Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[seoulsearch]

Molly,

I completely agree with wwjd and Sonflower.

Also... Is this how he talks to his mother, sisters, and other female relatives? Does he cuss them out and tell them that they should just take it, too? ("Don't be such a bleepin' pansy, Grandma!!!") And is it just with women, or is he that disrespectful to everyone? (If not, maybe he's taking a lot of displaced anger out on you, which is NOT right at all.)

I would definitely have a problem with anyone who was just used to talking to people in that way and acting as if they're somehow too weak for not accepting that kind of treatment.

This has to be dealt with from the start, or he's going run right over you and keep pushing the boundaries as to how much he can get away with (and how badly he can treat you.) I used to let people treat me any which way as well, because I wanted to keep people happy--especially a boyfriend.

Unfortunately, many people will take advantage of that--for the worse--and it's up to you to put up the boundaries (and in some cases, an electric fence.)

If this is his regular manner of dealing with people (or a girlfriend), he's not someone to hang on to. (And I include anyone who mistreats you, whether just a friend and male or female as well.)

The past few years I've cut a lot of toxic people out of my life. Yeah, I have a lot fewer "friends" now, but the ones I do still have are real, and I'm a lot happier.

You will be, too.

 

[EarnestQ]

My boyfriend has cussed me out a handful of times. Is this normal? Christian men, would you cuss your girlfriend or wife? He says I have thin skin and I need to get over it. But it hurts. We are long distance so he cusses me out through Skype, but it still stings a lot. I don't know what to do. He says good morning and good night everyday through text. He calls me and tells me he loves me. I care about him and I enjoy the attention, but I hate when he cusses me out. He says I haven't been through anything compared to him and that I need to grow up.
I would appreciate advice from brothers and sisters here.

Do you guys think I'm a pansy?

Drop him like a hot potato. He has no right to treat you that way. It will only get worse if you marry. There are many more fish in the sea. Keep fishing.

The right guy is worth waiting for.

 

[cinder]

My boyfriend has cussed me out a handful of times. Is this normal? Christian men, would you cuss your girlfriend or wife? He says I have thin skin and I need to get over it. But it hurts. We are long distance so he cusses me out through Skype, but it still stings a lot. I don't know what to do. He says good morning and good night everyday through text. He calls me and tells me he loves me. I care about him and I enjoy the attention, but I hate when he cusses me out. He says I haven't been through anything compared to him and that I need to grow up.
I would appreciate advice from brothers and sisters here.

Do you guys think I'm a pansy?

If you were a pansy, even pansies are special flowers that deserve to be appreciated. Beyond that, I'd be more worried about the fact that it sounds like he thinks what he's been through gives him a right to act this way towards anyone, and that he doesn't seem to care about the fact that it hurts you. I will say that there is a difference between him having a vocabulary that seems to consist of only swear words and him verball attacking you, but either way it is your call wether or not you want to keep putting up with it. So question you have to answer for you: are the benefits of this relationship worth getting cussed out repeatedly for? Also you haven't mentioned the time frame for how long it's taken these handful of times to occur. A handful of times in 20 years together is quite different than a handful of times in 20 days together.

 

[Sonflower]

Listening to Etta James...feeling particularly romantic and sappy. Swoon.

 

[MollyConnor]

He cusses at me...calls me the b word and sends emojis with the finger. The reason I put up with it so far is because I've heard that I am immature. And so maybe I thought it would help me grow thicker skin and be mature? So far it hasn't and I don't think I can take it anymore. Good thing is I only dated him once in person. Since we are long distance it should be easier for me to move on. Although it has been 6 months.

He has gone crazy and cussed me out twice in those 6 months. But they're bad. Like he keeps on and on calling me names. And he never apologizes...he says he doesn't feel sorry for it.

Thank you all for the advice. I love and appreciate you all!

 

[EarnestQ]

He cusses at me...calls me the b word and sends emojis with the finger. The reason I put up with it so far is because I've heard that I am immature. And so maybe I thought it would help me grow thicker skin and be mature? So far it hasn't and I don't think I can take it anymore. Good thing is I only dated him once in person. Since we are long distance it should be easier for me to move on. Although it has been 6 months.

