The Banned Game

[Moses_Young]

"Military apes, at the ready."

The newly recruited and trained but yet-expendable Shittimistanian footsolidiers stood to attention, as the Mosestarian leader (may he make Mosestaria Achieve Greatness Again) briefed them on their mission.

"Lanolinland is now assisting with our disinformation campaign, advertising that we are based in the North pole, wearing abominable green lipstick, and in cahoots with Santa," the chieftain started. Some of the smarter apes began to smirk at the audacity of the Lanolinland president's propaganda, all the more at the idea that someone, somewhere, probably believed it.

"The most dangerous Jennymaesian asset", the Chieftain continued "has been sent on a disciplinary mission to Shittimistan." Somewhere else in the world, a shadow-like woman, who would have been the spitting-image of the Jennymaesian president but for her poor choice of lipstick colours and greater tendency toward violence, stifled a yawn as she engaged in goodwill ambassading to a hairy, ape-like figure across the table from her.

"...and finally, most importantly, Rubyland has sent her military cats away on holiday. The leader of Rubyland will be undefended. Your job is to apprehend her!" the Chieftain finished.

There was a grunting and hooting of affirmation from the gathered footsoldiers, before the respective captains of the groups directed them onto waiting aircraft, in order to carry out their vital mission.

 

[Ruby123]

Pffft, am I supposed to be scared. I think not. I know what the weakness of the military apes are:

This top secret was shared to me by my alliance JennyMae. I ordered pallets of them from Lanolinland. This is too easy.

 

[Moses_Young]

Pffft, am I supposed to be scared. I think not. I know what the weakness of the military apes are:

This top secret was shared to me by my alliance JennyMae. I ordered pallets of them from Lanolinland. This is too easy.

But these are highly trained military apes, who are not hungry, because they've just had their fill of frozen guinea pigs on special from Lanolinland. Are you sure your plan will work?

 

[Ruby123]

But these are highly trained military apes, who are not hungry, because they've just had their fill of frozen guinea pigs on special from Lanolinland. Are you sure your plan will work?

Moses, Moses, Moses you highly underestimate me. I was not voted in by the Rubyland people solely for my Ruby red lipstick kindly supplied by Jennymaesia. Or because of my latest mascara empire. But because of my military expertise. Granted I am not a wicked leader like, um YOU, but I am one of the highest military expertise's.

This is actual footage of your great ape army live:

You see it is not just the normal banana but one highly enticing to apes, much like catnip to a cat.

 

[Moses_Young]

Moses, Moses, Moses you highly underestimate me. I was not voted in by the Rubyland people solely for my Ruby red lipstick kindly supplied by Jennymaesia. Or because of my latest mascara empire. But because of my military expertise. Granted I am not a wicked leader like, um YOU, but I am one of the highest military expertise's.

This is actual footage of your great ape army live:

You see it is not just the normal banana but one highly enticing to apes, much like catnip to a cat.

Trickery! Even the mighty Shittimistanian ruler himself?

 

[Ruby123]

Yes, that was Hairy in a good mood lol.

 

[Moses_Young]

But the comments about caged monkeys and their capture was all an elaborate scheme to give the Rubyland leader a false sense of security.

With the last comment from the Rubyland leader, the hairy but deceptively cunning ape-soldiers bent open the flimsy bars of their cages, and, with their leader - bundled the nefarious and tricky Madame President of Rubyland into one of the empty banana boxes, loading the box into the luggage compartment of the return flight to the Mosestarian section of Antarctica.

There, the Rubyland leader she would stand trial for all her war crimes and plots against Mosestaria...

 

[Ruby123]

When the apes presented the banana box to the wicked leader. He sniggered gleefully, glad he had captured one of his great enemies.

"Now only three to go" he remarked. "Open the box and feed her to the Mosestarian lions" he mumbled. "They have not eaten all day".
As the apes opened the box, the Rubyland Empress was not in there but instead was Mrs Hairy, Hairy's dear wife.
"What happened to that pesky thorn in my flesh" yelled the wicked leader.

What he did not know what that Empress Ruby was entirely double jointed and managed to escape easily from the box. She then traded places with Mrs Hairy who was keen to escape Hairy.

 

[Moses_Young]

When the apes presented the banana box to the wicked leader. He sniggered gleefully, glad he had captured one of his great enemies.

"Now only three to go" he remarked. "Open the box and feed her to the Mosestarian lions" he mumbled. "They have not eaten all day".
As the apes opened the box, the Rubyland Empress was not in there but instead was Mrs Hairy, Hairy's dear wife.
"What happened to that pesky thorn in my flesh" yelled the wicked leader.

What he did not know what that Empress Ruby was entirely double jointed and managed to escape easily from the box. She then traded places with Mrs Hairy who was keen to escape Hairy.

