Still a virgin

[SavedmaninTx]

I haven't been active much on here much these days commenting on posts ect.Yet I felt to comment on your thread.To be honest I kinda got what you meant from the beginning and I'm glad you clarified it more for us.Yes it's unfortunate what happened with those guys which is more a reflection of the wifes character that the husbands ability to satisfy her in bed..😔
There is absolutely NO guarantee that even if two virgins get married there won't be issues in the bedroom to...ranging from a lack of experience to embarrassment to even wrong expectations to different levels of sex drive.
For most males there is always that pressure to be an amazing lover and one way to wound a man emotionally is you say he is a rubbish or lousy lover...things can even get to the point whereby a women can find more satisfaction from sex toys that her actual husband..😔
If a guy meets someone who isnt a virgin this should in NO way make any difference and both will have expectations to some extent of each other.They should make time together learning about sex as Christian's, praying for God to bless their sex lives and being mature about sex and really realising that before God it is a new beginning for them sexually.
What happens with past sex partners is that someone can still have a connection with them without realising it and God needs to break it sometimes.Remember that the two become one and even though physical separated there can be soul ties ect that can hinder things in a new relationship.Some times a past lover can be the benchmark for all others...or their way of having sex can be missed,cherished ect..
Both have to learn about each others sexuality anew and if the wife will be comparing sexual performances with past partners she is actually opening herself up to a form of sexual idolatry because she is seeing that past lovers lovemaking in the wrong context..thus belittling her husband.So really from the outset they should both realise that this is the beginning of a new sex life and the bible says "forget the former things".
So much more I could say..
The basic mechanism of sex is universal however each persons likes,dislikes ect is unique to them and both should be willing to learn developed and grow in their sex lives with Gods grace and guidance.After all he made them both and knows exactly how to enhance their sex lives..

This answer ministers to me the most. Thank you for taking the time to respond

 

[tourist]

This is an interesting question, and forgive me if I misunderstand it. Let me try to break it down.

Starting with the man, confidence is a big deal. Women love men who are confident in themselves, from beliefs all the way to work habits. Confidence also affects a man's personality and how they present themselves. Without strong confidence, there will be no woman. For the woman, and ladies correct me if I'm wrong but, appeal is important. Men love attractive women, and it doesn't necessarily have to be physical, but rather what they do and how they act. If the appeal isn't there, there will be no man.

I like using the analogy of ballroom dancing because it is pretty intimate and, with me taking lessons myself, it's teaching me how to become more confident in myself (and I'm still learning). I don't know if you are currently doing or have done ballroom dancing, but let's start with clean slate to make the point:

-There's a lead and a follow. The lead's (which is typically filled by a male) main role is to show off the follow (which is typically filled by a female). The follow's role is to execute the stylized moves with more grace than the lead.

-Where there are many different styles, the most classic ballroom style is the waltz. It's elegant, graceful, and very good starting point for learning other styles. What makes it so classic is positioning of the hands of both parts and their posture. We'll use this as the main example.

-The lead, like other styles, has to have a sense of charge and initiative. His body frame (mostly in the upper body) must be strong and must indicate which way both the lead and the follow are going.

-To execute a move, like a spin or to simply move forward, the lead will raise one of his arms or give a small but noticeable enough push to the follow (or combination of both) to indicate that he's giving a sense of direction and what to do.

-If a move was done incorrectly, whether by the lead or follow (or both), one will stumble because there was miscommunication. In waltz, and any other dance style, it's never spoken as to what move will be made. There's too much anticipation and it could change into something else. Action is key, and the lead must communicate it first through his upper and lower body work to give that sense of direction. The follow must receive and execute what it is the lead is communicating through his action, if she wants to show off correctly. If she doesn't, the performance stops. Do overs are possible, but communication must be sent and received.

-Graceful moves, by both lead and follow, will happen when they find they work well together. Taking it slow, when you're first starting out, is important. It gives a better sense if you two would even make good partners. If you try to jump into more advanced moves without the basics, going as fast you can, the dance will go nowhere. If both parts are playing out their roles well enough in the beginning, through trial and error, they will continue to dance together. If the lead isn't communicating something to follow correctly, or if the follow isn't executing the correct what the lead is communicating, they will find different partners.

-Other styles will come out from the waltz, such as rumba, tango, swing, and whatever else, because it is a very "basic" (if you want to call it that) style, if you practice and perform enough together. You'll find you're stronger in different styles than others, but if all you can offer is one style, if you're either the lead or follow, that person playing whatever the role is will move on to someone who offers more. Same goes if communicating and/or receiving for those styles, if it's not panning out at all, someone will come along that can do one or the other. So make sure to practice if you intend to perform more.

-To conclude, in any dance style, the lead must have the confidence to communicate what it is he is asking to do, while the follow has to make the appeal apparent by executing the move in order to have the lead think of the next move they do together. If either one of them fail, the dance isn't happening as planned.

So what does this all have to do with the question at hand? Well, taking the woman who isn't a virgin, if she doesn't appeal to the man or gives a good reason as to why he should marry her, such as what she brings to the table, she isn't worth it. If the man isn't communicating confidently what it is he is asking, he will be considered to be lesser than the other men before him. So both parties need to be on the same page, like a ballroom dance. Hope I answered it to what the question was getting at. I apologize if I didn't.

I enjoyed your analysis of ball room dancing and linking it to confidence in the man and grace for the woman.