He has gone crazy and cussed me out twice in those 6 months. But they're bad. Like he keeps on and on calling me names. And he never apologizes...he says he doesn't feel sorry for it.

Thank you all for the advice. I love and appreciate you all!

GET RID OF HIM!!

Clear enough?

 

[Sonflower]

He cusses at me...calls me the b word and sends emojis with the finger. The reason I put up with it so far is because I've heard that I am immature. And so maybe I thought it would help me grow thicker skin and be mature? So far it hasn't and I don't think I can take it anymore. Good thing is I only dated him once in person. Since we are long distance it should be easier for me to move on. Although it has been 6 months.

He has gone crazy and cussed me out twice in those 6 months. But they're bad. Like he keeps on and on calling me names. And he never apologizes...he says he doesn't feel sorry for it.

Thank you all for the advice. I love and appreciate you all!

Sounds like letting him go is the right call. Proud of you for advocating for yourself. That's verbal abuse and unacceptable.

 

[cinder]

He cusses at me...calls me the b word and sends emojis with the finger. The reason I put up with it so far is because I've heard that I am immature. And so maybe I thought it would help me grow thicker skin and be mature? So far it hasn't and I don't think I can take it anymore. Good thing is I only dated him once in person. Since we are long distance it should be easier for me to move on. Although it has been 6 months.

He has gone crazy and cussed me out twice in those 6 months. But they're bad. Like he keeps on and on calling me names. And he never apologizes...he says he doesn't feel sorry for it.

Thank you all for the advice. I love and appreciate you all!

Well I'd say that if through this experience you've grown wiser and your boundaries have become more clear and you know it's time to kick this guy to the curb and move on, then yes this relationship has helped you mature. Nothing mature about letting yourself continue to be treated badly and hoping you get used to it so it no longer bothers you.

 

[Ugly]

My boyfriend has cussed me out a handful of times. Is this normal? Christian men, would you cuss your girlfriend or wife? He says I have thin skin and I need to get over it. But it hurts. We are long distance so he cusses me out through Skype, but it still stings a lot. I don't know what to do. He says good morning and good night everyday through text. He calls me and tells me he loves me. I care about him and I enjoy the attention, but I hate when he cusses me out. He says I haven't been through anything compared to him and that I need to grow up.
I would appreciate advice from brothers and sisters here.

Do you guys think I'm a pansy?

I can say, as a Christian male, he has No Business cussing at you. He is abusive. The 'thin skin' and 'get over it' attitude is what many abusers tell their victims.
And the whole 'you haven't been through anything compared to me' is just an excuse to mistreat you. If anything all that he's been through should make him the opposite. I've been through a lot, too, but i don't use that as an excuse to mistreat my gf. She's been through a lot but doesn't use it as an excuse to mistreat me.
If this guy doesn't treat you well and with respect then you need to run. And if you aren't willing to then you need to do some serious soul searching as to why you think being abused is favorable to being alone.
I know having 'the attention' is nice, but at what cost?

 

[wwjd_kilden]

He cusses at me...calls me the b word and sends emojis with the finger. The reason I put up with it so far is because I've heard that I am immature. And so maybe I thought it would help me grow thicker skin and be mature? So far it hasn't and I don't think I can take it anymore. Good thing is I only dated him once in person. Since we are long distance it should be easier for me to move on. Although it has been 6 months.

He has gone crazy and cussed me out twice in those 6 months. But they're bad. Like he keeps on and on calling me names. And he never apologizes...he says he doesn't feel sorry for it.

Thank you all for the advice. I love and appreciate you all!

Then he won't change. Tell him bye and block him on all channels in which he can contact you.

 

[Susanna]

He cusses at me...calls me the b word and sends emojis with the finger. The reason I put up with it so far is because I've heard that I am immature. And so maybe I thought it would help me grow thicker skin and be mature? So far it hasn't and I don't think I can take it anymore. Good thing is I only dated him once in person. Since we are long distance it should be easier for me to move on. Although it has been 6 months.

He has gone crazy and cussed me out twice in those 6 months. But they're bad. Like he keeps on and on calling me names. And he never apologizes...he says he doesn't feel sorry for it.