Mrs Hairy, however, was not so lucky, because, unbeknownst to her, Hairy himself had come back to the Mosestarian section of Antarctica, and was overjoyed to see her.

The Mosestarian leader himself breathed a sigh of relief.

"Mosestarian lions?!?" he wondered aloud. "How uncivilised! I would not wish such a fate on the worst of mine enemies."

He directed his faithful cousin Mordecai to have the deadly felines put to sleep just so they weren't used to devour anyone else, then re-doubled his efforts to capture the elusive leader of Rubyland.

"Lions!" he muttered to himself again. "Far too fast a fate for such a foe. No, far better to keep her in a cage and provide only flowers and milk chocolates, and see whether obesity or hay fever would win out..."

 

[Lanolin]

The shipment of frozen guinea pigs found themselves unthawed and nice and warm in a remote part of Jennymaesia. Hooray! Never ending land of carrots and beetroots here we come!

wonder if we will meet other guinea pigs?

after 14 days quarantine they were taken to the resettlement refuge where they met several cats and bunnies. The cats were napping or rather nipping around, and the bunnies were all looking VERY attractive, but there seemed to be no other guinea pigs. By this time they had to admit they were starving and had eaten the very last of their edible lip glues.

Some of the cats introduced them to a new herb they had never tasted before. Try it, you'll like it, they meowed.
The bunnies showed them how they applied Rubyland mascara to their lashes, but the guinea pigs didnt have any. The guinea pigs wondered if they would ever fit in, as they didnt look like bunnies and would need to add false eyelashes to their eyes on account of not having any,

We just want to eat carrots and beetroots, said the guinea pigs. Thats what we are here for, and what the kind Empress Jennymae promised. Where is she?

 

[shittim]

meanwhile... Hairy and the rest of the troops are getting restless, seems the diet is getting boring after back from deployment-

 

[jennymae]

"Military apes, at the ready."

The newly recruited and trained but yet-expendable Shittimistanian footsolidiers stood to attention, as the Mosestarian leader (may he make Mosestaria Achieve Greatness Again) briefed them on their mission.

"Lanolinland is now assisting with our disinformation campaign, advertising that we are based in the North pole, wearing abominable green lipstick, and in cahoots with Santa," the chieftain started. Some of the smarter apes began to smirk at the audacity of the Lanolinland president's propaganda, all the more at the idea that someone, somewhere, probably believed it.

"The most dangerous Jennymaesian asset", the Chieftain continued "has been sent on a disciplinary mission to Shittimistan." Somewhere else in the world, a shadow-like woman, who would have been the spitting-image of the Jennymaesian president but for her poor choice of lipstick colours and greater tendency toward violence, stifled a yawn as she engaged in goodwill ambassading to a hairy, ape-like figure across the table from her.

"...and finally, most importantly, Rubyland has sent her military cats away on holiday. The leader of Rubyland will be undefended. Your job is to apprehend her!" the Chieftain finished.

There was a grunting and hooting of affirmation from the gathered footsoldiers, before the respective captains of the groups directed them onto waiting aircraft, in order to carry out their vital mission.

Wait, what? The Jennymaesian President??? There’s no president in Jennymaesia. Saying that our beloved country has a president is implying that our ever so much beloved Empress is elected. She is not! Jennymaesia, the greatest monarchy on earth, gets her rulers from divine powers, not to be questioned by the masses. The masses would probably elect some possum and be happy with that.

 

[Lanolin]

Is this the Empress of Jennymaesia?

The guinea pigs had never seen her in real life before, but she looked to them like a possum.

 

[jennymae]

Is this the Empress of Jennymaesia?

The guinea pigs had never seen her in real life before, but she looked to them like a possum.

View attachment 240847

Oh my eyes are hurting from the lack of Empressness this lady is displaying. This must be right out of the Mosestarian propaganda playbook.😂

 

[Lanolin]

The Guinea Pigs thought something seemed suss when the Empress greeted them with 'hello possums! '
The guinea pigs recoiled. They are not possums. They are guinea pigs! Maybe something was wrong with the Empresses eyesight?

But hold on the cats said this was the President of Jennymaesia and she was the one who supplied them with all the catnip, which she had stuffed in her handbag.

The cats started rubbing against the Presidents legs. Feed us more purred the cats. We love you.

More than the Empress of Rubyland?

Much more! meowed the cats.

The bunnies were transfixed by the Presidents fake eyelashes. They had never seen PURPLE diamante ones before. They began hopping up and down.
We love you too! we love your eyelashes.

More than the Empress of Rubyland?

Much more! said the bunnies. where can we get them from?

The guinea pigs were dumbstruck. They didnt want any more edible lip glues they just wanted their carrots and beetroots , so they didnt say anything. But they noticed the President was wearing very shiny bright ruby red lipstick.

Well my darling possums. I'll tell you...if you just do one thing for me. Pay attention....

