyfriend.

I know some people who do that a lot with jobs too. If you're unhappy just walk out. They complain a lot about being broke too. Can't imagine why.

 

[cinder]

There are movies that portray married love and commitment and seeing each other through the stuff of life, but real life isn't the stuff romantic comedies are made of. Or rather maybe it's more appropriate to say that romantic comedies only cover one very small distinct experience of life (meeting someone special and forming that relationship) and shouldn't set our expectations for the whole duration of our experience of romance.

The other place where our ideas of romance mess up real life is that we put so much pressure on romance and a romantic partner to make us happy and fulfilled. And often times we rush the process of forming a relationship because we want to get to the point where we're happy and fulfilled by someone as quickly as possible. And especially as singles we need to remind ourselves that no one person is big enough to make our lives happy and fulfilled, whether it's a current partner or a potential new partner. That's just too much responsiblity and pressure to put on another person and too much to ask.

 

[cinder]

Wow. I didn't know it was that easy. That takes a lot of stress out of commitment... If I'm unhappy I can just punch out. Wait, what does "commitment" mean again? Where's my dictionary?

I know a lot of people who do just that. A manager at work has been married three times, and she's always complaining about her current boyfriend.

I know some people who do that a lot with jobs too. If you're unhappy just walk out. They complain a lot about being broke too. Can't imagine why.

Don't you know that being in committed relationship these days really means I'm committed to break up with you before I go chasing someone who seems better?

 

[ArtsieSteph]

The crazy thing is that I absolutely adore this movie, and I’ve had the same questions. What will happen to them? Let me see if I remember...

So Kathleen decided to become a writer, and that means hopefully she can get help in her ability to publish. But that’s the thing: isn’t Joe still gonna be Fox Books? Isn’t he going to continue to make giant bookstores that slash apart small businesses like hers? Won’t it absolutely kill Kathleen to see each little place fall, and her father-in-law and grandfather-in-law wring their hands in glee?

Ok, say that Joe does indeed decide to leave Fox books. He will have a great amount of money for sure from his family, but what will he do? He is an amazing businessman, so won’t anything less than that leave him feeling unfulfilled?

And like you said, the whole movie is basically people enjoying anonymous emotional infidelity. If they start feeling sadness in this relationship, will they try to do the same again? I feel that might actually cause a huge underlining lack of trust in the relationship anyhow....

 

[Lanolin]

The crazy thing is that I absolutely adore this movie, and I’ve had the same questions. What will happen to them? Let me see if I remember...

So Kathleen decided to become a writer, and that means hopefully she can get help in her ability to publish. But that’s the thing: isn’t Joe still gonna be Fox Books? Isn’t he going to continue to make giant bookstores that slash apart small businesses like hers? Won’t it absolutely kill Kathleen to see each little place fall, and her father-in-law and grandfather-in-law wring their hands in glee?

Ok, say that Joe does indeed decide to leave Fox books. He will have a great amount of money for sure from his family, but what will he do? He is an amazing businessman, so won’t anything less than that leave him feeling unfulfilled?

And like you said, the whole movie is basically people enjoying anonymous emotional infidelity. If they start feeling sadness in this relationship, will they try to do the same again? I feel that might actually cause a huge underlining lack of trust in the relationship anyhow....

Haha maybe Joe gives up his huge empire and becomes....a librarian!

In my dreams...he sells the business to amazon and goes and becomes patron and funder of several public libraries needing cash injection and sets up reading scholarships. He also helps Kathleen publish her book then goes on worldwide book tour promoting it. They get on Oprah as husband and wife team, the book gets nominated for Oprahs book of the months club and then gets made into...a movie! Starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. The book is called 'Sleepless in Seattle' and is a mushy romance.