I have an online friend for about 1 1/2 years. We have had some great moments during this time, but generally I started to feel very unhappy and no longer wanted to reach out to them. The main point being is that I was suppressing myself and conforming to them. The reason was because it hurt too much to be rejected all the time. My friend is very different than I am. They are quite closed in share a little; write a little. For instance they would write one sentence about something and that's pretty much all. They ever, if rarely, ask me about myself, and if they do it's always on a shallow subject level. They tell me that I can write about/share/complain about whatever I want, that's it's not problem for them, but most often if not all of the time, they never respond to my comments. It's like I never said anything. I used to ask them questions, maybe 1, 2 at the most, to show my interest in them as a friend, it was sincere since I am curious to learn/know more about them. I would say about 95% + of the time, the don't answer my question. I find it VER rude, personally, and it makes me feel very stupid when my question isn't answered; I feel like a fool.. This has gone on more or less since i have been their friend, however, they were much better in the beginning, and it seemed to drop off after 4- 5 months, or so.
During this time i have not been shy to tell them several times that we are very different communicators. I am very open and they are very closed. I am very curious about them and they don't demonstrate much curiosity or interest in/ about me. I have expressed as well that they don't write enough to keep the relationship going, as I can't be the only one to keep it going but nevertheless, am I really, if they don't respond to me.. It feels very much like talking to a wall. However, having said that, they have demonstrated at various times they do appreciate me and they do like me. .. at one point saying that I made them happy. I'm not sure... sometimes I 'feel' this person is very manipulative. and they are laughing behind my back. I don't know if it is true or not, but sometimes I think they are a sick person.
Recently things came to a head where I asked them some questions about their faith, when they prompted me that they wanted to friendly debate something. I agreed and when I did, they backed down and didn't answer any of my questions. They instead wrote about things that never made sense, and they gloated that they were so blessed in knowing the knowledge they did, even though they could not share it with me.
I ended up leaving the friendship. I told them again before I left that we were very different communicators, that they never answered my questions (and I asked 2-3 times) and that I didn't think there was a fix for it. What exacerbate the problem for me, is that they didn't even try to have a conversation about that - maybe by explaining why they were the way they were, or trying to dispel any wrong impressions I may have.. This all so that I could gain an understanding, at the very least. But no, they never did at all, and this just verifies the lack of connection this produces.
My point in writing is to get it off my chest because sometimes writing releases or gives new insight, but I just feel so darn bad for leaving them.
It's not an easy thing these days to have and acquire friends, and I am not a person who lets go easily. I am a very loyal person, almost to the end. H However, if I feel I am abused, I eventually have enough. But having said that as Christians, shouldn't we be patient and long suffering and shouldn't we bear each others burdens. None of us is perfect and each of us have many flaws.. It's hard to know what to do.. I am curious to know what others would do in my situation. Thank you in Advance, and Happy Easter!
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