 

[Moses_Young]

"Sir!" beamed Mordecai. "Your plan worked."

"The Empress clearly has extended her spy network inside of our Ice Fortress. One minor spoken inaccuracy with respect to her title last night, and she was fuming about it all morning, worrying that the unwashed masses may elect some 'possum' in place of her, that perhaps her monarchy wasn't so great afterall, something about divine powers."

The Chieftain stroked his beard thoughtfully... "Yes. Power corrupts, but absolute power corrupts absolutely. Do you think... is it possible that this Jennymaesian president..." he paused, so as the word might take its full effect, "...or her Rubylander terrorist-in-arms - somehow have subverted one of our new captains?"

Mordecai looked at the hairy-but-contented looking beasts guarding the fortress, but he needn't have, as the smell was obvious even if the sight had not been. "Unlikely sir. Hairy claims that his troops are unseducible. I dare say that he is right. I doubt even Countess Karen would have stooped so low as to date one of these, even were she a blind and had her nose removed, and her prospective date was the last male creature on Earth."

The Chieftain nodded. "Then it must be the food."

As the instruction went out to the apes to commence the dethaw and subsequent interrogation of the imported guinea-pigs so as to uncover the spy, the Chieftain decided to tune in to his favourite propaganda channel, so he could learn what nonsense the populaces of his enemies were listening to. The sight that met his eyes almost made him shave his beard in shock - fortunately, the shock was great enough to cause him to drop his blade first, so his beard suffered no immediate damage.

"Lanolinland!" he exploded. "Look at what nonsense Lanonlinland is peddling on TV. I thought they were supposed to be propagandising for our side! Look at that purple-haired, cross-dressing pyschopath they've recruited to spread their sick depravity to this sad, sad world..."

Mordecai glanced at the television screen, and nodded solemnly. "I myself actually thought that Barry must have died years ago..."

"I just wish Don and his team would hurry up and finish removing these sorts from society. I mean, how long can it take to rid the world of a satanic cult?" the Chieftain lamented.

Mordecai nodded understandingly. "Shall I have our banks make another donation? To help hasten the process?"

The Chieftain waved his hand affirmingly. "I suppose so. But only make it a few million this time. And provide it on condition that this... thing...", he gestured in the direction of the television screen which was displaying the confused actor, "is dealt with forthwith!"

Mordecai turned as if to leave, but the Chieftain bid him tarry but a little longer. "Also Mordecai, tell Donald I don't want these types in the ladies sports anymore. It's disgusting. If - and this is a big if, as I understand people of our calibre are often busy - if we sit down to watch the ladies sports, we don't want to see creatures like this. We'd go to the circus if we wanted that sort of thing. Tell Don that I want to start seeing these frauds exposed and disqualified from their respective sports. We can't let this be encouraged any longer."

"As you wish, sir," Mordecai nodded, as he left to carry out the Mosestarian Chieftain's instructions.

 

[Ruby123]

Little did anybody expect that the famous possum intruder was on the Rubyland payroll as an expert military personnel. Do not let her outlandish outfits and flamboyant glasses fool you. She/he is a precise shooter who has nearly one hundred per cent accuracy. Be afraid Moses, be afraid. I have hired her to deliver you to me to be dealt with and sentenced to, well I wont scare you just in case you wont sleep tonight

 

[jennymae]

"Sir!" beamed Mordecai. "Your plan worked."

"The Empress clearly has extended her spy network inside of our Ice Fortress. One minor spoken inaccuracy with respect to her title last night, and she was fuming about it all morning, worrying that the unwashed masses may elect some 'possum' in place of her, that perhaps her monarchy wasn't so great afterall, something about divine powers."

The Chieftain stroked his beard thoughtfully... "Yes. Power corrupts, but absolute power corrupts absolutely. Do you think... is it possible that this Jennymaesian president..." he paused, so as the word might take its full effect, "...or her Rubylander terrorist-in-arms - somehow have subverted one of our new captains?"

Mordecai looked at the hairy-but-contented looking beasts guarding the fortress, but he needn't have, as the smell was obvious even if the sight had not been. "Unlikely sir. Hairy claims that his troops are unseducible. I dare say that he is right. I doubt even Countess Karen would have stooped so low as to date one of these, even were she a blind and had her nose removed, and her prospective date was the last male creature on Earth."

The Chieftain nodded. "Then it must be the food."

As the instruction went out to the apes to commence the dethaw and subsequent interrogation of the imported guinea-pigs so as to uncover the spy, the Chieftain decided to tune in to his favourite propaganda channel, so he could learn what nonsense the populaces of his enemies were listening to. The sight that met his eyes almost made him shave his beard in shock - fortunately, the shock was great enough to cause him to drop his blade first, so his beard suffered no immediate damage.