 

[herkamer63]

Great insight. Thank you

Your welcome. I've had discussions about dating and marriage with one of my family members for awhile now. I'm no relationship/dating expert, but what I know about ballroom dancing is it does help give better insight on how someone feels towards you, and not just in a physical sense. Manners, personality, how they hold themselves up, you can practically point out almost anything and there would be, for a lack of a better word, an essence of whatever it is that you would notice.

It sounds strange, but I think it has helped me make the decision I made, and that's focus on my dancing and not date nor look for anyone for awhile. I'm enjoying it... and I do get to dance with good looking women (I won't lie there), who enjoy and have fun dancing with me. But each one has been very friendly and I'm beginning to make friends out of it (along with making friends with fellow male lead dancers). If you haven't, give it a few tries and you may see what I'm talking about. The right one may come along!

 

[herkamer63]

I enjoyed your analysis of ball room dancing and linking it to confidence in the man and grace for the woman.

If you haven't noticed, I love ballroom dancing. Of course, if you would have asked me 2 or more years ago, I would have thought this kind of stuff is for people who are odd and very snobby. I don't think that anymore because, as a lead dancer in a ballroom, you NEED to have confidence. It shows in your frame (which is your posture, positioning of hands, etc.), and if it lacks stability, the whole thing falls apart, and if follow doesn't acknowledge the communication correctly, there's no grace in her movements. Sorry for repeating what I had posted, but, to me, it makes far more sense now (than what it ever did), when a man and a woman are together.

As I told the author of the thread, right now, I'm focusing on my dancing and not trying to pursue women, for the time being. There's already a bunch of women I get to dance with, and many of them are good looking. Each one, so far, wants to dance with me because they know that I'm a pretty decent dancer, they enjoy themselves, and have fun. I have a blast, too (and get a good workout from it), and I'm beginning to make friends out of it (both male and female), in addition to tremendously skyrocketing confidence in myself. Outside the ballroom, women are starting to notice how much better I'm holding myself up.

Just the other day, there was woman (a very beautiful one, too) that I had only seen out at some of the places I go to, every once in a while, and we finally talked to each other for about 20-30 min. For some reason, when she was leaving the place, she gave me a hug when I didn't even attempt to bring one on, like motioning it. I won't go after her because I don't think she and I would be compatible, and I'm not looking for anyone, right now. However, the fact that I was able to hold this woman's attention for as long as what I did, without sounding dopey, acting shy, nor being nervous, can be drawn to how much confidence I presented. Makes a big difference, and it does bring out some of the best in a woman. So, yeah, think of a relationship between a man and a woman (friendly or romantic) as if it were a ballroom dance. Give it a few tries, metaphorically speaking... and maybe for real!

 

[herkamer63]

There's way more than non-virginity going on if a lady is talking about previous sex partners with her mother in law. With a good girlfriend trying to work through her disappointment or frustration I could understand, but I can't imagine too many people who want to hear the details of their family members' sex lives (and the ones I can imagine aren't people i'd want to be around or have as family connections).

But honestly, if you get into a relationship with a woman and you're concerned about disappointing her in that aspect of marriage, talk to her about your fears and concerns well before the relationship gets to marriage. Because 1) women like it when you're all open and vulnerable like that and 2) it's one of those aspects of life together that you do need to come to some sort of agreement on and that's much easier to do calmly ahead of time rather than when emotions and expectations get all heightened.

The other thing that probably needs to be said is regardless of how much you love each other or how good of people you are, there are going to be times when you and your spouse hurt each other. That's just an inherent hazard of doing life with other people and letting them get close. If it's not about your performance in bed, it will be some other aspect of life that your ego gets bruised because, well let's face it, none of us are the most competent in many areas of life (and we all have some where we're downright incompetent).

Yes to all of this. I dated a woman last summer that had all sorts of issues. Incest when she was a kid, daddy issues, abuse and rape from one of the guys she was going to marry, all sorts of stuff. Along with these things, I found out she's a not Christian and she did talk about sex. We never did sleep with each other, nor did we do anything sexual, but when she brought up the topic of sex, I told her I was not interested in that because the actual relationship mattered far more than any sort of sexual desire. The fact that she brought of these topics up meant this woman had a whole lot of problems she needed straightened out before going out with another man.

In the end, our relationship had been put to rest and we moved on. I learned a few more things about her, but that's long a story in it of itself. However, all I can say about it is there were other things that SHE did that were not necessarily good either, and a lot of that is the result from a broken family. As someone told me, I may have dodged a bullet, especially with a potential path I may have gone down with her. I missed some days at church because I stayed up too late the night before with her, work habits were junk because she was on my mind, and I was hardly spending anytime with my friends because I've been doing more things with this woman. I think if we had still been together longer, there was a strong possibility we would have ended up with a kid outside of marriage. It certainly seemed like it was leading up to that and had it not been called off, sex probably would have been the center of our lives.

So, yeah, when someone you're with brings up old sex partners, there's more going on with them then what they're letting on. In which case, if you're not married nor engaged, it might be best to leave the relationship because even if you're ready for commitment, they're not until they have these other issues resolved and put behind them. In other words, they have to stop living in the past, start living today, and plan out the future. Most importantly, they have to allow God into their lives and let Him sort out the problems and provide how to resolve them. Otherwise, they will never be ready to move on and they'll only drag the other person down with them.

 

[Lanolin]

? I dont really get this question.

it Just seems a bit dumb. A woman COULD say if you dont marry me by wednesday, Im going to die. But how does she even know that.