Thank you all for the advice. I love and appreciate you all!

I don't know you, Molly, but from what I know about these things, is that his abuse will most likely escalate. That's the ugly truth. Block him before it's too late.

 

[Huglife]

My boyfriend has cussed me out a handful of times. Is this normal? Christian men, would you cuss your girlfriend or wife? He says I have thin skin and I need to get over it. But it hurts. We are long distance so he cusses me out through Skype, but it still stings a lot. I don't know what to do. He says good morning and good night everyday through text. He calls me and tells me he loves me. I care about him and I enjoy the attention, but I hate when he cusses me out. He says I haven't been through anything compared to him and that I need to grow up.
I would appreciate advice from brothers and sisters here.

Do you guys think I'm a pansy?

no... thats not good. If he actually loves you, he would not treat you like that. No matter what he has been through, he has no right to treat you like you are nothing, and you should not put up with that. If he a christian man, then he is no child of the Lord. My advice would to have him hit the road, find some other woman that has "been through what he has".

 

[Fenner]

My boyfriend has cussed me out a handful of times. Is this normal? Christian men, would you cuss your girlfriend or wife? He says I have thin skin and I need to get over it. But it hurts. We are long distance so he cusses me out through Skype, but it still stings a lot. I don't know what to do. He says good morning and good night everyday through text. He calls me and tells me he loves me. I care about him and I enjoy the attention, but I hate when he cusses me out. He says I haven't been through anything compared to him and that I need to grow up.
I would appreciate advice from brothers and sisters here.

Do you guys think I'm a pansy?

He swears at you? Why?? He shouldn't do that. If my Husband cussed me out I'd spit in his dinner. Next time he Skypes you and swears or is rude click it off and block him and tell him that's unacceptable. I'm 47 years old and have a lot of life experience, I don't cuss people out. He sounds like he's off balance, dump him.

 

[ArtTrees]

I sometimes think I am stuck in an isle of cards. Especially when I read about my friends marriage anniversary on facebook.

When will growing up be fun again?

 

[EarnestQ]

I sometimes think I am stuck in an isle of cards. Especially when I read about my friends marriage anniversary on facebook.

When will growing up be fun again?

I didn't quite understand your post. Can you be more specific?

 

[Lynx]

I sometimes think I am stuck in an isle of cards. Especially when I read about my friends marriage anniversary on facebook.

When will growing up be fun again?

Growing up stops being fun right after you get your driver's license... and mom starts asking you to run to the store for everything she needs.

When you start having to pay your own bills you know the party's over and growing up will never be fun again.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I sometimes think I am stuck in an isle of cards. Especially when I read about my friends marriage anniversary on facebook.

When will growing up be fun again?

I used to feel the same way, but then every married man I've known (outside my own family) have told me that I was very smart to not get married. Being married isn't something to be envious about. Why? Two words: Head games. Think guilt trips, nagging, un-winnable arguments, trying to change you into who the man they think you should be (u need to do more housework, spend more quality time, be less tired, be more social, etc.), etc...

 

[zeroturbulence]

..... BUT don't get me wrong... I know that men can make marriage just as miserable for women, if not more so.

 

[MollyConnor]

I broke up with him yesterday. He is trying to get back with me. He says he loves me and that it's my fault for being so weak. Whatever. I'm done with him.

Thanks for the advice y'all. All of my family hates him now. They says he could've turned into a physically abusive person.

 

[seoulsearch]

I broke up with him yesterday. He is trying to get back with me. He says he loves me and that it's my fault for being so weak. Whatever. I'm done with him.

Thanks for the advice y'all. All of my family hates him now. They says he could've turned into a physically abusive person.

It takes a lot more strength to stand up for yourself and walk away than it does to constantly give in to an abuser.

You've already proved right there and then that you aren't "weak".

Rather, he is the one who is acting weak for trying to control and manipulate someone else into doing and being what he wants.

Very proud of you, Molly!!! We know it's TOUGH. Talk to us when you get lonely or need support.

And I hope others will be inspired to leave abusive people behind in their own lives as well.