"Lanolinland!" he exploded. "Look at what nonsense Lanonlinland is peddling on TV. I thought they were supposed to be propagandising for our side! Look at that purple-haired, cross-dressing pyschopath they've recruited to spread their sick depravity to this sad, sad world..."

Mordecai glanced at the television screen, and nodded solemnly. "I myself actually thought that Barry must have died years ago..."

"I just wish Don and his team would hurry up and finish removing these sorts from society. I mean, how long can it take to rid the world of a satanic cult?" the Chieftain lamented.

Mordecai nodded understandingly. "Shall I have our banks make another donation? To help hasten the process?"

The Chieftain waved his hand affirmingly. "I suppose so. But only make it a few million this time. And provide it on condition that this... thing...", he gestured in the direction of the television screen which was displaying the confused actor, "is dealt with forthwith!"

Mordecai turned as if to leave, but the Chieftain bid him tarry but a little longer. "Also Mordecai, tell Donald I don't want these types in the ladies sports anymore. It's disgusting. If - and this is a big if, as I understand people of our calibre are often busy - if we sit down to watch the ladies sports, we don't want to see creatures like this. We'd go to the circus if we wanted that sort of thing. Tell Don that I want to start seeing these frauds exposed and disqualified from their respective sports. We can't let this be encouraged any longer."

"As you wish, sir," Mordecai nodded, as he left to carry out the Mosestarian Chieftain's instructions.

The Empress smiled cunningly and summoned her chief of intelligence. “I believe that we have discovered the Mosestarians Achilles heel. Transsexuals. It’s interesting to learn that they are spending time on the real important things”, she said sarcastically. Her chief of intelligence nodded in agreement. “Yes, Your Highness, so it seems. They appear to be quite hysterical about it”.

The Empress addressed the Chief of intelligence with a viscous, yet breathtaking smile. Her beauty was beyond compare, like Dolly Parton used to sing occasionally. “Mr Long-Ears, I want you to flood Mosestaria with transsexuals and also with people hating transsexuals. Then I want you to form two organizations, one of them in favor of transsexuals and one against them. Money is not a problem. Also you will start a troll fabric where high end trolls will be harassing both pro and con transsexuals.” The Empress was thrilled with the thought of all the havoc this would be causing. “Let them concentrate on the world’s nonsense while we’re concentrating on seizing the power.” The chief of intelligence smiled and said: “Very well”, I’m at it. Old Machiavelli would be so proud of you, My Lady.”

 

[Lanolin]

The President of Jennymaesia aka Baroness Barry chuckled. She had $1 million in an offshore bank account from Mosetaria as well as a matching $1 million on the payroll from Rubyland.

Love it my possums! I'll make sure I spend it all on fabulous new wardrobes for you. You are going to be the coolest cats in town and the most beautiful bunnies

She stroked the bunnies and the cats who had climbed on to her lap. The guinea pigs stayed dumbstruck and frozen, their eyes didnt even blink.

hmm but what shall I do with these shy furry creatures, the guinea pigs? They are nothing much to look at. How sad to be so ....piglike. They need to lose weight and lose that pig label. I must send them to my fab health spa where they can slim down.
Thankfully I still have Jenny Craig 's number. She reached into her handbag for her diamante encrusted smartphone.

 

[jennymae]

The President of Jennymaesia aka Baroness Barry chuckled. She had $1 million in an offshore bank account from Mosetaria as well as a matching $1 million on the payroll from Rubyland.

Love it my possums! I'll make sure I spend it all on fabulous new wardrobes for you. You are going to be the coolest cats in town and the most beautiful bunnies

She stroked the bunnies and the cats who had climbed on to her lap. The guinea pigs stayed dumbstruck and frozen, their eyes didnt even blink.

hmm but what shall I do with these shy furry creatures, the guinea pigs? They are nothing much to look at. How sad to be so ....piglike. They need to lose weight and lose that pig label. I must send them to my fab health spa where they can slim down.
Thankfully I still have Jenny Craig 's number. She reached into her handbag for her diamante encrusted smartphone.

The Empress was starting to think about invading Lanolinland as well due to the fact that the ruler over yonder had called her “president”, and way worse, “Baroness Barry”. An insult like that could not, under no circumstances, be tolerated by the corrupted Empress. Oh yeah, the Empress was well aware of the situation, she was extremely corrupted by the power she had. Unfortunately she enjoyed it. She enjoyed it so much that she was now pondering to include the entire world in the arms of her beloved Jennymaesia. Just think about it, the earth would here from be known as Jennymaesia. It was just a tiny fraction of Antarctica which was a torn in her side…the evil empire of Mosestaria. But the penguin army was at their doorstep…the penguin brigadier was certain to overcome the Mosestarians in 24 hours now.

She poured her some champagne while she was laughing viciously. The smell of banana was reeking from her breath.